It’s 2024, Why Do Sex Toy Controls Still Suck?

January 18th, 2024

isn't it time to upgrade the controls on our sex toys

As a lifelong leftie, I’ve struggled to use scissors and pens that cause pain (and don’t even get me started on how being short makes it all that much worse!). And while I can now buy (often for a higher price) counterparts that promise not to hurt my hand, but there’s still one area without any consideration for handedness: sex toys.

For the most part, no sex toys are handed, unless of course, you count those finger vibrators. Their controls are typically centered along the handle or base (unless they’re even more ridiculously inaccessible), which I do not find particularly intuitive, especially when it comes to changing settings in use because I cannot see them and sometimes can’t even reach them. No one loves having to stop using a toy just to turn up the vibrations! Yet, companies have failed to produce vibrators and other powered sex toys that truly reflect the fact that, most of the time during use, our hands are not neatly grasping the base of the toy. Instead, they point down, come from an angle, or are upside down–or all three.

What makes this even more frustrating is that the answer is right there: thumbs! Most of us have two that aren’t entirely occupied by holding a toy and are in a better position to access the controls than our other fingers. However, those centered buttons at a toy’s base aren’t quite what we need to make vibrators more user-friendly or, perhaps, ergonomic. Companies really need to go back to square one when it comes to positioning their controls.

Don’t get me wrong, some companies have tried other things. JeJoue Mimi and Mimi Soft have buttons on the butt of the toy, and the now defunct We-Vibe Wish did something similar (see also: the Scoop). But being able to do that with clit stimulators doesn’t help with insertable toys, which may be long enough that we can’t reach controls on the very base of the toy, let alone do so with enough dexterity to use them how we want.

MysteryVibe was thinking outside of the box with their Crescendo, and I don’t mean just because of the bendable shaft. They placed two buttons on each side of the shaft to make it easier to power on and off and move through settings. If you’re righthanded, your thumb will press the button I would press while holding it with my index and vice versa, but it’s a step in the right direction.

Similarly, if you can get over (or if you enjoy) the bulky, body-fluid-grabbing faux gems on Jopen’s Pavé Grace, the button placement is probably the best I’ve ever seen on a clit stimulator. It’s so intuitive and natural that as soon as I used it, I wondered what the hell we’d been doing to this point, especially because all of my mobile devices have similarly placed volume buttons–not to mention my TV remote. I’m not sure how much that challenged design and production, but I sure as hell appreciate the step we’ve taken toward an ergonomic vibrator.

We just need to close our eyes and take a giant leap that involves saying a permanent “Goodbye” to those centered buttons on the top or base of a powered sex toy.

But that introduces a slight problem of handedness. The folks at Cal Exotics opted to put the buttons on Grace’s left side so that righthanded folks could easily access them with their thumb. I’ve got slightly less-than-ideal access with my index finger as a leftie. It’s usable but not flawless. Of course, it makes sense to opt for that button placement as righthanded folks make up the vast majority of the population, and it’s already such an improvement over most controls I really shouldn’t be complaining.

But that doesn’t mean that there isn’t something in my little heart that wants a lefthanded sex toy with perfectly placed buttons where my thumb can reach them for uninterrupted stimulation. It’s not realistic for companies to make two variations of every vibrator, nor do I suspect that putting buttons on opposite sides of a toy would be a practical and affordable solution. But I can dream, can’t I?

I don’t think it’s a complete pipedream that sex toy makers might focus on comfort to elevate their products and brands, but maybe I should pester Roku into making a vibrator in the meantime.

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What Spam Says About Society’s Problems with Sexuality

November 12th, 2023

A common scammer tactic involves threats of releasing nonexistent masturbation videos.

I’ve received a few scammy spam messages identical to the one above this week. It’s not the first time I’ve opened my inbox to such messages, and I’m sure it won’t be the last, either. In fact, I almost missed it because Thunderbird correctly marked it as spam.

What you cannot see is that the sender appears to be me. To the average person, this might lend credence to the threat. Previous versions have included real passwords that became exposed rather than claiming to use some “Remote Administration Tool” malware to record the user and it has not always appeared to come from my email account, but the sentiment remains the same.

Some people know it as a Sextortion Email Scam, although many victims would likely not know if this is a common type of scam or what it’s called. Ignoring the fact that people may fall for the messages because they do not understand how easily scammers can spoof any email address, including their own, and how their efforts become untraceable by using Bitcoin, I find these scam messages to be an interesting lens through which we can understand society.

The scammers make several assumptions about their victims:

  • They have masturbated
  • Kinkily
  • While at their computers
  • Which have working cameras
  • That are connected to the Internet

Several of these assumptions are likely to be true. After all, many people masturbate, and most devices have integrated cameras.

Perhaps most interesting is the assumption that anyone would pay to prevent their loved ones from accessing evidence of their sexuality, so much so that their worry would prevent them from checking whether the message is a scam. I am sure this is occasionally true. I’ve received similar messages for years, and scammers only need to trick one unsuspecting recipient for their effort to pay off.

Yet I cannot help but think about how the threat wouldn’t be effective if we did not live in a culture that shamed sexuality. If we recognized our inherent sexual natures in all their variety, messages like this would have little power. Sure, it might be uncomfortable if someone in our address books saw us in a sexually precarious position, just like it can be awkward to walk in on our parents having sex, but it shouldn’t be the end-of-the-world scenario as this spam suggests.

Greater than 99% of all people exist because someone else had sex, and we all recognize that sex can be pleasurable. The time and effort people spend pretending otherwise isn’t just unnecessary, it’s entirely misguided. And the attempts to deny others their sexuality is harmful in more ways than one. From slut shaming to barring comprehensive and inclusive sex education, we live in a world where sex doesn’t get the respect it deserves.

So, it’s no surprise that spammers might use sexuality as an angle to scam people out of money. But it is incredibly frustrating that sexuality is still so powerfully attached to shame in 2023.

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If You Want to Protect Children, Teach Them About Sex

September 2nd, 2023

There, I bet that got your attention!

Lately, my attention has been directed toward an attempt at censorship in my own public library. As far as I can tell, someone was offended when they discovered that the library carried a sex education book for teens and demanded the book’s approval. A year later, critics are still pressuring the library, this time to implement a reading system to ensure children are not exposed to “smut” and “pornography.” I doubt any of these people have read the book from cover to cover.

By the time you teach your children about sex, some may already be victims of assault–and some may be perpetrators.

Perhaps it’s no surprise. The call to ban and censor books doesn’t seem to be losing any steam, and homophobia and transphobia seem to be the fuel this time around. They want to “protect the children,” or so they claim. Except they ignore the risks that not providing age-appropriate sex education poses. I’m not wringing my hands about make-believe consequences. A lack of comprehensive, science-based, sex-positive education has already made a drastic negative impact on our world, and we need look no further than sexual assault statistics to see this.

Not providing age-appropriate sex education, which should begin earlier than many people are willing to recognize, means that by the time you teach your children about sex, some may already be victims of assault–and some may be perpetrators. Children may encounter sexual abuse before puberty and spend a lifetime dealing with repercussions that range from drug use to major depression.

By teaching children that they have bodily autonomy that others should respect, you give them permission to say “No” when someone attempts otherwise and the knowledge that they are not at fault and can seek help if someone violates those boundaries. This knowledge is especially important because abusers are most often known to the victim, possibly being a family member, and those people may manipulate those relationships to successfully abuse children. No one wants to consider that someone they deemed safe around their child(ren) is anything but. Yet even less, parents and caregivers don’t want their children to experience repeated abuse at the hands of someone who has convinced their victims that it’s acceptable or, even worse, that they will be in trouble if they tell someone about it. Ensuring your children that they can come to you if someone violates their sexual boundaries is part of sex education. But it’s only useful if children understand how bodily autonomy and sex work–and if they can use words

Ensuring your children that they can come to you if someone violates their sexual boundaries is part of sex education.

Assault isn’t the only risk associated with inadequate sex education: unwanted pregnancies and pregnancies are avoidable consequences. Decades of abstinence-only education proves how ineffective it is to simply say, “Don’t do this.” For most people, sexual desire comes naturally. It’s how human beings have lasted this long, after all. Failing to accept that doesn’t change anything; it simply makes it more likely that your child does not take proper precautions during their early sexual experimentation.

We can also greatly reduce how many people, especially women, experience painful sex and how long it takes to seek help, potentially identifying significant health concerns, by treating sexuality as a topic worthy of education. In fact, abstinence-only education that only paints the risks of sex can contribute to the anxiety that is symptomatic of vaginismus, which causes vaginal pain and may require therapy or other interventions.

People also overlook the consequences of not teaching people that they deserve to have mutually satisfying interactions with people. While it may be difficult to imagine your child all grown up, they won’t stay young forever. Don’t you want them to one day be able to enjoy sexual and romantic relationships rather than being unable to do so because they never learned that their pleasure and desires matter? We all too often see people settling, selling themselves short, and sacrificing necessarily in these relationships.

Finally, we cannot ignore that lack of inclusive sex education can be an issue of life or death. How much do people hide of themselves if they’re worried about being judged for who they are when they could discover who they are and spaces where they are celebrated instead? Sex education may not entirely erase homophobia or transphobia, but it can mitigate some homophobic bullying. We don’t need to live in a world help people who are at risk of dying by suicide or might otherwise suffer greatly go without help.

I know that some people will argue. Maybe they believe children should learn about sex at home and not in schools. Yet I recognize that few parents have received sex education that will prepare them to do so, and talking about sex is hard. We struggle to do so with partners in our bedrooms, let alone with younger minds who may be more interested in anything else than talking about sex with their parents. Why not ensure access to books that can supplement whatever sex education children receive and perhaps encourage them to talk about it with their parents as some books recommend?

Why don’t children deserve to understand their own bodies? © cottonbro studio

I thought about ending this post here because while it will already make waves, it’s rather gentle. I’m only calling on people who want to protect their children to consider the ways barring them from information might actually harm them. Perhaps some people will consider the arguments and conclude that their child’s well-being and life is more important than their discomfort. I certainly hope so.

But if we’re all being honest, it’s not about protecting the children. At least, not from real harm. It’s about preventing them from seeing that gay and trans folks exist and can do so happily and healthily because you cannot muster tolerance let alone love for your neighbor. At best, these people don’t want their children to “get ideas” about these new-fangled gender and sexual identities, even though we’ve been studying them for over a century and literal Nazis attempted to bar the same information. Even though people have questioned their genders and sexualities well before they knew anyone else who did the same or had the words to describe their feelings. Even though being accepted by one person reduces the risk that a trans person will die by suicide.

Even the best-case scenario, in which a person isn’t actively spewing hate toward gender and sexual minorities, is frustrating. While being fine with “those people” as long as they don’t have to see evidence that those people exist (i.e., “not in my front yard”), it’s that attitude that makes some other people think it’s okay to harass and assault people who identify differently. We are in times where remaining quiet is just as bad as condoning this behavior, especially when so many people are vocally hateful. It’s no wonder so many anti-LGBTQ bills are being proposed–and passed.

I guess murder and torture are okay if you’re convinced the victim is going to hell, anyway. We’ll ignore the hypocrisy of the self-righteousness that harms others. You only need to love your children as long as they meet your expectations. The golden rule only applies to those who think and look like you. Spreading hate is acceptable as long as it’s your hate.

That is the real goal–to control how people think by preventing access to alternative ideas. Children often do learn these lessons, even if it means hating themselves. But many people also unlearn homophobia and transphobia, even becoming staunch allies if they themselves are straight or cisgender. The renewed fervor to do so only reflects how difficult it has become to control information in the age of the Internet (with some significant caveats). You can try to filter everything your child sees, hears, or reads but it’s going to require constant effort and, usually, isolation.

Squeezing your iron fist tighter to retain control is rarely successful. You cannot control your children’s every thought or action. Attempting to do so often results in rebellion, which may and sometimes complete rejection of your relationship. Undoubtedly, many will come to regret their actions upon facing the real consequences. But it will be too little too late. Time will be lost, and there’s not making up for it. For those who suffer under the hateful bigotry, the damage is already done.

Maybe there’s a way to reach the people who would rather not look back on a missed opportunity to be kind and have relationships with their children. I sure hope so. Because it doesn’t have to be this way. We can protect kids, including from our own shortcomings.

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Is TikTok Bad for Your Sex Life?

August 18th, 2023

Pardon the clickbaity title. It’s what the Internet wants, and I’m just along for the ride.

IS Tiktok bad for your sex life

A couple of months ago, I wrote an article for work that was clearly inspired by the latest TikTok trend du jour: boric acid. After looking at the videos, it was incredibly apparent that

  • A manufacturer of boric acid was sending free product to influencers.
  • They were specifically targeting Black creators–and their readers.
  • They were not checking the videos for accuracy.

Perhaps more importantly, it was obvious to me that viewers did not necessarily realize this. They saw real posts instead of ads marketing scams. I know exactly how this works. Dozens of sex toy makers have sent me toys, but I always gave honest reviews.

Viewers saw videos touting the benefits of boric acid to help you feel cleaner and smell better, disregarding the fact that boric acid is only sometimes recommended for persistent bacterial infections because it is incredibly toxic to healthy cells as much as unhealthy ones. Used unwisely, and boric acid can make you more prone to infections.

But there were no warnings or advice to seek medical advice to determine whether a problem even existed at all, let alone whether boric acid might be a solution. There was a lot of covert body shaming, which douche makers (read that how you will) have always relied on.

In short, the practice was misleading and disgusting, and no one seemed to be calling it out.

The risks don’t stop there, either.

Both the quantity and quality of BDSM content on TikTok has some kinksters worried. It’s easy to find, ignores the important aspects of communication and safety, and may even violate the viewer’s consent. You can learn how to tie rope around wrists or make restraints out of a belt but not about the importance of preventing rope from slipping or avoiding nerve damage. You can easily find fake dominants but not mentors to steer you away from red flags. And none of this content is barred from minors.

This isn’t to say that that aren’t plenty of informed and experienced folks on TikTok spreading the good word. There absolutely are! Some of these folks love being on KinkTok. But as the great Sunny Megatron points out, popularity reigns over education and quality. I’ve heard plenty of sex educators talk about their experiences. TikTok inconsistently bans sexual content, so users have to worry about that on top of trying to make the algorithm work for them.

Nor is the potential for harm specific to TikTok. People have sustained injuries after being inspired by 50 Shades. It’s not just sex, either. It takes half an hour for teens to stumble upon self-harm content on TikTok. Every site with a blog that relates even tangentially to sexuality includes information about potentially risky sexual and kinky activities, most of which is written by people with no experience (and much that is distilled down to near uselessness).

Yet TikTok, with its short videos that are accessed almost entirely on mobile devices for free without age requirements, makes this information much more accessible to anyone and everyone without leaving room for all the caveats that go with it. There’s plenty of safety information to be found online, and some of it even exists on TikTok. But our shortened attention spans and the algorithms make it harder to find and absorb–if we even recognize the need for more information, to begin with!

I learned pretty much everything I know about kink and BDSM from the Internet–and much of what I know about sex. I’m old school, however. I would rather read a blog post or book–and have read thousands of pages on the subject–than watch a 10-second video. My knowledge more often than not came from seasoned kinksters.

I probably wouldn’t say the same if I were 15 or even ten years younger. The internet, as it stands, is the only internet many people have ever known. It didn’t have to be and maybe doesn’t have to be still. But it is. TikTok could change if it wanted to, and a notable death and lawsuit would probably cause that to happen. But it shouldn’t have to come to that. People should just care.

In the meantime, care for yourself because no one else will. Look beyond TikTok for information that will protect your safety. Direct a hefty dose of skepticism to anyone who doesn’t mention safety, on TikTok or anywhere else. Proceed with caution. Your health, your livelihood, and your life might depend on it.

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Get Yourself My Favorite Pink Toys to Enjoy Your Best Barbie Life!

July 24th, 2023

So the Barbie movie is out, making waves and breaking records in 2023. To be frank, I am in the target demographic whose nostalgia Mattel and the studios want to capture. I just don’t care that much, maybe because it’s causing a little capitalism-fueled moral dilemma. Or maybe because I don’t need everything in my life to be pink all the time. It’s just a little much for me, you know?

There's just so much packaging!
LoveLife’s cuddle is a solid choice for a G-spot vibrator

That doesn’t mean that I don’t like some pink because I quite do! I don’t even think the ire that pink sex toys gets is entirely earned (although, manufacturers might benefit from remembering that other colors exist and not everyone with a vagina likes pink or is a woman). Nor does it mean I don’t want to take advantage of the cultural moment. After all, even SheVibe and JeJoue have Barbie-themed sales right now.

So I figure I jump on the bandwagon to reap some benefits. And what’s the best way to do that? By remaining all you readers of the pink things I do love!

The LoveLife Cuddle is one of the few toys I regret giving away. It’s a great little G-spot vibrator that’s rechargeable and made from body-safe materials. You might not be able to buy this toy for under $40 anymore, but you can save $10 if you buy it from SheVibe and use code BARBIE15.

JeJoue’s Mimi Soft didn’t frustrate me like the original Mimi, so it’s the first clitoral vibrator on this list.

My Lelo Mia is black, but you can get yourself one in a light pink that might not be aggressive as some of the items on this list. Many people will love the slanted tip of this lipstick vibrator, and the design is discreet, portable, and convenient. I could be charging mine on my laptop as I type this, thanks to its USB design.

Honestly, I didn’t love the Big Boss vibrator or dildo, but I did love the original. But because I want others to share a similar experience, I’m adding the Big Boss to this list. All of the Boss designs, including the dildo, really pushed me to my limits.

I don’t actually own pink bondage tape or care so much about brand. I think it’s pretty much the same no matter where you buy it. But you can use the same coupon as above to save on some hot pink bondage tape at SheVibe.

Where should you store these toys? The Sugar Sak is a convenient solution to that problem. It’s best for a small collection (even the XL can only hold a few toys) or perhaps traveling, especially with the antibacterial lining. Maybe others aren’t as squicked out by the ideas of ~germs~ as I am, but it’s a nice feature nontheless.

If you want to improve your sex life, then you might want to read Becoming Cliterate by Laurie Mintz–or have your significant other read it. It’s available in countless physical and digital formats, so it won’t be difficult to do that.

Becoming Cliterate

Another pink book and one that I think everyone should read is Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are. Somehow, after recommending it for years, I have yet to create a post about it, review or otherwise. Eventually, I’ll change that. In the meantime, believe me when I say it can be life changing!

Finally, I’d like to add Pink Frolic, a personal lube meant for use with toys. It works well for this due to its thicker formula (check out my review). I wish Frolic were available in more stores. You can get it from the Of Sex and Love store or pay a little more on Amazon to get free shipping (I know, I know! Amazon, ugh!.

And if you don’t love pink? Most of the items listed her are available in other colors or digitally, so you don’t have to choose pink. After all, color doesn’t matter as much as the functionality, and I just want to help my readers enjoy their sexuality a little more!

As always, let me know whether you agree or disagree in the comments. Did I forget your favorite pink toy? Or do you have thoughts about Barbie and her movie taking the world by storm? I’ll take those, too!

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The Conflict of Capitalism and Co-option of Feminism

June 7th, 2023

Thanks to Wellbutrin, my sex drive is higher than ever, which is somewhat ironic considering that I neither have a partner nor use toys as frequently as I have in the past. In fact, it’s been a long time since I’ve added a new sex toy to my collection. I used to get so excited over new companies, toys, and technology, enough so that I made a point to seek out and share these things with my readers and friends. I wanted to know what companies were new, discover how companies found ways to make bullet vibrators stand out, and see the most recent dildo designs. I often felt the pangs when I saw an exciting new sex toy knowing my budget would never enable me to buy them all. And my particular brand of anxiety inspires a fear of missing out on owning things simply for the sake of owning them.

But my relationship with shopping has changed. I’m not immune to retail therapy or window shopping, even if I’m more reserved about my purchases. It’s just difficult not to feel disenchanted with capitalism and all it entails. The expectations that we must constantly be productive and achieve a certain amount of wealth (and then appropriately display that wealth) can easily make a person feel not good enough. Perhaps more importantly, failure to do so can mean you can’t put a roof over your head or food on the table, so you’re struggling with practical concerns, all the while your self-esteem takes a hit.

The sex toy industry isn’t an exception to this, and I think the decades companies spent making toys from dangerous materials and the return to such sketchy practices in the Amazon era are proof of that. But lately, I’ve been pondering what seems, to me, to be a particularly pernicious example of capitalism in our nightstands. Over time, I became aware of all the ways women became advertising targets by those in the sexual sphere.

Pharmaceutical companies struggled to find the “female Viagra” for years because of the potential for profit. And after all that, we have a couple of medications for female sexual dysfunction that are no better than placebos and certainly fail to make a real difference in the way mindfulness or, you know, caring about and talking to your partner makes in a person’s sex life. But who wouldn’t want to try a quick-fix medication when they’re experiencing sexual difficulties, especially with the current state of sex education pretty much guaranteeing they haven’t learned about the alternatives?

It’s not just about pharmaceuticals, either. Lumping sex tech into femtech suggests new opportunities for women to live more authentically or succeed professionally. And it’s true that women have traditionally been sparse in the tech industry, so this signifies a change in the people designing products and solutions for previously-overlooked wants or needs because the men who were in charge failed to consider,.
IKa demographic that did not include them. Yet it leaves a bad taste in my mouth when I realize how we’re being sold these things as necessities and not just luxuries that might improve life. If you do not buy lube, medications, or sex toys, you have somehow failed as a sexual woman or perhaps a feminist. The idea should be ludicrous, but somehow it’s not.

Even if I understand this intellectually, it’s not like the marketing hasn’t impacted me. Boy howdy, have those marketers succeeded! I remember balking at the premise of the book Sex, Lies, and Pharmaceuticals when I first discovered it, mostly because it seemed as though the authors were suggesting that women didn’t deserve the focus of pharmaceutical companies. Did the authors hate women or feminism?! Why didn’t they want us to enjoy our sexuality? It took me literal years to really absorb the fact that it was the way this search has been handled, which represents a terrible convergence of capitalism and misogyny, that was really under fire. It’s fine when these options are available; the problem is when we’re made to feel bad about ourselves or like every issue requires a store-bought solution.

What frustrates me the most is that, as a blogger, reviewer, and writer, I have benefited–no, profited–under this system. Really, you have to play ball if you want to pay the bills. There’s no practical way for most people to shed the shackles of this capitalistic hellscape. But the system is set up so that individuals feel guilty while unscrupulous companies with CEOs worth millions of dollars remain unscathed. It’s reminiscent of how the responsibility to recycle has been foisted upon the average person, even though we stand zero chance of turning the tide and stemming climate change when companies are wreaking havoc on the environment.

Really, it’s kind of a (evil) genius move on the part of these companies. Shifting the blame to us consumers encourages us to blame others who we don’t think are doing enough and keeps up divided and ineffective. Very little changes. Someone, somewhere, realized the power of co-opting movements and tying how we feel about ourselves to our habits as consumers. It’s not entirely different from rainbow-washing, which we are currently immersed in this Pride month, or pinkwashing every October.

How do we reconcile our ideals with the world we live in? Maybe, at the end of the day, all I can do is find little ways to enjoy being alive, whether that means engaging in retail therapy or using a luxury sex toy. Maybe I need to give myself a break because. I can only do so much and I can’t achieve anything other than making myself miserable because I cannot abstain from capitalism. Instead of beating myself up, I would do better to direct my attention and energy to the causes I believe in, like helping people have more satisfying sex, no matter what that means for them (and even if it means suggesting some products to assist). Occasionally, I may even be able to step up and help those people who suffer even more under this system.

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Celebrate Masturbation Month With These Penis + Prostate Toys

May 4th, 2021

Welcome to May! There are a lot of reasons to be excited about this month:

  • It’s my birthday month
  • It’s the first month when everyone qualifies for a COVID vaccine
  • which also means it’s the first time I’ll see many loved ones for over a year
  • It’s the month in which I’ll end my first full year as a college student

Now, my readers may not necessarily be as excited about these things as I am, but there’s a reason we can all celebrate: May is Masturbation Month! While you can keep your eyes peeled for an updated list of sex toy coupons and sales to treat yourself, I wanted to offer a bit of content for the readers of my site who may not have a vagina. This demographic is often overlooked because I’m a ciswoman who enjoys vaginal and clitoral stimulation. But I appreciate all of my readers!

You may have noticed that I didn’t specifically say “men.” It’s part of my attempt to use more inclusive language on Of Sex and Love. It’s certainly a work in progress. But not every man has a penis (or prostate, testicles, etc.), and not every person with those parts is a man. Labeling sex toys “for men” or highlighting the “best male masturbators” overlooks this and can be damaging to already marginalized folks.

Tenga's Eggs are among the most popular disposable strokers

Tenga’s Eggs are among the most popular disposable strokers

So if you have a penis or prostate, this post is for you!

It’s likely that my readers are already somewhat familiar with the most common toys of this genre: toys that you put your penis in. I’m talking about masturbators. This includes the infamous Fleshlight, but it’s far from the only toy you can thrust into. Plus, the category includes strokers that you grip, and well, stroke yourself with. Tenga Eggs are a beloved one-time-use stroker, but, again, there are just so many options to choose from. You can opt for a more realistic pocket pussy or a modern sex toy that’s as sleek as it is ergonomic.

While it’s fairly common to find masturbators that let you adjust suction, newer models include stroking, pulsing, and vibrating modes. I’ve also been impressed with some of the smart toys on the market. I want to give the nod here to Kiroo, a company that sells vibrators and masturbators that can be paired together over the Internet (along with several other media sources). You can pair a masturbator and vibrator, two vibrators, or two masturbators. No other company has gotten on board with inclusivity like this yet!

I think, and often-overlooked avenue for masturbation is prostate stimulation. That is, there are also fun toys that you inside your body! Some people, especially straight, cis men, may feel as though anal play should be off-limits, but I cannot help but wonder what good it does to deny ourselves pleasure? The variety of prostate toys available now is staggering! There are contoured butt plugs, both vibrating and non, probes, and anal beads (all of which should have a flared base or handle to use safely for anal play). Prostate stimulators like those from Aneros or Nexus are designed specifically to hit that sweet spot (sometimes offering simultaneous internal and external prostate stimulation), and the rave reviews show that these choices are often a success!

Of course, there are plenty of other toys to consider, many of which aren’t advertised for masturbation or to be used if you have a penis but work just as well for that purpose. I’m talking about cock rings, nipple clamps, and vibrators (there are now some awesome attachments for wands/massagers. The sheer number of options is much higher than some people would have you believe if we encourage creativity and exploration. And I haven’t even gotten into kinkier toys such as urethral sounds!

In short, if you’ve got a penis or prostate and want to celebrate masturbation month, then nothing should stop you except, maybe, your budget (but as I said, I’ll soon be updating my sex toy coupons page!).

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