How to Beat Your Fear of Arousal

June 21st, 2017

On the heels of my latest Science of Sex post, we have this article that discusses a very real condition in which people are afraid of arousal. This is one of many obstacles to realizing one’s sexual truth.

Just about everyone you meet will tell you they have something in particular they fear. It is not all that bad to have some fear because fear is what keeps people safer from dangerous things and situations. However, when a common fear keeps people from living their daily lives the way they should, these fears can turn into a phobia. True phobias are ones where the threat of death and injury are nonexistent or very exaggerated. Some phobias, such as agraphobia, are a real problem for some people. Agraphobia is the extreme fear of being sexually abused. Most people who have this phobia have been abused in the past or have been witness to it. No matter what type of phobia you have, there are some ways in which to try and overcome it. Below are some tips to help you get started.

Get Biofeedback On Your Agraphobia Fear

A new procedure to help you get control over your phobia is to get some biofeedback on it. During a biofeedback session, a doctor will attach some electrodes to your skin in different spots. The electrodes send information that you can see on a monitor nearby. It will show you things like your breathing rate, heart rate and muscle activity. What biofeedback does is give the patient the ability to witness firsthand the way their body and mind responds to stresses. The outcome of these sessions is supposed to make a person more aware about how they react to certain triggers and hopefully be able to learn some relaxation techniques to use in the future.

Partnership Method

Whenever you are having problems coping or facing your phobia, it is always a good idea to seek out the help of a friend or family member. Having someone around to help you during your worst moments can help alleviate any fears of facing things. Eventually, you will be more at ease facing things alone.

Find A Support Group

Support groups are perfect for all kinds of problems, especially to help people deal with phobias. Meeting with other people who have the same phobia or fear as yours will help you feel less alone and less crazy or weird. Feeling like you aren’t alone with your phobia can help you move along on your path to overcoming it. Being around like-minded people who are also trying to get better from the same agrophobia or similar phobia will greatly increase your chances of recovering.

Medications

While a lot of people are not big fans of using medicine to help cope with psychological problems, sometimes it may be the only way to get some relief. Working on yourself and feeling better without medicine is perfectly fine. However, it is also equally ok to get help from medication along your recovery path if your doctor sees fit. There are a few different types of medications that work well with helping people cope with their phobias. The first types are beta blockers. These drugs work by blocking some of the stimulating effects of adrenaline in your body. The second type of drugs commonly prescribed to phobia patients are antidepressants. These drugs are prescribed to help alter a person’s mood and create a calming effect. Lastly, there are sedatives that can be prescribed to help patients feel less anxiety. Only a qualified doctor can diagnose you and figure out which type of medication would best work for you and your type of phobia.

While there are countless ways in which people can try and recover from their phobias, one of the best chances of recovering is simply to read more on your specific phobia. There is plenty of information online for anyone looking to learn more about agraphobia or other phobias. Some reliable information found online will lead you to click here from the search engine listings to read more about your phobia from trusted sites.

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Five Tips To Make Your Intimate Life More Enjoyable

May 18th, 2017

Some people appear to be lucky in all things relating to intimacy and love. If your intimate life isn’t as exciting, enjoyable or uplifting as it could be, however, this doesn’t mean that you’re simply destined to miss out on the zest and spontaneity that you crave. There are five, easy things that every woman can do to make her intimate life more enjoyable.

1. Pamper Yourself To Build Your Confidence

Confidence is everything in the bedroom. If you feel good about yourself and about your body, you’re far more likely to take a proactive approach to both giving and receiving pleasure. The good news is that boosting your confidence can be as easy as indulging in a day of head-to-toe pampering. Schedule a salon visit to get a facial, a body scrub, waxing services, and more. You can even treat yourself to a new haircut, color and style. Revamping your appearance and investing in sultry, eye-catching clothing that highlights the best aspects of your physique is virtually guaranteed to add some passion to your love life.

2. Don’t Forget The Romance

A lot of women are surprised to discover that guys like romance too. Women have long been conditioned to think that men only tolerate foreplay. Things like ambiance, environment and pillow talk could be just as important to your mate as they are to you. As such, if rough play and dirty talk haven’t been producing optimal results, consider bringing a softer touch to the bedroom. Telling your guy how much you love and appreciate him could be as much of a turn-on as a wild striptease, if not more so.

3. Love Your Body Just the Way It Is

A lot of articles will tell you that you need to improve your fitness and your health to have a better sex life, but these all feed into a beauty and fitness industry that profit by convincing us that we’re not good enough as it. Sure, you can work out if it makes you feel good, but if you can’t or you simply want to love yourself along the way, that’s important, too. Imperative, really. So thank your body for serving you well right now despite all its imperfections, and don’t forget to celebrate its uniqueness. After all, you’ve only got one.

4. Go Shopping For Accessories And Toys

If you and your partner have been together for some time, sex can begin to feel a bit routine and mundane. If this sounds familiar, consider shopping for a few exciting accessories and toys at a reputable adult shop. These products are guaranteed to liven things up a bit. More importantly, there are a number of lubricants, gadgets, and garments that are designed specifically for enhancing physical pleasure. Bringing new toys to the party will additionally show your partner just how flexible and willing to please you truly are.

5. Treat Your Guy To A Night With The Lights On

The importance of confidence in the bedroom cannot be overstated. When you feel like you’re on top of the world, open up and treat your guy to a night with the lights on. This is a totally different experience from exploring one another in complete darkness. It adds an erotic edge to intimacy and it will show your mate that you’re not afraid to be totally open about who you are and how you look. Best of all, many men love being intimate with the lights on. Thus, not only will this be an exciting and new experience for you, but it’s also certain to drive your man wild.

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How Porn Has Changed Through The Ages

February 6th, 2017

Porn has changed considerably through the ages. What started off as sexy pictures in magazines has now turned into elaborate films. The internet has also ensured an easy distribution of content. Marty Adler from Smut6 says that the content of porn is quite modified to meet regulations as well.

Where the content of porn has become more graphic and explicit, it has also become more inclusive. The standards of beauty have changed, and there is now content for every type of person. Some of the remarkable changes that porn has undergone are listed below:

  1. Use of Sex Toys

One major change that is visible is the use of sex toys to spice things up in the bedroom. As the lifestyle changes for the world population today the world of sex toys opens up new avenues.

Men and women all across the world are now embracing sex toys thanks to porn. Earlier porn was just about the sex, but now it can give couples in a rut ideas about how to make things interesting again.

  1. Porn as Sex Education

It has been reported that porn is being extensively used by teenagers to better understand sexual intercourse. Considering the state of sex education in schools nowadays porn sites are getting increasingly many queries that are educational in nature.

Young adults are looking for unbiased knowledge about how to have safe sex. There is also an added effort made on the part of adults to understand better how they can pleasure their partner in bed.

Porn makers have responded to this need. Tristan Taormino is just one director of educational (and feminist!) porn. Her Expert Guide to series teaches you how to be a better lover while being sexy.

  1. Porn for Women

A significant change that has occurred over the ages is the making of porn for a female audience. There is now more content that are women friendly. This move by the porn industry has helped countless women accept their sexuality.

Again, we see Tristan Taormino stepping up in this field. Her Chemistry and Rough Sex series are just two options for porn lovers who want something different from the mainstream. Others in the industry include Erika Lust, Courtney Trouble, Joanna Angel, Kelly Shibari and Petra Joy all make and/or star in women-friendly porn.

Check out films by Bright Desire, Comstock films and For the Girls to see all the options. Women-friendly toy company Good Vibrationd even has a porn department!

  1. Gay Rights

Gay rights have been one of the hottest topics for the past decade. The entire world is fighting either for or against them.

In this fight for rights, the porn industry plays a very important role. This industry was among the first to embrace gay rights. With content tailored for gays and lesbians and everyone in between, they send out the message that it is perfectly fine to have any sexual preference or even gender identity.

  1. Openness About Squirting

Many things about the female sexuality are taboo. However, porn helps make it better known. For example, the act of female ejaculation that is accompanied by an orgasm is not very common, but thanks to porn is now talked about.

Squirting is a phenomenon that was not reported until very recently it was brought up by the porn industry. Now research is going on to understand this better. Bringing such phenomenon to the open helps women embrace their sexuality and talk more openly about what happen to them.

Porn has undergone an incredible journey through the ages. Maybe it has become more graphic and violent, but they have brought about more openness and acceptance in the society.

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Learn Something New About Sex Toys Today

December 22nd, 2016

It’s no mystery that sex toys are something I love, and that’s a love that I try to share with others, both through this blog and in my offline life. Sex toys have enabled me to climax easier, squirt, have fun with partners and discover new erogenous zones, among other benefits. Sex toys = good.

When you’re as experienced with sex toys as a reviewer like myself can be, you can forget that once sex toys were new. This meant the entire concept was novel and exciting. And to some people, the entire thing is intimidating or confusing.

I’m not the only person to write guides to choosing sex toys, navigating materials and playing safely. In fact, I may not even have done the best job at those tasks. Many retailers off in-depth guides that make it easier to search for toys, whether you’re searching for yourself or for someone on your list. The result? Better-informed shoppers who will stand the best chance at liking their orders and shopping again, duh.

Lyps Complete Toy Guide, for example, not only points you in the direction of the best toys for your body and your relationship; the site also discusses sex toy materials, safety and cleaning.

In twelve chapters, the guide walks buyers through everything technical and personal they’ll need to know about buying and using sex toys, including general masturbation tips. You’ll find charts and statistics about everything sex toy related. Not too shabby if you’re set on learning everything – and why wouldn’t you be? If you just need to brush on something that you’ve forgotten, such as lube compatibility, then this guide has you covered, too.

 

One of the things about the Lyps guide that I really like is that they recommend other online retailers because it’s more important for the guide to be useful than it is for it to be exclusive, and that’s a rare thing to find these days. Communication and cooperation between retailers, manufacturers and bloggers, of course, is the only way to spread information — and accurate information at that.

It’s all too easy to think you know it all or forget the little details or basic information that comes easily to a veteran blogger but might be crucial to a toy newbie who hasn’t found their stride, so part of providing useful information is listening to what others have to say and responding in kind.

Anyway, if you haven’t yet, check out the Lyps sex toy guide as well as the articles on Of Sex and Love. Got a question or thought? Sound off in the comments. I’d love to teach you something new or, better yet, learn something new myself!

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5 Things All The Best Sex Shops Have

July 7th, 2016

Y’all know me: a bit opinionated and kind of a shopping snob. I mean, I love shopping, both in person and from the comfort of my couch. But I’ve been spoiled enough by some awesome stores to realize that not every sex shop is a gem, in the rough or otherwise. My local sex stores sadly fall into the subpar category because they fail to meet what I consider pretty basic requirements for any sex store.

I’m talking about..

1. Knowledgeable Staff

If a sex toy store or site doesn’t do everything possible to inform customers about sex toy materials, lube compatibility and anal toy safety, among other subjects, it’s just not a store where I want to shop. And it’s definitely not one I want to recommend to my readers or even friends. Sex should be amazing and toys and accessories can absolutely be part of that, but there’s potential for risk, and customers should be able to ask questions to minimize that risks.

2. Variety

Variety is the spice of life, but it also makes shopping more fun. Now, i wouldn’t expect a boutique store to carry everything, but I would expect to have some options. I don’t think there should be any category that boasts only a single product. How about a couple G-spot vibrators, you know? Not just a single bullet vibe. I also wanna see a few options for premium toys, too.

3. Cleanliness

No one likes seedy sex toy stores in person, but you know what else I don’t like? A site that’s cluttered and hard to navigate. Whether online or in person, stores should be welcoming. I like warm atmospheres and bright colors, not dingy overhead lights. If there’s no other option, many people will still choose the only sex store in the area, but more people see how convenient it is to shop online and avoid those unsavory places every day.

4. Transparency

A certain sex toy site that once worked closely with bloggers, including myself, fell out of popularity and pretty much off the face of the earth when it became apparent how shady all the practices were. Lies and smoke were blown around like you wouldn’t believe, and it left so many of us feeling angry and disenfranchised. I know there’s a lot that goes on behind the scenes that I’m just not aware of, but if a sex store isn’t going to be honest with employees, affiliates and customers, it’s not one that I want to support!

5. Inclusion

Had I written this post a year ago, I’m not sure that I would have included this, but things have changed. A shop that isn’t inclusive to people who aren’t straight and cisgendered is one that’s going to alienate a lot of people who I love. It’s not just good business sense — and it is — it’s the right thing to do!

Were I to add another option, I would definitely say competitive prices. I understand that not every mom-and-pop shop can keep up with the bigger companies, but exorbitant price markup isn’t cool. It’s one of the things I dislike about sex toy parties.

Not everyone knows where to find reputable sex toy stores, especially if you’re from a rural area or living outside the United States. For my non-American readers, I’d like to invite you to check out the following list of sex shops: Sydney sex shop, Toronto sex shops and London sex shops.

And if you know of a great sex toy store in your area, let me know in the comments! Plus, you can chime in if this post has some glaring omission!

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Categories: Articles, Shopping

Adriana’s 10 Tips for Anal Sex

June 15th, 2016

In my first year of marriage, I might have had more anal sex than vaginal sex. Perhaps it was because we were still using condoms, and neither of us really liked them. It might have been the taboo, which made it all the more hot. But, if I’m being honest — and I always am with you guys! — I just liked it. Anal let my clit open to stimulate, the tightness felt great and my former husband liked it, too.

With that in mind, I’d like to help others experience positive experiences when it comes to anal sex, so I’ve got 10 pieces of advice that I hope will help you!

1. Talk About It

I don’t just mean talking during anal sex. Of course, you should do that. But you should talk about whether you want to try it at all. Your first foray into anal sex shouldn’t be a surprise, especially as a woman. If you’re a guy reading this and think the “Woops, wrong hole!” method is appropriate, you’re not only wrong but you’re probably not as good of a lover as you think you are.

So stop and talk about it. Do you want to try it? What will make you comfortable? Does any part of it make you cautious? Then, when you are in the moment, give instruction and provide feedback so your partner knows where you are.

2. Prepare

You really don’t need to do a ton to get ready for anal sex or play, but most people feel better after doing some sort of preparation. Make sure you’re not backed up. Folks with IBS or similar conditions are going to have a more difficult time having anal sex spontaneously. I know, I’ve been there. Wipe well. Wet wipes make you feel fresh. A shower takes it one step further. You can try an anal douche with lukewarm water over your toilet, but enemas really aren’t necessary; although, some people like them!

With that said, the potential for poo with anal sex is real but it’s not a big deal. We’re all adults here, right?

3. Start Externally

If pop culture is an indication of how people have anal sex — and I wish it weren’t! — then, a lot of people go straight for penetration. But, uh, I don’t think that’s a great idea. You see, if someone’s never been stimulated in that area before, plunging right in isn’t going to help them relax. Plus, I’m a vocal fan of external stimulation. Some spanking or groping of the ass is great, but manual stimulation around the anus is even better, especially during PIV sex.

4. Use Lube

Personal lubricant is a God-send for vaginal sex, but it’s an absolutely must for anal sex because the anus doesn’t lubricate at all like the vagina. You don’t necessarily need anal lube, but you should use something. A lot of people like silicone-based lube for its slickness. I prefer a medium-thickness water-based lube more often than not. Some people like coconut oil. Find what works for you.

5. Work Your Way Up In Size

You’re down with a little rubbing, and it’s time to penetrate. Great! But don’t rush into a huge toy or penis if you’re unsure. Instead, try a finger, then two. Consider a smaller toy

6. Push Out

As someone who has enjoyed a lot of anal sex, even if it’s been far too long, I cannot tell you how much this rings true. While your body will resist penetration initially, you can relax your sphincter muscles enough for penetration by pushing out a bit. Another piece of advice that’s often touted is to relax your throat, which is supposed to have a mirror effect on your anus. I haven’t noticed this to be true.

7. Go Slower Than Slow

This phrase is usually associated with BDSM. It means to go slower than you think you need to so you won’t overwhelm yourself or your partner. This is especially true for the person doing the penetration. Once your cock or strap-on has made it past that first ring of muscles, stay there for a minute. Let your partner get used to the sensation. Then thrust shallowly before working to the full length of your shaft.

8. Respect Pain

If you’re in pain, your body is telling you that something is wrong. This is the exact reason that anal numbing creams are a terrible idea. So if it hurts, try more foreplay, add lube, take a few deep breaths or even try again another day. Sometimes it takes a few tries to get it right with anal.

9. Make It Romantic

I know a lot of people prefer positions in which you can make eye contact, and positions from behind don’t achieve this. But you can – and should – try anal sex in modified missionary if you like the eye contact or enjoy kissing as part of more romantic sex.

10. Guys Should Try It, Too

Typically, it’s men pressuring their female partners to try anal sex, and I think women can enjoy being penetrated. But it works when you flip the script around and a woman manually stimulates her man or penetrates him with a toy. Because a man’s prostate is located within the rectum, anal sex is the perfect way to explore that part of your sexuality and, no, it doesn’t make you gay.

Of course, you don’t have to try anal sex if you don’t want to. Some people like it, but it’s not for everyone. And if you give it a go but find out it’s not your thing, it’s your right to say “Stop”. If you don’t get it right the first time, don’t fret. It took me several tries to get doggie style to work, and that’s some pretty basic sex stuff!

You might not find yourself having as much anal sex as I did once upon a time, but hopefully you can enjoy it from time to time with these tips.

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6 Picture Mistakes Men Make on Tinder

June 25th, 2015

Having spent a little bit of time on Tinder over these last few weeks, I’ve found myself both frustrated and befuddled about some of the photos choices that guys make. And we’re not just talking about fish; although, there are plenty of those pictures to hate, too. No, it seems like guys don’t want me to swipe right — or is it left — when they do these things.

1. All of Their Photos Are Group Photos

Guys do this a lot. It’s great that you’re not addicted to selfies. It’s awesome that you have friends.  And that you fish, hunt, like your car/truck, have climbed mountains, go to parties and have tons of hot female friends. Except none of those things helps me determine who you are when I’ve never met you every picture is of multiple men. Often, those guys all look pretty similar. So give us a single, clear picture of your face or tell us who you are at the very least.

2. Photos Only Depict Animals

I like cats and dogs. I have cats. It’s cool that you do, too. Or something even weirder. But you’e not your pet. This shouldn’t be your main photo on Tinder (but maybe you can add just one). In fact, no one should use their pets — or kids! — as their profile picture on any social network.

3. There Are No Clear Facial Shots

Unless you’re only looking for the hookup so you plan to show off only your body for privacy reasons, then we want to see your face in a recent and flattering photo. With smart phones, it’s really not all that hard.

4. All Photos Show Are At the Gym/Flexing/Pulling Up Your Shirt

A good body is great, okay. But that doesn’t need to be all we see. After all, if you wear well-fitting clothing, your physique will show through just fine. And shouldn’t you make it seem like you’re not trying that hard? Maybe?

5. The Photos Look Like Honeymoon Pictures

Tinder is obviously a hookup app. If you’re with someone and haven’t made it clear that it’s open, you’re shooting yourself in the foot. Plus, I can’t help but wonder if guys use photos with their exes as an ego boost. Like “Look how hot my ex is!” This just rubs me the wrong way, every time. So while that may be a stellar picture of you, it probably shouldn’t be your main picture,

5. There Are Repeated Photos

Tinder’s profile options seem pretty buggy to me. I tried to upload one picture today, and it deleted 2 — including my profile picture. But it doesn’t take long to double check and fix those errors.

6. There Are No Photos At all

For a micro-dating service that provides only two ways for people to learn anything about it, it’s important that you utilize the most important method — photos. I think I speak for most people when we realize you have low self-esteem if you refuse to post photos. Most people might not be attracted to you, but no one will have the chance if you don’t let them at least see you.

And while some people will tell you not to use selfies, that’s a far lesser offense than doing any of these things in my opinion. At least I know what you look like when you do that!

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