The Mysteries of Female Sexuality

April 19th, 2009

The female body, ever mysterious; men have been trying to divine its meaning and function for years to no avail. This fact is often a point of laughter among those who wear said body and a point of frustration among groups of men who share their foibles. Sadly, the mystery of the female body, while alluring, is not one to just the lesser sex (I kid) but to those who have spent their entire life in the body as well.

I can’t tell you the number of times a woman my age has shown ignorance about her own body. Worse yet, woman the age of my mother and grandmother seem to know even less and these are the women who are passing on knowledge to the woman who will come after them. Fortunately, sex and body education is growing increasingly more helpful and accurate but it means not all women have the same information regarding their bodies. Indeed, some women even have inaccurate information which was fed to them as a means of deterring them from sex. They believe their genitals and even their sexuality is something which is dirty and shameful and should be treated with such regard. They are not encouraged to explore or enjoy themselves. They are simply a receptacle for production and while I could never belittle the strength it takes to be a mother, I can also never stress enough how important those same parts and systems are to female sexuality and how beneficial it can be. Thus, it’s no surprise that I do encourage healthy sex education.

I am surprised, however, when I hear from people near my age who still carry with them inaccurate or incomplete sexual information. After all, my own sex education, while not the best ever, seemed to be far ahead of the pack in many aspects. So, when a female peer looks at me in shock when I mention that, yes, females can masturbate, I tend to return just the same look. Why is it that women seem strangers to their own bodies? What is the big gender difference that makes being a man and having a penis more acceptable than being a woman with a vagina?

I think a large portion of our misunderstanding when it comes to the female body is due to the fact that it is simply less accessible than the male body. Whereas males can easily find and manipulate their sexual parts, location and successful stimulation for females can be much more difficult. Consider that there is a generally acceptable mode of masturbation for men but not so much for females; perhaps this is simply due to the fact that it is easier to understand what we can see. After all, fear of the unknown is nothing new to humankind. Our internal parts are not the only ones difficult to spot; even our external genitals are less obvious than those of our male counterparts.

I have read, on multiple occasions, that females should take the time to get to know their body with their eyes. For those of us who are not astounding gymnasts, I would suggest using a small hand or makeup mirror to become more familiar and comfortable with our parts. If a mirror is out of the question, it would also work to take a picture. If you have a digital camera, you can examine and delete it without anyone else discovering it.

However, there’s one big disadvantage to being female and knowing your body well and that is menstruation. While I know there are some women who feel blessed to be female and are ecstatic over menstrual bleeding, I am not one. And I’m not alone in dreading the one week a month when my body seems to want to work against me and my hormones fluctuate without warning.

The drawback to knowing your body is knowing what it can do and not all of those things are pleasant. When bleeding is a prominent component, it’s easy to apply the word “dirty” to female sexuality. Even if no one around us holds those negative attitudes, it’s easy enough to think negatively about ourselves. When you add in moodiness and irritability that menstruation frequently causes, it can easily become a downward spiral and add negative overtones to our sexuality. Shame is only a short step away, especially if those about us enforce those attitudes.

Of course, this alone does not have to be a road block to exploration and understanding of our sexual selves. While I do not relish menstruation, I do not hate my body or sexuality either. If nothing else, I grew tolerant of the way my body worked despite its differences from my male peers.

Those differences can also enforce negative attitudes and the proliferation of false truths about female sexuality. Men and women have always had their differences and only in the recent past has the idea of “different but equal” arose. True, men and women excel in different ways but for too long these differences were seen as irrefutable proof that the male gender exceeded the female gender. These differences were used to control and own people in a way that most would now agree is unethical.

For thousands of years, women were told they could not work outside the home, be members of the military or even vote. For thousands of years, women were taught to be subservient and to please their husbands. Their wants and their needs always coming in second place, if they even placed at all. It took many generations for these ideals to become ingrained in countless societies and I have no doubt it will take just as many generations for new ideals to be adopted, no matter how contemporary we may think ourselves to be.

And these differences? These inequalities? They must exist for a reason. Women must suffer with the “monthly curse” for a reason. Instead of our differences being used to further society, women dealt with the stigma that they were intrinsically inferior to men because of some historic sin (perhaps the forbidden fruit?), rendering them less important, less human than men. Why would they explore these differences when they represent such shame?

At surface level, I am shocked by just how far we have to go in understanding the female body and by association, female sexuality. Still, when I consider all the contributing factors, such as how women have been regarded for thousands of years, the attitudes which have become second nature to us and how our bodies can sometimes feel like our enemies by “hiding” our most sexual parts or bleeding once a month, the mystery begins to unravel. When we see that, we can also see that there is nothing wrong with exploring our bodies and sexuality.

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Clarity

April 18th, 2009

My hair is matted to my face with sweat. In the movies, it would swirl around my face in perfect waves but this is not a movie. It’s messy and tangled and it suddenly dawns on me how erotic that is.

I am covered in sweat, the sheets beneath me are warm with it. I always sweat more when I masturbate than during sex. I could say I don’t know why but I would be lying. It’s not because you do all the work, either. It’s because during masturbation, I feel it so entirely. I move my entire body. My back and hips lift from the bed. Some might use words like “gyrate” to describe the movement but I prefer “hump.”

I’ve always wondered if it’s the same for other women. Or am I unique in the way I pleasure myself? It’s a constant increase in effort. It’s a lot of work and it’s not explosive when I get off. It’s almost angry in a sense, as though my body were screaming.

I’ve masturbated so hard my arms and wrists have hurt for days. Sometimes I cannot help but laugh when I remember why I hurt. I moan and sigh and blood rushes to place no one else has experienced. No one but you.

Without fail, my fantasies turn to you. Sometimes things we have done. Sometimes things we have yet to do. In my mind, we’re fucking. In reality, my legs spread to let even the thought of you penetrate me.

I try to remember the last time we had sex. It’s been too long and I don’t know the date anyway. I can never remember how frequently we hace sex. Is it once a day or once a week? I remember, the orgasm though. I remember your body, slick with sweat, atop mine. I remember my fingers working furiously at my clit and feeling my orgasm. I remember looking up at you and commanding you.

“Look at me. Look at me!”

And you did. You looked at me as I came, your cock thrusting into my pussy and I worked it for all I was worth. It was the first time I ever really let the orgasm take control. My hips bucked beneath you and it just kept coming, my pussy contracting around your cock. I don’t know if it was the longest orgasm I have yet to experience or simply what can be only be called a clusterfuck of orgasms. But I know I came and my face was intent on yours as I did.

It was a bold move on my part, commanding your attention. It took so much, more than any other time I ventured to try something new. For years, I had avoided eye contact. Eye contact, I thought, showed vulnerability and I could not afford that. I remember you, early on, lying in my bed and wanting to look me in the eye but I simply stared at the ceiling instead.

It changed. Somewhere along the way, it was okay to be vulnerable with you, to look you in the eye, to cry when the need arose. Isn’t that a testament to our bond? But it still took years to break the barrier that prevented me from making eye contact during sex. How could we been having sex, been married for years without ever doing this? Why didn’t I push for it earlier? Had I known..

Had I known how deeply I would feel my orgasm. Had I known how deeply connected I would feel to you. Had I known how it would make you orgasm with me. We should have been doing this all along. I should have let myself experience this all along. I should have let us.

My revelation is short lived. You’re not here to share now and my heart feels heavy, my pussy shockingly empty. I can’t count the days until your return, either. It’s like I’m stuck in limbo.

And so I return to fantasizing about you. It’s like I have been rewired and every erogenous zone, every lustful thought connects straight to you. I imagine making up lost time. I throw myself into our love making, in my mind, straddling, kissing, stroking, touching you. Loving you. I don’t have to imagine to know that nothing has ever come so naturally to me. There were times I wanted to fight it with every fiber of my being yet I can’t imagine why. I can’t imagine fighting it anymore. Ever again.

I fantasize about you. See your body, hear your voice, feel your skin in my mind. I moan your name aloud as I cum, as though you are there with me. You’re not but I promise you all of my fantasies – and more – when I see you again, love. I don’t need to close my eyes to you anymore.

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Fusion Duality

April 15th, 2009

$39
Fusion Duality from Store.OfSexAndLove.com

Evolved’s Fusion line of toys have so far been really intriguing, offering multiple uses with dual ended vibrators and endless patterns of fun. Although longer than your typical vibrator with a length of 10-1/2″, the Fusion Duality isn’t the thickest toy and measures only 1-1/2″ at its widest point. Unlike double penetration toys, the double sides on these toys really only work best for one person; the toy simply isn’t long enough for two people. In fact, for my own personal use, I would have liked the Duality to be a bit longer, especially the end with the flared bumps which reminds me of a rattle snake tail. Because of the location of the controls, this end offered significantly less insertable length and I was disappointed because of that. I enjoyed the sensation of inserting the bulging shaft into my pussy but was able to insert it less than 3 inches.  To me, it would make more sense that the controls for each side would be on the opposite side rather than right next to the side you insert. However, I was able to orgasm using this end on my clitoris.

I didn’t fare so well with the hooked G-spot stimulation. I actually found insertion to be uncomfortable because of the hard plastic in combination with the shape. The hooked end is rather pointy which allows for pinpoint stimulation but also can feel rather sharp. There is an additional bump on the otherwise straight shaft which seems rather useless. Occasionally it would poke me uncomfortably when inserted. I’m not sure where or how this is supposed to feel good. When I could occasionally angle the hook so that it stimulated my G-spot nicely, the entrance to my pussy would feel sore. This end of the Duality was simply not mad for me.

Aside from those issues,  I found this vibrator to be well made, like I have come to expect from Evolved troys. It comes in the typical metal storage container and the vibrator sits in a contoured piece of foam. The velvet-coat plastic feels absolutely divine in my hand but my pussy and vulva aren’t quite as sensitive to the texture.  It does at a bit of friction/resistance when thrusting, however. The shade of purple is feminine without being overly girly and there is a modern design around the control area which is cute. I found that this toy had a comfortable heft to it and feels solid in my hands.

Like every Evolved toy I have used, it is waterproof and while I did not choose to use this in the shower (I find it extremely difficult to enjoy myself standing), I ran water over it for a period of time and none leaked into the battery compartment. At first it actually seemed like the two ends did not fit snugly against eachother in order to provide a waterproof seal but the opposite seems to be true. As I wash my toys with soap and water, this is reassuring.

I find the Fusion vibes to be interesting as there are independent motors on each side. However ,I cannot think of time when they would need to be used together. As I already mentioned, this toy really is too short to use with multiple partners and I think the hard ABS plastic would also make it uncomfortable, even painful. As more toys are released from this line, I wonder if we will be able to mix and match because that would provide with the ultimate personal experience.

As is, Evolved claims there are 16 modes of operation to be had with the Fusion Duality. I can only count 15, including 6 single and 9 combination modes, but I’m not about to split hairs over that missing mode. 😉 These settings include a high, medium and low constant vibration on the G-spot hook side. The vibrations are more powerful than Evolved’s Waterproof Seduction but not mind blowingly so. The amount of power is more than  satisfactory for the 4 AAA batteries required.

The rattlesnake tail has 3 different pulsation settings, the first of which is a steady, fast pulsation. The second is a long buzz followed by a quick succession of shorter pulses and this repeats. The third is a really unique pulsation which is fast, short and increases in power until it steadies off. This delightful sensation is perfect just before orgasm.

All of these modes are controlled by one of two buttons – one for each side. Unfortunately, the G-spot hook only has steady vibration and the pulsations are only available on the bulged end which I think limits the possibilities of this toy. I also thought that I might be able to use only one side of this toy and without requiring all 4 batteries but this was not the case. I’m not sure if it’s possible but I had to hijack 2 of the batteries for my LayaSpot and then wasn’t able to use it at all. LOL

Like other Evolved toys, the Fusion Duality did become difficult to use when my hands were slippery with lube. My fingers curled around the bulging end comfortably when I had the G-spot hook inserted but after lube was applied, it became difficult to grasp.

One unexpected use for this purple vibrator might be as a body massager. The extra long shaft and bulges worked well for a back massage – or even a back scratcher is the need should arise (that pointy hook has to be good for something!).

In the end, I think Evolved is making some unique toys in their Fusion line which is worth keeping an eye on. While the Duality is a solid vibrator with a lot of different options to enjoy, I found the shape left a little to be desired for its intended use. I don’t think I’ll be achieving that elusive G-spot orgasm with the Fusion Duality but the bulged end definitely works out as a clitoral vibrator

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Fabulous!

April 14th, 2009

There is an awesome shopping spree contest going on over at the Sextoys.com blog. Participants can win up to $1000 of products of their choice and there are additional prizes for creative lists, too. Of course, I thought I’d take a swing at it.

  1. We-Vibe This couples vibe for intercourse has intrigued me since it first came out.
  2. Super Stretch Sleeves The idea of a cock sleeve for sex is really interesting and this set is sure to provide variety.
  3. Kama Sutra® Intensifying Gel (Cooling) I can admit that I’m not a big fan of most gels and creams but Kama Sutra products are amazing (plus it has good reviews).
  4. Heartbreaker 2 Red I love all my FunFactory toys and have been wanting this vibe for years!
  5. Magnum II Blue/ White Marbled This gorgeous looking dildo is sure to feel great.
  6. Curve violet The Curve is another creative looking dildo from FunFactory that I must have!
  7. Massage Candle Libido/Exotic Fruits I may not need a reason to give massage but this sure wouldn’t hurt.
  8. Bendybeads Violet I’d like to venture more into anal play and this would do just the trick.
  9. Beginner Ball Gag (Red) This would look so hot in my husband’s mouth.
  10. Kama Sutra Love Liquid This Kama Sutra lube comes in an amazing bottle and I can’t help but wonder how amazing it is.
  11. Kama Sutra® Treasure Trove (Raspberry) The honey dust I currently own is Raspberry flavoured and I can’t wait to try the rest of the line.
  12. Coochy Shave Cream – Pear Berry I love this stuff and need to restock.
  13. Eden Waterproof Body Blossom Despite inconsistent results, these dual penetration vibes really appeal to me.
  14. Kama Sutra Massage Oil (Sweet Almond) As much as I love raspberry, I have a passion for almond and would love to massage this into my husband’s skin.
  15. Futurotic 4-Way Arouser (darting duck) It may not be the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen but I know my husband and I would enjoy it.
  16. Fetish Fantasy Series Ultimate Fantasy Kit I love that this is an all-in-one solution to bedroom bondage.
  17. Brand Spankin’ Toy Cleaner 4oz Despite my growing collection of toys, I don’t own any toy cleaner and this would d just the trick to keep everything squeaky clean.
  18. Rubber Tickler: Purple I really want my BDSM gear to contain a lot of purple and this is a great way to start.
  19. Deluxe PVC Bondage Kit And this will really set me along my purple path.
  20. Juno Weighted Pelvic Exerciser Strengthen my muscles or use this as a dildo? Yes, please!
  21. Fetish Heart Thumper I love that this paddle is heart shaped; what a perfect implement to produce pain.
  22. Sex Tarts Lube, Cherry Pop I’ve never tried a flavoured lube before but would love to try!

In the end, how close am I to $1000? $999.87 isn’t too bad, is it.

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Pleasurists #24

April 13th, 2009

posvoid
from www.positivevoid.co.uk found via Art or Porn

Pleasurists is your round-up of the adult product reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #23? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #25? Submit it here before Sunday April 19th at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Madame Editrix
Scarlet Lotus St.Syr

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

[P]lacing them as is shown in the little instruction booklet left me feeling that they were always in danger of falling out. But now that I think about it, I suppose that’s the point; you instinctively clench around the balls and that works the PC muscle.

Editor’s Note: I try to pick posts which are not only well-written but also which are somehow unique or unusual and make me desire to own the toy being reviewed. While I’ve seen many reviews of the Fun Factory Smart Balls I thoroughly enjoyed the sense of discovery in this review and it made me want to try them.
Vibrators

Dildos

Lube & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books

Adult Movies/Porn

Storage

Miscellaneous

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Sugar Sak XL

April 11th, 2009

The Sugar Sak which is distributed by the Sugar & Spice Boutique is definitely a sweet treat when it comes to storing your sex toys. Billed as a “sexy designer toy bag,” I must agree. My extra large (Maxx) Sugar Sak came a very bright pink satin and while I know a lot of folks are sick of all the sexy toys and accessories in pink, it matches my bathrobe perfectly. LOL Different retailers also sell red and black satin Sugar Saks in a range of sizes from Small to Extra Large, like mine, which is only available in the pink. You could easily carry this with you to a party or a date and it would look stylish. The inside is also lined with a cute black and white spotted “cow” type print.

The bags cinch with black ribbon and a cute, faceted, black plastic bead. At first, I must admit, I didn’t think the beads would do the trick because they don’t “lock” into place but they do seem to hold well. The strings are also loops which make for a handle to hold or you could tie them around the opening of the bag for extra security, instead. I don’t plan to put too many or too heavy toys into my Sugar Sack and use the ribbon to carry just because it is only plain ribbon.

And while sex toy storage is nothing new, there is something very unique about the Sugar Saks, which come folder neatly in in square, Ziploc type bag: Bioshield 75. The package describes this technology as “an invisible, exclusive patented EPA approved coating that inhibits the growth of bacteria, fungi, mold, mildew, years and viruses” which is good up to 50 washes. This is made of win! No one wants any of those microscopic intruders on their sex toys. I particularly like the idea because I don’t like to wash my toys before and after. If I can wash once (after) and keep them stored with the assurance that nothing can touch then in my Sugar Sak, then I’m happy. Plus, the Sugar Sak won’t deposit any lint on your toys and protects them from any flee floating particles like lint and dust. Furthermore, I expected the inside of the bag to feel a bit like plastic but you can’t tell at all. This is definitely a great device – so much better than Ziploc bags!

So it protects your toys and you can take is almost anywhere in style but how much does it hold? Admittedly, I looked at my Sugar Sak, saw that it was only 9.5″ x 13.5″ and thought “That’s it?” Yet, it has proven to hold quite a few toys I was able to round up all the loose toys in my nightstand as well as a few from the “Meh” box (you know, the ones I don’t really love) and stuff them in there. It was a little tight and I will keep markedly fewer toys in it on a daily basis but I was impressed. It would be easier to fill this bag if it has a flat bottom though.

The list of toys and accessories I fit into my XL Sugar Sak includes:

Now, all of the toys in the main part, except for the Wild G, are hard plastic so I know there won’t be any sort of reaction but it’s something to make note of when storing your toys. What’s nice is there is another little pocket inside with a velcro closure where you can store something which might have a possible reaction or smaller things that you don’t want to become lost (cock rings, batteries, little lube bottles/packets, jewelry, clamps, wireless toys/controllers so on and so forth). It’s about 7″ in length and 5 1/2″ in width so while it probably won’t fit any rabbit vibes, you could fit smaller vibrators or dildos in it. I placed my silicone plug in there just in case it wouldn’t do well with the TPR Silicone rabbit.

As I wrap up this review, I’d like to say the Sugar Sak seems like a great bag for storage at home or while on the go. Th quality seems decent; the sewing was good when I flipped the bag inside out to measure to inner pocket; although, there was one loose string on the outside bottom. I think it’s overall a quality product which is easy to use, fits a surprising number of toys, is cute and will keep my toys nice and clean.

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SEXTOY.com Vibrating Mini-Bullet

April 10th, 2009

Last week, I talked about Sextoy.com’s Vibrating Rabbit and this week it shall be their Vibrating Bullet. If you’re in the market for a small, discreet, non-intimidating and versatile toy and don’t have much to spend, then the Sextoy.com Vibrating Bullet might just be the thing for you. Like the Vibrating Rabbit, Sextoy.com has created produced something which really is a basic in any toy box.

This is your typical silver bullet, except that it’s actually more of the oblong, egg type vibrator. Made of hard plastic and wired to an easy to hold control/battery pack, it’s a breeze to operate with the sliding control and surprisingly strong (but I do think my BNaughty is stronger). I tend to prefer specific settings a little bit more because the difference as you increase speed is nice but once it’s turned all the way up – and I inevitably turn all my toys up – it doesn’t make much of a difference. The black control pack has “Sextoy.com” written in silver and does feel a bit flimsy. It’s also made of smooth plastic so if you’re using lube, be careful or the whole thing my shoot out of your hand.

Bullets and eggs are really versatile. You can rub and tap or flick and swirl them around or against yourself and (with a condom), vaginal insertion is possible, too. Because of its small size and inconspicuous appearance, you can easily keep this under the bed, between the mattresses, in a drawer of your nightstand or dress or even in your purse of bag which makes bullets ideal for travel, parties and whatnot.

The Sextoy.com Vibrating Bullet is not my favourite, however. It did bring me to orgasm but I just thought that the plastic was a bit too smooth, because I like a lot of pressure on my pubic area and a toy that provides a little bit of friction does that better. I also found the silver appearance to cheapen the toy a little bit. It didn’t feel like it was a super quality product and it definitely would have been a plus were it waterproof.

Because of the bullet is hard plastic, either silicone or water based lubricants are a-okay but you don’t need to use a lot. The bullet will provide absolutely no friction so just a drop will do you good. Clean up is also a breeze – you can use a little soap and water or a wet cloth (just make sure to keep the control pack away from the water). Some plastic toys can be wiped down with an alcohol solution to sanitize even further but I’m not sure if this is the case with the Sextoy.com Vibrating Mini-Bullet; it appears to be painted silver (could that peel or rub off in combination with alcohol?) and I have no alcohol to test. Unless you plan on sharing (and you shouldn’t even consider bullets in the backdoor because the wire could easily break), soap and water clean up should be fine.

The Sextoy.com Vibrating Mini-Bullet ran well and only required 2AAs. Another plus is that the package has a code for 10 free minutes of porn on Sextoy.com which is worth the price of the toy – less than $3 alone. At this price, you could buy one for every room in your house or every member of your family. In fact, the Sextoy.com Vibrating Mini-Bullet might just make a great party favour if your guests are fond of sex toys!

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