Open Letter to Midwestern Singles

November 26th, 2012

Listen, you’re from Wisconsin — or Nebraska or Illinois or Wyoming, it doesn’t fuckin’ matter — and there’s a total of two large-ish cities in the state. If you head into your friendly neighborhood dating site and you say you’re only looking for people “near you,” then you’re likely to be disappointed. There is, quite literally, a 99% chance that you’ve met everyone in your podunk town. The ones you haven’t fucked, you’re related to. Let’s hope those two groups don’t cross. Anyway, this is precisely why you’re online, so if you don’t think you need to branch out, you’re sadly mistaken.

So, if a cute chick from slightly-more-than-five-miles away messages you, answer her. Okay?

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