Homophobia

August 3rd, 2008

I am not homophobic and never have been although I certainly have been exposed to it at an early age. Of course, during my lifetime it seems as though many great strides have been made in an effort to scientifically determine the cause of homosexuality – that is, the great question of “Is it a choice or genetics?” I am a member of the crowd which supports the latter suggestion and science seems to agree with me so I’m fine with that.

But many others are not fine with that suggestion or even with the suggestion that homosexuals (rightly) exist. I find this curious because it doesn’t seem like any gays are bashing straight people for their sexuality and you generally don’t see gay men and women fearing for the safety of their virginity and orifices when a straight person is around so why should it be any different if the roles were reversed?

I do think there are several trends among those who tend to be homophobic and I think that these trends are probably indicative to the nature of the issue and may shed some light on the thought process and behaviour.

  1. Most homophobes appear to be straight men
  2. Men associated with the military tend to be most homophobic
  3. Homophobic people seem to believe that gay people will force themselves upon another person more than a straight person would

Now all of this is based on my personal experiences with those who are outwardly homophobic and my experiences may not be the norm in these situations; although I do believe they support the statistics.

So what do these trends indicate? They seem to indicated that straight men have a higher fear of gay men than their female counterparts do and also that while some females are homophobic, they are less likely to be vocal about it.

Why should gender matter when it comes to the extremity of dislike of homosexuals? As not a male or homophobe, it’s difficult to say but I have read that homophobia in men seems to be related to the fact that they worry they could become homosexuals themselves, a completely ludicrous thought that wouldn’t hold up against any argument if looked upon rationally.

And I think a lack of rational judgement is what homophobia all comes down to. If a man is gay does that make him any more likely to coerce or force a straight man sexually? Is that gay man more likely to do those things than, say, a straight woman to that straight man? I think it’s highly unlikely.

In fact, I don’t see why there needs to be any significance put on sexual orientation. All people, both straight or gay (and everything in between) are likely targets for those who might have a sexual or romantic interest in them. Most people will be faced with admirers who might be pushy (hopefully no more than that) with their sexual advances which are unwanted by the recipient. Does the offender’s sexuality really make a difference? Is a gay man hitting on a straight man really any more likely or offensive than a straight man hitting on a straight woman, if the intentions are unwanted? Does the fact that one involves a homosexual have to be any more of a “big deal” or is it something that simply might happen, will not leave either party any the worse and should be treated in an adult manner?

Not according to homophobes because, often in their view, gays are more likely to be coercive or forceful in their advances. Logical or not – and I’m going to say “not,” here – this attitude is far more prevalent than it should be.

The fact is, looked upon logically, this is really a non-issue. Any person can be on either end of a sexual advance and while, sadly, sometimes the advances involve violence and molestation rather than harmless banter, I bet many sexual advances are really just miscommunication and a lack of taste than anything else.

While I understand that a straight person who works in very close quarters with a gay person, like in the military, might be uncomfortable, I don’t think it’s feasible that a gay man is going to abuse the situation just because he is a gay man. Honestly, how many members of the country’s armed forces are gay but “in the closet” and obviously not putting their straight comrades into uncomfortable situations because of their sexual orientation? More than you and I know of, certainly.

Sadly, homophobia is still widely accepted in our society, especially in certain groups. No wonder you can stumble upon a soldier or sailor playing off his homophobia as a joke to which his buddies will laugh. But when you take a good hard look at reasons for homophobia, are they solid or are they due to a lack of rationale when it comes to understanding homophobia? I certainly think the latter.

Aren’t they bigger issues we, as a society, need to tackle? Time wasted being homophobic can certainly be better spent on other pursuits.

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If we cum together, would you like me better?

July 24th, 2008

Sex on an air mattress is different. There wass a certain fluidity to our movements. By design of the air mattress alone, my hips were positioned differently, coming up to meet his in a way that was similar but not quite the same as the way our hips met on a regular mattress.

The pressure of the mattress helped me to thrust upward easier, allowing me to do more of the work than I usually would while in missionary.

And thrust up I did, as my fingers pressed and rubbed my clit and pelvic bone. At first I thought I wouldn’t cum, as aroused as I was from his wonderful oral manipulations on my clit beforehand, but then I felt it building as I thrust up and again, fucking him in a way I normally couldn’t, in a way that brought more pleasure to us both.

He moaned then, saying he was going to cum, his way of indicating we would need to slow down if I wanted this to last longer. But I didn’t. I wanted to cum and if it was going to cause him to do the same so be it.

He moaned as he came, spilling hit warm seed inside of me in shocking amounts. I was too busy to notice as I came myself, fingers around my clit. I felt the contractions of my pussy, skin twitching involuntarily from my orgasm.

It was then I noticed how wet I was from his cum. Or was it mine? It didn’t matter. We had cum together, our bodies giving the other pleasure in such a natural, simultaneous way as we had never experienced before.

I quite think I do like this way better.

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Sex Toy Parties: Fun but Not Financially Feasible?

July 22nd, 2008

Now, I’ve only been to one sex toy party and it was a lot of fun. I love the idea of sex toy parties, they’re great avenues to loosen up and enjoy yourself, bond with friends, get answers to questions you were afraid to ask and explore sexuality.

The party I went to was pretty fun with some people I knew and some people I didn’t. The consultant knew more than I expected her to know about the products. For instance, she mentioned not storing jelly toys together because they could melt together and had an example of a toy which had been stored close to another one. While this was really helpful to sex toy beginners and she even mentioned some things I didn’t know, more definitely could have been said about materials in terms of health and safety. Of course, how educational the party will be depends full on how educated the consultant is. Your party experience will definitely vary.

We played a lot of silly games and ate penis shaped cupcakes (both chocolate and vanilla) and drank from penis shaped straws and munched on mac-a-weenie and cheese. We had to pass a giant dildo between eachother by using only out knees and think of ways to describe our sex life. Basically, we were able to enjoy ourselves and be somewhat comfortable because the consultant set the atmosphere and kept us busy with activities both informational and entertaining.

Of course, these parties are not all about fun and games. They’re about money and you will constantly feel the pressure to buy in the back of your mind. The more money you spend, the better prize your friend the hostess will earn and the more the consultant will pocket, like any at-home party sales scheme.

Also like many of those companies, the prices supported by sex toy parties are simply outrageous. The markup is anywhere from 10% – 90% compared to the exact same products which can be purchased online or in stores that also have a larger variety.

Variety is also something I find trouble in these catalogs. Many of the toys are low end, from no-name manufacturers. I’m not a die hard brand lover by any means but I do appreciate being able to see some of the brands with which I am familiar and also brands that I know are high quality.

You won’t likely see some of the newer, quality toys in the catalogs pushed on you at sex toy parties. Fun Factory toys and VixSkin dildos won’t be found at a sex toy party. Rechargeable toys won’t have their own page and BDSM toys won’t be the kind that can stand the test of time. More parties are starting to realize the worth of high quality materials like premium silicone, metal or glass but I don’t recall seeing any toy made of those items at the party I attended.

Even when parties do carry more high quality items, the prices for inferior products are not good for your wallet. An investment of that measure and you want to make sure you’re getting quality products, a good value. Sex toy parties, more often than not, do not provide this value.

But should we boycott the parties? Not at all. They’re a lot of fun and offer opportunities that may not be found elsewhere. But before signing a check, it’s advisable to surf around online to see if you’re really getting a bargain or if you’re being taken.

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Are your batteries charged?

July 20th, 2008

I am a big advocate of sex toys. I own more than I can count on one hand and will continue to add to the collection. I even review them which is quite a fine hobby, if you ask me. I think sex toys are a great way to explore oneself and one’s relationship and they can open doors you never knew existed.

Sex toys feel great in a way completely different than intercourse or masturbation with a human body. They vibrate and bend in ways we simple cannot and sometimes this helps to hide our own imperfections. This doesn’t make them necessarily better or worse, just different.

Sex toys make what is sometimes difficult to achieve – the female orgasm – come much easier and quicker. In fact, many females would not have experienced orgasms at all if it weren’t for sex toys. My first recognizable orgasm was with my late Rabbit Habit.

I don’t need a vibrator to get off, however. One of the things I love about sex toys is that an orgasm while a sex toy is inside helps me to feel my body’s sexual reponse. When my hand is on a vibrator as my pussy contracts around it as I cum, I can feel the vibrator moving because of those squeezes. It becomes an extension that helps me to feel those pulsations in a way I otherwise would not.

Try it yourself!

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All that’s needed is a little imagination

July 18th, 2008

Regina Lynn, columnist for Wired.com’s Sex Drive recently wrote an article entitled “Keeping the Fireworks Going from Afar” which touches on the sex technology that caters to or, rather, fails to cater to long distance couples. While I can’t agree that more technology couldn’t hurt, I think that if you’re experience any sort of boredom or strain in your relationship, you just ain’t doing it right.

Maybe I’m spoiled by the internet and phone as a communication medium between as I simply love the linguistics that go with it. The opportunity to ponder words, to careful hone the creation that will be your response to your lover while someone who knows you perfectly -yourself! – tickles your body pink.

I’ll admit, during cybersex I have more than once logged onto Thesaurus.com, expanding my vocabulary as I looked for scintillating words to turn on both my partner and myself.

I love having the opportunity to consider someone’s word, to draw a picture with them in my mind, a picture devoid of the unpleasant accidents and awkward moments physical sex brings with it. A picture hand-tailored to my fantasies.

The ends of which is both physically and emotionally satisfying, if done right. I have known what it is to make love with words, to know someone’s thoughts and feelings about sex, about me, not just their thoughts of my body and the feeling of their skin.

The sheer excitement to know that I can send someone into a frenzied state of arousal based only on the words I type (the words I think) or the words I moan breathily into the telephone is overwhelming, an aphrodisiac in its own right.

There are no physical limits in this realm. If you let yourself succumb to it, you can go to places you’d never otherwise experience. There is no pressure besides the motivation to excite your partner – and yourself – as much as humanly possible by bringing forth eloquent words heavily laden with sexual promise. Multiple orgasms are more than achievable here and every body looks, smells and feels delicious.

No, the only limit is your imagination.

And if you find your communication becomes tedious and boring even distant, then I suggest not that you pick up a remote-enabled vibrator. No, what you need is to pick up a book, see a play, attend a concert or otherwise submerge yourself in the arts. Rekindle the flame and passion that is your creativity because that, my friends, will far outlive any vibrator, dildo or Weighted Companion Cube.

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By any other name

July 17th, 2008

He moaned my name.

I moaned his in return, louder.

His reply, my name again, even stronger.

We moved together, the names of each on the others’ lips.

His voice was hot and heavy in my ear; I felt my arousal growing even more as he thrust his cock in and out of me, the sounds of our names to our ears driving us into a frenzy, reminding us very well of who we were with.

Naked, out skins coated in sweat (I had just taken a shower but the time had not yet come to care that I ruined it), it was just the two of us, together.

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So Here We Are

July 17th, 2008

A sex blog? Really.

Really, a sex blog. Not that surprising consider how interested I have been in sexuality these past few years. Not that it’s a recent interest, either, just an exponentially growing one.

I remember when I was younger, in middle school, I would spend the night at my best friend’s house. I wold tell stories of a teenaged girl with her skirt too short who snuck out of her bedroom window at night to meet in something of a fort with her older boyfriend. After, she’d boast of her sexual adventures to her friends, showing them the physical signs of her escapades: bruised, scratched and inflamed skin.

Th stories were largely inspired by the movie Fear, a sort of sexual thriller/horror schlocky piece starring Mark Wahlberg and Reese Witherspoon. The male character was based on an older male friend, with whom we both were taken for a short while. I assume we bought imagined the female character to be an extension of ourselves.

At the time, neither of us were sexually active and although we may have thought about it and wondered what it was like – I know I did – I don’t think either of us actually wanted to participate in it, yet.

I spent many of those years and even my younger ones obsessing about sex or, rather, what I thought sex meant and entailed. My assumptions were based on the images and ideas forced on my by the media: television movies and books. Music didn’t seem to hold all the innuendos that it currently does.

Although I understood the mechanics of sex, I don’t think I understood what a complex issue it was. I still felt that my interest was something shameful and although I had been masturbating since before I was a tween, I wasn’t comfortable discussing it. Sex was, simultaneously, something slightly unnatural and shameful as well as something I greatly yearned to be having so that I could join that special club.

My younger self viewed sex as something teenagers were having who were in highschool. It was a social status, something that set them apart. I envisioned my own sexuality as a way to be accepted; if I could prove myself attractive and appealing perhaps I would not have so many issues as I had with my body and appearance, especially my weight. Maybe this would give me an edge over those who would otherwise beat me in every other way.

Could sex really do that for me? Perhaps. I suspect that the thoughts I were entertaining would eventually have led to some sort of downfall and ultimately and even poorer self image than the one I had, as is normal for those who try to validate themselves by being sexually active.

Although erroneous, my thought pattern is typical, I think, especially for young teenaged girls. Sex is a complex and confusing activity about which we’re rarely given the right information at the right time (younger, really is better).

Unfortunately, the realities of sex and the extremes portrayed in the media are often not one in the same. Sex is rarely perfect, often messy and sometimes a disappointment. It’s not always the most wonderful thing in the world nor is it awful, traumatic and debilitating. Sex doesn’t always involve months of romantic planning nor is it always spontaneous (and still perfect!). I think sex is often somewhere in the middle, something Hollywood would never want to admit to.

The reality is that the scope of human sexuality is something far grander than I ever could have imagined at that point and sex is never “always” something. Every time is different and every time offers a new opportunity to learn, to experience and to grow.

Sure, some people will boat their exploits as a way of showing status but, when it comes down to it, there are not the type of people I would choose to associate with and that is not the type of attitude that will get me anywhere.

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