Celebrating #MasturbationMonth and Solo Sex

May 10th, 2018

We’re less than halfway through Masturbation Month, and I am quick enough to write a post celebrating it! Inconceivable!

I can’t remember the first time I masturbated. I know that I was making my Barbies have sex and contemplated my own pleasure when I was in the single digits. I thought of my vagina as the place that was supposed to give me pleasure, but I enjoyed clitoral friction. Like so many girls, my young masturbating often involved humping a pillow or blanket to sate this desire.

Nor do I recall the first time I masturbated with a toy. I know that I was 18 and living on my own for the first time. I purchased a vibrator online and soon followed this with a Rabbit Habit and then a second when that one broke because of the way that I liked to bend the toy during use.

Sometime between these two firsts, I had masturbated for the first time in someone else’s house. In fact, I think I have masturbated in nearly every home I’ve ever had the opportunity to sleep in, not to mention several hotels.

The first time I tried anal masturbation was shortly after I got my first vibrator, a purple behemoth that was likely made from jelly. I wanted to try anal insertion in the shower, so snuck it in the bathroom without my roommate seeing. I don’t know if I even owned lube at the time, and I certainly didn’t realize that jelly toys shouldn’t be swapped between orifices like that. In hindsight, it’s embarrassing but also a testament to my willingness to experiment.

I used those toys when I masturbated vociferously over the phone with my fiance (a naturally leap from our previous cyber sex) with whom I had partnered sex for the first time. He was also the first person I masturbated in front of, both on purpose and accidentally.

I was living overseas when I masturbated in public for the first time. Although, it was a limited definition of “public.” I was in the very last row of an otherwise empty bus and quickly rubbed one out through my jeans. I would not do that again.

The first time I squirted was during masturbation. My then-husband was deployed once more, and I was alone. I had inserted Ophoria’s K-balls and pressed a vibrator (the Miracle Massager). against them. This created intense G-spot stimulated thanks to the size of the balls. And the inner balls bounced around as the K-balls vibrated.

I remember the first time that I cried during masturbation. Things had recently ended with The Bartender. Every time I masturbated, I missed him and our amazing sex. I wasn’t ready to be back to doing it solo. I would often come or ejaculate and sometimes cry. I also recall the first time that I cried during masturbation that didn’t make me feel distressed. I was using the Unicorn dildo, and it seemed to pull an emotional catharsis as well as ejaculate out of me.

More recently, I tried my hand at bringing myself to orgasm as many times as possible in a single session (I typically advise that the number of orgasms doesn’t count). I typically get off three or so times during any session but this time, I wasn’t going to call it quits until I actually couldn’t stand it anymore. I had ten or eleven orgasms before the muscles in my forearm were sore and stiff and needed relief.

It was only several months ago when I used my right hand to masturbate for the first time. It had taken me over thirty years to try it, mostly because I am so laterally-handed. Since then, I’ve tried right-handed masturbating a few more time, but I will never be an ambidextrous masturbator.

I am an avid fan of masturbating. Whether single or in a relationship. In fact, I might even jerk off more when I have someone to send sexy messages to or with whom to have phone sex.

At any given time, I’d prefer to masturbate over having sex if I am unsure of the quality of the sex. If I was positive that partner play would be satisfying, I would prefer it. I occasionally miss a sensual or erotic massage where my partner lightly tickles my upper back. But having sex for the sake of having sex? Doesn’t cut it. I am not so enthralled by novelty that it’s enough to make up for the quality of sex that most straight guys seem to bring to the table.

In fact, I am not really swayed by novelty much at all at this point in my life. Although people like Epiphora have discussed how sex toy reviewers must sometimes force ourselves to use subpar toys when we’ve rather be playing with anything than else, I mean something more than that. More often than not, I do not want to use any toy. I started an orgasm spreadsheet earlier this year, which is now collecting dust because I almost always rub on out manually through my underwear, usually getting off two or three times. It’s so routine. I certainly don’t want to use multiple toys. It all just sounds like so much work.

Of course, I do try new toys and partners. I do sometimes crave toys specifically — often only to realize they have dead batteries because it’s been so long since I last reached for them. I do wonder whether another person or another toy can do it better. I usually write about them on this blog. I wouldn’t be much of a sex toy reviewer if I didn’t!

But sometimes it’s nice to return to my old standby. To get off without needing to prepare or worry about a partner’s pleasure. And isn’t the one of the great joys of masturbating?

This is a sponsored post but all words are my own.

Psst, if you’re looking to pick up some new toys to celebrate Masturbation Month, check out my list of sex toy sales!

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What I Wrote in 2017: Sex Ed, BDSM Guides, Relationship Advice + More

January 12th, 2018

Although I might have been uncharacteristically quiet on Of Sex and Love last year (I sometimes managed only to post a monthly Science of Sex post and certainly didn’t write enough reviews to post a best or worst of list!), I have not been quiet elsewhere.

Last year I continued to write for two other venues: Bad Girls Bible and Cirilla’s. I write dozens of pieces between the two of those, not to mention other clients (interested in someone writing for your own sex blog or sex toy store? You can hire me!).

The result includes some articles that I am pretty proud of. I’ve curated a list of posts that I think are especially helpful, well written or otherwise worth sharing.

For  Cirilla’s

I discussed 12 Things Porn Gets Wrong, which probably isn’t news to many of my readers, but many of these stereotypes are still perpetuated.

I also wrote about the Ways That Sex Changes In Your 30s, some of which are surprisingly awesome!

You can also check out my post called Why You Should Care About Sex Toy Materials. Again, this is old-hat stuff for some, but a reminder is always welcome. One thing I wanted to delve into but didn’t have the opportunity to do so is how green our sex toys are and where materials are sourced from.

Finally, I tackled 12 Sex Myths About Sex That Aren’t True. There are a lot of ideas that we believe to be true. But when you seek out accurate sex education that is also sex-positive, you quickly find that these ideas aren’t self-evident at all: they’re unhealthy and potentially harmful.

For Bad Girl’s Bible

The Truths and Myths Surrounding the Concept of Virginity

I was glad to be able to break down the concept of virginity, which serves very little — if any — purpose, in this post.


 

How You Can Have a Functional (and Sexy) D/s Relationship

I’ve been able to write more about BDSM, bondage and D/s lately, and I enjoy educating people on how these things can be sexy and healthy.


 

The 7 Best Sex Positions for Female Orgasm (Tried and Tested!)

You’d think that I’ve been around the block enough to have tried — or at least known about — all the positions that facilitate orgasm. Then again, you’d be wrong.


 

The Complete BDSM Aftercare Guide: Learn How To Do It Right.

Another element of safety in BDSM is aftercare, which I outlined in this post.


 

Hymen 101: Breaking the Myths to Determine the Truth

Writing about the hymen is similar to writing about virginity. Our current sex ed teaches us a lot of the wrong stuff, and this so-called knowledge can damage us in all sorts of ways.


 

5 Love Languages: How To Keep Your Partner’s Love Tank Full

You don’t have to believe in the 5 love languages to appreciate how being more thoughtful about the way you show love to your partner can benefit your relationship.


 

8 Vital BDSM Rules To Keep It Safe, Sane & Crazy-Kinky

Another post regarding the risk and safety involved in BDSM activities. Can there be too many?


 

What Is Intimacy? Discover The True Meaning Of Intimacy

A small detour into the romantic and relationship side of things.


 

Why Do Men Watch Porn When They’re In Relationships?

There are so many negative views on porn, and the idea that men (people) in relationships shouldn’t enjoy it is definitely one of them. It’s all bogus, of course.


 

Breast Bondage: Easy Harnesses Even If You’ve Never Used Rope Before

I quite enjoyed researching different styles of harnesses and rope bondage for this post. In fact, I wasn’t really a rope fan before writing it, but that has perhaps changed.


 

Sensual Domination: The Complete, Step-By-Step Guide

I am not personally one for more sensual styles of BDSM, but many people are. I hope this post encourages them to find their perfect flavor.


 

It’s no wonder that so many of my favorite pieces from last year were those that busted through stereotypes and myths surrounding sexuality.

Here’s to whatever 2018 brings!

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How to Beat Your Fear of Arousal

June 21st, 2017

On the heels of my latest Science of Sex post, we have this article that discusses a very real condition in which people are afraid of arousal. This is one of many obstacles to realizing one’s sexual truth.

Just about everyone you meet will tell you they have something in particular they fear. It is not all that bad to have some fear because fear is what keeps people safer from dangerous things and situations. However, when a common fear keeps people from living their daily lives the way they should, these fears can turn into a phobia. True phobias are ones where the threat of death and injury are nonexistent or very exaggerated. Some phobias, such as agraphobia, are a real problem for some people. Agraphobia is the extreme fear of being sexually abused. Most people who have this phobia have been abused in the past or have been witness to it. No matter what type of phobia you have, there are some ways in which to try and overcome it. Below are some tips to help you get started.

Get Biofeedback On Your Agraphobia Fear

A new procedure to help you get control over your phobia is to get some biofeedback on it. During a biofeedback session, a doctor will attach some electrodes to your skin in different spots. The electrodes send information that you can see on a monitor nearby. It will show you things like your breathing rate, heart rate and muscle activity. What biofeedback does is give the patient the ability to witness firsthand the way their body and mind responds to stresses. The outcome of these sessions is supposed to make a person more aware about how they react to certain triggers and hopefully be able to learn some relaxation techniques to use in the future.

Partnership Method

Whenever you are having problems coping or facing your phobia, it is always a good idea to seek out the help of a friend or family member. Having someone around to help you during your worst moments can help alleviate any fears of facing things. Eventually, you will be more at ease facing things alone.

Find A Support Group

Support groups are perfect for all kinds of problems, especially to help people deal with phobias. Meeting with other people who have the same phobia or fear as yours will help you feel less alone and less crazy or weird. Feeling like you aren’t alone with your phobia can help you move along on your path to overcoming it. Being around like-minded people who are also trying to get better from the same agrophobia or similar phobia will greatly increase your chances of recovering.

Medications

While a lot of people are not big fans of using medicine to help cope with psychological problems, sometimes it may be the only way to get some relief. Working on yourself and feeling better without medicine is perfectly fine. However, it is also equally ok to get help from medication along your recovery path if your doctor sees fit. There are a few different types of medications that work well with helping people cope with their phobias. The first types are beta blockers. These drugs work by blocking some of the stimulating effects of adrenaline in your body. The second type of drugs commonly prescribed to phobia patients are antidepressants. These drugs are prescribed to help alter a person’s mood and create a calming effect. Lastly, there are sedatives that can be prescribed to help patients feel less anxiety. Only a qualified doctor can diagnose you and figure out which type of medication would best work for you and your type of phobia.

While there are countless ways in which people can try and recover from their phobias, one of the best chances of recovering is simply to read more on your specific phobia. There is plenty of information online for anyone looking to learn more about agraphobia or other phobias. Some reliable information found online will lead you to click here from the search engine listings to read more about your phobia from trusted sites.

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Five Tips To Make Your Intimate Life More Enjoyable

May 18th, 2017

Some people appear to be lucky in all things relating to intimacy and love. If your intimate life isn’t as exciting, enjoyable or uplifting as it could be, however, this doesn’t mean that you’re simply destined to miss out on the zest and spontaneity that you crave. There are five, easy things that every woman can do to make her intimate life more enjoyable.

1. Pamper Yourself To Build Your Confidence

Confidence is everything in the bedroom. If you feel good about yourself and about your body, you’re far more likely to take a proactive approach to both giving and receiving pleasure. The good news is that boosting your confidence can be as easy as indulging in a day of head-to-toe pampering. Schedule a salon visit to get a facial, a body scrub, waxing services, and more. You can even treat yourself to a new haircut, color and style. Revamping your appearance and investing in sultry, eye-catching clothing that highlights the best aspects of your physique is virtually guaranteed to add some passion to your love life.

2. Don’t Forget The Romance

A lot of women are surprised to discover that guys like romance too. Women have long been conditioned to think that men only tolerate foreplay. Things like ambiance, environment and pillow talk could be just as important to your mate as they are to you. As such, if rough play and dirty talk haven’t been producing optimal results, consider bringing a softer touch to the bedroom. Telling your guy how much you love and appreciate him could be as much of a turn-on as a wild striptease, if not more so.

3. Love Your Body Just the Way It Is

A lot of articles will tell you that you need to improve your fitness and your health to have a better sex life, but these all feed into a beauty and fitness industry that profit by convincing us that we’re not good enough as it. Sure, you can work out if it makes you feel good, but if you can’t or you simply want to love yourself along the way, that’s important, too. Imperative, really. So thank your body for serving you well right now despite all its imperfections, and don’t forget to celebrate its uniqueness. After all, you’ve only got one.

4. Go Shopping For Accessories And Toys

If you and your partner have been together for some time, sex can begin to feel a bit routine and mundane. If this sounds familiar, consider shopping for a few exciting accessories and toys at a reputable adult shop. These products are guaranteed to liven things up a bit. More importantly, there are a number of lubricants, gadgets, and garments that are designed specifically for enhancing physical pleasure. Bringing new toys to the party will additionally show your partner just how flexible and willing to please you truly are.

5. Treat Your Guy To A Night With The Lights On

The importance of confidence in the bedroom cannot be overstated. When you feel like you’re on top of the world, open up and treat your guy to a night with the lights on. This is a totally different experience from exploring one another in complete darkness. It adds an erotic edge to intimacy and it will show your mate that you’re not afraid to be totally open about who you are and how you look. Best of all, many men love being intimate with the lights on. Thus, not only will this be an exciting and new experience for you, but it’s also certain to drive your man wild.

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How Porn Has Changed Through The Ages

February 6th, 2017

Porn has changed considerably through the ages. What started off as sexy pictures in magazines has now turned into elaborate films. The internet has also ensured an easy distribution of content. Marty Adler from Smut6 says that the content of porn is quite modified to meet regulations as well.

Where the content of porn has become more graphic and explicit, it has also become more inclusive. The standards of beauty have changed, and there is now content for every type of person. Some of the remarkable changes that porn has undergone are listed below:

  1. Use of Sex Toys

One major change that is visible is the use of sex toys to spice things up in the bedroom. As the lifestyle changes for the world population today the world of sex toys opens up new avenues.

Men and women all across the world are now embracing sex toys thanks to porn. Earlier porn was just about the sex, but now it can give couples in a rut ideas about how to make things interesting again.

  1. Porn as Sex Education

It has been reported that porn is being extensively used by teenagers to better understand sexual intercourse. Considering the state of sex education in schools nowadays porn sites are getting increasingly many queries that are educational in nature.

Young adults are looking for unbiased knowledge about how to have safe sex. There is also an added effort made on the part of adults to understand better how they can pleasure their partner in bed.

Porn makers have responded to this need. Tristan Taormino is just one director of educational (and feminist!) porn. Her Expert Guide to series teaches you how to be a better lover while being sexy.

  1. Porn for Women

A significant change that has occurred over the ages is the making of porn for a female audience. There is now more content that are women friendly. This move by the porn industry has helped countless women accept their sexuality.

Again, we see Tristan Taormino stepping up in this field. Her Chemistry and Rough Sex series are just two options for porn lovers who want something different from the mainstream. Others in the industry include Erika Lust, Courtney Trouble, Joanna Angel, Kelly Shibari and Petra Joy all make and/or star in women-friendly porn.

Check out films by Bright Desire, Comstock films and For the Girls to see all the options. Women-friendly toy company Good Vibrationd even has a porn department!

  1. Gay Rights

Gay rights have been one of the hottest topics for the past decade. The entire world is fighting either for or against them.

In this fight for rights, the porn industry plays a very important role. This industry was among the first to embrace gay rights. With content tailored for gays and lesbians and everyone in between, they send out the message that it is perfectly fine to have any sexual preference or even gender identity.

  1. Openness About Squirting

Many things about the female sexuality are taboo. However, porn helps make it better known. For example, the act of female ejaculation that is accompanied by an orgasm is not very common, but thanks to porn is now talked about.

Squirting is a phenomenon that was not reported until very recently it was brought up by the porn industry. Now research is going on to understand this better. Bringing such phenomenon to the open helps women embrace their sexuality and talk more openly about what happen to them.

Porn has undergone an incredible journey through the ages. Maybe it has become more graphic and violent, but they have brought about more openness and acceptance in the society.

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Learn Something New About Sex Toys Today

December 22nd, 2016

It’s no mystery that sex toys are something I love, and that’s a love that I try to share with others, both through this blog and in my offline life. Sex toys have enabled me to climax easier, squirt, have fun with partners and discover new erogenous zones, among other benefits. Sex toys = good.

When you’re as experienced with sex toys as a reviewer like myself can be, you can forget that once sex toys were new. This meant the entire concept was novel and exciting. And to some people, the entire thing is intimidating or confusing.

I’m not the only person to write guides to choosing sex toys, navigating materials and playing safely. In fact, I may not even have done the best job at those tasks. Many retailers off in-depth guides that make it easier to search for toys, whether you’re searching for yourself or for someone on your list. The result? Better-informed shoppers who will stand the best chance at liking their orders and shopping again, duh.

Lyps Complete Toy Guide, for example, not only points you in the direction of the best toys for your body and your relationship; the site also discusses sex toy materials, safety and cleaning.

In twelve chapters, the guide walks buyers through everything technical and personal they’ll need to know about buying and using sex toys, including general masturbation tips. You’ll find charts and statistics about everything sex toy related. Not too shabby if you’re set on learning everything – and why wouldn’t you be? If you just need to brush on something that you’ve forgotten, such as lube compatibility, then this guide has you covered, too.

 

One of the things about the Lyps guide that I really like is that they recommend other online retailers because it’s more important for the guide to be useful than it is for it to be exclusive, and that’s a rare thing to find these days. Communication and cooperation between retailers, manufacturers and bloggers, of course, is the only way to spread information — and accurate information at that.

It’s all too easy to think you know it all or forget the little details or basic information that comes easily to a veteran blogger but might be crucial to a toy newbie who hasn’t found their stride, so part of providing useful information is listening to what others have to say and responding in kind.

Anyway, if you haven’t yet, check out the Lyps sex toy guide as well as the articles on Of Sex and Love. Got a question or thought? Sound off in the comments. I’d love to teach you something new or, better yet, learn something new myself!

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Stockroom

5 Things All The Best Sex Shops Have

July 7th, 2016

Y’all know me: a bit opinionated and kind of a shopping snob. I mean, I love shopping, both in person and from the comfort of my couch. But I’ve been spoiled enough by some awesome stores to realize that not every sex shop is a gem, in the rough or otherwise. My local sex stores sadly fall into the subpar category because they fail to meet what I consider pretty basic requirements for any sex store.

I’m talking about..

1. Knowledgeable Staff

If a sex toy store or site doesn’t do everything possible to inform customers about sex toy materials, lube compatibility and anal toy safety, among other subjects, it’s just not a store where I want to shop. And it’s definitely not one I want to recommend to my readers or even friends. Sex should be amazing and toys and accessories can absolutely be part of that, but there’s potential for risk, and customers should be able to ask questions to minimize that risks.

2. Variety

Variety is the spice of life, but it also makes shopping more fun. Now, i wouldn’t expect a boutique store to carry everything, but I would expect to have some options. I don’t think there should be any category that boasts only a single product. How about a couple G-spot vibrators, you know? Not just a single bullet vibe. I also wanna see a few options for premium toys, too.

3. Cleanliness

No one likes seedy sex toy stores in person, but you know what else I don’t like? A site that’s cluttered and hard to navigate. Whether online or in person, stores should be welcoming. I like warm atmospheres and bright colors, not dingy overhead lights. If there’s no other option, many people will still choose the only sex store in the area, but more people see how convenient it is to shop online and avoid those unsavory places every day.

4. Transparency

A certain sex toy site that once worked closely with bloggers, including myself, fell out of popularity and pretty much off the face of the earth when it became apparent how shady all the practices were. Lies and smoke were blown around like you wouldn’t believe, and it left so many of us feeling angry and disenfranchised. I know there’s a lot that goes on behind the scenes that I’m just not aware of, but if a sex store isn’t going to be honest with employees, affiliates and customers, it’s not one that I want to support!

5. Inclusion

Had I written this post a year ago, I’m not sure that I would have included this, but things have changed. A shop that isn’t inclusive to people who aren’t straight and cisgendered is one that’s going to alienate a lot of people who I love. It’s not just good business sense — and it is — it’s the right thing to do!

Were I to add another option, I would definitely say competitive prices. I understand that not every mom-and-pop shop can keep up with the bigger companies, but exorbitant price markup isn’t cool. It’s one of the things I dislike about sex toy parties.

Not everyone knows where to find reputable sex toy stores, especially if you’re from a rural area or living outside the United States. For my non-American readers, I’d like to invite you to check out the following list of sex shops: Sydney sex shopToronto sex shops and London sex shops.

And if you know of a great sex toy store in your area, let me know in the comments! Plus, you can chime in if this post has some glaring omission!

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