This is an archived review. Joyful Pleasures no longer exists, and I have since found out they are not a reputable company.
If you’re looking to buy similar glass toys, check out Lilly’s post on glass safety first!
Joyful Pleasure is a new manufacturer that is now being carried by My Pleasure. They have a bunch of cool designs that you should check out. I was given a chance to review their gold-hued dildo. To be honest, I’m not sure if it’s actually just tinted or actually has gold fumes.
I’ve used a lot of toys, you guys. Some of them are good, some of them are bad. Few of them are great. Reviewing definitely has become mundane. And then a toy like this comes along and I’m like “Where have you been all my life?”
In fact, I think I will write this entire review as a conversation between me and this dildo.
Dildo: Knock Knock
Adriana: Come in, come in!
[Dildo Steps In]
Adriana: WOW, you are motherfucking gorgeous. I mean, your profile picture were hawt but I want to wax poetic about your beauty. Those pictures do NOT do you justice.
Dildo: Thank you. I try.
Adriana: You also remind me a lot of another dildo I tried. I liked it. I haven’t used it for a while. I wonder if you’re be any better.
Dildo: Why don’t you try me and find out?
Adriana: Can I bathe you first?
Dildo: I’m not self-conscientious at all.
Adriana: Awesome! Wow, you sure have a purdy shine under water. You’re super slick and easy to clean but I better be careful not to break your head off. I’d cry and cry and cry.
Dildo: Can we play now, Adriana?
Adriana: Of course. I’ll just add a little lube. Wait, you’re so clear, I can’t even see the lube. Where the hell did it go? Okay, I’ll just add some more, even though you’re so slick I really need very little.
[Editor’s note: although this toy doesn’t seem all that large, the 1.5″ diameter feels a little larger due to the unforgiving nature of glass and both the ridges and nubs raise 1/8″ from the surface]
Dildo: Why don’t you try my ridges first? They’re exceptional and I’ll bet they’ll stimulate your G-spot nicely.
Adriana: I bet you wi– HOLY SHIT! YOU ARE AMAZING! I FORGOT THAT MASTURBATING CAN ACTUALLY FEEL GOOD. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? I NEVER WANT TO STOP.
Dildo: Isn’t it awesome how you can feel every ridge? And how my firmness and gentle makes it easy to hit all the right spots? And the head on the other side is pretty good to hold onto, don’t you think?
Adriana: OH GOD YES.
And so Adriana thoroughly enjoyed the shit out that dildo, remembering that masturbation could be enjoyable and not just a means to and end. She then decided to try out the other end.
Adriana: Hmm, this is a little disappointing. These bumps don’t do much for me at all.
Dildo: I’m sorry, would you like me to go away?
Adriana: No, never! Shut up! I’ll stick fuck the other side of you.
And so she did. The end.
In case you’re the type of person who is caught up with trivial details, here’s a copy footnotes.
- This dildo comes with no storage so that’s sad.
- It’s 9″ in length altogether. The 1.5″ diameter is at the widest point of the heads and not the shaft itself. The shaft remainds about 1″ in diameter — without the textures — and is consistent in girth.
- The heads, for me, didn’t do anything. I was using the textures against my G-spot.
- The ridges are actually a continuous line swirled down the shaft to produce 4 or so ridges on any side. There are 4 rows of bumps as well.
- Apparently, I liked bumps better when I tried my first glass dildo. Weird.
I think this is the best review you’ve ever written. LOVE IT.