Respect, and how not to earn it

February 1st, 2009

A while ago (months, I guess) I became a member of TooTimid’s forums. I had found the site a while back when looking for sites which use sex toy reviewers (I applied, twice, and heard nothing back). I took a bit to get around to joining the forums and I found a fairly active community which was sex positive if not as contemporary as some. I enjoyed it, nonetheless.

After joining, I put my blog URL in my signature. I soon received a private message from the person who I assume is the site owner which said I could not have the link in my signature but it would remain in my profile. I was fine with this.

Recently, I went to update sometihng else my profile and realized my URL had been removed; I can only assume this happened back when I first joined and I had not realized it. I updated my information, added my URL back in and soon received another private message. The owner (again, my assumption) thanked me for being an active part of the community but said I could not have the URL in my profile and hoped I understood.

I did not and I very politely responded as such. I did not see why I could not link to my personal blog in my profile and, if he did not want that happening, he should edit the profile fields so it could not be entered. If he was worried about competition, I recommended increasing Too Timid’s reach and reputation as an online sex shop and community rather than being paranoid about personal blogs. I strongly suggested they reconsider what I think of as a ridiculous policy. I heard no response.

In fact, I have been suspended, without notification until “Dec 27 4746, 08:14 AM.” I can only assume that, by this time, I will be dead and Too Timid will be long gone as well. In fact, I doubt any humans will remain but I digress.

Rather than being mature, the powers that be chose to suspend an active and helpful member. I joined despite the fact that they ignored my requests to be a reviewer and gave my input to other members, helping them as I could. All I asked was to fill out a field in my profile which was, for lack of a better term, fill-outable.

This suspension really shows TooTimid’s true colours. This is not a company or site which supports community, in my mind. This is not how you spread the word of your company and make yourself viewed as a team player. This is not how you boost your reputation. No, this is how you alienate those who have the power to spread the word about your site (which TooTimid does seem to need; it’s not very well known despite the fact that it seems to have an active community and resources on its site). This is how you show that you are so insecure about what you’re selling that you must try to censor the mere mention of potential competition.

In fact, rather than ask how I think TooTimid might strengthen its public appearance or to do a link exchange, I was essentially banned without valid reason. It seems to me that not allowing for constructive criticism gets you nowhere fast. I can name quite a few historical figures who saw defeat because of this tactic.

Shortly before this happened, I was contacted by TooTimid on Twitter to be a reviewer (but no follow up contact was made). I know I was not the only one. I had thought it a step in the direction of community mindedness. However, after this, I must advise caution to anyone who might choose to review for or affiliate with Too Timid in any fashion. If this is how they treat an active community member, I am not sure how they would treat anyone else. If they is how they deal with a nonserious issue, I wonder what approach they will take with serious issues customers, reviewers and community members may have.

It’s no secret that I chose to stick by EdenFantasys after some mishaps on their part, because I feel there is much potential within that company and, ultimately, I think they try to be a community member. I cannot say the same for TooTimid and while I also cannot force anyone to decline an opportunity (nor would I think any less of anyone who does review with them), I can warn that TooTimid has a long way to go before they are a company I can respect.

12 Comments to “Respect, and how not to earn it”

  • Alexa says:

    I, too, have been in forums like that. That kind of behavior is a sign of an immature board owner, someone who’s more concerned with how many people they have signed up than actually helping anyone. Anyone who truly wants to help someone would welcome links to any site that might be of use to its members.

  • Seriously. Then ban someone who is helpful. How does that make any sense??? Thanks for the warning.

  • Toygirl says:

    Aw man. Thanks for the heads-up. They contacted me to review, too, but I haven’t heard anything. This is just so annoying since they were the first place to ask me to review. Booo.

  • Dez says:

    Are you serious? Thanks for letting us know. That seems like a real shitty thing to do, especially contacting you afterwards (I’m assuming) to be a reviewer?

  • Wow. Thanks for the heads up. How disappointing that a site would act with such carelessness. It will come back and bite them in the butt soon enough.

  • I ordered from Too Timid a few times, and they never really impressed me. Their prices are way too high, their shipping is super-slow, and their website likes any kind of valuable information on their products. Still, I used TT when I absolutely couldn’t find something on another website. Now that I’ve seen they treated you so poorly, I’ll never buy from them again.

    • Adriana says:

      Since using EF, I always find myself wanting more information on sex shops so I often open another tab with EF’s product page (if they have one)! Haha.

      Also, most everything about TooTimid has seemed mediocre to me as well.

  • I’m sorry that happened to you, it seems like some companies just don’t care about their image (especially amongst the reviewing community).

  • Christina says:

    URL’s set off red flags for sex toy retailers who are wary of getting deluged with spam. That said, it only takes one minute to decipher real content from junk messages. There’s no good reason for blocking URL signatures unless they happen to link back to a competitor or an obvious spammer. Banning a forum member based on such guidelines is inept-PARTICULARLY when the content posted is legitimate.

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