Join Us Sunday for a Dildo Discussion!

June 30th, 2014

I am proud to announced that this Sunday at 7 PM CST I will be joining Sangsara and Lori for an episode of Sex Toy Nitty Gritty, a live podcast that those two have starts. Our subject will be dildos, and we’ll spend the first half of the episode telling you everything you need to know about them. During the second half of the show, you’ll be able to call in to ask questions, and one called will win the Pussy Willow dildo from Fucking Sculptures, the episode’s sponsor!

You can find more about Sex Toy Nitty Gritty on their blog. The podcast site is hosted on Blog Talk Radio, where you can also listen to their first two episodes. This is where you want to head to listen to the show on Sunday.

I’m excited. Nervous that you’ll guys hear my real voice for only the second time ever! Worried that we won’t be able to cover dildos in just 30 minutes! But mostly excited!

I’ll report back with the call-in number for you guys. You’re sure to hear plenty about it on Twitter. Maybe we should start a hashtag? #sextoynittygritty? Use it now to talk about the show! Whatever you want!

 

Sadly, SangSara and Lori have had to put this project on hold, so there was no discussion tonight. However, I will be excited to work with them in the future when it will be more awesome than you can shake a dildo at!

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So Silicone Dildo by Marc Dorcel

June 29th, 2014

I’ve had my eye on items in this line for a while. I think it’s because the product images are all weirdly Photoshopped, so I could never quite tell everything I wanted to from photos. For example, this dildo looks almost like plastic. It reminds me of some sort of plastic toy that I had a child. I remember it has some sort of “bones” with joints and you could bend it to keep its shape.

So every time I look at this dildo, I imagine that’s what it’s like.

It’s not. But that’s what I imagined.

To be honest, it might have been better to have some sort of bones. Because what the So dildo is.. is just a giant hunk of silicone. Thicker on one end by far, thinner on the other. You could argue that it offers versatility but, wait! Nope. It doesn’t. The silicone is so soft that the thin end is virtually floppy. It makes it harder to use, and means you’re using the floppy end as a handle if you take the larger side. You can see all the sad clown faces. It’s like Dali’s “The Persistence of Memory.”

Hypothetically, if the silicone were more firm/dense in the thinner neck, this would be a functional dildo — and a more affordable alternative to the Njoy Eleven, which is essentially the same design with an extra ridge on the thicker end of the shaft. If the Eleven is too big for you, the softer silicone might be easier handle, but it’s still large.

I’ll be honest, it’s too large for me to comfortable insert without previously having sex. Even working up to it with other toys is a hassle, and the overly-flexible neck (I’m not the only one who’s noticed ) doesn’t help. At its thickest — at the corona —  this dildo is wider than the 1.5 inches stated on SheVibe. A measuring tape comes up with 6 inches exactly around The head isn’t exactly round at the lip that provides G-spot stimulation. So it’s more like 1.75 inches at the widest and a bit more narrow arrow the dildo. The, silicone is firmest here in the toy. This makes it more difficult to take than you might guess.

The matte silicone will likely take a lot of lube, and those poorly ‘shopped photos (I know! I’m using one but I so desperately need a nap. I cannot help it!) make it look smoother. This is not the case. In person, in fact, this reminds me a bit of the Fun Factory Curve. That’s a better dildo, hands down. Legs up (in the air). Whatever.

The rounded head makes way for a smooth shaft that gently bends for a very lazy “S” shape. On the other end is a smaller head with 2 ridges along the shaft. The size allows for a more noticable G-spot “hook.” It’s significantly smaller with a diameter of just. The neck is something more like 1 inch in diameter at the thinnest. And this dildo tops out at 9 inches with a weight that’s no doubt less than the Eleven but more than I want to deal with on a regular basis and especially not for a dildo that wasn’t design with things like, you know, physics in mind.

Marc Dorcel, whoever he made be (okay, Wikipedia says he’s a French dude who makes porn. I hope it’s better than his sex toys), packaged this in a carboard box with plastic tray. No storage or anything memorable. Wash your silicone dildos with soap and water for two minutes while humming “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” Or is that brushing teeth? Whatever. A run through the dishwasher, bleach wipe or 3-minute boil would get it cleaner.

But I don’t think I recommend actually using this for sex stuff. Just use it to hit your stupid UPS driver or smack the wall when the neighbor in the next apartment over is too loud. Maybe as toy for your dog to play fetch.

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That Time I Broke My Tooth During Sex

June 20th, 2014

I don’t have many crazy sexual stories. I like to have sex in bed for no reason other than it’s comfortable. I like being comfortable.

I also like occasionally getting slapped, and the bartender doesn’t mind obliging.  The last time we had sex, we enjoyed an open-palmed hit to my face. Later that day, I enjoyed some dinner with my little sister, but my mouth felt strange. I have one tooth that sometimes scratches my inner cheek because it’s sharp, and it feel like this was happening.

Upon investigation, part of it crumbled right off. My dentist confirmed that this tooth — my wisdom tooth — had broken. I am waiting for an extraction appointment. In the meantime, it doesn’t hurt. Thankfully. Though, I did spit out more pieces of tooth the other day.

The tooth was already in poor shape due to it being a wisdom tooth that there was never room for to begin with. It would eventually have broken; although, I’m sure the bartender helped it along.

And now I’m getting taken care of, which is just fine. However, I am certainly going to tell this story as that one time when I broke my tooth during sex should anyone ask.

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Minna Limon

June 16th, 2014

I don’t think I can write a glowing review for the Minna Limon without writing a scathing paragraph or two about the Minna Ola, which I reviewed over a year ago but I’m not quite sure I was able to express my distaste for this toy then. And it’s only grown since then.

Both the Limon and Ola use ‘touch sensitive’ controls. The harder you squeeze it, the stronger the vibes. In theory, I like this. In practice, it’s a very specific sort of control that’s different from any other toy and when done poorly, well, you have the Ola. The problem with the Ola would simply be solved if the part that you squeeze

  1. Wasn’t a horizontal
  2. Wasn’t “flat”

Because of this design, you have to awkwardly turn your and learn how to use a new toy. Minna should have gone ahead with a bulbous/round squeezy part to begin with. That’s exactly what they did with the tear-drop-esque Limon, and that’s why I love it.  I can comfortable grasp from just about any angle, so there’s no right way to hold the Limon. This makes the vibrator heads and tails more friendly than the first toy from Minna.

Now, within the round part you grasp is a flatter mechanism so you could maybe grab it at exactly the wrong angle and not be able to get good vibes out of it, but this seems pretty unlikely, and it’s much easier to adjust without messing up the point of contact. While the Ola had a specific shape for the G-spit — you’d ideally keep it oriented one way — Limon is, well, lemon shaped. The nodule at the top is kind of nipple-like, and there’s no right or wrong. You can also lie it against your vulva, clit, nipples or what-have-you so you get more pressure from the sides.

The silicone is plush with give, which makes it comfortable to hold, and I can certainly grind right against it without worrying about sharp corners or cutting myself with my sex toys, which I’ve been known to do in the past.

What I really really really fucking love about the Limon is that squeezing doesn’t even need hands. You could squeeze it in your elbow. Or between your partner’s body and your own. Or between your thighs for hands-free stimulation. I don’t think this was the company’s intent, but Minna Limon works extremely well when used like this. Perhaps you couldn’t make it work if your thigh gap is huge, but I can just lie there, position the Limon between my legs and squeeze my thighs about it. It actually reminds me a lot of the sort of thigh squeezing I would do during adolescence when aroused. There’s something reassuring about going back to old ways.

Like Minna’s Ola, Limon has a bit of a learning curve. There are essential 3 modes:

  • Free
  • Recording
  • Playback

Squeeze harder or play with squeezing and letting go to create a freeform masturbation jam session in the first setting. This is the one I use the most. As per usual, I squeezed the thing like I was The Mountain and it was Oberyn. But I love the option to squeeze and release and create unique pulsations. If you’re the type who maybe likes the unexpected, “recording” a setting like this might be up your alley. It’s more difficult to immitate escalation, but that’s fine by me.

I found your green lantern, Hal Jordan

I found your green lantern, Hal Jordan

With a single button, Limon is easy to use. Turn it on, cycle through the modes and turn it back off. When you turn it on “Minna” lights up beneath the plush silicone. This is cute but not functional.  The light also flashes pretty brightly during charging. I can’t charge this in my bedroom while I sleep. I’d go insane. But you could use it as a freakin’ nightlight.

I’ll be honest — Limon isn’t a surprising little power house.  It’s certainly stronger than some USb-powered toys, but it doesn’t come anywhere near some of the battery-powered toys I’ve used, either. And no one would make a comparison with the Hitachi. And the first time I used it, I was pretty impressed with the strength of the vibrations given the size. They’re rumbly-ish.

However, they vibrations seemed much weaker the second time around, like the Limon wasn’t quite holding charge right. I also had a weird issue where it wasn’t quite responding right. I’d had it on for some time (30 minutes?), and it was fine after I turned it off and back on, but it would be worth noting if others run into this. I could just have a slightly glitchy vibe, of course.

Limon has two magnetic points and comes with a little based to charge. It reminds me an awful lot of the Form 2. However, the magnets are pretty strong, helping to orient the toy and base and keep it in place as it charges. If your cats run over your nightstand, it will fall out of place but it’s not nearly as finicky as other magnetic chargers. Plus, you can use it for storage. I wouldn’t because my cats eat sex toys. There’s a tiny satin bag with it. Good enough for me.

So, there you have it. Yes, I’m a finicky bitch, but yes the Limon passes the test and even surpasses my expectations in surprising ways. Some people are going to need more strength, but the ingenuity of this toy makes up where vibrations lack for the Limon in my book.

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Elegant Moments Purple Mesh Burnout Babydoll

June 12th, 2014

Oh, how I wanted to love this babydoll. I wanted to wear it with confidence until someone tore it off. Alas, a happy relationship wasn’t meant to be.

Because it looks like a sexy flyaway babydoll with interesting burnout details and comfortable, underwire cups but it’s really just cheap and disappointing. Like some of my dates in the past? I don’t know.

The mesh burnout part is actually fairly nice. It features viney scrolls. They’re visually interesting and interesting to the touch. The mesh is breathable and light but covers up a bit in front and the entire back, so you won’t necessarily feel exposed. And on the right body, this will look amazing I am sure. The empire waist won’t look good on everyone of course.

The same material makes up the front panel of the G-string, which was far too large for me in the X1. This is often the case, so I expected nothing more or less.

However, that’s really all I can check off in the “pro” column. My main complaint is with the cups in this piece, but those really make up the most of the workmanship and visual detail. Yes, they’re underlined but the padded fabric is sewn it flat and not curving outward the way any decent bra does. Instead of allowing my breasts to “spill” into the cups, which should support them, this pushes the entire cup — fabric and wire — and the front of the babydoll awkwardly away from my body. The center ribbon and bow just sort of hovers there, wondering what it’s supposed to do or look like. Perhaps on a wider rib cage without any extra space, my breasts would push out the cups instead.

And the ribbon doesn’t match the rest of the babydoll at all. It annoys me a ton. The satin cups almost perfectly match my Liberator Throe and it looks good with the burnout mesh, but the ribbon is just ugly. It’s obviously thrown on there to hide the front clasp, which would be sexy if it wasn’t made of plastic — just like the hardware on the straps. By the way, one of the straps on mine is sewn on twisted. And this clasp means you can’t adjust the waistband, which is quite loose for an XL. It’s going to fit up to a 45 inch bra band, I’d imagine.

And maybe I would be able to live with this if the babydoll was designed with a thick, stretchy empire waistband to balance out the awkward cups, but that’s not the point. In fact, the waistband is just a thin piece of elastic that runs along the top of the back side of the babydoll and connects to the sides of the piece at the end of the underwire — about midway up from the cups. However, a supportive waistband should be at the base of the cups. Because of its location, my breasts push the cups out and the bottoms sit sort of exposed.

I hate to be repetitious but “awkward” is the only word that truly explains how this babydoll feels. And awkward does nothing for confidence, which few people would argue you need to strut your stuff in lingerie or even in the nude. This piece gives me none. In fact, I wouldn’t ever want to wear it in front of another person.

Shevibe

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I’m So Glad I’m Not You

June 12th, 2014

This post isn’t going to be a positive one, and that’s okay.

Today, a Facebook friend is going through a very public breakup with her husband and father of her children.  He suddenly informed her that he was unhappy and leaving. She publicly posted the ended of their relationship.

Then, she discovered he has been in appropriately messaging another woman, and her good friend publicly tagged the husband, the woman who was participating in these messages and that woman’s fiance. So when said woman who may or may not be having an affair with her husband tried to contact my friend, my friend posted on Facebook about it as though it was shocking.

From the get-go, I looked at this and thought Facebook wasn’t the place to air her dirty laundry. Since then, she has received many comments lauding her for being strong and none that I’ve seen warning her away from such a public display. Especially because this isn’t the first time he has done this.s

Yes, it’s her right to have feelings and to answer with honesty the questions posed to her. However, she doesn’t have to do it in a public place.

It goes beyond there, however. The whole thing reminds me of the relationship drama I experienced fifteen years ago — when I was 13. It’s not something that an adult does. It’s petty and childish. It’s not about being healthy, moving on or learning lessons, and while people certainly need time to experience their grief and sadness when a relationship ends, they need not to wallow in it. And they need support from their friends not to do that.

It’s almost 5 in the morning and my thoughts are no longer as clear as I want them to be, but I know that I tried to go through my own divorce with my head held high and my Facebook posts positive.  At the end of the day, I didn’t want to have to go back and delete things that made me look immature or petty, and I sure as hell didn’t want to give my ex the benefit of seeing how torn up I was.

 

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Reprieve

June 5th, 2014

my pussy’s wet, like wet enough to use that two-inch thick dildo that’s just been taking up space in my nightstand. he’s been spanking my ass for 20 minutes, and while I can’t see it I have no doubt that it’s bright cherry red. now his hand rests on my backside and I can’t tell what’s hotter, my scorched ass or the body heat radiating from his hands. it hurts but it also feels so good and that’s exactly why my pussy’s wet.

he knows it like he always knows. my underwear has long been discarded on the floor and he take this opportunity to introduce his hand to another sensitive part of my body. I feel his fingers first one and then two slipping between the creases of my labia. he glides them so skillfully inside me that I can’t help but wonder how he would have fared as a surgeon. but my thoughts quickly return to the here and now.

and first his finger seem like they’re not looking for any particular place. they’re rub up and down and back and forth. he makes sex feel emotions with his fingers inside my vagina as his thumb mirrors the motion on my clit. I instantly find myself almost pushing my body down his lap to get closer to fingers.

he’s consistent and begins rubbing my clit in earnest. his fingers stop there probing and migrate toward my g spot. it is here where he begins his expert manipulation of my most sensitive part. he knows how to stroke my g spot almost milking it until I ejaculate.

he places his other hand at the small of my back pressing down so that my body is limited in what it can do in response to his ministrations. I wiggled the nieces touch anyway as I feel my orgasm building. he’s made me c** like this many times before but every time it feels a little different. The tension increases as just my heart rate and I can hear my breathing becoming more ragged.

I can feel my orgasm a promotion and I’m on his name the way I know he likes right before I come. my mom she come up scared something more like a guttural primal noise as I feel the muscles in my vagina contract is my orgasm finally arrives. it subsides just as quickly and then he returns his attention back to my ass, the color of which surely faded while he was focusing elsewhere.

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Packaging — Worth the Price?

May 29th, 2014

AKA the reasons I hate bulky, “luxurious” packaging.

A box inside a box (with a bag inside!)

A box inside a box (with a bag inside!)

A few years back — man, have I been at this for a while — every review of a high-end item seemed to shout the praises of beautiful packaging. And for a while, I was pretty impressed, too. When I pure received my Pure Wand, I was impressed with the box and the layer of pink satin into which the dildo nestled. But that was almost five years ago, and I’ve since changed my tune. I think other people have, too.

Originally, luxury packaging indicated that companies were paying more attention to detail. If it was a non-porous material or made to the highest standards, it probably had to come in a big box. But this is no longer the case. In fact, some companies ship their wonderful toys simply in plastic bags. Don’t be surprised if you purchase an awesome dildo from Naughty but Nice and packaging is minimal. After all, this doesn’t effect use.

More people are coming to that realization, I think. They realize that, at the end of the day, luxury packaging doesn’t make a bad toy good. In fact, it may only increase the disappointment when you open an exquisite box to find a lackluster toy. Not only that, but it can take away from the time spent developing a luxury — or even a functional — sex toy. Years ago, people discussed Tantus’ now-defunct Alumina line. The price seemed high for dildos, and someone created a poll. The resounding answer was that more people would have purchased the products with a cheaper price tag because the company sacrificed the packaging, instead.

But packaging always makes a toy more expensive.  And perhaps that’s the point. When you charge more, you create a niche market for yourself. We’re luxury you say. Other items are just functional. Isn’t it time that people ask what’s wrong with being functional? It’s difficult not to wonder whether companies are paying too much attention to packaging and not enough to the toy itself. A pretty sex toy really isn’t worth a higher price if it doesn’t get me off. There is no exception to this rule.

Luxury packaging also irks me for a few more reasons.

  • It’s often not easily recycled or disposes off. Cardboard and bags? Most people have no problem with that. Mixed materials, PVC and other materials become harder to dispose of.
  • This sort of packaging calls attention to itself, which is less-than-discreet when it comes to recycling in community containers. Many people use these.
  • Luxury packaging is bulky, which makes it more difficult to store. Does a toy really need a big box and a storage pouch? The problem only increases when you’ve own a dozen Lelo toys or more. I’ve thrown out more boxes than toys I currently own. Seriously.
  • Bulky packaging can increase the cost of shipping.

However, this isn’t the way that everyone feels. Perhaps I am just jaded as a sex toy reviewer but some people want more companies to go the way of Lelo. Other people like boxes as storage. Still, more sex toy owners enjoy the attention to detail. Some people like them for gifts. Others find creative ways to reuse packaging.

While it certainly wouldn’t be feasible for companies to provide two sets of packaging, it isn’t impossible to create classy packaging that’s discreet but nice enough to use as a gift without sacrificing the ability to recycle it. However, the process to attract high-end consumers should come only after you have a solid product and not if the price increase will cut into your market share.

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Embrace Beloved Wand

May 28th, 2014

I’ve really liked the design of Cal Exotics’ new Embrace line. It’s made of silicone and the designs tend to be sleek and more luxurious than you’re used to when it comes to CEN items. The company now even uses more luxurious packaging, which I’ll have a post about soon.

Many of the toys in the line are also rechargeable, as is the one that I wanted most. I was sent a G-spotter that relies on AAA batteries.

I know. Sigh.

I hate toys that rely on AAA batteries. The vibrations are, without fail, weak and buzzy. The Beloved Wand is no different. Generally, my G-spot still responds, but that wasn’t the case with the vibe, which just had overly-weak vibrations that bugged the hell out of my hand.

The G-wand has 7 different functions and two buttons to use them. The buttons are on a flat panel on the base, which gives the Beloved Wand an interesting design in my opinion. It’s easy to turn on and off. Twist the base off to insert batteries. The Beloved wand uses sort of a gimmicky control setup. Each of the seven functions has seven different intensities. If you turn the vibrator on with the power button, it turns on to the lowest steady setting. The following vibration patterns/modes follow:

  • Medium steady vibes
  • High steady vibes
  • Slow pulse
  • short, short long pulse
  • Escalation
  • Five fast pulses, one long pulse

Pressing the power button once turns the toy back off, but pressing and holding it eventually turns down the vibrations. I’m not a fan of toys that do this. Like, what’s the problem? Start low. Go higher. It’s the natural order of things, folks!

The controls are totally awkward. It’s not always easy to tell when you’re switching between intensities. There’s no tactile feedback. Audible feedback isn’t consistent. I have no idea how to tell the difference between one setting and the next let alone determining when I can stop pressing. If you accidentally just press the power button, the Beloved Wand turns off.  It’s just dumb.

But here’s a positive. CEN is now creating toys of more colors than just pink or purple. This G-wand is also available in a matte grey, which is pretty awesome.

Some people will also like that the Beloved wand has a thicker shaft than many G-spotters. I don’t need girth as I use pressure and stroking to stimulate my G-spot. I don’t need to feel full, just stimulated. The Beloved Wand is thicker than Mona, for example. At 1.5″ at the end of the shaft, this is comparable to some of the larger internal vibes — like the Form 6 G3 — and water-based lube is definitely your friend. However, there is also a more drastic G-spot curve, and you can insert about 5.5 inches rather than both ends. At least, the edges on the base wouldn’t feel very good in my opinion.

It also features a rigid mechanism in the g-spot curve. Despite the plush silicone layer over this, it felt more rigid to me even though it’s silky smooth in my hand. I don’t know if I used this when my cervix/vagina was especially sensitive, but something about the design felt sharp. I actually pulled out the vibrator to see if there were any seams or angles, but there were none. T

he product description says this toy moves with your body but something about it just felt foreign. Like an intrusion. There is movement because the neck of the toy is flexible. You might not like this if you like frantic thrusting, and I know some people do. I don’t, but I think a hard toy all the way through is a little easier to manipulate.

Despite the flaws, this could be a decent vibrator if your anatomy likes it. It’s less than $60; although, you wouldn’t have to spend much more to get a rechargeable vibrators so keep that in mind.

CEN Sexpert

4 Comments


If #NotAllMen Are “Bad,” Stop Acting Like You Are

May 27th, 2014

I have a problem with the #NotAllMen hashtag and misogynistic assholes. I plan to tackle these issues, perhaps not so succinctly, in this post.

First, #NotAllMen. It’s the trending topic that started when men wanted to point out that not all men are rapists. It’s true, according to numbers. According to numbers, however, it’s also true that most rapists are men and most victims are women.

The problem with #NotAllMen is it always comes across as “but I’m not a rapist.” Congratulations. Do you want a cookie? Not being a rapist isn’t good. It’s neutral. And you don’t get an award for being a human being who doesn’t hurt other human beings. This should be something we expect as society.

It’s the bare minimum you should be when it comes to not subscribing to sexism and rape culture. In fact, you can be “not a rapist” and absolutely be a douchebag.  Men don’t even disagree with this point. After discussing this with a guy friend, he said that he wants to point out that #NotAllMen are rapists or sexist because he isn’t, because he is personally offended to be associated with them. On the one hand, being repulsed by rapists or the idea that someone could think you are one is good. It shows a moral compass. On the other hand, that behavior brings the discussion back around to men. If there’s one thing that human rights advocates and feminists have been fighting to say, it’s not about you, men. It’s not about you. You are not the victim.

It’s also not about men who are victim to predatory women. Yes, this happens. Yes, it’s awful. No, this is not the forum to discuss it. Because that isn’t a result of system-wide hatred and objectification of men — but the idea that a man shouldn’t be so “weak” to become a woman’s victim is a result of misogyny.

And if pointing out that systematic hatred for and objectification of women hurts your feelings, I am okay with it if it also helps put an end to the societal constructs and beliefs that treat women as less than human. Because your hurt feelings don’t even fall on the scale of terror when rape and murder make that scale.  Think big picture. Do your hurt feelings pale in comparison to rape? I can live in a world where men are offended by this means women are safe.

Does defending yourself take attention away from the problem — a system that, at best, leaves women uncomfortable and worried about their safety for their entire lives? A system that, in reality, results in 1 in 8 women being a victim of rape in their lifetime and that fails to enact justice for rapists, some of whom are even able to continually harass their victims until their victims have to change their lives because they live in a world that does not protect them. Women live in a world where we are told to deal with harassment and abuse and then questioned as to what we did to cause it rather than a world that tells men not to harass or abuse women.

But maybe you’re not an abuser or a harasser. You’re a nice guy. At best, you’re #NotAllMen and you treat women as human beings and not objects. You are someone who everyone may describe as a nice guy. However, you’re still not helping to fix the problem. Ignoring the problem is the same as letting the problem persist.

What do I think men can and should do to help defeat rape culture?

  • Don’t advertise that you’re not a rapist. Simply be a decent human being whom others, especially women, can trust. You can build trust by not raping.
  • Don’t make rape/non-consent jokes. Call out inappropriate jokes whether it’s from your peers or a talk show host. Remember, in a room with 8 women, one of them is likely a victim or will be a victim. Your jokes could be triggering them again and again.
  • Skip catcalling women. Forgo objectification in general, whether it’s online, in person or during a discussion with your buddies.  Recognize that women are not there to look good for you. No one owes you that. Measure women on the merits of their character and skills, not their appearance. View women as complete human brings who do not just exist to get you something (sex, popularity, a cup of coffee).
  • Teach your sons not to rape. Do not teach your daughters that a certain aspect of dressing means they are “asking” for rape. Do not “slut shame” women for the way they dress, which has nothing to do with their sexual activity. Ditch the words “slut” and “whore.” You might even do away with “bitch.” On that note, do not judge women who are sexually active or celibate. Whether a woman chooses to have sex or not, she does not deserve to be a victim of harassment or rape.
  • Call out men who describe women who don’t want them as “bitches” or any other negative label. Explain to men that rejection is okay. Not every woman will be interested. This is a part of life. No one is entitled to another person’s affection or body. Let men know that they should leave women be who do not return their interest.
  • Engage in conversations about behavior that may actually contribute to rape culture even if that is not your intent. Let women express themselves without going on the defensive.

Because subtle versions of all these things mean you still subscribe to rape culture and misogynistic views. Even if you’re just mimicking things you’ve heard, you’re contributing to the problem. If you let other people around you do these things, you are actively part of rape culture. I know many men — and even women — who are so immersed in these things that they don’t realize how entrenched it is in society. Just because you don’t see it or even think about it doesn’t mean it’s not there.

The problem is that while most men don’t think about these things, haven’t even considered them, no woman is ever allowed to not think about them. It might not be all men who are a danger to women, but all men need to hear the message until all men are on board and, then, when a woman is victim of violence or harassment, we’ll know it was because of one unwell person. Not a person who was taught these things every day of his life and just treating women in a way that society taught him was acceptable.

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