What Sex Bloggers Need to Know About Web Hosting

June 4th, 2012

A while back, I posted about the WordPress database. It’s a must-read if you’re using WordPress, moving to WordPress or just want to know how the script works. While there are many, many outlets that shed a little light about hosting, domain names and installing blog scripts, but I’ve noticed that many of my peers feel more comfortable finding this information from someone within this group. I am more than happy to supply the information I know, and I hope it helps.

Today’s topic is web hosting:–the what, when, how, how much and why of it–and how any of that applies to us, as sex bloggers.

What is Web Hosting?

If you use the free version of Blogger or WordPress, then your host is technically Blogger or WordPress, respectively. These companies save your website content and data to their servers in a way that is accessible to any Joe Schmoe on the Internet.

How Does It Work With My Domain?

This depends. A lot of registrars now allow you to buy domains and hosting, which means you’re pretty much set right off the bat, without a lot of effort on your own part. I use a separate host and registrar, because that’s how it was done when I got into this scene. If you do that, then you’ll register an account with each company and enter the nameserver data, which you can find in the control panel of your host, into the DNS area in your registrar’s control panel. Either way, your domain will take up to 72 hours to propagate, that is, for the Internet indices to update with the new information about your domain name and which server it should point to.

Why Would I Need a Host As a sex bloggers, there’s pretty much only two reasons why you need a host:

  1. Your current host will no longer allow adult content
  2. You want more space or freedom to alter your website directly with HTML, PHP, CSS et cetera

What Do I Need to Know When Shopping for Web Hosting?

You need to know which hosts allow adult content. Unfortunately, this is easier said than done. Terms of service may not adequately explain what content is permitted. If you’re unsure, you should absolutely call or email the company and ask. A host might allow you to get away with some sex toy reviews, erotic pictures or porn, but then your host might suddenly deactivate your account and offer no help when it comes to downloading all your content. That’s pretty much the best case scenario. If you don’t already have a backup, you could stand to lost all your hard work, which has already happened to a few sex bloggers and toy reviewers who used Blogger (others have just been forcibly placed behind the warning page).

You need to know what you’re going to do. For example, maybe you’ll just install WordPress and use that to do everything. That’s fine. All you really need, then, is a host with PHP and MySQL support, and that’s pretty much every host out there. In fact, many hosts make it super easier to install WordPress with installer suites like Fantastico; although, the basic installation is so easy I could do it in my sleep!

On the other hand, if you want to run several websites across multiple domains, with a variety of scripts, then you’ll need more–more domain support, more allowed databases, more bandwidth (data transfer) and more hosting space. You’ll see that all types of hosting, including shared, resellers, dedicated servers and virtual privates servers (VPS), offer tiered plans. Essentially, the hosting plans offer more features for more money, so if you need to add more domains, the best plan for you might cost more than the sex blogger who only wants to run a single domain. Similarly, if you plan to upload many photos or videos, you may need more space and bandwidth:

Adriana’s recommendation: Most sex bloggers need no more than 500-megabytes of space. In fact, it’s what I host most of my sites on, and I’m only using a little more than half of that. If your prospective host offers hosting plans catering specifically toward blogs or WordPress, there’s probably less space than “regular” plans, but you might not even notice.

Finally, hosts offer hosting on different server platforms. Again, for a blog, you probably don’t need support specifically for ASP or the .NET Framework. Most hosts default to Linux because it’s stable, and your host’s operating system has nothing to do with the operating system on your personal computers. I have always used Linux, and some users report that WordPress runs a bit more quickly on this OS.

Is There Anything Else You’d Like to Say About Hosting?

Yes. Let me impart you with a few tips:

  • Many hosts offer discounts with promo codes that you can find on sites like RetailMeNot
  • Some hosts offer automatic backup services, and will restore files should a server glitch, hatch or user error occur.
  • If you’re using WordPress, you can install many nifty plug-ins to automatically email yourself a copy of the database or upload a copy to your host’s server for redundancy
  • You can upload files to your host’s server through WordPress, the control panel (cPanel is so ubiquitous that its name has become synonymous for all hosting control panels, regardless of actual software name) or FTP. File transfer protocol programs are the way to go, because it’s ridiculously easy to upload, download or edit multiple files simultaneously. Adriana recommends Filezilla.
  • If you start out with a smaller plan, your host will show your data and space usage, allowing you to determine if you should move up the tier of hosting plans.

Do you have any hosting-related questions that I haven’t covered? Sound off in the comments!

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Categories: Articles

Want to Advertise on a Sex Toy Review Blog? Read This First

May 22nd, 2012

I am so incredibly grateful for the retailers, communities, video sites and other advertisers who have decided to purchase text or banner links on my website. It really helps pay the bills and let me have a few extra dollars of expendable cash. However, sometimes the process of working with an advertiser can be pretty frustrating and awkwardly drawn out. I know that my fellow bloggers feel the same, and sometimes this is only because advertisers may not be familiar with working with individual bloggers like myself. Sometimes your offer is just not worth my time and effort for the money, and I think that says a lot. While I am grateful for your money, my time is valuable to me, too.

If you’re thinking about buying advertising for me, it’ll go a lot more smoothly if you keep these things in mind.

Negotiating Prices

  • My rates are listed, under that pretty obvious banner on the sidebar. If you ask me for them, I will send you directly to that page. They’re flat rates, for the most part. A year is equal to 12 times the price per month for your location or type of link. If you sent me an email using the form on this page, then you already know the rates. Period.
  • We expect a little bit of negotiating, but don’t be rude. Our space and time is important, and you shouldn’t pit us against other bloggers. It’s, quite simply, disgusting.
  • When it comes to prices, know how much you want to spend before you contact us. If we absolutely can’t agree on a price, stop wasting our time and let us know (see above).

Communicating

  • If you want us to trust you, use an actual company email address.
  • Be courteous in your messages and reply on time. We know that things come up, but everyone should act like a professional. If we have to send multiple emails, we’re going to be annoyed. You would be, too.
  • Do not tell us you’ll get back to us “within a day” and not come through with it. You look like someone who can’t do his job properly.
  • Don’t give us the runaround about how you have to contact so-and-so. Just do it and then get back to us with the pertinent information.

Provide Appropriate Content and Anchor Text

  • When it comes to reading, take the time to read our blogs. Sure, I’ve listed a few anchors that aren’t exactly sex toys, but there are some topics that just don’t make sense for me to be writing about or linking to on Of Sex and Love.
  • Consider something other than “sex toys” as the anchor text. I understand the SEO value; at least, I did before Google released Penguin. Now, more than ever, you want relevant links like your store or website name.

Payment

  • Pay in a timely manner, whether it’s a one-time payment or a recurring plan. We shouldn’t have to nag you like a child.
  • Bloggers don’t typically fill out W9s. Period. If you ask, you’ll only come off as a scam artist.
  • Don’t send payment for renewed advertising if we haven’t agreed on it.

Miscellaneous

  • Even if your “sex toys” link makes perfect sense on my blog, you might not get links or sales. This isn’t my fault. You’re not paying for a landing page, just a link.
  • On that note, just because a blogger offers a sidebar link, doesn’t mean he will do sponsored posts. I do, but I may be the exception and not the rule.
  • As a blogger, we’re happy to talk about advertising. If you’re a sex toy shop, you might wonder if we also want to review. Please ask us before sending us toys. We may not want to review for you. Advertising and reviewing are two separate business interactions.

I may not own The New York Times, but I obviously have something to offer, if you’re interested in advertising. Be kind, be polite and consider how you’d feel if you were in my shoes. A little courtesy always goes a long way.

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Categories: Articles

No Porn On Pinterest? Don’t Despair

May 13th, 2012

Any blogger who relies on social media outlets like Facebook or Digg to increase traffic and communication with readers has probably considered jumping on the Pinterest bandwagon. Indeed, the virtual pinboard site has exploded in popularity faster, in fact, than any other website. It’s no surprise that the majority of its users are women, so the content is largely based upon motherhood, recipes, home decor, fashion and DIY ideas. The occasional adorable pet picture, LOLcat and inspirational quote also make an appearance. Ironically, the recipes that will clog your arteries are next more than a click away from motivation to work out or eat better.

What better place, I thought, than for me to advertise my blog. Are not sex toys, after all, a woman’s world? I did go ahead and add affiliate links to my favorite toys, as well as some direct links to my reviews here on Of Sex and Love. I added a few friends, but not many of my sex toy reviewing peers seem to be active on the website. Most of my followers, then, appear to be akin to my followers on Facebook: horny men and sex toy shops.

It struck me as a bit odd that the sexosphere was so inactive on Pinterest, especially when the potential benefits were so great. However, it wouldn’t have if I’d taken a closer look at the terms. Actually, Pinterest doesn’t explicitly state what you shouldn’t pin or what will happen to anyone who breaks those rules. However, it’s Pin Etiquette page does lightly touch on the subject. The image bookmarking site does not allow:

nudity, hateful content, or content that encourages people to hurt themselves

 

So, you might figure that perhaps porn would be off-limits, but I could still submit product images, as long as they weren’t in use. So far, I haven’t had repercussions from the content I have submitted, but a fellow blogger recently expressed her frustration at not being able to submit any content from PinkCherry, a sex toy retailer. Pinterest now views the retailer as inappropriate and will not allow its user to add new pins, sadly. Nevertheless, none of my pins have been taken down, whether they be realistic dildos, revealing lingerie or nearly-nude book covers.

Of course, it doesn’t much matter if Pinterest plans to simply ban all sex toy retailers, and perhaps they already have. Is anyone still pinning from Babeland, Good Vibes or EdenFantasys? Please let me know in the comments.

Still, plenty of Pinterest imitations have begun to pop up, as you might expect. Manterest, is one such site, catering toward men. The list also includes several places where porn and adult content is especially welcome. Perhaps sex bloggers should focus on these websites, instead. We might even see a more influx of traffic.

  • Sex.com does nothing to hide itself as a knockoff. In fact, it looks nearly identical to Pinterest. Sex toys and reviews wouldn’t be out of a place — a few pins already exist – -but the majority of the content is porn (of women!)
  • Snatchly tries to be a bit more original than its inspiration; although, it’s content doesn’t differ from that of Sex.com.
  • The only thing clever about Pornterest is its name, and the front page has the most NSFW content of the three listed thus far.
  • Although PinClub is mostly geared toward Europeans, and sex toys are scarce, but it’s another potential destination.

Of course, none of these sites has had the amazing growth of Pinterest, which is exactly why it might not be worth the average sex blogger’s time to join another social network. Pinterest could always put the wheel in motion to allowing adult content, behind some sort of warning to placate those who would rather not see it on the website or who browse from work (so very productive!). It’s not a change I would expect to come before any of the more pertinent issues that the team behind Pinterest needs to take on. In the meantime, are we sex bloggers not allowed?

Do you Pinterest with your sex blogger identity? Are you a member of any of the other sites? Or do you think that the virtual pinboard just isn’t for us sex bloggers and toy reviewers??

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Categories: Articles, internet

Who Should Read Sex Toy Reviews

December 31st, 2011

Consumers.
Whether it’s your first and you have no idea which direction to go in or it’s your fiftieth and you want to know if a specific toy will work for you, reviews are helpful. Hands-on descriptions of sex toys and similar items are so important and can help you determine if a toy if for you or not. Plus, reviewers can include photos and images that give more detail and show things in reality unlike planned publicity photos with expensive cameras and photoshopping and extensive lighting.
Sexy toy haters.
One of the things I’ve learned about sex toys and sex toy reviewers from reading reviews is that we are normal people. We are your neighbor, teachers, boss or friend. Sure, some people have kinks that are further out and others lead alternative lifestyles. However, these are not devious, strange any enjoying sex toys are a healthy and normal things and analyzing them with reviews paints them in a light similar to every other consumer product.
Retailers.
Retailers who pay attention to what they do sell and have guidelines about what they don’t sell can benefit from reading reviews. If you simply want to know whether a product is truly luxurious or whether your consumer demographic would actually purchase a toy, read some reviews. Debating a new line to carry, check out some reviews. Want a unique angle for pitching toys to customers? I think you see where I’m going with this.
Sex toy manufacturers.
This one is a given but, many times, I feel like the creators don’t listen to me even if they’re the ones sending me toys. I’m not telling you to pull a toy from the shelves but if you do (I’m talking to you Papaya Toys!), I respect that you respect me and are listening. Maybe you’re not going to go that far but you’re going to release newer, better versions of your toys, like SI did with the WeVibe and reviews are going to show you room for improvement. I don’t think I’m alone when I say that you can pump out hundreds or thousands of products but if you keep making the same cheap toys and the same mistakes, we’re going to buy from other manufacturers.
(Potential) reviewers.
One of the awesome things about sex toy reviews, is we’re really developed a standard, unlike a lot of product industries. Reading reviews is one of the best ways to learn what other people want to know because we tend to write about the things we would want to know when we read reviews. Reading reviews can help you develop your voice, strengthen your writing skills and even make friends.

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Categories: Articles

The Best Of..

December 15th, 2011

I recently did a count and have realized I’ve written over 300 reviews. Probably well over 300 hundred reviews. Most of those items are vibrators but I’ve become a dildo convert, have test driven probably a dozen lubes, burned a handful of candles, played with some BDSM gear and and put on an ever-growing collection of lingerie. In short? I’m closer to saying “I’ve done it all” than 99% of the population.

But we all know it’s not about numbers and I definitely have come to appreciate quality over quantity. People rarely ask what my favorite toys are. Okay, no one has really ever asked. I don’t know why. You’d think it would be one of the questions I hear all the time but I don’t. Maybe you’re not asking it but you’re thinking it which is exactly why I’m going to tell you anyway.

Clitoral Vibrator

Internal Vibrator

Dildo

Lingerie

Massage

Lube

BDSM Implement

Erotica

Non-Fiction Book

Miscellaneous

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Categories: Articles

How to Talk to Women on Dating Sites

November 4th, 2011

Lest you think I’m some sort of sexist, the advice in this article absolutely pertains to communicating with men as well. However, in my experience, men seem to more often experience frustration and confusion when reaching out to a woman for a first time on a dating site. Having been on the receiving end, I can tell you there’s a few simple things that will make me more likely to respond, even if you’re not necessarily my type or if I’m not immediately attracted to you. So, for all the women who are sick of signing in to messages that just read “Hi” or include a phone number (why?), here’s some advice,

Read her profile.
Seriously. Take some times to read it two or three times. Make note of anything you find interesting or confusing or anything that you simply have in common. Unfortunately, this is where you need to realize that you may have nothing in common. Even if she’s incredibly attractive — and especially if her profile gives no indication of wanting casual sex — you may need to forget her. You won’t know this if you don’t take the time to read, folks. However, if you do find some compatibility, click the button to send her a message. Nevertheless, this is a great place to list a few common interests.

Introduce yourself.
Just a sentence or two about who you are and where you’re from. “Hi, I’m Jon. I saw your profile today and you look pretty interesting.” To make yourself more memorable, explain why you took the time to message her. If you can’t think of anything besides “you’re hot,” you should probably delete the message.

Ask her something.
Don’t just end the exchange on an awkward note that forces your recipient to force a conversation. Ask something! Preferably, you’ll ask something related to her profile. This shows that you’ve read it and you’re interested and, also, that you have a brain. Perhaps you can ask why she does what she does (work/school) or what it’s like to be a person who [fill in your own blank]. The key, here, is to build a conversation that is less generic because you can only be having it with her.

Send your message
That’s it. You’ve got a little of you, a little or her and some ideas about “us.” Either you’re intriguing or thoughtful enough that she’ll respond or she won’t but you’ve made it that much easier for her to respond.

Here’s a few tips to help your post to come off even better. Use proper grammar to the best of your ability. No one expects you to be perfect but at least put in an effort. Avoid text/chat speak. This means you might avoid typing on your phone at all and, instead, save the interactions for when you have a full keyboard within reach. With that said, don’t send essays every time. Time is valuable and you should be able to succinctly get your message across without making your reader feel like she is doing homework. Leave a little to the imagination. Don’t show all your deep, dark secrets and rattle off your entire life’s history within five minutes of her first response. Let her wonder and, if she is so inclined, inquire about you.

Be open and honest if you expect the same. It doesn’t guarantee it but the effort goes a long way. Remember that humor and silliness doesn’t always come off the way you intend online and, because first impressions are so important, you may want to hold back until you know her better. If you attempt, and fail, at humor, feel free to lightly apologize. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to make a good impression and my nerves may have gotten the best of me.”

What you don’t do it just as important as what you do do. So don’t talk all about you, don’t be rude or dismissive, don’t make fun of her (even if you’re a funny guy), don’t assume you’re already in or that you are somehow better than her and she is lucky to have caught your attention and don’t assume that you’re a loser who would never deserve a response. In fact, stay as positive as possible. A negative attitude will quickly turn off potential friends and lovers.

Be patient. Even if someone is actively pursuing a new relationship via the Internet, she still has a life. Don’t write someone off who moves at a different pace than you. Responses may take a while and she may want to take time to be angaging and appear thoughtful. You should also take your time when crafting messages for the very same reason. This is especially important with your first message because your reader may not even take the time to view your profile if you butcher the conversation.

Expect awkwardness. In fact, sometimes acknowledging it can break the ice. Dating sites have thrown a lot of traditional etiquette and expectations to the wind. Everyone’s learning how to be successful with this new medium and how to incorporate apps and text messaging into blooming relationships.

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Categories: Articles

All About the WordPress Database

August 27th, 2010

A lot of my fellow bloggers and reviewers are using WordPress. Whether they started with it or have made the move from another (potentially inferior..) blogging tool, does not matter. What does matter is that many of these bloggers do not have a strong grasp of WordPress or how it works. It’s relatively easy to set up, out of the box, if you are not a demanding customer. However, what happens if you wish to move hosts, change your domain name or something goes wrong with your blog?

What is a database?

For a lot of people, this means turning to their hosts. That’s an okay solution. It usually works but it involves a middle man unnecessarily. If you have access to your databases, you can back up, move or restore your WordPress database without help from your webhost or anyone else.

Of course, if you don’t understand the concept of a database, you’re much less likely to try this (or, perhaps, to succeed). A database is a means of storing data in tabular format. When you, your host or a script installs WordPress, it edits the config file to instruct WordPress where to stores its information. Installation scripts such as Fantastic tend to create a new database and user, frequently with “WordPress” in the database and user names. However, if you are installing WordPress yourself, you can include multiple installations in the same database. I currently have 4 installations in a single database.

For the sake of this article, I will use the term “WordPress database” to simply refer to the actually data inside the database associated with your WordPress installation. Thus when I say you can backup or restore your database, I am saying you can backup or save all the pertinent data within the database.

And what sort of information is stored in your database? Posts, post meta (tags, categories), user information (names, levels), plugin information, widget contents, settings, comments, links and more. If I could somehow turn off my WordPress database for this blog, you would pretty much only see the header and background images.

Backing Up the Database

The WordPress Codex (which, I admit, I found ridiculously confusing at first) explains how to back up your WordPress database. By following this tutorial, you can save the contents of your database to your computer to upload at a later date, should the need arise. However, the article glances over how to access your database or PHP admin. Assuming you own your domain and have access to a control panel such as cPanel, H-sphere or a custom control panel (such as the one GoDaddy uses), you will first need to log into that control panel.

In my control panel, there is a link to phpMyAdmin on the index. I can click that, choose the account with access to my WordPress database and click the link. My control panel automatically logs me in. I can reach the same page in a slightly more complicated way by clicking “MySQL Server,” choosing my database, clicking the link to launch the admin panel and manually logging in. I frequently confuse my usernames and passwords so the first option is much easier. You likely have one or both of these options available to you. Then you may proceed with backing up the database.

The Codex tutorial explains that you will need to export the various tables in your database by checking the box next to the table. Typical installations use a prefix of “wp_.” Thus, you’ll see tables such as “wp_categories” or “wp_options.” If you do have multiple blogs or scripts installed to the same database, you will want to back up only the tables that belong to your blog. For example, of Sex and Love has a prefix of “wp_osal” to differentiate it from my other blog and script tables so I check only those tables to export.

This is the long and manual way. It gets the job done but so does the WordPress Database Backup plugin. It may even come with WordPress by default, now. I’m not sure because I use it on every single blog I own and for good reason! This plugin allows me to create an instant back up of my WordPress database directly from the WordPress dashboard.

Furthermore, I can use it to schedule back ups and I do. I schedule a weekly back up which the script e-mails to me. At my current posting rate, I would lose 2 posts at most if I only relied on this method. If you post more frequently, consider a daily back up.

WP DB Backup also allows the option to save your data to your webhost’s server and you should remember to check all the database tables that you want to save because the plugin only backs up the core tables by default. Tables created by other plugins are not included in this. I would lose information for my related posts and feed plugins if I did not check their tables. Note that you will see the list of all tables on the plugin management page. Thus, I see several closely named tables because I have multiple blogs in the same database. Pay attention when marking your tables for back up.

Restoring a Database

Once you have a copy of your database, you can do several things with it. You can restore your blog. This may be handy if your server crashes or someone hacks it. The Codex gives instructions on how to restore using PHPMyAdmin. But you probably want to drop all your extsing tables first to prevent errors.

You can use this same method to move to an entirely new host. Log into PHPMyAdmin or a similar tool in your new control panel. Create a new database and user, if one does not exist. For example, I have the option to add a database after clicking the “MySQL Server” link on the index. I can then choose to give access to a new or existing user. Import your WordPress database. When moving hosts or databases, you will want to perform this step before installing the actual script. Furthermore, you will want to install the script manually. This allows you to edit config.php to specify the new database and username. When you install WordPress, it will bring up your existing information.

You could also use this method if you wanted to switch domain names but remain on the same host. However, you could leave your existing database as-is and manually install WordPress on the new domain (after you add it to your hosting account) and enter the existing database credentials into your new config.php. Note that if you switch domain names, you will want to change the settings in your WordPress dashboard to reflect the new domain. Also note that you can work on your database or edit your WordPress installation even before a domain propagates. Simply use the dedicated IP, temporary URL or instant access domain name.

Blog Files

After extolling the virtues of the database, you may be curious how much necessary information is stored in the actual files that you can see via FTP or file manager. In the best case scenario, these files contain no necessary data for your blog. That’s right. None.

This scenario assumes you are capable of editing some files upon re-installation. If you know your database information, you don’t need to save config.php but it may be helpful. It’s easy enough to edit index.php if you place your WordPress installation files into a separate directly, which I suggest you do (http://domain.com/wp, for example).

The rule of thumb I would use for every other file is, if you edit it, save it.

Although widgets allow you to really customize your theme, many of us edit the actual code. Without my theme edits, you wouldn’t see my custom header, both sidebars, review images or ads. There are a million tiny other edits that only I would notice. If I were moving, I would save my entire theme folder inside the wp-content/themes directory.

Plug ins also have a folder of their own, within the wp-content folder. If the plug ins are currently and available as the repository, you really don’t need to back them up. If you have edited the plug ins or their folder contain data files, you can save them.

You may occasionally find important files within the wp-content folder itself. I have several files there that a plug in references to display my advertisements. The files that I would most likely forget to save are the images I have uploaded through the WordPress media tool. They exist in dated subfolders in the wp-content/uploads directory.

Of course if you have upload any other files to other locations, you will want to save them before moving hosts or domains. In the most complicated scenario, you will save the config.php, index.php, theme folder(s), plugin folder(s), uploads and user-created files.Uploading these and importing your WordPress database will recreate your blog as it was.

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