Maia Astral D3 Dong

May 12th, 2013

I’m still not sure about the naming over at Maia toys. I think perhaps something more memorable would help them out, and I kind of hate the word “dong.” But who doesn’t?

So this is the only dildo I was able to review for the company, but it’s also my favorite of the items that they sent me. The blue, or astral, is a medium sky blue. I also had a medium lavender, which I donated to a friend in need. For some reason, the box photos show a rather shiny finish, but this isn’t the case. This dildo has a satiny smooth exterior, which feels just great in my hand. It also picks up lint, but man does it feel good when I grasp it.

The shape is a bit more difficult to describe. It looks “twisted” but this dildo actually has ridges. If you’re looking at it from the side, they angle downward. There are four ridges, and while each is wide, they’re not that far off the shaft. However, you can still feel them quite well. If the contoured head, which reminds me of a number of Tantus dildos, isn’t enough to stimulated the G-spot or whichever spot you’re aiming for, the ridges will.

There is the slightest — and I mean slightest — G-spot curve. I find that the head works well enough for me, and the combination of the ridges and head should work well for most people. However, I can’t guarantee it. This thing is almost seamless. It’s super smooth, which is awesome.

The area around those ridges is the most dense of the entire toy. There’s some give but its mostly around the thinner part of the toy, above and below the area where the shaft is. All in all, I thought I wouldn’t like the size + shape + firmness, but I kind of fucking love it. It’s simple yet effective. It doesn’t require much from me, that’s awesome stuff, man.

IMAG0455To give you a better idea of size, we’re talking about 7.25 insertable inches, with a bit more length thanks to the suction cup, which sucks a lot.. in a good way. The widest part of the head has a diameter of 2 inches, but it’s oblong and narrower when you turn the dildo. Around the widest ridge, we’re talking about 1.9″. This dildo is on the larger end, and while it’s not the biggest toy you could ever play with, it’s certainly filling. The valleys on the shaft are probably 1.65″ wide or so, while it narrows to about 1.5 inches right below the head. This might not the dildo for the feint of heart or newbies.

It’s definitely the right toy for someone who likes bright colors, filling sensation and the ability to use it on a hard surface. Hey, that isn’t my thing, but there’s no judging thing. I find the suction cup provides an interesting hand hold that’s squishy and easy on the write. I like this, because the size makes it a little on the heftier side.

No matter how you use this one, you’ll need to wash it wish soap and water to rinse off any pesky dirt, lint or, as in my case, cat fur. Like every other Maia toy, this comes with a storage bag. It’s bright blue, to match the dildo, and soft and stretchy. Of course, you could store this with like material without worrying about reactions, but you’ll want to avoid silicone lube reactions if you like it.

I’ve seen this ranging from $27 to $35, and that’s a fucking awesome price. Plus, it comes in that windowed box. I like those. You know what? Go buy it, now.


Icicles No. 39

February 22nd, 2013

I have written many reviews for underpowered, overpriced, poor-quality and other sex toys with simply poor designs. I’ve had defects, but I’ve never had one break on me, despite the fact that I’ve reviewed more than my fair share of glass dildos over the years. What makes this even worse is that this dildo broke before I was technically able to use it. I took a picture and put the dildo away for a while.

Then, I got it out and went to wash it. While it was under the stream of water already in the basin of the sink, fell a few inches and broke. The flat ring of the handle broke off from the corkwscrew shaft. A tiny piece chipped and fell down my drain, so while I can piece these back together and maybe even super glue it, I don’t think it’s worth dealing with.

Now, it didn’t shatter or break in use, but I’ve dropped more than one piece of glass into my sink and even on the floor without it breaking on me. While this dildo broke as the thinnest point, I still feel it warrants discussion. Is this an issue with the dildo I received? Is it a problem with this particular design because the ring is so narrow? Or are Icicles dildos in general something we should stay away from? I don’t want to write them off entirely, but this makes me wary.

Icicles 39 Handle Broken From Shaft

Before it broke, Icicles 39 really was gorgeous. The black glass is opaque. It’s super shiny and sleek. The corkscrew design is unique and it wasn’t hard to take a decent picture before it broke.

Pipedream is really trying to up their game. My dildo came in a foam insert in a long, narrow box. There’s a magnetic “flap” that you open to see a window surrounded by a black-on-black pattern. It’s all very sophisticated. Sadly, it’s all for show because Pipedream includes no storage and..

The dildo really didn’t work for me. Yes, I still use it — carefully — after it broke. I found the shape to be noticeable but not in a way that was especially pleasurable. The problem with it is that it’s just so narrow. I really had to press the straight shaft to stimulate my G-spot and this was due to the narrowness of this. While this makes it a good dildo for people who like smaller toys, it’s going to wind up disappointing size queens. I don’t even consider myself one of those, but this thing is a maximum of 1″ or so and it starts around half that. With 6″ or so insertable, the taper is super gradual, but the lack of girth and curve means it’s less than ideal for me personally.

So, this went in the trash for obvious reasons, but if you were to buy this, cleaning is a breeze. Storage? Well, you want something padded, that’s for sure.

I’m wary of quality, but I think someone could like this dildo. It’s just not me.


Star Delight Clear Dildo [Flash Review]

February 19th, 2013

My first Crystal Delights dildo was a success, but I feel like I would enjoyed it more had I been able to use it on someone else. The pretty Swarovski jewels at the end are totally lost on me, unless I display it as a piece of art in my living room. I just might. Although, the blue almost exactly matches my nails.

The Star Delight specifically is a glass dildo with a contoured head and bulges on the shaft. The flared based makes it pretty safe for anal, and while the shaft lacks any sort of G-spot curve, the contoured head was enough to make me squirt within minutes. The bulbs are impossible to ignore, but I slightly prefer ridges for actual pleasure. Six inches to thrust with is plenty, and the glass has a heft to it that I enjoy.

The base makes it easy to hold, and I was able to insert this 1.4-inch dildo with no warm-up and a little lube. Cleaning is easy no matter how you do it, and Crystal Delights includes this storage pouch, which I just love. It’s like a burrito of happiness.

Good dildo? Yes. Better than any I’ve tried before? No? Prettier? Why don’t you come find out.

Crystal Delights Storage Pouch


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Fetish Fantasy Elite 10″ Dildo

January 14th, 2013

Where do I start with this review other than to say it looks like a giant unicorn horn? And giant is the keyword here. It’s a whopping ten inches long. It’s a heavy hunk of silicone that you likely won’t use every time you’re having sex or going for a solo session, but it does have its uses. For example, the length makes it ideal for strapon play when angles and bodies mean short dildos just won’t cut it. The slight curve at the end could definitely be used for G-spot stimulation, and the shaft isn’t going to bend or give during intense thrusting.

It’s still a really large toy, however. It’s definitely meant to be used with a strap-on, and I’d recommend a nice, tight one to keep it from pulling down too much given the size and weight. And, in fact, Pipedream does offer a few strap-ons that you might test this with. The only one I currently own is the Sasha harness, which I didn’t much love. With a bit of pulling and prodding, this dildo does fit into the Sasha harness. Even though that harness is quite snug, the dildo hangs down. It’s not perky and erect like some people might prefer. I personally find it a little heavy for my tastes. I think this could easily be solved by hollowing out at least part of the dildo — this also gives you room to insert a bullet if you’d like.

As to whether this one will work with your harness, the Fetish Fantasy Elite 10″ Dildo will need a 1.75″ O-ring. At the base, the shaft goes in slightly, so it’s less wide than the widest point, which is just under 2″ in diameter. This makes this dildo pretty large. Of course, I can’t really imagine someone inserting the entire thing. Assuming you insert about six inches, the diameter at that point is over 1.75″ .

The thickness on this one gradually increases. The head starts out at just 1.27 inches; however, it reaches 1.5 inches pretty quickly. If you aren’t a size queen, then you could simply insert the tip for G-spot stimulation. It works well enough for me. Of course, then this really wouldn’t be the toy for you.

The silicone of this dildo does have a lot of drag, so water based lube is your friend. I’m not a big fan of toys that need quite so much lube. I also slightly prefer the velvety finished of some silicone toys. As for the wrapped design? It looks pretty and really lends a fantastic element to the appearance but isn’t something that sets me over the edge.

It collects lint like crazy, so a healthy soap and water rinse is necessary even before storage — unless you store it in a plastic bag. The silicone feels pretty firm and dense; although, I can slightly bend the head a few degrees to either side. However, the lack of G-spot curve means this might not be the best vaginal didlo. The same goes for you if you’re looking to use it for prostate stimulation.

One aspect that I do like is the base, which will work as a suction cup if you’re not using this with a strap-on. Of course, there are practicality issues to consider, but if you’re into mounting your toys, then the option is there.

So, if you love silicone and large dildos, if you want to feel powerful and really take your partner without a serious need for a curved toy, this might be up your alley. If you’re unsure for any reason, I’d pass it up.

Like most Fetish Fantasy products, this one comes with a silicone mask. And it’s a piece of crap. Silicone is really staticy and linty, so your hair will stick to it and pull. The mask runs really small. It pulls uncomfortable over my eyes even when it’s adjusted to the loosest setting. Plus, the shape doesn’t do much to block light or vision at all. I am still a proponent of my Kinklab leather blindfold and would recommend it a thousand times over this one.

Still, it’s a solid toy with a minimal seam and much better quality than other Pipedream products I’ve tried in the past. I would probably consider something a little smaller from them in the future.



Lovehoney Galaxy Orgasmic Glass Dildo

November 20th, 2012

This is an archived review. Lovehoney no longer makes this glass dildo.

Do yourself a favor and read up on glass dildo safety before making any purchases.

Lovehoney Galaxy Orgasmic Glass Dildo
Sometimes, something about a toy just makes me go “meh.” It might be that it’s a different size or color in person. Maybe I’ve used something too similar in the past. It might be less strong. Whatever the cases, I felt like this with the Galaxy Dildo. It looks swirled with smoke in the product images, but I was less impressed with it in person. Another notable difference is the “kink” or hook in the neck, right below the head.

So, the lines are stark black and not smokey in person. It’s kind of.. amateur. I don’t know. It stands out too much from the clear glass shaft. I’d like to see the lines blurred more. That would appeal to my sense of aesthetics a little more.

Anyway, the design also seemed disappointed because it’s just so thin and smooth. I generally prefer some sort of texture on my glass. However, this dildo did surprise me in use because the little hook beneath the head. It actually proved perfect for stimulating my G-spot. I was able to come in something like six strokes. So even though I expected little from the dildo and it didn’t look beautiful, it did do its job. The head adds to the sensation only in that the bulge is a good end to the hook. It provides leverage.

There’s nothing entirely fantastic about the specs of this one. It’s glass, so it’s heavy, is suitable for temperature play and doesn’t take much lube. Clean is just as easy, and the widened base makes it safe for anal play and possibly compatible with a harness. It’s also good for grasping. The diameter is just over 1″, and the dildo is perfectly round the entire length through save for the head. The bulbous head is less than 1.5″ wide, which makes this a good choice for anyone who doesn’t like giant toys. I was barely warmed up and didn’t need a whole lot of lube. I love that about glass. Of course ,as glass, this dildo is less forgiving and feels a little larger than softer toys.

Some might enjoy the contoured head for clitoral stimulation. That’s not really my thing. I’m sure many people will find the dildo to be more attractive than I do, too.

Lovehoney packages this with a storage pouch made of velour. It cinches closed but it’s barely longer than the 7.25″ dildo. I would really like to see another half of inch in length for the pouch to be ideal. The velour is thicker than satin, but it’s not like an Otterbox case for your dildo.

I feel like I should have more to say about this toy, but I don’t. It’s simple. No frills. You can heat it up or cool it down, but I never do. I feel like it might be just a bit overpriced, to be honest. I’ve used cheaper glass toys that looked as nice as they worked, but maybe I’m too obsessed with looks. I mean, I am the chick whose Layaspot just died and will only consider a replacement in the right colors.



October 29th, 2012

I haven’t had a lot of luck with the other Dr Berman toys I’ve tried. They’re frequently poor quality and inferior materials. Many of them items seem like there were design by someone who has no idea what a man or woman truly wants from a sex toy, let alone a so-called expert. In fact, I have thrown out every single Dr. Berman toy I’ve had a chance to try, so I don’t have high hopes for them. If you’re getting the picture that I wouldn’t have personally chosen to buy this dildo/PC exerciser, then you’re right.

But, I think this toy is probably less of an abomination than every other toy in the line. However, it could definitely use some improvements. Let’s start with the obvious. This is made of resin. I assume it’s something like acrylic. Every once in a while, you see a toy made of this hard material. On EF’s scales, it’s rated a 9, so it’s not horrible, but I think it is confusing. So the toy seems similar to but not quite like glass. That is, it’s clear, smooth and rigid. It sounds like plastic if you hit it with a nail, though. The density isn’t quite the same.

I think it’s also a little lighter than glass, but I’m not positive. I don’t know if this is actually working against the design. You see, California Exotics has included two weighted stainless steel balls in either end of the toy. One of obviously larger and heavier than the other. The intent is to use this is a pelvic muscle exerciser, but I think perhaps the weight of glass could have helped this, reducing or even eliminating the need for the balls themselves. Maybe I’m wrong, but I find the material choice curious.

I’m also not sold on the design. I recognize that this isn’t supposed to be a dildo per se, but I’m betting that most people will want it to be versatile. The end with the larger internal ball has a single row of nubs that run around the circumference. It’s not not texture at all. I like rows of nubs or, preferably, ridges that wrap around the entire shaft. I’m not much of a fan of such a difference between texture and lack thereof, so this isn’t my thing.

The other side of the shaft also has some interesting texture, but I’m having a hard time describing it. If you look at it head on from the end, it looks a bit like a star. There are elongated dimples that are about an inch or so long running down the length of the shaft. This results in angled ridges. Most ridges tend to be more square of round, at least in my experience. This is unique, but I think it looks cooler than it is.

The rest of the shaft is completely smooth. It tapers toward the center, so either end is wider. Both ends come to a rounded point, and it seems like the one on the nubby end is a little more rounded, but it could just be shorter. That end seems significantly smaller, even though it holds the larger internal ball. I think it’s just my eyes playing tricks on me though. It is smaller, but not by much. The smaller end measures about 1.4″ in diameter, while the larger end measures a little over 1.5″ in diameter. The product description says 1.25″, but that doesn’t match any measurement I took. The thinnest part is less than an inch wide, so I’ve no idea.

Sizewise, this could work for people who like smaller toys, but because the ends are larger, there’s no tapering to help you out. This isn’t really for pleasure in that way. Ideally, you’d start with the larger end with the smaller ball for PC exercises. You could pull with your fingers while using your muscles to play tug of war or simply insert and squeeze. I suppose if you were so inclined, you could walk around with it inserted, but I’m not. Then, you’d move to the smaller end, which would require better trained muscles and which, in theory, result in more of a workout because of the weightier ball.

But therein lies the keyword: workout. I don’t have the time or effort to be so conscientious about my PC muscles, and I don’t think it’s necessary for me. If you experience more difficulties with bladder control or have just given birth, you might be more concerned than I am. Perhaps this “Weighted Pelvic Exerciser” might be more up your alley or your doctor would recommend something similar. Then again, I’m not sure why you couldn’t just use a regular dildo or, if you’re lazy like me, some kegel balls might be better for passive exercise. I’m just saying.

In terms of quality, there’s no seams. Ease of use? Yep. Versatility? Eh, not so much. Cleaning and care? As easy as glass or hard plastic. I’d you could use any lube with this, but I’m not really sure. So information? Cal Exotics is pretty lacking there. Still, this toy doesn’t seem to do much that one of my glass dildos does, and I can use them to get off or squirt, too. However, it’s definitely the least offensive in the Berman line, so there’s that.

CEN Sexpert


Tantus Splash

July 30th, 2012

You may recall that the Splish surprised me. It was much smaller than I thought and, in face, while pretty, didn’t do a whole lot for me. The Splash, on the other hand, was a dildo that I expected would be much too large, especially with the texture. I didn’t expect to like it much at all.. but I was wrong.

The Splash is almost identical to its younger cousin, but it’s much bigger. At 1.75″, it’s not for the tiny vagina-havers of the world. The drippy ridges add some serious texture to this dildo, too. If you like it smooth and small, this isn’t the toy for you. Why not try the faerie instead? And, indeed, I thought I would be one of those people who wouldn’t like the Splash because of this. However, I was dead wrong. It’s definitely not the size, though, because it is a wee bit large for me.

However, in spite of the fact that my vagina really had to struggle to take this one, and there was no way I was going to get the full 6″ (insertable) up there, even if I wanted to. Still, the texture was so very noticable. My g-spot was like “Hey, guys, I can feel that.. a lot!” and then I freaked out, wondering who the hell my g-spot was talking to and just how it was accomplishing this task.

The Splash took very little time and effort, in terms of movement, to elicit some FE action from my body. It felt pretty good doing it, but I feel like I’d enjoy it slightly more after sex or other toys.. but I’m not the type to whip out a dildo post-intercourse, and aside from reviewing, I don’t take much pleasure in using multiple insertables during a jam masturbation session.

So, I’m pleasantly surprised by how well my body reacted to this melty-candle-lookin’ dildo, it’s not one that I would reach for all the time. My Vixskin dildos feel good and let me squirt, without requiring the prep or effort. Similarly, I can’t say this is the perfect dildo for everyone. Size queens will love it, but its girth means it feels pretty solid. It’s not rock hard, but it’s pretty firm, and the texture could very well be uncomfortable or painful for some. I’ve used toys that looks like they had a lot of texture, but the Splish and Splash really take the cake.

However, if you like size and texture, you’ll probably love the design of this. The gradient between purple and white is one of the best designs, as far as aesthetics, that I’ve seen from Tantus. The texture is great to look at, and the base makes it safe for anal play and compatible with harnesses. Perhaps the amazing Sasha harness from SquareParts.