Toy Intimidation

November 9th, 2008

A good friend recently came to me with concerns about his girlfriend and her sex toys. He was feeling a little bit intimated and wanted to know this:

Am I, as a guy, good enough to make my girl have a better orgasm than she can get with using a toy? Is it weird or wrong to feel bad about something like that?

No, it’s not wrong to worry about something like this.

Because you’re only human. I think feeling intimidated is fairly common and understandable. However, taking a look at what makes up the intimidation can help to greatly reduce or even eliminate it. While I advocate sex toys, I understand that some people simply do not like this. This is not about not liking sex toys; rather, it is about feeling replaceable in relation to them. Furthermore, although my examples focus on a heterosexual relationship, these feelings are universal.

Yes, sex toys may be bigger than you are.

Vibrators and dildos may be bigger or longer or thicker. They are often even made to look realistic and next to your natural manhood, you may feel small. But keep this in mind. Bigger is not always better. The vagina is not a neverending canal and there comes a point when size is painful rather than pleasurable.

Yes, vibrators may have more bells and whistles than you do.

Let’s face it: vibrators do a lot of stuff. For starters, they vibrate. They pulsate. They rotate. They bend and wiggle and wave and have beads and even thrust like a penis. Furthermore, vibrators run on batteries or are rechargeable so they may last longer than you.

Yes, sex toys may sometimes feel better.

With all the technological advancements, no one is surprised how far sex toys have come. Sometimes sex toys do just the trick but sometimes a guy just wants to masturbate for a (relatively) quick and easy orgasmic release, too.

Yes, toy induced orgasms may be better.

But orgasms vary in intensity for many other reasons. I’ve had both awesome orgasms and really disappointing orgasms with a partner and with sex toys.

No, sex is not all about physical sensations (or even orgasm).

I don’t want to generalize but for many men, sex ends with orgasm and ejaculation. It’s easy to understand how this can lead to the assumption that the goal of sex is orgasm through pleasure. However, females are different creatures. For them, sex more often focuses on the emotional aspect. Pleasure is also important and, luckily, we’re becoming a society which stresses pleasure for both genders. However, the female orgasm is still one which can often be difficult to achieve. So if you think that sex is all about physical sensation, then sex toys may just give you a run for your money. However..

Yes, all that “other stuff” is important to her, too.

As I said, there is often a stronger emphasis on the emotional aspect of sex for women. The bond you share, the vulnerability you’re willing to show when stripped to the skin and intimate moments during sex are all important factors when it comes to enjoying sex. When these factors are high, the physical pleasure may not be as necessary or may be a secondary reward.

No, sex toys are not human.

I think this is what it all comes down to. It’s easy to feel intimidated when only consider the factor of pleasure but sex is made up of much than that for all people. Being comfortable with your significant other using sex toys is easier once you realize you are not replacable because of the human aspect. The emotional bond, your desire to please your lover, your ability to observe her reactions to please her better, small talk and even awkward moments make sex with another human unique and irreplacable and are why not heteosexual woman is likely to put her boyfriend in the nightstand instead of her vibrator.

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Durex Play Vibrating Cock Ring

November 8th, 2008

I never gave much thought to cock rings, vibrating or otherwise, but one day my husband and I decided “Why not?” and picked one up at the local store. Of course, by picked one up, I mean he made me physically pick it out and pay for it.

The concept of the cock ring is pretty simple. The ring is placed around the base of the cock to slow blood flow and prolong erection. A vibrating cock ring has a small bullet which vibrates to give pleasure to both parties. Ideally, the bullet is positioned near the clitoris. I thought the idea it pretty nice but the application of a vibrating cock ring just didn’t work out so well.

Play is a line of sexual aids by Durex and their disposable cock ring goes under the moniker Vibrations. Vibrations offers approximately 20 minutes of pleasurable vibrations at the same speed. This cock ring by Durex can be turned off so, technically, it could be used over several shorter sessions. However, I would not advise this. Durex does not list materials on any of its sites and I cannot recall if the package said so but if this cock ring is made of rubber or jelly, then it cannot be properly sterilized and should only be used once.

As for my experience, I found this a bit difficult to use. For starters, the button to push to turn it on was a bit tricky, especially after the ring was already around the base of the penis. It took some effort to turn it on.

As for stimulation, I was rather disappointed. Try as we might, I just couldn’t find a good position where the tiny bullet was actually on my clit. Generally, it was further down my vulva, closer to my vagina. We tried with the bullet ‘up’ in missionary style and this yielded the best results. Several other positions yielded a general vibration around the vulva which I did not find especially pleasurable. We also turned the ring around so the bullet was toward the bottom and tried doggy style. In this position, I couldn’t feel the vibrations at all. Maybe we just didn’t try hard enough but I could not find a position that was pleasurable.

From his point of view, the vibrations tickled and the ring itself did not seem to have any effect because it was rather large.

For its price and size, the vibrations were decent but the toy was a little loud despite its small stature.

Overall, I was not impressed by Durex’s Play Vibrations cock ring. However, I am still interested in cock rings and might try a larger ring and bullet in the future which would make it easier to come in contact with my clitoris as well as a smaller ring to provide more stimulation for my partner.

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Tweet! Tweet!

November 7th, 2008

I have decided to do away with the sidebar calendar and show my Twitter updates instead.

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Make a Difference

November 4th, 2008

November 4th 2008 will probably go down in history and break some records when it comes to voter participation by all age, economize and political groups. No matter who the winner is, it’s important to vote. I’m sure you’ve seen many political messages across the internet today so I shall keep this short and sweet. Voting makes a difference in the lives of everyone. However, you don’t have to wait until January to reap the benefits of voting today.

Babeland is offering a free sex toy to anyone who enters their New York or LA stores with proof of voting. Yes, you can be the brand new owner of a Maverick sleeve or Silver Bullet. Of course, not all of us live near these wonderful cities so Babeland is also offering 20% off your order with the code vote08. Both of these offers are good for one week.

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Label This

November 4th, 2008

For years I have been interested in BDSM and have read books as well as countless pages online. I visited chat rooms and became involved in discussions, even attended online events. Immediately, I knew myself to be a dominant but I struggled with this. I have been in a vanilla relationship since about the time I discovered BDSM so I have no had a chance to experiment as much as I would like. Although my marriage has room for some BDSM elements, I am not sure my husband is the person who would be the best submissive for me.

This lack of experience has led me to doubt myself. Am I really a dominant? Could I even be? For a while I wondered if I were a switch but, then, I realized I am not. There is nothing in me that is submissive. However, I respect submission and those who feel that and I can only imagine how enthralling it would be. It’s just not for me.

Lately I have again been considering the part of myself which is attracted to BDSM and I began to doubt once more. I am not entirely sadistic. What’s more, I am more masochistic than one would typically consider a dominant. Again, I wondered “could I be a switch?”

I think I have been uncomfortable with my interest in BDSM because I could not find my place in it. I also think that I will be able to do so in the future. I visited a few places online and while many communities focus on the sadistic Dominant and masochistic submissive, a few places recognize the many shades of grey within BDSM. It was here where I read the words of other Dominants like me who had no desire to submit but who still enjoyed pain and sensation.

I love sensation. I love feeling silks and furs and creamy body washes on my skin. I like the idea of being bound, sometimes. I just don’t want to person who is providing me with such sensations to do so in any way which suggests they are in control.

I have a dominant personality and require the best submissive for me to top while still relinquishing control. And that’s okay with me.

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Are you ready to get WET?

November 3rd, 2008

If you haven’t heard of Wet lubricant, you’r probably out of the loop. Right now is a great chance to get acquainted with this company because they’re doing some awesome promotions. Stop by their website or Myspace profile to take a survey, print off a coupon, enter a contest or request a free sample!

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It’s all coming back to me now

October 29th, 2008

We’ve had sex a bit more recently than usual this week, for which I am grateful. I think we so often don’t have enough time or I’m waiting for the mood to be just right – what I do for everything ,not just sex – and it just doesn’t happen. We enjoyed his days off by being romantic and intimate. I have missed closeness, rather than just having sex. It has been very pleasureable. We also tried out a few new implements on the bedroom including some basic cock and ball rings and Kama Sutra’s Raspberry Kiss Honey Dust (Wow!). Both really added to the experience and I think he is now more open to the idea of more toys and such in the future which is just awesome.  It seems like a spark has been reignited and I’m not sure I even noticed it was out!

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