Becoming Cliterate
$11.99
from Amazon
Becoming Cliterate is a book that I read a while back and intended to get around to reviewing much before now. Arg. But here I am, with my thoughts on the book that was graciously provided to me by the author herself to review.
So, who wrote Becoming Cliterate? Laurie Mintz is a Ph.D. author and therapist who is also a professor at the University of Florida. She’s about as qualified as they come to write this book, and the only reason she didn’t wind up on my post dedicated to the women of sexology is that I didn’t discover her until just after I posted it. Had I known of her and Becoming Cliterate, I certainly would have wanted to include her on that list.
The subtitle of Becoming Cliterate explains exactly what the book is about: Why Orgasm Equality Matters — And How To Get It. Dr. Mintz wants to crush that orgasm gap and bring more pleasure to women. To do so, we’ve got to think about sex differently as the description explains.
We’ve been thinking about sex all wrong. Mainstream media, movies, and porn have taught us that sex = penis + vagina, and everything else is just secondary. Standard penetration is how men most reliably achieve orgasm. The problem is, women don’t orgasm this way. We’ve separated our most reliable route to orgasm—clitoral stimulation—from how we feel we should orgasm—penetration. As a result, we’ve created a pleasure gap between women and men.
I cannot say that I argue just reading thus far. In fact, these are some of the very same things that I try to teach my readers, so I was excited to see how Dr. Mintz tackles the issue in Becoming Cliterate. I frequently found myself nodding along as Dr. Mintz explained how many women require clitoral stimulation and that our traditional idea of sex misses the mark. I followed as she explained female anatomy, a subject I’ve even written on myself, felt fire rising within as Dr. Mintz discussed our difficult and shame recognizing female sexuality, and nodded approval when she provided suggested “Scripts” for sexual encounters that would leave both partners orgasmic and ecstatic (these three sections make up the bulk of the book).
I also found myself surprised at the new information that I gleaned from this book (a response that seems pretty common in anyone who has learned something from the good doctor!). I’ve read many books that I am more apt to recommend to people who are less familiar with sex than I am. I’ve seen a lot of repeated information, and, sure, there is some of that in Becoming Cliterate. But I was still pleasantly surprised while reading Becoming Cliterate. Bits of new-to-me information include:
- the fact that doctors have injected collagen into the G-spot
- that the upper two-thirds of the vagina may lack sensation enough to perform surgery without anesthetic,
- that many women experience easier and better orgasms solo than with partners
- that antihistamines can dry up vaginal lubrication, that vibration may increase the number of nerve endings on the clitoris
- that some water-based lube is not compatible with polyisoprene condoms
Dr. Mintz really did her work, and this was especially apparent when she discusses searching for information about the clitoris and where/how it attaches to the inner lips. Dr. Mintz reports sources that state it attaches in one, two or either one or two spaces. In her search for the truth, Dr. Mintz even wound up contacting them, and one source updated their information. I suppose what I am saying is that even if you think you might know it all already, you don’t (neither I nor a so-called expert did!), and Becoming Cliterate might be a good resource.
While I learned a lot from Becoming Cliterate, one of Dr. Mintz’s main goals is to change the way we think about sex, a manner of thinking that leads to orgasm and pleasure disparities and pain or worse at worst. She touches on how we define sex, casual sex, and masturbation. After setting the groundwork for thinking about sex in a healthy way, Dr. Mintz proceeds to tell the reader how to actually change their actions to follow. She writes as though she’s directing a play with options for the plot; although, she precedes the four play options with “Act 1,” which can be a bit confusing.
Dr. Mintz follows this with a crucial chapter about communication, which can help readers discuss their needs for orgasm with their partners and to have better sex in general. She makes arguments against faking it, for scheduling/orchestrating sex and asking for what you need. In short, Dr. Mintz talks the real talk that will help readers have realistic sex that provides the pleasure they seek.
Her real talk continues as she closes the section of the book for female readers and segues into more practical advice for their partners. As you can tell, I feel pretty good about recommending Becoming Cliterate as it wrapped up.
Now, I have seen complaints that Becoming Cliterate does not talk about G-spot pleasure, but I do not think this is a valid critique, at least not the way that I saw it. I am not sure what readers expect: it’s right there in the name. Furthermore, Dr. Mintz explains early and frequently that both published surveys and her own experience show that most women need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, including a portion of women who prefer clitoral and vaginal stimulation simultaneously to get off. The book also challenges the idea that vaginal orgasms are better in any way, so this angle is not only to be expected but completely understandable!
At best, this complaint stands only because Dr. Mintz could have used the opportunity to explain how the G-spot is simply the internal portion of the clitoris and that orgasms achieved through G-spot stimulation are just another type of clitoral orgasm.
In fact, if I have a criticism of Becoming Cliterate, it’s that the focus is on orgasm (Dr. Mintz says at one point that “quality sex means orgasm equality”) when we all know very much that is it not the only vehicle of pleasure and sometimes focusing on orgasm as a means to pleasure can be shooting yourself in the foot. To be fair. Dr. Mintz does touch on this, explaining that she wants to close the orgasm gap while recognizing the very point I just made. I understand that this may be the only way you can write a book like Becoming Cliterate. But her point comes near the end of the book where attention may have waned and after people may have already gotten the wrong idea. I would simply like to see her reiterate it toward the beginning while keeping the notes toward the end just to ensure that readers understand that this emphasis doesn’t intend to exclude non-orgasm-based pleasure.
But my critiques are few and far between. Dr. Mintz wrote a book that’s approachable and easily digested. It’s not intimidating. Dr. Mintz is personable and, at times, funny. She includes a chapter for (male) partners to read to increase their own cliteracy and help their female partners become more orgasmic. Although the focus is on heterosexual partners, Becoming Cliterate doesn’t exclude any other pairing.
Perhaps best of all is that the advice in this book is both actionable and fun. I’ve read books that erred too far on the “fun” side, resulting in a loss of information. I’ve also read books that were informative but lacked ways for readers to incorporate that information into their lives. With Becoming Cliterate, I think Dr. Laurie Mintz succeeds at both, and I feel confident in recommending this books to my readers.
Get it now on Amazon for your Kindle in hardcover or in the newly-released paperback version!
10 Comments to “Becoming Cliterate”
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I appreciate that this resource is available, and it seems like it has awesome information. I’ll be honest, though, I did just have a moment of “thank god I don’t date straight men” reading this. Viva la queer.
As someone who mostly sleeps with straight men, yeeeeeeeep
Rachel Bloom has been mentioning this book a lot on social media, so I’ve been curious for a while. (I found a library copy of the Lehmiller book the other day and loved it, by the way…)
Your library has Tell Me What You Want already?!?! I don’t live in a place where they’d EVER get it. Bah!
I found it as an ebook through the OverDrive system (which also has a newer interface called Libby, which I haven’t used), though sometimes Axis360 is good for some of the Cleis titles. Best bet is to go to OverDrive’s main site, search for a title, click on the book thumbnail and then search for libraries that have it in your state. (The California listings are pretty sprawling, and sometimes I get disappointed by clicking “in libraries nearby” and finding Southern California listings only, which are nowhere near me. Being in a smaller state may help.) Also, you’d be surprised at how often a library will respond to “suggest a purchase” requests. My hometown is pretty small, but because of library grants they’ve got a lot of money to spend and take a lot of suggestions. (Of course, the librarians are all nosy people who’ve known my parents forever and would gossip about my sexy requests, so I tend to take those out of town…)
Ah, yes. I use Overdrive sometimes but my library system rarely has any books about sex. Boo! Just too conservative of an area, I think (not a problem you’d have in California). It’s not available in any of the major metro areas in this state, unsurprising.
I actually never search from Overdrive’s main site because I need to know what’s available to me, but it sounds like maybe your library system works differently than mine. I have made many recommendations and think two were ever picked up. =/
I’ve taken to signing into a friend’s Hoopla account and also pay for a subscription to Scribd.
I’m wondering if your state has something similar to Link+, which is like an interlibrary loan except that you can request the book yourself, rather than having a library do it on your behalf. (They threaten you with scarily high fines if the book is late or missing, but other than that it’s pretty cool…)
It appears we do (the system is terrible and might kill me lol)