Heartbreak is Hell on the Sex Drive

December 2nd, 2014

Whenever one of my sexual relationships ends, I go through an awkward stage of adjustment. When I am sexually active with one person, I tend to include them in my fantasies when when I’m by myself. My masturbation sessions focus around that one person, a real live person. I recall things we’ve done or conversation we’ve had, and I think about the things we have yet to do.Obviously, this became the case with the bartender.

Now that we’re no longer having sex, I’ve rarely masturbated. I don’t want to fantasize about him because it will segue into those heartbroken thoughts, and I’m not sure what do to. I’m not good with vague erotic thoughts. I need something more specific to consider. Without that something — or someone — specific, I become too focused on the mechanics, which is a terrible way to orgasm.

I get off most easily when I distracted myself from what a hand or toy is doing and focus on what’s going on in my head. It’s when I’m really swept up that I seem to have the best orgasms, and this is complete with all sorts of sounds and movements that are well beyond my control or controlled in such a way to add to the moment.

I’m working on getting over this, however. In multiple ways. As time passes, I’ll be less upset and heartbroken. In the meantime, I shouldn’t have to suffer without release, should I? To this end, I’ve been focusing on ideas outside of myself: erotica anthologies, plenty of visits to Tumblr, random flirting with strangers and the occasional visit to sites like SpicyWebcams.

It’ll take time, of course. Sometimes auto-drive kicks in and I find myself thinking about the bartender or even moaning his name. When I realize this, I am momentarily confused. Do I go with it because it feels good or catch myself and stop, which will usually take me out of the moment?

I was discussing this with Juliettia because it’s something of an identity crisis, for me to not be sexual in any way. It’s bad enough that I can’t have sex with the person I love, but it’s worse that it’s affecting my desire to masturbate. I feel as though I’ve lost part of who I am, and that only adds to the sea of emotions in which I’m struggling to stay afloat. It’s good to have a place where I can express that, too. Obviously sex is one of the more important aspects of my life and relationships.

Things are looking up, however, thanks in part to two items I have to review: the Ora 2 and The Big Book of Submission! After nearly two weeks without an orgasm, I quickly caught up with some multiple-orgasm sessions.

I’m not entirely sure if other people have experienced this, and I know I don’t always feel this way. But when I am losing someone I want, I also lose part of myself.

3 Comments to “Heartbreak is Hell on the Sex Drive”

  • Dan says:

    Hang in there dear Adriana. Things will get better. Time heals.
    As a man in a good marriage many years I found your post on wanking most fascinating. As my woman and I confessed a few years back we seldom if ever think of each other while masturbating; but others. And we both have agreed to wank alone at least once a week to stay on top of our game erotically as lovers. We admitted of late beyond the wank that we don’t usually think of each other when reaching for a climax during nuptial sex either. I guess we both need some naughty to come. So, your experience needing to think of your partner (now gone) during solo sex and having lost him, losing your solo practice? Sad. What you brought up interests me as I’m working on a book Confessions Of A Married Masturbator and because most married guys continue to wank on as you know; yet often without the support of their spouse.
    Thanks for getting our minds going this morning. Here’s wishing you all the Eros you deserve. Blog on.

    • Adriana says:

      Thanks for your kind words, Dan. It’s interesting how we’re all different, isn’t it? I don’t recall these feelings being so intense when I was married, so it’s probably still because how new and.. inconsistent sex was with the bartender.

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