Metal Worx Curve

November 9th, 2011

Metal Worx Curve

Metal Worx Curve
$42.95 from FunWares

I know Pipedream is getting a lot of flak for basically copying Njoy’s designs in its new Metal Worx line and, I have to say, I understand why. Most of the designs are far from original. However, I’m also glad to see a big name get into making quality metal dildos because this means there’s more options, and more affordable options, for broke bastards like myself who want to experience metal at a lower price tag. For comparison, the Metal Worx Curve is a ripoff of the Njoy Fun Wand, which FunWares carries for $66. The Curve is just under $43. That’s a significant savings, in my opinion.

There are slight differences between these pieces, though. The Curve has four bumps on the one end. This makes it 2″ longer than the Fun Wand — for a total of 10″. The largest balls on the Fun Wand have a 1″ diameter while the larger on the Curve, at the G-spot end, is 1.25″ in diameter. This same ball is entirely spherically while the bumps on the Fun Wand are all oblong. The four balls on the other end of the Curve are oblong, however.

I think that I would like the Curve better than the Fun Wand. This is where I remind you that the Pure Wand didn’t do it for me. It was bulky and hard to handle and one end was too small, the other end too large. It curved too much, ending to miss my G-spot. At this point, I wish I hadn’t swapped it away for comparison photos but c’est la vie.

The Curve has a less drastic curve and because the other end curves away from my body, I can use it without stabbing myself in the mons pubis area. The four bumps also make for a good handhold, another complaint I had about the Pure Wand. The ball at the end is ridiculously good at finding my G-spot. In fact, I’d hazard a guess that I finally experienced the uber gushing that many women reported after using the Pure Wand. More FE than ever.

The balled end is more of an anal toy; although, I did try it vaginally. It felt interested but the dildo is just unbalanced. The other end is much heavier and I found it difficult to control the balls. A more shallow thrusting was required and I’m just not that patient. In addition to this, the last ball is just kind of pointy and we all know that my cervix is a bitch.

Cervix, you’re a bitch.

Here’s the thing, though. This line is not as high quality as Njoy’s toys, period. There’s a review up of the Curve on EdenFantasys with pictures that you have to see. Tim received his with some serious defects to the finish and did a little sanding of himself. Metal Worx toys are a) not stainless steel; just steel and b) suffer from a serious lack of quality control if toys can ship with such issues.

I didn’t notice any serious defects when I first examined the Curve nor when I washed it. Mine is definitely usable but it’s not as luxury as the Pure Wand. I took a closer look after reading Tim’s review and noticed some “bubbles” in the finish as well as what look like “dried drips,” like you would get with paint. Picture for emphasis.

Metal Worx Curve Finish

Unfortunately, it’s a little difficult to take a picture of something reflective. I’m not photog.

Like Njoy, Pipedream has gone with a costume box for these. It’s a locking metal case that reminds me of a toolbox or some of the storage chests floating around. I don’t find the button to work very well so I have to manually lift the latch. Also, boxes are bulky so I’d be happy with a pouch, anyway. It does minimize packaging, though.

Ultimately, Pipedream has done some sleazy copying and some cheap production. I got lucky enough to get a usable Metal Worx dildo and it was super effective. I can’t say that the Fun Wand would be my best friend but you have to consider the chances of getting a dud if you want to save money and opt for the Metal Worx products. For some, it won’t be worth the risk.

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Sinner’s Paradise

November 6th, 2011

Sinner's Paradise

Sinner's Paradise

This outfit/costume/lingerie (available from sex toy retailer MyPleasure) looks so much better in pictures than it does in person.. it’s ridiculous.

First, let me outline the few good things about this piece. I like the cut. It’s a chemise that’s ruched directly down the front. This texture makes me feel less self conscious so I like it. The halter is flattering on the boobs and I like how they looked when it was tied. The tie halter means this will better fit a variety of chest sizes; however, it’s intended for the bustier of us. The idea of a devil costume as a chemise works quite well and there’s feminine ruffles around the halter ties and bottom hem. The stitching all seems secure. The mesh is fine and soft and stretches nicely. I did order mine in the “Queen” size and it fits loosely so it’s good for 1x-2x, I’d suggest.

Where the tail attachesNow for the bad. This just wasn’t well though out as a costume. The tail is a mesh-wrapped wire that ends in a mesh point. It’s permanently sewn to the back of the costume which pretty much means handwash only. I guess I don’t know how you’d detach it but it’s a bit awkward. You can bend and shape the tail but it always falls down. The most you can do is, like in the picture, extend it slightly from your ass in a downward direction. That can still be cute, though. The tail is definitely more functional as a cat toy. Be careful.

The horns, on the other hand, are a complete failure. They consist of horn-shaped mesh over plastic “bones” all attached to a string headband. You know, the type you tie under your hair? The worst kind there is. For the life of me, I cannot manage to make them stick up. They always lie flat. I don’t think I’m going out on a limb when I suggest the publicity image uses an entirely different headpiece. Sorry.

Tip of the tailThe outfit is more sheer in person than the image suggests. This isn’t a bad thing per se but I wouldn’t wear this outside the bedroom. There’s actually double layers of mesh over the cups so it’s slightly less sheer. I like that.. Except, the outside layer of mesh seems to be really loose to the cups look saggy. I would probably notice more than a lover but it feels unflattering on my C-cups. Larger breasts women will fill it out a little better but a single layer of stretchy mesh would solve the problem.

There’s not much to say about the included G-string. It seems to run large, even for the queen size. It’s mesh and elastic and forgettable.

If you simply want to add some spice to the bedroom, you can certainly concoct a fun little scene out of the Sinner’s Paradise lingerie costume but if you want a real costume, look for something higher quality.

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Categories: Lingerie, Reviews
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Introspection

November 5th, 2011

I recently came across this post on STFU Conservatives. Joe and Jess had written and reblogged a few times about the “Nice Guy TM” who actually isn’t so nice but uses the label to get a pity fuck, basically. But this comic struck a nerve because, in it, I saw a little bit of myself — and the Hot Nerd — in the comic and that worried me.

Nice Guy Comic

Am I that guy? Am I the person just sitting around, waiting for the object of my affection to slowly wear down until he decides he can settle for me? This weighed heavily on me for a few days. It worried me. I don’t want to be a creep. I don’t want to be the fake Nice Guy TM.

And I’ve decided I’m not. Because, while I may hold out hope, the happiness of the Hot Nerd is as important to me as his friendship and those things will always take priority over the fact that I believe we could be really good together. While I hope more time together will bring us closer, I want it to be because it has helped him realize the same spark, not decide to live without it.

Phew, I can live with myself for another day.

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Categories: Dating
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How to Talk to Women on Dating Sites

November 4th, 2011

Lest you think I’m some sort of sexist, the advice in this article absolutely pertains to communicating with men as well. However, in my experience, men seem to more often experience frustration and confusion when reaching out to a woman for a first time on a dating site. Having been on the receiving end, I can tell you there’s a few simple things that will make me more likely to respond, even if you’re not necessarily my type or if I’m not immediately attracted to you. So, for all the women who are sick of signing in to messages that just read “Hi” or include a phone number (why?), here’s some advice,

Read her profile.
Seriously. Take some times to read it two or three times. Make note of anything you find interesting or confusing or anything that you simply have in common. Unfortunately, this is where you need to realize that you may have nothing in common. Even if she’s incredibly attractive — and especially if her profile gives no indication of wanting casual sex — you may need to forget her. You won’t know this if you don’t take the time to read, folks. However, if you do find some compatibility, click the button to send her a message. Nevertheless, this is a great place to list a few common interests.

Introduce yourself.
Just a sentence or two about who you are and where you’re from. “Hi, I’m Jon. I saw your profile today and you look pretty interesting.” To make yourself more memorable, explain why you took the time to message her. If you can’t think of anything besides “you’re hot,” you should probably delete the message.

Ask her something.
Don’t just end the exchange on an awkward note that forces your recipient to force a conversation. Ask something! Preferably, you’ll ask something related to her profile. This shows that you’ve read it and you’re interested and, also, that you have a brain. Perhaps you can ask why she does what she does (work/school) or what it’s like to be a person who [fill in your own blank]. The key, here, is to build a conversation that is less generic because you can only be having it with her.

Send your message
That’s it. You’ve got a little of you, a little or her and some ideas about “us.” Either you’re intriguing or thoughtful enough that she’ll respond or she won’t but you’ve made it that much easier for her to respond.

Here’s a few tips to help your post to come off even better. Use proper grammar to the best of your ability. No one expects you to be perfect but at least put in an effort. Avoid text/chat speak. This means you might avoid typing on your phone at all and, instead, save the interactions for when you have a full keyboard within reach. With that said, don’t send essays every time. Time is valuable and you should be able to succinctly get your message across without making your reader feel like she is doing homework. Leave a little to the imagination. Don’t show all your deep, dark secrets and rattle off your entire life’s history within five minutes of her first response. Let her wonder and, if she is so inclined, inquire about you.

Be open and honest if you expect the same. It doesn’t guarantee it but the effort goes a long way. Remember that humor and silliness doesn’t always come off the way you intend online and, because first impressions are so important, you may want to hold back until you know her better. If you attempt, and fail, at humor, feel free to lightly apologize. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to make a good impression and my nerves may have gotten the best of me.”

What you don’t do it just as important as what you do do. So don’t talk all about you, don’t be rude or dismissive, don’t make fun of her (even if you’re a funny guy), don’t assume you’re already in or that you are somehow better than her and she is lucky to have caught your attention and don’t assume that you’re a loser who would never deserve a response. In fact, stay as positive as possible. A negative attitude will quickly turn off potential friends and lovers.

Be patient. Even if someone is actively pursuing a new relationship via the Internet, she still has a life. Don’t write someone off who moves at a different pace than you. Responses may take a while and she may want to take time to be angaging and appear thoughtful. You should also take your time when crafting messages for the very same reason. This is especially important with your first message because your reader may not even take the time to view your profile if you butcher the conversation.

Expect awkwardness. In fact, sometimes acknowledging it can break the ice. Dating sites have thrown a lot of traditional etiquette and expectations to the wind. Everyone’s learning how to be successful with this new medium and how to incorporate apps and text messaging into blooming relationships.

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Vanity by Jopen #4

November 3rd, 2011

Vanity by Jopen #4

Vanity by Jopen #4
$105.95 from FunWares

FunWares was kind enough to send me the VR-4. This marks the third Vanity by Jopen rabbit that I’ve tried and the third that I didn’t like. All the shapes are just slightly different enough that I find it hard to figure out which would work for me. The Vr. 6 was extremely rigid. Like Lelo’s Ina, it was a little pinchy.. but I liked the vibrations.

The Jopen #4 actually differs in that the neck of the shaft is quite flexible so you can experiment a little more with positions. This means it may work better for a variety of users.. or so I’d guess. The head of the shaft is a rigid silicone, however, so you can still get pressure where you need it.

The shaft is also more angular, too. First, it curves backward to accommodate the pubic bone. Then is curves forward, toward the G-spot. The very tip curves very slightly back once more. In use, it really presses up against the G-spot. This is good for squirting — I did a lot — and makes me feel fuller but the angle isn’t so good for thrusting. I find myself having to be a little more careful. #4 provides direct stimulation in the way that’s best for users who like to hold a vibrator against their G-spot. The angles make the 3.5″x 1.5″ shaft feel much larger than it is, in my experience. My cervix is a little unhappy.

The insertable portion runs on its own motor that is powered by a single button. I’ve described that in detail here so I won’t do it again. I like it but I’m not used to it. Every time I reach for a Jopen toy, I have to relearn the buttons. Unless CEN plans to make all its toys operate in this manner, I think maybe it should consider not reinventing the wheel.

The clitoral arm is also more flexible. It doesn’t seem to have the motor right in it but just under it so the vibrations here are weaker than I recall the Vr 6. The silicone provides a firm but flexible stimulation that I would like, except the arms just too damned short for me. It measures just over an inch long and is about 4/5″ wide. It probably wouldn’t provide the broad pressure I like if it did reach, though. The clitoral stimulator gets its own button. See above for my thoughts.

Overall, the Vanity by Jopen #4 seemed a little less powerful than other Jopen vibrators. This especially noticeable in the clitoral arm. At times, the shaft motor also seemed jerky. This isn’t something I’ve experienced before and it’s not a deal-breaker but it’s interesting enough to note.

Like the other toys in the line, this toy is rechargeable (there’s a light on the toy itself to indicate status) and comes with the adapter and a super large storage bag. I mentioned it before, but it’s so stretchy that it’s almost unwieldy. I’m not a fan. Jopen vibes are all waterproof, made of non-porous silicone and not compatible with silicone lubes.

The flexibility is the strongest feature of the Vanity by Jopen #4. I like how it creates more room for the pubic bone, too but it does so in a way that presses toward the back vaginal wall and I don’t like that so much. If you want a decently powered vibrator and think that this one will fit your proportions, you could do much worse.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators
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Flurry O2

November 2nd, 2011

Flurry O2 Dildo By Tantus

Flurry O2 Dildo By Tantus
$49.99 from SheVibes

I am super excited to write this review because, up until now, I haven’t been all that satisfied with any Tantus product. It’s not that they’re not high quality. It’s just that my vagina has become a Finicky Fanny (if I may borrow the English usage of the word). There’s a specific shape and specific size and specific texture that it likes and then there’s well.. everything else. Unfortunately, the specifics seem to change so I’ve become quite awful at trying to guess whether or not a dildo will do it for me. The Flurry does it for me. I love the Flurry.

Like the Cush, Flurry is available in pastels and uses the O2 formula. Flurry is not my first O2 dildo. In fact, I wasn’t blown over by the Adam and wound up swapping it. While interesting, Adam was most regular than it was O2. The outter layer was thin and inconsistent. This is great for anyone looking for a firm dildo with just a touch of realism but for someone like myself, who can’t get enough of VixSkin, Adam just wasn’t different enough.

I was about ready to give up but I’d heard that some of the other O2 dildos were less firm and, it seems to be, that this is the case with the less realistic toys. The color silicone and more fantastic dildos in the line seem to be the less firm ones. I could be wrong but it’s worth noting.

Flurry is especially squishy at the head. The “front” of the shaft, that would stroke the G-spot, is more plush than the back. The core is still quite rigid — moreso than a VixSkin toy — and you can really feel it when stroking the dildo with your hand. It feels like a layer of squishy skin but harder than any penis I know.

Flurry is semi-realistic. The head is rounded and sculpted like a real cock but there’s another ridge below it — a quite pronounced ridge — that I haven’t seen on any actual penis I’ve fucked or sucked. It’s a limited number but still. The shaft is pretty straight and relatively consistent in terms of girth. The base flares out flat so you can use it with a harness and there’s no balls here. I’m so over balls on my sex toys. Sorry.

By the numbers, Flurry is 7″ long and has a diameter of 1.5″. It’s a good length and firmly in the category of medium-sized toys. The head is slightly less girthy than the shaft and the countoured shape helps insertion but those ridges, again, are really pronounced. My pussy doesn’t necessarily feel texture beyond “hmm, there’s something going on here” but I could distinctly feel those ridges. Right on, Tantus.

So I enjoy thrusting and my easy-to-reach G-spot is just fine and happy with the ridges on this. If I’m masturbating to (clitoral) orgasm, I can clench my legs around the Flurry and it feels good. Not quite as good as my Tex, you know, but awesome anyway. In addition to this, the super squishy head is so much easier on my cervix, which has decided that should anything touch it, it will scream in pain. )= Except (= because that doesn’t happen with the Flurry.

This dildo will not be going up on any toy swap list. In fact, I will probably keep it in my top nightstand drawer with such covered toys as my VixSkin Tex, the Miracle Massager and my Liberator glass dildo.

SheVibe sells this dildo at an awesome $49.99. Go get one.

SheVibe

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Categories: Dildos, Reviews

No Thank You

October 29th, 2011

I’ve gotten a lot of interesting messages on OkCupid. Most of the ones I’ve started myself have fizzled out. I’ve made a good friend fallen in love with an adorable geek and I’ve had some interesting conversations. I’ve assigned nicknames to the people who really stuck out in my mind, including the Hot Nerd and Creepy Tall Guy. Now I can add this guy to the list; although, I don’t have a nickname yet. I’m thinking The Obnoxious Douchebag.

His first message didn’t sit quite right with me:

I read your “you should msg me if”…..and I fit ALL 3 of ’em. You look at my photo and you think “jock” “asshole” or whatever else comes to mind that’s intellectually demeaning. But I assure you, I’ve spent the vast majority of my life in nerddom. Much of that’s changed over the past 3 years or so, but…..I’ll always be a geek at heart. Afterall, my major is Math with actuarial emphasis. English was actually my second language; I learned numbers first. I’m a bit of a numbers freak (I’ve seriously freaked people out). But I don’t let many know that. But since you alluded to you having interest in geeky dudes, I figured I’d put the shit on point so I got another reason to message you. And for God’s sake, post a profile pic of you smiling, would ya! 🙂

And so I let him know. I wasn’t super interested in anything he’d said or his pictures but I figured, maybe he was nervous and we could turn things around when I responded:

I’m glad you read my profile but I do have to say that your message came off a bit aggressive. I feel almost as if you’re attacking me — in fact, you assume that I would make assumptions — and it’s a bit awkward, especially with the smiley face on the end. Perhaps you are just eager and/or I’m reading a bit much into this but I’d like to suggest, as politely as possible, that you might want to start out a bit differently, more calmly, so as to not scare off people in the future.

I checked with a guy friend to make sure it was friendly but on point. Apparently the meaning went over The Obnoxious Douchebag’s head because his response was this:

Um….there r so many chicks w so many dif personalities out there, i aint worried bout scaring a couple ubersensitive ones off.

That’s fine. Plenty of fish in the sea. Unless maybe you’ve resorted to a dating site. Then maybe you out to worry about how you might be scaring off the “chicks.” Also, use some God damned English, would ya?!

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Categories: Dating
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Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.