Bettie Page Picture Perfect Spanking Paddle

February 4th, 2014

This review has been too long in the making and this item has definitely been too long in the drawer since I received it. I cannot wait until I have an awesome opportunity to use this paddle for a play session.

This is one of those items that I showed to everyone as soon as I received it, and we all felt the same way: it’s an awesome impact instrument.

Now, I generally don’t go for items that are branded or designed like this. Sex toys and accessories with celebrities and porn stars on them tend to be kinda cheesy and frequently cheaply made in my opinion. This paddle is not.

The entire thing comes in a sleek, long box that has a paperboard cover. Once you slip this off, the top of the box pulls off to reveal the paddle. If you flip over the to of the box, you’ll see black and white photos of Bettie Page printed inside it.

The paddle has a similar photo of the model printed on the wide end. It fades to black on the handle, which is blank save for a signature. I am not sure if this is Bettie’s actually signature, but the overall look is sleek and sophisticated.

Bettie Page Keychain

Bettie Page Keychain

While the paddle is held into place with elastic straps, there are two other items in the box. These are a keychain and a collector’s card. I’ve already added the keychain to my keys. The decorative part is round and depicts another monochromatic picture of Bettie. It uses a lobster claw hook, which I like. The card will remain in my box, which I will also use to store the paddle. I am not usually the type of person who keeps boxes — I hate Lelo boxes at this point — but I will make an exception because the design here was done so well.

The decorative side of the paddle is a textured faux leather while the “usable” side is a quilted sort of faux leather. This gives the paddle a sort of plush feel when you’re just touching it. It’s also nice to look at.

During use, the neck has give but isn’t floppy, and this paddle comes with a wrist strap that makes it easy to use. I’ve personally found that the paddle can be used for a light swat or with more force for a sting that will make your skin glow rosy red – if you want it to. This sort of versatility means the paddle will likely work for a variety of users. Even if you’re getting it for novelty’s sake, you’ll find it is good for use.

The material can be cleaned with a damp cloth, but don’t consider it sterilizable.

If my experience with the Bettie Page Picture Perfect Spanking Paddle is any indication, then LoveHoney has done a good job with this line, and I’d be happy to recommend any of the items in it to BDSM and sex toy lovers.


LoveLife Cuddle

January 26th, 2014

I’ve read a lot of pretty positive reviews for the items in this line. Indeed, OhMiBod’s official move from musically-enhanced sex toys to plain Jain toys seems to have been pretty successful. There’s less novelty here and more solid function. I give this a thumbs up.

Also, I kinda like the shape of the Cuddle. There’s just the faintest hint of a ridge on the head to provide G-spot stimulation more so than any other toy in this line. This includes the Dream. A more noticeable angle of the shaft also makes finding your G-spot easier. The ridge is made of plush silicone. In fact, the silicone over the shaft is quite plush. It’s softer than any Lelo vibe, for example. You can get pressure you need but it’s not going to make your pubic bone feel like it’s stabbing you from the inside out. Yay for that.

The shaft offers about 4,5 inches to insert with another two inches for grasping. The size of the Cuddle is good all around. However, you might opt for something thicker if you’re a size queen as this one tops out with a 1.25-inch diameter.

But here’s something I don’t like: the name. The cuddle? I want someone to name their toy “Motherfucking vibrator.” Let’s just be out with this cutesy BS, okay? It reminds me of that book about anal where the author was afraid to say anus.

There's just so much packaging!

There’s just so much packaging!

I really want to add another positive here, but let’s go on a tangent, instead. This Cuddle comes with all sorts of packaging. There’s this outter sleeve with a cutout heart and you see this cute pattern through it. When you remove the sleeve, there box has a top and bottom that you must separate. Not rocket science, but a lot of packaging. Once you do this, the Cuddle sits on a tray specially made for its. It’s nice packaging, okay. I like pink! I love pink and white! I just wish it weren’t wasted on packaging, which I am ultimately going to throw away. Had I not tried over 9000 Lelo toys, I would be more impressed.

So, Cuddle comes with its own little sleeping bag. I think I’ll call storage pouches this all the time. Mucho good-o. I’d much rather store toys in pouches. In fact, I kind of have to after rearranging my nightstand. I broke up one drawer of toys I really like in two: dildos and vibes. But I digress.

This vibrator has a little heart-shaped control pad surrounded by an LED. The heart shape works well for the three buttons. Plus, minus and tilde (~). I do not get to use that word frequently enough. I like standard three-button controls, but this isn’t it. To turn the toy on or off, you have to hold the ~ for several seconds. I don’t understand why companies don’t understand that we need to be able to turn off toys instantly. This isn’t negotiable, people!

The + and – obviously allow you to change the strength of the vibrations. To be honest, this might be the place where the Cuddle best excels. Even on the lowest setting, the steady vibrations are strong and pretty rumbly. The tilde also switches between settings. Aside from steady vibes, you get:

  • Pulsation
  • Fast pulsation
  • Escalation/pulsation combo
  • Slow then fast pulsation
  • Fast then slow pulsation
  • Fast pulsation, escalation, pulsation again

The strength of the motor makes the pulsation much more interesting than weaker vibes, and I actually rather like the last setting even if it’s difficult to describe. This is pretty high praise coming from someone who doesn’t use those extra settings at all.

The strength does make this toy a little louder than I’d like, however. It’s certainly louder than any of my Lelo rechargeables. I have yet to drain the battery, but it’s running now on full force so we’ll see if it dies before I finish this review (I got 1+ hours before I shut it off cause it was bugging me, too. There was no decrease in power at all). In case you were wondering, my cat does not like this.

The LED serves as a charging indicator, blinking as Cuddle charges. The port is proprietary and surrounding by a soft silicone that’s intended to help waterproof, so you have to wiggle the charger into place. I dislike that this only comes with a USB cable and no outlet adapter. I have some, but I don’t have any place to permanently plug cables to let things charge. According to the manual, it can take 2.5 hours to fully charge, and you’ll get about 2 hours of use.

However, for a USB-powered vibe, Cuddle is one of the more powerful I’ve tried. If this were my first G-spot or USB vibe, I’d probably love it. However, I’m eager to recommend it as a rechargeable G-spot vibe that’s affordable. Pinkcherry has it for just $68 right now. If you wait for one of the store’s awesome sales, it’ll be even more affordable. This makes Lovelife a brand that many first-timers might try, and I can’t argue with that.


SheVibe Affiliate Program

January 11th, 2014

It’s been a while since I’ve reviewed an affiliate program. I’ve been meaning to talk about this one for a while. It is the most recent addition to my affiliate programs.

You can sign up here. Before this, SheVibe had a program that was sort of manually run. You could get commissions, but there was no nice dashboard. I believe you have to be approved to the new setup, but that took a short while for me. The folks at SheVibe were excited for their new program, methinks.

Once you’re approved and logged in, you’ll see some information. Right now, I see an alert about having to sending my W-9. This is standard but I haven’t because I haven’t made any sales. There’s an address, but it would be nice to submit it electronically, which you can do with places like ShareASale. It also doesn’t look like your account will show you whether you submitted a W9 previously, which is always convenient.

The dashboard lists “Account Manage” information, but SheVibe hasn’t entered this information in the most useful way. They simply list the customer support email address and company name as the contact. A dedicated email address an actual name would be far more useful, especially to affiliate newbs.

I like seeing the statistics right away, and this is pretty standard. One thing that seems amiss is there is no “Banners” or “Get links” option in the navigation. I expected to find this under “Resources” in the nav, but this wasn’t the case. That has some other stuff.. that I’ll touch on later.

Banners and Links

To access banners and links, you actually have to click the offers link that only appears on the index. This is confusing to me. It would be even more so to someone who’s new at all this. On that page, you see your commissions amount. 15% is respectable; although, some retailers certainly offer higher payouts. You’ll also see your affiliate link here. I’d really like to see my affiliate link on the index. Most affiliate programs allow this for ease.

Your link is followed by a number. Mine is “#oid=1008_1” for example. You can append this number to any page on the SheVibe store — not community — and your links will work. Nowhere on the page is this explained. Again, not user friendly. All this information really should be directly on the main page. Fortunately, the setup of the manually links was similar and you can simply search and replace those links as Epiphora explains here.

Under “Other Promotion Materials,” there’s a menu with banners. These are all the standard banners you’re used to. They’re split up individually and you can see the banner size, but they all display on one page and you can’t simply view them in groups by size. I’d like to see this feature.

There are no banners for specific promotions or products. If you want to link to these, you can grab the banners from SheVibe’s index or forum, but you’ll have to manually create those links. I find that I link to stores much more frequently when they update their creatives (links and banners) with promotions and products. Yes, you can link to any page on SheVibe. Yes, it only requires some copying and pasting. No, the affiliate program doesn’t encourage you to do so.

You can create campaigns by adjusting your URL by adding an underscore and then a short tag after it. For example, if I wanted to indicate that I am linking from Tumblr, I might use the link This data will show up on this page with clicks showing immediately.

But let’s assume you get your links set up the way you like. In the resources section, there’s a tool to track your links. There’s also the link guard feature..

Affiliate Link Guard

The link guard is an interesting feature. Essentially, you can send your visitors to a link on your site that redirects to SheVibe’s main page. You cannot direct them to any other page, but this could be useful if you frequently link to the home page, which I do in giveaway posts and the like. There are three options to creating this page:

  • HTML
  • PHP
  • Javascript

If you’re using WordPress, HTML will suffice. Copy your affiliate link into the form (the default option is your number but not the correct link). Choose “HTML ” and click “Submit.”

Open “file.hmtml” with your code/text editor. Notepad works fine. Copy the code and paste it into a new page. I’m simply calling mine “Shevibe” with post slug “shevibe.” After publishing this page, redirects to my affiliate code. The HTML method isn’t instantaneous, so you’ll see my page load briefly before the redirect. However, this can be beneficial for SEO purposes. You could also create any HTML pages or edit any theme files to paste in the HTML, too.

You may be able to accomplish something similar with PHP, but WordPress is currently stripping the code out of my page despite the fact that I have Exec-PHP installed.

For most users, however, this isn’t going to be an important option.

Payment and Reports

SheVibe’s program has a low payout threshold of $25. Awesome! There’s no information about a cool off period; however. I’m not sure when payments occur. Or even how. There’s no options for payments and I didn’t enter a PayPal email, so I assume they cut a physical check.

This is ALL the information I get because I use custom links

This is ALL the information I get because I use custom links

The reports link breaks down traffic view link, banner program and time period. Stats update every week, so there’s definitely some lag with data. All my clicks appear but since I tend to use promotion banners and custom links, there’s no information for tracking my campaign success. As a whole, this is less useful than it could be.

And I guess that really sums up how I feel about this affiliate software. It works but it’s bare bones. It’s not user friendly to me, and it’s definitely not going to be for other users. A couple explanations within the dashboard would certainly go a long way, and I’ve love to see SheVibe be more encouraging with creatives.

If you want to check out the affiliate program for yourself, I encourage you to sign up.


2013 in Review

January 5th, 2014

This might be the third year in a row that I’ve posted a best of list. I figured I wouldn’t just do the wonderful toys but provide you with some of the strange and disappointing, too.  I’ll have to fudge the lines of “this year” a bit. I must have written last year’s a little early because there were two reviews in December 2012 that didn’t make it on the list. I waited until January for this post because I really wanted to get one last review in, so let’s start there.

D.1 stone dildo

D.1 stone dildo

I liked the design but expected the Ceramix Pleasure Pottery Dildo No. 4 to be a gimmick with its hollow inside for warm. But warming this dildo up far surpassed my expectations. It’s one of the few dildos that I’ve ever used twice, and I think that says a lot.

I’ve been pimping out the Jimmyjane Form 6 G3 all this year even though it was one of those reviews from late last year. The latest version if powerful, versatile and feels luxurious. It’s the first Jimmyjane vibe that I actually like. Maybe it won’t be the last. My review was on the EF, though, so I’ll probably get around to writing something up on OSAL for you to read.

The Delight by Fun Factory was actually my second. I swapped for one of the originals — the ones that came with a charging case — but never got around to using it. When I moved last year, I misplaced the cable. I wound up trying out the Delight for shape to see if I liked it, and I did like it so much that I purchased the new Click n Charge style. Not only do I love the magenta and black, but it fits my anatomy extremely well.

The Decor Stashe Pillow in Velvish Aubergine won’t get me off but it will hide everything that does and in style.

After using the D.1 stone dildo, I have to say that this blows every metal dildo I’ve ever used out of the water. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to use it and see myself using it frequently in the future.

Another new type of toy was the Stronic Eins Pulsator, which has made its way around many of these lists. It feels good. I just need to wash off all that lint, charge it and use it again (and again and again). This was also my first video review, you guys!

Finally, I cannot tell you how much I love my SHE AfterShave Oil. I could show you the nearly-empty bottle, though. I definitely need to purchase another one.

So, there’s the good.

How about the weird? Strange? Disappointing? Ridiculous?

  • Cat toy or vibrator?

    Cat toy or vibrator?

    The Sonic Revel Body. Cool tech, totally not going to get me off. And those attachments? WTF!

  • This costume from ILoveSexy just didn’t cut it. I mean, I kinda hate the cut.
  • The Revive Energy isn’t terrible but they needed to test the storage pouch, first. Now, mine looks like a sick leopard.
  • Ovo looked like a promising brand, but the kegel balls fucking hurt. The t1 didn’t hurt. It just sucked.
  • I got 2 Gigi 2s. I am giving both away. Meh.
  • I’m not sure that this UFO vibrator works for me.. or anyone.
  • The U Touch Down and U Touch Up just need.. to be better.
  • These “keyless cuffs” are so not practical.
  • This vibrator looks like a cat toy. Pretty sure the cat toy would get me off better.
  • Icicles 39 Handle Broken From Shaft


    Why the fuck are companies still making these pieces of shit?

  • I’d rather fuck the actual Flash, and he’s my least favorite of the Justice League.
  • But, hey, at least it’s better than vibrating vaginal balls.
  • Minna Ola is the most overrated, over-hyped, overpriced piece of junk I’ve used.. until the Revel Sonic.
  • Remember when that glass dildo broke before I even had a chance to use it?

1 Comment

Ceramix Pleasure Pottery Dildo No. 4

December 28th, 2013

I have to get this review written tonight because I will soon be writing my annual “Best of” list, and this dildo will absolutely be on it.

So, here’s the thing. I really like the look of the Ceramix line. It’s all bright colors and fun shapes. Kind of Dr. Seuss. A good friend said it reminded her of Wonderland. Either way, it’s got this whimsical air. Love it. Apparently I am not alone. My Pipedream rep said they were having trouble keeping these in stock. Fortunately, the good folk over at PinkCherry were able to send one over.

Now, the only other ceramic toy I’ve used was a vibrator, so it had a bit more wait than this dildo. The dildo is hollow and it just feels so light. It’s like the Krispy Kreme donut of dildos. Almost more air than anything else. Yes, it’s also delicious. I will get there.

There polka dots on the #4 are slightly raised. I can feel them with my hand. I don’t think this adds any vaginal sensation. It’s slick overall and, as you can see from the photos, there are definitely some light bulges.

So this is a hollowed out dildo and there’s a hole at the bottom that’s plugged with stopper. It’s removable so that you can put warm or cold water in it for temperature. At first, I thought this was a gimmick.

I was fucking wrong.

However, it is annoying. It’s in there really well. I couldn’t pry it out with my fingers or nails. I had to grab a pair of tweezers. It needs to be secure so that water doesn’t get all over your bed, but it’s so secure that you definitely need to plan on playtime with this dildo. It’s not a spur-of-the-moment thing.

So once I got it removed, I did will it with warm water. Of course, this adds to the weight a bit, but it’s nothing like metal. In fact, I rather disliked the weight of the Pure Wand. I also disliked how hot it got after usage. I generally prefer the feel of something cool against my labia, that warms up only slightly. I love glass.

But the way that the ceramic warms from the inside out with this method has won me over. The heat reminds me of sex with a real, live cock. Of course. the rigidity is all wrong, but is just feels awesome, not foreign. This alone made me really enjoy the feeling of this dildo. Instead of using it to squirt or thrust, I simply enjoyed the way it felt while inserted and using another vibe on my clit. I don’t think it would have mattered which vibrator I was using externally because cumming around this dildo — three times — felt amazing.

The size didn’t matter but for posterity, it has a slightly curved head and a base that makes it safe for anal. You can insert 6 inches, and this is a medium-size dildo with a maximum diameter of 1.5″.

It’s been a long time since I’ve fallen in love with a sex toy like this. I absolutely recommend that you try something in this line if not the Pleasure Pottery Dildo No. 4. There are vibrators and plugs, each with their own stunning design.

At this very moment, PinkCherry has a 25% off coupon “Boxing.” Use it to get this for less than $34.


Revel Body Attachments

December 22nd, 2013

I received my Revel Sonic with all the available attachments to try out. My original review wasn’t so positive, and the attachments really haven’t changed my mind. In fact, these silicone attachments may only have made me more frustrated. If this toy has been nicknamed the “shit orb,” I think it’s only fair to call these attachments dingleberries. Sorry, folks.

SheVibe sells all the extra attachments in a bundle. You can also purchase them separately if you only want one or two. It’s more economical to buy the whole batch, but I don’t think you’ll want to as you’ll see despite the fact that they’re all made of body-safe silicone and can act as impromptu refrigerator magnets.

The four attachments that you can purchase — separately — from the base vibrator are the

  • Cona
  • Ever
  • Fawn
  • Niko

Yes, the names are silly. No, they don’t really describe the nature of the attachments in a useful way. Yes, they all come in boxes that are nearly the size of the Revel Sonic. No, I don’t really think this is awesome.

Niko is something like a nipple in design. It seems the closest to the rounded attachment that comes with the Revel Body originally. Fawn is a soft silicone brush. I don’t understand attachments like this to begin with. I’m not vibrating my pubes, am I?

Ever is a strange concave tip with several rings inside of one another. I know that there’s a name for this. I cannot remember this. I can’t figure out why anyone thought this was a good design move, either. Finally, Cona is a tip that you can fit something into. It has soft sides and a round opening. A nipple fits. No, it doesn’t feel good. It feels abrasive and uncomfortable. Get it the fuck away from me.

All of them are on magnetic shafts and fit into the core of the Revel Sonic. The magnetism is super strong. This is pretty cool, but it’s not going to get me off. In fact, the only way that the Revel Sonic has been able to get me off is when I used it, turned off, with attachments removed to simply get pleasure from the spherical shape.

The problem is that if the Revel Body doesn’t work for you, it’s not because of the attachments. Switching to something that supposedly feels like suction isn’t going to help. If you aren’t stimulated enough my holding the Revel Body a precise amount of space away from your boy, if you need pressure or direct contact, you’re simply SOL.

But it’s more than that. The design of the Revel Body means you can’t really press it against your body. Your clit, your nipples or your wherever aren’t really going to be able to tell the difference with so little surface contact.

Maybe you could like these attachments if the Revel Sonic works for you and you don’t mind the giant learning curve. However, I’m not sure I’d recommend shelling over $50 for this set. Spend $19 on a single attachment to see if it makes a difference to you.

1 Comment

Scandal Control Cuffs

December 15th, 2013

I have got to hand it to California Exotics — wow! Who ever would have thought I’d use that sentence? When it comes to the entire Scandal line, the design is quite attractive. If I hadn’t already started a purple bondage theme, I’d seriously consider getting everything in this line. It’s got that sort of boudoir feel to it.

These cuffs have a red and black damask style exterior. It’s classy. It’s sexy. I like it.

The interior is a plush velvet type material. It’s classy. It’s sexy. It’s comfortable, too. I like it.

I suppose you could wipe clean any spots with a damp cloth. Blood might be an issue so be careful when playing.

The cuffs themselves are connect by a length of nylon. Think backpacks. You can adjust the length, and the box described it as a “handle.” Sure, you can grasp it, but to call it a handle seems a little like a stretch.

The cuffs themselves secure with velcro. This could potentially be a problem if the bound person pulls her wrists or ankles apart with enough force. People with long hands can also often grasp velcro straps with their fingers to undo their binds. This was my main complaint with the cuffs that come with the Under the Bed system.

The major downfall with these cuffs is that they only attach to the other cuff with the plastic buckle. It’s good for leverage during sex, but it’s not versatile enough that you’ll use them with other restraints. The Scandal line does intclude it’s own bed restraints, hog tie set and universal cuffs, but it would be nice if more of the items were more versatile.

Although the package suggests these as ankle cuffs, they’ll work just as well on wrists. The cuffs are 2.5″ wide and 11 inches long. You can adjust the circumference so that it’s a few inches narrower or wider. These probably won’t work well if you have especially wide ankles.

The handle adjusts to just under 3 inches, and stretches to 9 inches long. It’s long enough to grasp with one or both hands.

Overall, I like these cuffs. I’d prefer them to be more versatile, like I mentioned.

CEN Sexpert


Decor Stashe Pillow in Velvish Aubergine

December 9th, 2013

I’ve had my eye on this pillow for quite a while. I really like Liberator’s Decor line, and I enjoy hiding toys around my house in pillows. The design of this is a far step up from the other hide-a-vibe pillow I have, too. I was hoping this would match my bedding, and unfortunately it doesn’t. However, purple is one of those colors that just doesn’t photograph easily, and this is a little more too blue-hued. My bedding looks reddish in comparison. This doesn’t mean I love the pillow any less or affect its use, of course. I just like things that are perfect.

The design of this pillow is nearly perfect, however. It’s a “hollowed” square pillow. It measures 16 inches by 16 inches, but the details make it seem a little bigger. One side is a soft velour material, while the other is shiny satin that complements it. Two of the side have triangular “wings” that fold over to either side. If you want to see both fabrics, you can. It shipped with the wings folded over to the velvet side, but I don’t find it to be as attractive. The wings secure with white ribbon, so you may want to spend some time tying it into a pretty bow.



When the wings are folded toward the satin side, however, you don’t have access to the zipper, which runs along one of the edges where there’s a wing. So if you’re looking for convenience, you’ll want to fold them backward. However, you can certainly untie the ribbon. The look is attractive overall.

I really like the idea of the “wings.” If you sew, you could replicate it, but this pillow was made very well. The stitching and zipper are quite secure.

When you unzip the pillow, there’s an opening for hiding your toys. The inside is lined with a nylon-like material that you can easily wipe down to clean. I prefer this over my other pillow. It just feels cleaner.

It’s definitely smaller on the inside — not like the TARDIS at all. However, you’re going to get a few items in here. PinkCherry’s product page shows a rabbit similar to one that I have.

I was able to stuff quite a few toys in here and still zip it:

That’s definitely a lot of toys; although, the pillow was pretty packed.

Of course, as a pillow, it won’t be very comfortable when it’s full of toys. However, when it’s empty of contains something softer, you can actually use it as a pillow comfortably enough. It’s not flat.

And as a place to hide your vibes, a pillow doesn’t make the most sense if people actually use it. However, it’ll work as long as your guests view the pillow as a decoration and not an actual pillow, you’re in the clear. Plus, this one matches other items in the Liberator decor line. There’s also a Flip Ramp available in the same color. However, the aubergine does not match the purple Liberator Throe. But those are really first world problems. Of course, the black is definitely easier to match, so you’ve got other color options if you like the pillow.

If you’re inspired by it, make your own.

1 Comment

Revel Body

November 19th, 2013

What can I say about a vibrator that others have dubbed the “shit orb”? Seriously. I guess I’ll start by saying I don’t think this is necessarily a shitty toy. In fact, it uses some new technology and does some things in a way that make sense to me. However, as a whole, it’s a very peculiar vibrator that’s going to work for a very particular sort of person. I think the success of a sex toy often hinges on its versatility, but if the Revel Body doesn’t work for you, there’s no “plan b” about it. $180 is a lot of money for a toy that just might not work for you. Fortunately — unfortunately for the company — I expect a lot of these will go up for sale or swap as us reviewers finish with them.

But let me tell you what you need to know about this toy to see if you’d like it. The Revel Body is a spherical base with a cylindrical hole down the center. The hole and base of the attachments are magnified so they stick together when you insert it. This is brand new to me, and the magnetic attraction is amazingly strong. Don’t worry about it not working because it’s not going anywhere during use. This led me to stick the attachments to my refrigerator. So that’s kinda cool.

There are multiple attachments, and I’ll talk about them in another post. The main attachment has a rounded shape. It’s inconspicuous, boring perhaps. There head is made of silicone that’s squishier than the rest of the toy. The silicone sphere has a texture that’s quite easy to grasp. I rather like this about it. It’s not so small that it will cramp your hand. It’s not the first time that I’ve enjoyed a round toy.

The vibrations transmit through the magnetism so that the entire attachment vibrators in the hole. Of course, this means it’s the type of toy that you can’t achieve a lot of pressure with; otherwise, it dulls the sensation. This is absolutely a deal-breaker for me, which is a shame. I rather enjoy pressure, but I also like something about the revel body…

The vibrations. They’re rather deep and rumbly, and they’re designed to be that way rather than strong. I can deal with weaker vibrations if they’re strong. Interestingly, as you increase the strength of the vibrations, the frequency goes up. The manual explains that it’s the third setting or so that is the deepest. They feel buzzier as you increase them. In fact, you can continue to increase the frequency to the point where you can’t even feel it. This happened to me, and I could have swore the Revel Body was broken. I guess I don’t understand the point of these “higher” settings, like why do they even exist?

I was instructed to press the “-” button five times to fix it, which worked. However, the idea that the strongest/deepest vibrations are somewhere in the middle just makes sense to me. I just.. don’t need anything else. Nevertheless, you get both high and low power. Press the power button to switch — the light strength indicates high or low. At many settings, I didn’t notice a difference. In many ways, Revel Body just seems overly complicated.

Furthermore, I need to be able to apply some sort of pressure, and the Revel Body just doesn’t provide it. You get a sphere that doesn’t do anything when it actually makes contact with you. You have to hold it at a very particular location away from your body and this is just annoying. Obviously, this isn’t the type of toy where you just turn it on and stick it in or on wherever you want to stimulate. It’s sort of like the Eroscillator in that this is a toy that you have to learn, not one that learns you. And let’s be honest.. ain’t nobody got time for that.

Another issue is that it’s the loudest on those most rumbly settings. This is because the attachment is moving the most in the hole. It certainly makes sense, but the Revel Body is not whisper quiet in any way, not like the site suggests. It’s more like some of the wands, and your body won’t muffle this sound because you can’t press it to yourself.

If you do happen to like hte Revel Sonic, note that it’s fully waterproof thanks to the design. This makes cleaning easy, too. It charged on a donut-shaped base where contacts meet together. It looks kind of cool, sort of futuristic but that means jack if the toy doesn’t get you off. The vibe comes with a USB cable and an AC adapter, so you can charge it from an outlet or your computer. Yawn. This is expected now. According to the manual, 90 minutes get you a full charge, and you’ll get about 60 minutes of use per charge.

So what can I say? It’s interesting. There’s some ideas I like. The design is sharp, but Revel Body will probably never get me off.




D.1 Larvikite Stone Dildo

November 12th, 2013

You know how it takes you forever to write a post when you feel like a sex toy is just mediocre? Yea, that wasn’t the case with the D1 stone dildo. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. I liked it so much from the very beginning that I knew I wouldn’t be able to express it well enough.

It’s just that good.

It’s just that gorgeous, too. I took a photo almost immediately, which I posted to Twitter. There is this subtle blue texture to the stone that probably makes it the most attractive toy I’ve ever used. Sure, I’ve joked about keeping things on the mantle, but I mean it with this one.

You wanna come over and look at my dildo? Okay, but don’t touch because it’s mine.

The website describes it as “blue pearl,” but it’s almost got this smokey appearance. I’m sure that every dildo looks just a little bit different because of the material. Black Moonstone is something I’m sad not to have known before. The product description reads as follows:

a blue-gray hue with flecks of black and silvery, light-blue reflections that catch the light.

I kind of put off using this dildo for the first time because I was afraid it was going to be all form and no function. Yes, I liked the way it looked in my hands, but what if that’s all it was?

Fortunately, that’s not the case at all! In fact, I loved if. The heft and rigidity are perfect. It’s compact and not unwieldy. There’s a balance that makes it easy to use. G-spot aficionados will appreciate the gentle curve. It took literally zero effort to reach my G-spot. The pressure I was able to achieve made me squirt nearly instantly. I won’t promise thecar same to you but this is one effective dildo for me because I know that my G-spot likes pressure. The D1 didn’t disappoint.

You know another thing that I like? The packaging. Not because it’s all sort of fancy but because it’s a simply cardboard box that you can recycle. The focus is on the luxury toy, and that’s what I like. Seriously. Lelo needs to get on board with this. There’s supposed to be an included storage pouch, but I totally threw it away by accident if there is. Oops. I guess I was too busy eyeing up the stone.

Now, this dildo is also available in a bright pink silicone. However, the stone version costs less than $20 more, and I think that this is probably the better deal. If you don’t think you’ll like the weight, go ahead and opt for silicone, but I absolutely adore the stone dildo. And, let’s be honest, it’s far better looking.

While I haven’t handled the silicone version to compare, I feel at those the “creases” would feel sharper with that material. Stone is ungiving — and porous, yay! — but the ridges seem smoother than they would with silicone. I’ve used silicone with creases like that and they were painful.

I wasn’t worried about stone being too hard because I love glass. However, the one end definitely comes to more of a point, so you’ll want to be careful when inserting it. Unlike most glass dildos, the texture is smooth and slick all the way. It’s easy to insert with a little lube, and you can choose to use either end if you want. Size-wise, you’re looking at 8 inches — plenty to stimulate the G-spot and control the toy. However, I do find the squared end to be better for grasping. The pointed end might slip out of your hand if it’s covered in lube.

The other end is a bit more squared off, which might not be everyone’s cup of tea. The pointed end is also slightly narrower, and rigid materials like stone can often feel larger than they actually are. Of course, you hopefully know this and you want a toy like this one, which will last you forever. This toy falls to in the medium range. The description says the diameter is just under 1.5 inches, but my measurements come up a bit smaller than that. The squared end has a diameter of under 1.35 inches, but it’s not perfectly round. The pointed end is more like 1.20 inches.

Like glass, stone is cool to the touch. You may warm it with water, but it seems to stay cooler than metal, for example. I like this, but you may not be such a fan. Not every material it for every person.

Care-wise, you can wash it clean. The packaging claims it could break if dropped on the floor. I’d be extra careful with this beauty.

So where does this leave me in this review?

Would it be too cheesy for me to tell you to go get laid?

Yea, I’m going to do it anyway.

Get laid.