I’m Happy

October 9th, 2009

You may not be able to tell; after all, I’m a picky bitch through and through. And it certainly isn’t in every aspect of life but, lately, when it comes to love, I can say that I’m happy.

The other day, we were sitting in our armchair (which is nice and big) and doing something related to cuddling. It suddenly struck me just how much that is exactly where I wanted to be, perhaps needed to be, and how glad I was to be there. Since then I’ve been thinking about all the little things and being more appreciative for him doing what he does for me and us. It doesn’t hurt that we haven’t argued in some weeks, either.

Sometimes I have issues recognizing my feelings. Sometimes I don’t even realize it until they’re long gone. His deployment took an emotional toll, of course. Yet, it wasn’t until the end that I realized how far down I’d sunk. I didn’t realize that my constant fears about mortality and my complete lack of motivation to do anything in life were so closely connected to my husband being gone. I just thought “I’m fine, not perfect, but I’m fine” until one day I realized that I wasn’t fine. I was worried about not being able to make anything of myself ever so much that I didn’t even want to try and I was worried that not doing anything would mean I would live a pointless life so death became a very real fear.

I guess I also didn’t notice those thoughts slipping away, too. Even if it’s only slowly happening. I hadn’t realize it’s been a day, two days, a week since I last focused on those thoughts. I hadn’t realized how much of a foundation he provides, how much direction he gives me. How much he makes me want to live and, for that, I am happy.

Comment

Categories: Everything Else

I think, therefore I am.. bisexual

September 25th, 2009

There’s a topic going on at the EdenFantasys forum about whether or not a person needs experience to “qualify” as being bisexual. Logically, I asked how people can think experience is a must when I’ve yet to hear someone say the same about being heterosexual and rarely about being homosexual. After all, if someone says they are attracted to people of the opposite gender but have no experience, people do not immediately scoff at them.

Logic aside, this is a topic which affects me personally as I have known for years that I am attracted to both sexes, perhaps leaning toward females. Yet I’ve never had sex with, made love to or fucked another woman. Does this disqualify me from being bisexual? And, if so, why is my opinion about my own sexuality less important than that of the rest of the world? Quite frankly, it isn’t nor should it be.

Some might say I can only be “bi-curious” without any experience but experience wouldn’t change the type of people to whom I am attracted; it would only confirm what I’ve known all along. I don’t need to experience to figure it out. I’ve already figured it out.

Although, it doesn’t much matter currently, I’m not planning to experiment or confirm. It’s just hard not to have an opinion.

Comment

Categories: Everything Else, internet

If you’re not ready to put a ring around the finger

September 12th, 2009

You might as well put a ring around the cock with Fun Factory’s Lovering. It was a mixed reaction from this household. I enjoyed this silicone cock ring for its size enhancing properties yet it failed to blow my husband’s mind. Like every other Fun Factory product I’ve tried, it’s high quality product and I may be biased simply because of that. Read my Lovering review at Edenfantasys.

Comment

Categories: Everything Else

Pee Ess

September 10th, 2009

I posted my review for the Sequin Seduction Babydoll on EdenFantasys last week. Stop by and leave a comment.

Comment

Categories: Everything Else

What I like in Reviews

September 8th, 2009

If you’ve read more than one of my own reviews, you’ve probably come to realize me for the Incredibly Picky Bitch™ that I am. Some people appreciate it because they know I don’t give a passing grade to mediocre products. Other probably wish I didn’t nitpick their reviews quite so much to which I could say “STFU” or “Take it like a man”. Or, maybe I could direct them to this post which explains what I find helpful in reviews.

Background/Extra Informaton
I like to read a little extra information about manufacturers. I recall reading a review on EdenFantasys where the reviewer mentioned that Sinvention, is based out of a gothic church in Canada. Interesting? Yep. I also like when reviewers discuss the credentials of book authors, especially on topics like BDSM. Furthermore, knowing that a toy is made especially for body part X because of reason Y is great.
What I don’t like? A two page essay on the history of the company. The review is of a product, not a company or perosn.
Size Description
It can be easy to leave out size but this is pretty essential information. It can be in inches/CM measurements or described in terms of a universal object (I used a soda can for reference in my Oil of Love Review) or, preferably, both. This is also important when it comes to lingerie/wearable items. I view anything from American size 12 on up as plus size (mostly because of my own body issues, honestly) but not everyone does. Your definition of “curvy but not fat” and mine may differ greatly.
What I don’t like? Measuring every single aspect of the toy. I don’t need a spreadsheet. Nor do you need to add pictures with a ruler.
Necessary Experience
It’s helpful to know if you couldn’t insert a toy without lube or maybe not at all as frequently the case with the large Passion Wave vibrator. If something broke or caused irritation, it’s good to note but your review should focus more on specs than experience. Remember Uma? My god, was is hard to use. Whenever a toy uses unique controls, like the Vanity line did at the time, explaining your experience is helpful. When something frustrates you — or even when it makes more sense to you — others will find that helpful! If you find yourself consciously trying to arouse the reader, you’re doing it wrong.
What I don’t like? Poorly written “erotica”.
Whether or not it got you off
This can be tricky. It’s good to know if the toy did it for you (if it’s applicable) but it shouldn’t be the focus of your review. I’ve rated toys poorly even when they did get me off because of poor quality of just because it didn’t do it well. On the other hand, I’ve given good reviews to items that didn’t get me off but were well made and enjoyable in general.
What I don’t like? Reviews that are exceptionally positive (hyper excited) and fail to give other, essential information because the author got off from the toy. And poorly written erotica.
Basic Information
Don’t forget to let us know what the toy is intended for and if you used it otherwise. Colour, shape, scent, size (as previously mentioned), material (including texture, density, firmness, etc) and functions are all important. I can’t even name how many rabbit reviews I’ve read that didn’t specify what exactly the shaft did. However, feel free to suggest alternative uses.
 I’ve What I don’t like? Reviews that assume you’re familiar with the product.
Significant Packaging Information
I don’t give a crap what you said to your mailman or how long you waited at the door. I don’t care if it came discreetly boxed because, honestly, I’ve never had a sex toy that showed up with neon streamers printed with “Sex Toy” in big, bold letters. [Edit] Actually, some lingerie has shown up in less-than-discreet packages, and both California Exotics and Pipedream add their actual company name to the shipping label.  I do care if your the individual product package was so poor that the toy fell out/spilled or, even worse, was damaged during shipping. It’s also worth nothing when shitty companies shove everything they can into flimsy envelopes.
What I don’t like? The play by play of ordering and delivery.

Honestly, if you cover everything above your review can really not be anything less than useful. Doing so and adding your own bit of flare, perhaps humour, will help to make your reviews more memorable for sure.

3 Comments

Categories: Everything Else

Clit, Meet Nose

August 26th, 2009

So, a while ago I went to this sex toy party thing and I didn’t buy anything cause the prices were freaking outrageous. I did walk away with some interesting knowledge and that was this: Apparently the nose is the closest body part to the clit in terms of sensitivity so you can test vibes on your nose to see how well they might fare. I found this interesting. The tip of my nose is pretty damned sensitive so it makes sense.. except that I feel like my clit isn’t anywhere near as sensitive as my clit. In fact, when I masturbate, I don’t really even touch my clit. I rub through it to the bone.

But I know I’m an odd duck so maybe the rest of you find this method to be an accurate gauge of sensitivity?

3 Comments

Categories: Everything Else

Sex With My Love

August 20th, 2009

My husband is home and, of course, that mean sex. Unfortunately, it’s not as much sex as either of us would like but, on the other hand, I’m really glad I still want lots of sex after having it. Before he was deployed, I just thought too much about sex without actually doing it. I would think about the effort and the messes and I would actually ignore my body’s physical response to his touch because of the nagging thoughts. It was a miserable mindset and while I haven’t relished the fact that we have been apart for most of this year, I’m glad of the motivation it has provided.

When I think about sex, talk about sex, or blog about sex I tend to do it in a rather objective way. There’s definitely emotional disconnect even if I’m talking about my sex life. It’s not entirely unusual for me to get lost listening to my inner voice talk about the mechanics of sex and totally not be into it and.. that frequently leads me to think that I don’t really like sex and then I don’t want to have it but it’s not true. My inner voice really just needs to STFU sometimes and, right now, it’s pretty much drowned out by the rest of my body’s sexual needs. I touched on this on the EdenFantasys forums and, sadly, I don’t have much of a “cure” for this, at least not something that can be used on a frequent basis.

Anyway, this all sort of leads me to think that sex is very separate from emotion for me and that’s just not true. And I’m glad it’s not true. Maybe it can be and I’d be lying if I said a large part of my sex life doesn’t revolve simply around attraction and physicality but that’s not all of it. And maybe it’s not even the important part of it and maybe I’m just too wrapped up in my head to realize but, obviously, it’s nearly impossible to not have super emotional sex after your husband returns from deployment.

It’s good to feel that connected even if it feels awkward to cry during sex. It’s good to hold eachother that tight. It’s good to feel when you spend so much time not feeling. Sometimes I have such a hard time reconciling my thoughts with my feelings and all the feelings come pouring out so strongly that I just can’t think. Can’t. Despite the fact that so much of me thrives on control, I really do appreciate those moments and desire more of them when it comes to my relationship and sex.

In spite of the situation that has led to it, I’m grateful to be reminded that I like sex, I want it and having it is an emotionally charged experience. It’s shocking how easily that can be forgotten.

Comment

Categories: Everything Else

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.