L1 Love Balls

October 1st, 2013

I don’t care what anyone says. If you can’t tell whether you’ll like a toy after the first use, you’re doing it wrong. In fact, sometimes I know so well how much I hate an item, that I put the review off for ages. That’s what happened with L1 Love Balls, a product from Ovo. If you’ve been paying attention to the airwaves, then you’ll know I really like the designs of these toys, but they seem to be all form and no function.

So I put off the review of these kegel balls because, to put it plainly, I fuckin’ hate them.

Logistically speaking, they’re a mess. So let’s break it down so we can clean it up.

This is a system with different weighted balls that go into a silicone sling. The balls themselves are silver and a purple, translucent plastic. The purple gives an excellent idea of how these work as you can see the inner balls. Of course, you can also see the seams, and this makes them feel a little cheap. Once it’s in the holder, you can’t see them, but I’d rather have a single-piece silicone pair in terms of appearance/construction alone. However, I’d really like not to have to mess with these swappable balls because the stretchy silicone sling is soooo awkward to work with. I really have to pry at it. I don’t know if it’s because of the specific shape of the holder, but the balls are a bitch to get in and out. It’s much easier to do this with the Luna Beads. If you don’t align them perfectly, there are awkward gaps between the balls and the holder. If the holder was simply a round, even band that was a little thinner (exactly like Luna Beads) this wouldn’t be such a problem.

So I just used the lighter purple balls in the kegel exercise the first time I tried the L1 balls. And they fucking hurt. I had one hell of a time trying to get them up past my pubic bone, which is rather pronounced and has caused me to dislike toys (including the kGoal by Minna) so I settled with inserting one and letting the other sort of hang out. Now, this isn’t uncommon. Many people have trouble with kegel balls being simply too large. However, these really aren’t any bigger than the K-balls, which I do like.

L1 Balls and Ophoria K-balls

L1 Balls and Ophoria K-balls

It was just a few minutes before these ones started pinching when I sat, and they pretty much slipped right out as I headed to take them out. I had also become incredibly annoyed by the long silicone cord attached to them. It’s the longest of any kegel balls I’ve ever owned. How long? 5.5 inches. You’ve probably seen dicks longer than that. So long, in fact, that it kept slipping out the sides of my panties. Sexy.

My cat’s trying to chew on it right now. I guess that’s one use for it.

Anyway, I put them away for quite a while in an attempt to work up the gall to put the other balls in and try again. Let me tell you, I was almost ready to give up before I had even swapped the balls out. Ugh. I gave the L1 balls more than a once over this time around, too. I noticed there’s some stupid plastic “gem” thing at the end of the cord, which is simply ridiculous. At the best, you don’t notice them. Otherwise, it’s uncomfortable.

So I pop in the kegel balls with the weightier silver balls in them and experienced the same terrible discomfort. They pressed against my G-spot in a most uncomfortable way. I wanted to get them out of me as soon as possible. So I did.

To be fair, I haven’t regularly used kegel balls in quite some time, so I got out my K-balls to see whether I just hate them all together. I took a comparison photo, so you can see that the sizes are comparable. I slipped the K-balls in, expecting to hate them. I didn’t. They felt fantastic. Having ruled out that I don’t hate all vag balls, I took a closer look at the two pairs to determine what was making me hate them.

There are some serious differences that matter to me:

L1 love balls aren’t straight. The balls come together in a lazy “V” angle. When I try to insert them, they want to go one way, but I need them to go another way. I really need a straight set of balls. Secondly, the flexible connector between the Lv balls is much shorter than that of the K-balls, which also affects how it bends — or doesn’t bend — when inserted. Overall, this leads to an uncomfortable sensation.

Even if it was comfortable and I could stand to wear them for long enough to get any benefit from them. But that’s okay because..

I need to call bullshit on this whole two-sets-of-weights things. It’s all hogwash. It’s pointless. It’s a marketing gimmick. Don’t buy into it. It’s not just that it’s a hassle, it’s also that there’s not really any proof that it does anything. I’m kind of sick of companies coming up with faux features to lure consumers in. Don’t buy into it guys, and don’t buy these kegel balls.

3 Comments to “L1 Love Balls”

  • Camryn says:

    “How long? 5.5 inches. You’ve probably seen dicks longer than that.” I laughed so hard at this I actually snorted. Bless you.
    I’m sorry you didn’t like these. I get annoyed when companies spend so much time making something pretty that they forget someone actually has to use the darn thing. Good for you for saying “No!”

  • Beck says:

    It’s too bad you don’t like these. They look so pretty.

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