Lovin’ Touchin’ Squeezin’

April 1st, 2009

There’s no relevance between this post’s title and its content. I simply love this song by Journey and am enjoying it at the moment. I think I might enjoy singing is karaoke style but will probably never lose my inhibitions enough to do so.

I want to apologize for my absence but hope you have all enjoyed my Totally Fuckable Tuesday posts. I plan to continue them fairly regularly (not yesterday as I was flying back home) as well as catch up on all my reviews.

I’m also holding a new contest with a Spring theme. Let me know your Spring break fantasy (or real life experience, if you have one!). The lucky winner will receive an adult game as well as a vibrator from EdenFantasys. Head over to the contest post to leave your comment.

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What to Say When She’s Tied Up

March 29th, 2009

The other day, a newbie joined a community of which I am a member. This person posted on the forums asking for help. You see, his wife had recently expressed to him her desire to be dominated and while he wanted to help, he wasn’t exactly sure how. I suspect this loving husband was not the only one who was confused. It seemed as though the wife, although she had acted as a “freaky lady” (his adoring words, not mine) was also confused about what she wanted. Perhaps she felt shame or embarrassment or was simple as uncertain about what steps to take to explore this new side of her sexuality.

She was able to eventually explain that while, yes, the physical was a turn on, it was really the words that got her juices flowing the most. As a fellow word lover, I can understand. Her husband, as eager as he was to assist, just didn’t know exactly what to say in the bedroom in order to give his wife the dominance she desired.

I found his plea for help refreshing and the way he wanted to work with his wife to explore this was touching. Although no expert in BDSM, I have been interested for many years. I might also I have played out many a BDSM fantasy in my head (sometimes as masturbation fodder, yes) and I thought I would give him a few suggestions.

  • Use words and nicknames which designate that she is the one without power. IE: little, girl, mine, bitch, slut, whore, etc (“Daddy’s girl,” “You’re such a slut for me,” “What do we have here? A cock hungry little girl?” “Do you like it when I do X”)
  • Require permission for things like switching positions, stopping oral, taking off clothes (yours, hers or both), getting in a certain position, etc and inflict punishment when this is ignored. (“Did I say you could do that?” spank when she does not ask permission or ignores)
  • Require her to address you in a certain way (“Sir” “Master”)
  • Tease and/or offer things in a manner which reminds her who is in charge (“wouldn’t you like that?” “you want me to go down on you, do you?” “Do you think you deserve X?”)
  • Use words like “allow” “give” “permission” “acceptance” when referring to letting her do/have something while she uses terminology which says she wants you to do X rather than “we do X.”
  • Make her “earn” treats such as oral, vaginal or anal sex, massage or her favourite position and show gratefulness for what you do (If you grant permission, require her to say “Thank You” or show it! “What do you say when I allow you to do X?”).
  • Require her to be ready for sex in a certain room and position at X date and time (“I expect you to be spread eagle, naked on the bed this Friday as soon as I return from work.”)
  • Suggest (and enforce) how you want her to appear (shaved pussy or not, panties/bra, other clothes, makeup and hair). Give her a “check” every X days.

The fact is, exploring anything new can be difficult, especially if you have a routine which works. We fear sounding or looking silly or unattractive even if we find new ideas to be arousing. The first time I wore something especially ‘sexy’ for my husband, I was terrified even though we were already married. I knew he would ultimately still love me and find me attractive even if he didn’t like what I put on but what if he just found me to be stupid?

And I’m not alone. Taking the first steps to incorporate BDSM into your sex life, wear a sexy costume, do a strip tease or role play can all be daunting tasks. Fortunately, I have some advice for all of these things. Sometimes you just have to fake it ’til you make it. As cliche as it sounds, sometimes we have to push ourselves to do uncomfortable things and fake the confidence until we actually develop it and can enjoy these activities.

On a more specific level, the mechanics of movement and words to use during specifics situations are things with which many struggle. People want to know what to say and how to say it and having a guide to work with can also bolster confidence. A lot of times, we can fudge our way through uncomfortable situations if we have something to work with. Remember the oral sex manual from American Pie? It was revered not only because of the content but because of the impact is had on those who used it.

So, for this doting husband who wasn’t sure what to say in order to dominate his wife the way she wanted, I suggested he say these things.

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Totally Fuckable Tuesday

March 24th, 2009

Sorry I’ve been slow with posts lately. My little break is not so conducive to anything sexual or any private time alone for that matter. LOL but here’s this week’s pick:

Batman
Batman

I couldn’t tell you when the caped crusader became so attractive to me but I’m sure my husband (the comic book lover) had something to do with that. Tall, dark and masked definitely works for this character and I’m not even partial to him in any specific form – he is as attractive on the big screen as he is in print. It’s neither about the actor nor about the man behind the mask. Bruce Wayne, without his cape and cowl do nothing for me.

Batman

Batman is a character which exudes pure power and masculinity. He’s such a perfect fantasy man for me because I could never deal with the reality of a partner who seeks control. But in my mind, I can sometimes relinquish control enough to let this extraordinary character do what he will.

Batman and Catwoman

I also think his pseudo-romance with Catwoman is ever attractive and the pair of them together is pure hormone inducing dynamic for me. The whole Batman person is sexy enough but paired with Catwoman’s skintight catsuit and whip, i’m ready to drool over this couple.

Batman and Catwoman

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Spring Contest Time!

March 24th, 2009

Pleasure Island Adult GameI’m feeling generous these days and so is the ever-growing EdenFantasys – you know, one of the sex toy retailers for whom I review – who agreed to sponsor a contest. This time around it will be a Spring themed contest as it is Spring – at least my calendar says so; I’m not sure sure about this weather. LOL

Leave a comment and tell me your hottest Spring break rendez-vous (hook up with a stranger, show your bits in Cancun?). Alternatively, if you haven’t yet experienced an X rated Spring vacation, why not share your Spring fling fantasy?

The prize(s) will be Spring/tropical themed to match the contest, of course, and include the Pleasure Island adult game as well as the tropical Hawaiian Vibrator so you and a partner (or more) can have some fun with your new adult toys.

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Sexuality and Gender

March 15th, 2009

A post on the Ef forums got me to thinking. The author seemed to suggest that because that the community members were obviously interested in sex (it is a sex toy forum, afterall) then we must also be interested in gender, as though the 2 are mutually inclusive.  Now, maybe I am the odd duck out and maybe I just don’t spend a whole lot of time considering gender because I fit into the definition without turmoil but sex and gender just don’t have a lot to do with one another. Yes, I have a gender and I have sex as do my husband but that’s about where it stops.

Nevertheless, I’d like to know how everyone else feels? do sexuality and gender go hand in hand? Do you see a lot of voerlap in the subjects? Or are you of the same mind as me?

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And the winner is..

March 13th, 2009

Beautiful Dreamer! Congrats!

Her winning comment was pretty inconspicuous. 😉

Lovely choice. 🙂

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We have a winner!

March 11th, 2009

I bet you’re all curious to know who? Well, just wait and see!

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