Valentine’s Day has always been stressful. Lovers strive to please those with whom they share intimate moments and, usually, their beds. Recipients paste on fake smiles as gifts don’t measure up or fail to come at all. Sometimes, the surprise is ruined by emergencies and unexpected intrusions by life’s practicalities. Of course, Valentine’s Day is always full of mass produced trinkets, cards and waxy chocolates which can sometimes seem to reduce the sincerity of the holiday. And sometimes, just sometimes, it’s as perfect as we all wish it to be (I haven’t experienced yet but my sources tell me this is the case).
Those perfect days are few and far between, judging from the what the internet has to say and the advent of “Single’s Awareness Day” which we all know is simply a holiday somebody invented because Valentine’s Day made him feel down in the dumps; most people are not fans of this holiday. I could go either way, myself. If you have someone and care to make it special, it can be despite the capitalistic spin it’s taken. On the other hand, it’s easy to look at as simply another day out of the year.
But why is it that Valentine’s Day and other similar holidays (New Year’s Eve Kiss, anyone?) cause so many to feel so much spite and, yes, even intense hatred? I’d say it likely has much to do with the fact that these celebrate love and praise the status of being “taken.” Now, I have nothing against love or finding someone who compliments you so well that you want to dedicate (at least a portion of) your life to them but, in praising this status, Valentine’s Day suggests that those who have not obtained such a status, regardless of the reason, are somehow inferior.
And no one wants to feel inferior. So we do everything in our power to be apart of the “in” crowd from sending ourselves flowers to lying about the lack of a someone special in our life. Of course, some people take a different route and, instead of lying, simply write off Valentine’s Day and even the idea of love itself. I would advise against this because love can be a wonderful thing; I just don’t find it necessary. I think we all should be open to finding love but not desperate to do so.
Furthermore, no one wants to be reminded of the fact that finding a special someone has proven more difficult than we first suspected. Or of our tumultuous previous relationships. Or of exes who broke our hearts (and maybe stole our money, too). Or the one who got away. When our coworkers and classmates get flowers at work or school from lovers to secret admirers, it’s too easy to feel spiteful or to even shed a tear or two – even if we wouldn’t otherwise care.
No matter your hookup status, it does us all good to take a deep breath and remember that Valentine’s Day doesn’t need to be a day where we torture ourselves with unnecessary pressure by trying to find the perfect gift, the perfect dress, the perfect date or the perfect ice cream to sooth our souls. At the end of the day, it is just another day. If you choose to view it as something special, good for you. If you’re enjoying the role of being single, good for you, too. If you’re somewhere in limbo, I hope you come out on top. There’s nothing wrong with treating yourself to flowers to tide you over until next year and don’t forget to take the time to stop and smell them.
This is the first year I’ve been “single” in – seriously – 16 years. Yep, since I was 14 I’ve been in relationships. One after another. This year I do have a lover that I care for, but not so much “in love.”
You are right, it does hurt to be alone when everything on TV, the Net, and other media outlets is screaming “be in love.” Fortunately, my relationship status let me appreciate the love for my children in celebration of VD.
Thanks for an awesome post.