Uberlube

February 8th, 2015

It must be hard being silicone lube in my possession. First, it sits on my counter or my table for a few days. Days turn into weeks, and the lube makes it way into my bedroom. There, it sits on my dresser before taking months to move to my nightstand, where it will sit a while more until I can think about using it.

You see, it doesn’t matter if you’re nice and slick, perfect for partner vaginal or anal sex. Long-lasting doesn’t matter. A lack of stick is just great.. someone else. Silicone lube can be compatible with most of my toys and all condoms, and it can come in a cute pump bottle that’s also made of glass. An ingredient list that’s short and easy to pronounce should be something that I approve of. But none of that just really matters.

At the end of the day, silicone-based lubes get the short end of the stick because they feel so artificial to me. There’s no way around it. Water-based lubes are shorter lasting and become sticky as they dry, but it feels closer to my natural lubrication. It’s more natural feeling, less like a plastic bag in my vagina.

So, you see, UberLube didn’t have a chance. Umlaut and everything, I still wasn’t swayed. It was just another silicone-based lube that will likely collect dust because I don’t particularly care for that type of lube. I don’t like how it feels inside me, on my hands or on my toys despite how often and long I’ve washed them.

And while the pump bottle is cute, it’s also not travel friendly because it could break and there’s no way to lock it. And $19 is far more than I would spend on any bottle of lube. If I was a die-hard silicone lube fan, I’d probably recommend a lube like System Jo for Women, which is a hair more affordable. If you’re really interested in Uberlube, Good Vibes does sell travel sets, which cost $16 each, but the other silicone-based lubes offer a more competitive price.

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Lip Products for Softer Skin and Better Oral

August 14th, 2014

The lovely folks at Good Vibes were kind enough to send over a tin of Smooch Me Lip Lube with my last order. This it not the first time I’ve been able to try a product like that if you recall my review of Babegloss, a liquid lip gloss and lube intended to make your lips softer, tastier and wetter. Babeland has since discontinued the product, which is a shame. I like the taste and the design. I only wish I had used it more. I still have plenty left!

Good Vibe’s take as such a product is a little more, dare I say, generic? It comes in a tin like any homemade lip gloss. Now, this isn’t a deal-breaker, but I do prefer a container that allows me to apply without getting my fingers dirty. So, I sort of just wind up sticking my lips in the tin. It’s weird, I know. Maybe I’m just being lazy.

Anyway, this gloss/lube is available in several flavors, including mint and cinnamon. I got Cherry Vanilla. It’s probably the only scent I would come to close to liking — and I do like it.  The gloss is flavored as well as scented; although it’s more artificial flavor than anything else. I wouldn’t expect much more from a product like this. The flavor can help during oral, but Smooch Me is white so it’s not making your pout look anything other than shiny.

The texture also aids in this as an oral tool. It’s softer than many lip balms in a tin, so it definitely feels more like lube. However, it’s still got the slightly-waxy balm feel. Perhaps a little less so given how how soft it is. I really like the texture and find myself reaching for it simply to moisturize my lips. But the softness makes it easier to reapply if you’re actually using it as lube and need a little more.

The final product I’d like to discuss is PinkCherry’s lip balm. You can buy it because you love the company or maybe you’ll just throw it in your cart because you’re angling for free shipping. PinkCherry’s lip balm comes in a standard-sized tin. It looks a lot like the option from Good Vibes — but smaller. It’s white, so it’s not going to tint your lips. And, yes, it’s cherry scented. Although, it’s even more artificial than the other products I’ve discussed, and there’s a weird after taste that I don’t particularly like. This balm is scented but not flavored.

While Smooch Me is soft and easy to apply, PinkCherry’s lip balm simply isn’t. It’s hard. You either have to dig into the pot with a nail or give it a pretty fierce rub to get it to melt a little. PinkCherry definitely missed the mark here, and I think this simply makes the lip balm seem pretty cheap. I mean, at only $1, it’s not going to change the world, but it’s not doing the brand any favors. Smooch Me costs seven times as much, but you get more of a better product.

To be quite frank, PinkCherry’s balm will probably go into the garbage. Or maybe I’ll do some “science” experiments with a lighter. Because who doesn’t love open flames?!

If you’re looking for a lip product that’s as versatile as these things can be, Smooch Me is your best option. However, you might simply want to opp for flavored lube, instead.

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Wet Naturals Beautifully Bare

May 26th, 2012

You’ve probably tried Wet Naturals. I say this with confidence because sex toy retailers like PinkCherry frequently send sample packets with your order. In fact, I have a few random flavored straggles in my nightstand. In fact, it was a packet of the silicone-based version that ruined my Spur. Third world problems.

I’m not overly fond of the packets. They’re not super easy to use and I can never get the right amount of product, so I was glad to try a full-sized bottle when the opportunity to work with Wet arose.

Let me preface this by saying I enjoyed the Beautifully Bare lube when I first used it. It was an interesting experience. My toys felt lubricated but I couldn’t necessarily feel the lubrication. It was the most natural feeling lube I’d used. However, I just didn’t love it as much the second time around. I think it’s because it’s a thinner lube and it winds up running down my toys and hands, making a mess. I’ve definitely come to like slightly thicker lubes better for play with toys. When you consider that all my play involves toys these days, you can see how this would affect how I feel about this lube.

Although thin, it feels pretty slick at first. Unfortunately, it dries up right quick with a little friction. I don’t need a necessarily super long-lasting lube, but this will be a break it factor for some consumers. There are longer lasting water-based lubes and, of course, silicone-based lubes will last much longer. The company does make a silicone-based variant in the Wet Naturals line, which has just five ingredients.

On the other hand, if you like a light lube, this one might do the trick. It’s compatible with all types of play and toy materials. It has no odors or colors and the push-top bottle is easy to use, with a little indentation on the side that makes it easier to hold. The embossed “Wet” logo adds to that, even if your hand is fully of the runny lube.

The ingredients list doesn’t include any sugars or parabens, but Wet Naturals does have a lot of natural extracts, including grape seed extract and aloe vera. Wet Naturals is also slightly cheaper from most retailers than other organic or sensitive lubes, so this might be a good alternative if you’re into that.

Compared to some of the other natural or organic lubes I’ve used, I like this a bit better. This is mostly because it’s truly tasteless and odorless and has no funky color. It’ll more than do in a pinch, but it’s not my favorite lube either.

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Sliquid Lube Cube

March 27th, 2012

It’s about time I got down to writing this review. I’ve had the lube cube for long enough. Sadly, I haven’t had great opportunities to try all of it but I really like the idea. You see, this sampler set includes pairs of several of Sliquid’s lube, including Sliquid H20, Sliquid Sassy (for anal), green apple, blue raspberry, cherry vanilla flavored lubes and Sliquid silver (silicone). Each comes in a square foil package that features a different color. H2O is blue, for example, apple is green so on and so forth. The packets fit perfectly into this little cardboard box. Generally, I dislike packages inside packages, but this just works so well. Plus, it makes sense.

The box itself is also cute. Mine has a purple to blue gradient that I love. There’s also a white flower on the front. It’s super classy, y’know, for lube. The box itself is only a little over 1″ thick, so it would fit in my purse perfectly. I actually like this as a portable lube sample. I mean, if I forgot it at someone’s house, I’d be less upset than if I forgot a whole bottle of lube. Not that I’m getting any of have any need for portable lube. Whatever. It could happen.

I’ve tried the water-based lube mostly. It’s a bit thin for toy play IMO. It also seems to get a bit sticky. I’ve heard good things about Sliquid so I was a bit disappointed. Sassy is a thicker water-based formula that’s compatible with all toy types. I’m pretty sure it’s geared for anal sex, but I like gel lubes for masturbation with toys. As you would expect, the silicone-based lube is slicker and thin. It’s good for PIV sex but not great with silicone toys. Especially not VixSkin ones. Le sigh.

The flavored lubes are pretty tasty, especially the cherry vanilla. The mix of two very common flavors produces something more exciting. I would definitely buy a bottle of this. The blue raspberry tastes a little powdery to me. It’s not my favorite, even though I usually enjoy that as a flavor. The green apple is sweet and a little artificial but good nonetheless. All of the flavored lubes are clear and water-based. They contain not sugar, so I’d think you could use it for penetration, if you performed oral beforehand and there was some lube leftover.

I’ve purchased flavored lubes in the past and not only was it syrupy tasting, but it was incredibly sticky. This does make for a stickier hand job; however, it’s not as sticky as I expected and slicker than I expected. You’ll want to wash your hands of course, but it wasn’t unbearable like my past experience. Oddly enough, the flavored lube seemed to develop something of a film when I used it to stroke. This looked.. weird, but it didn’t impede the function of the lube.

As is the case, packets are always too much or too little. The inclusion of pairs means you get a much better experience with these products, which I like. I actually don’t use a lot of lube so the packets are more than enough for my tastes. Even after sampling every flavor, I still have a bunch left to use. As your box winds down, you can easily grab a few packets and toss them in your bag. I’d maybe keep them in a baggie, because there’s a pre-cut notch that makes for easy opening and could potentially lead to tearing.

I don’t usually give a flying eff about lube but the Sliquid lube cube manages to be impressive. Plus, $2 of the purchase price goes to immigration equality so that’s awesome.

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Maximus

September 2nd, 2011

Maximus

Maximus
$1 to $16 from Babeland

Maximus is a water-based lube that has long been touted by fans of anal sex because it’s thick and more or less stays where you put it. Although I can’t even remember the last time when I ventured into anal territory, I enjoy thick lubes that stay where I put them because I’m a toy fiend. There’s nothing worse than lubing up a toy, only to have it drip all over your hands, or erotica book, or partner or floor or bed (see my point?) on its way to your target destination. So I like my lubes a little thicker.

Yet, in the past, I’ve used lubes that were so thick that they not only stayed exactly where I put them but they felt solid and thus lacked in any lubricating goodness whatsoever. This is not the case with Maximus which is a thin, gel-like lube. It’s definitely not a liquid but it does move, eventually. If you hold a toy upright, the lube will slow obey the forces of gravity. But not so much that I wind up up covered in it, which I enjoy. It’s actually thinner than I would expect and the opening in the bottle is a little thicker so it came out faster than I was ready for. I’ve got it down now.

Texture-wise, Maximus is pretty silky and it just keeps going and going. I generally test between my fingers when I write a review so I can give you an idea how long it takes for a lube to dry up and whether it gets stick as it does. My fingers are starting to become sore from rubbing together and they’re still silky, although not as slick, and not sticky at all.

Because this is a water-based lube, it’ll wash right away with water. This is bad in showers but good when it comes to washing off your body or toys after play time. I didn’t taste it but it has no recognizable smell. It’s completely safe for internal play and with your silicone toys as well.

In summary: Maximus might be the best water-based lube I’ve ever use. Kthnxbai.

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Booty Parlor Seduction Kit

July 31st, 2011

Booty Parlor makes a whole line of sensual items that come in fairly cute packaging. It’s all very feminine and reminiscent of Pure Romance, if you ask me. You didn’t ask me but I’ll tell you anyway.

This kit consists of lip gloss, lube, massage oil and a scented candle. Each has a clever little moniker like the “light my fire” candle. If I had read closer, I might not have opted for it because I’m not a fan of mint and the lip gloss is mint. It’s the super sweet type of mint (and the gloss tastes sugary in itself) so I actually don’t mind it. Unfortunately, if you are a fan, you’ll be disappointed because the scent and taste don’t last more than a few minutes. Then, you’re left with a waxy residue that would be a whole lot sexier, in my opinion, if it were still scented.

On the other hand, I kind of wish the scent of the massage oil would fade because it honestly reminds me of something burning or.. burned. Like they overcooked something in the process. It also smells a little dusty. It’s not super strong but it’s just too weird and unpleasant for me to enjoy the massage oil. I.. don’t know how this got past quality control, honestly.

The “add magic” lube doesn’t have a smell. It’s my favorite part of the set. It’s a thinner gel that runs a bit but nothing too bad. It’s slick enough and I didn’t have to reapply. The bottle is pretty small but comes with a pump and a cap so it’s easy to use and mess free. It’d probably be great in your purse or suitcase.

Praise is over now. The candle is generically floral scented in an overpowering way. Also, it’s not a massage candle. It simply exists for atmosphere. Not that I entirely mind that but since I don’t enjoy the scent, it doesn’t do much for me. Sadly, this also means I haven’t burned it to its end to see how long it lasts.

This set comes in a box with a clear plastic color. Pinks, red and white are the main colors and it all feels a little Victoria’s Secret. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised to see it in a store.. but I wouldn’t buy it and now I’m not sure that I want to try any other Booty Parlor products, either. =/

Thanks to SheVibe for letting me try it, though.

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Defense Protection lubricant

July 22nd, 2011

Thus far, I’ve had about a 50-percent chance if liking any Intimate Organics product that I’ve tried. Their Hydra Lube? Eh. The shower gel? Yea! G-spot Gel? You betcha! Their defense protection lube? I think I’ll pass on this.

I was really intrigued by the product description. Intimate Organics uses only natural ingredients, including those that are FDA certified organic, in their line-up. The important ingredients in this lube are caarrageean and guava bark extract. Caarrageean has been gaining popularity in lubes and apparently interferes with infectious viruses like HPV while guava bark is known for treating and preventing yeast infections. If you’re thinking Defense Protection Lubricant sounds ideal for anyone prone to infections, you’re right. Luckily that’s not me and I’m not entirely sure that I’d want to be prone to infections just to write a better review. Sorry? You’ll notice that this water-based lube is free of glycerine and propylene glycol, ingredients that can cause irritation in some people.

Anyway, this lube comes in a green bottle with green-tinted packaging. It’s a far cry from the typical pink and purple color schemes and is simply interesting. The lube itself isn’t actually green but I wouldn’t be quite surprised if it were. It would certainly make me think “natural.” It’s sort of a thin gel. It won’t stay exactly where you put it but it doesn’t run all over the place, which I can certainly appreciate with toys.

However, I expected the same issues with Defense Protection lube as I did with Hydra. The lubricant has a tendency to quickly rub in, rather than staying on the surface long enough to reduce friction. This is pretty much the worst possible characteristic that a lube could have when I’m using clitoral toys because I use short and fast movements but, even when I tried to use it with the First Mate Dildo. I added more and more and it just never seemed like enough. It’s the wrong kind of wet for lube.

Not surprisingly, this lube leaves virtually no residue but, you’ll probably still want to wash your hands and other parts after using it because it stinks to high heaven. It has a cosmetic/natural scent that is funky and strong and smells clean but really unpleasant. It’s also very strong, so strong that I found it to be a turn off during play and strong enough that I’d be afraid to use it with a new partner lest they ask “What is that smell?” That’s no good.

While I really, really like the idea of defense protection lube and natural ingredients, I’d much rather have a chemical-laden lube that works. It looks like Intimate Organics lubes just aren’t meant for me.

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