I have debated how much to talk about the relationship issues I am experiencing. I do not need to go in depth; I have done that many times in many other places, it seems. Suffice it to say that I love my husband and want him to continue being my husband but he is not sure and so is staying elsewhere for the time being. It’s going on 4 weeks now, 4 incredibly long weeks for the both of us, I’m sure; although, for different reasons.
In those weeks I have done a lot of thinking, come to a lot of realizations and had no fewer than 1 epiphany. In those weeks I have grown to miss my husband something awful. I find myself not just missing the good things but even the things that annoyed me or sometimes made me angry. I simply miss him, all of him.
I miss his love, of course, and all the ways he showed that. I miss the physicality of marriage: hugs, kisses and cuddles. I miss the sex like you wouldn’t believe. I spent so much time no making any effort to have it and now I consider life without it ever again. I dream of him every night and, more often than not, I dream of having sex with him. Then I wake up, here’s not there and I am not well sexed. I have become a perfect example of “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.” It’s not really an amazing thing, really, because it exemplifies how I was too self absorbed, insecure and otherwise miserable of my own accord to appreciate my husband while he was here. I cannot blame his feelings.
Now, I can fully appreciate how attentive, patient and understanding my husband was, both inside and outside of the bedroom. He is no saint, I realize. We’ve both made our fair share of mistakes and mine, more often than not, was taking for granted the way he made me feel. I could never call him perfect but in him I had found a loving husband and a giving lover yet I remained ignorant of that fact even though there were reminders every single day.
I don’t really want to spend a lifetime appreciating something I let slip through my fingers but I fear the end of my marriage is inevitable.
Does he read your blog?? If not, TELL HIM all these things. Hugs!
He knows. There isn’t anything here I haven’t told him but it still may not be enough.
I’m sorry. There’s really not much else to say than that, right?
I hope it works out for you. <3