I don’t know when or even why it happened but I do know that, somewhere along the line, I became power hungry and not even in a power exchange sort of way. I became obsessed with having power even though the drive usually had unwanted results and was detrimental to my relationships. It’s not just romantic relationships about which I speak. It’s grown into such a habit that I find myself looking for ways to control people and situations even if I know it will only send me two steps back. I become so focused on power in the present that I forget what matters in the long run and it is most certainly not that sort of power.
The friend with whom I am currently staying suggested I am building walls to prevent myself from being hurt but I know that is not the case. I am not changing how I act because of the current situation; I am only keeping up the behaviour I have been doing for some time regardless of the fact that it has never helped. If gaining the upper hand didn’t help me then, it certainly won’t help me now.
A family member of mine recently told me that there is no room for power in a relationship; we should simply focus on the fact that we love our partners. It was a simple piece of advice but one I think I needed to hear and still need to hear. The momentary satisfaction I may gain from having power is not nearly comparable to the satisfaction I could gain from learning to relinquish power to preserve my marriage (although, that is far from the only thing I need to do).
I suppose I have come to the conclusion while power is appealing and certainly healthy in some situations, my current situation is simply not one of those.
So, I leave myself with these words of wisdom:
Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.
Carl Jung
I don’t know, I think it’s a little naive to assume that there isn’t generally a power struggle in all relationships. I think in the healthiest of them, there’s a balance – but to remove that dynamic altogether simply isn’t realistic.
I think as long as you recognize the need to control in yourself, and are able to dial it down when necessary that’s an admirable compromise to allow yourself.
That is exactly my point. Power will always be an issue so why make it into something irreparable?
Do you think this power dynamic played into your fight the other day?? I’m still pondering. . .
Oh, absolutely. I was looking for ways to control the situation, not myself. I said things I didn’t mean just to get the upper hand. It was a mess.
I heart Carl Jung!