Minna’s kGoal Kegel Exerciser and Its 4 Fatal Flaws

January 3rd, 2017

You’re not going to find many negative reviews of Minna’s kGoal, and I think that’s because it works for most people. But it didn’t work for me. Not technologically. Not shapewise. Not at all, and I think it’s important for people who have similar bodies and preferences as me to know what they’re getting into. Because what they want is a smart toy that helps them exercise their PC muscles, not an exercise in frustration.

By now, you all know that kGoals uses Bluetooth to connect to your device. It contains sensors that measure the strength, and the app (for Android and iOS) includes “games” to help you get your reps in without boring to death.

But there are a few problems with kGoals.

1. Bluetooth

Any wireless technology struggles with physical barriers. It’s why pretty much any remote-controlled vibrator is terrible, why WiFi signals decreases the further you are from the router and why cell reception is so difficult to find in rural areas.

Your body is a pretty big physical impediment to wrap directly around a Bluetooth-enabled device, and I quickly found this out with the kGoal. It works best when you connect before insertion, which makes sense. But sometimes even that wouldn’t work. And while some of my devices would connect, not all of them would.

Once it was connected — and I only had it connected successfully during insertion twice tops — the connection is prone to drop because of these same issues. Of course, you’ll need to drop your phone, remove the toy, clean lube from your fingers, reconnect the device, reinsert it and get back into position. It’s a fucking hassle.

2. Random Account Issues

I cannot explain how awesome Minna was at answering my questions. When I attempted to use kGoal with my new phone — because my mmold one doesn’t turn on —  I couldn’t even sign in. There was some account error, and they told me to sign up again.

Of course, this would lose any information I had from my previous account, meager as it were. If this problem persists, then it could wipe out a lot of user data between devices.

Also, I’m pretty sure I’m still waiting on an email and can’t even log in soooo =/

3. Shape and Size

Listen, I know that my pubic bone doesn’t run exactly the same as other women. It’s why I don’t need very much of a curve for G-spot stimulation and why the Pure Wand totally didn’t work for me. It’s also why most kegel balls are too damn large and feel pinchy.

Now, you also need to understand the design of the kGoal to understand why it also won’t work for my anatomy. The kGoal looks like a dual stimulator, and the arms are quite flexible from one another with the external part being rather flat.

The insertable portion is coated in essentially a balloon of silicone that expands with air and compresses with force (of your vagina or hand). It feels more similar to the Minna Ola than the Limon.

There’s a very narrow shaft in this, but the head is rounded and very firm beneath the silicone. It is also huge. I mean, it shouldn’t be. I’ve taken larger cocks and toys, but they weren’t rigid.

Minna’s kGoal always hurts going in and it gets stuck behind my pubic bone when I want the damned thing out. I know that Minna tried that damnedest to work with the actual human body, but we’re not all identical.

Unfortunately, I think you’re not going to know whether this works for you until you try it but if you have a similarly pronounced pubic bone as I do, I might advise against the financial and physical risk you’re taking with kGoal.

4. Vibration

I don’t know. They say it’s supposed to be pleasurable. Maybe the pitiful vibration would be better for someone who didn’t feel like the crotch was in a Chinese finger trap/lobster claw/C clamp (choose your metaphor).

You can use the thing for pleasure or for exercise without the app, but it really takes away from the innovation and usefulness if you’re just relying on the vibration.

So once you get it inserted, if you can get comforted and connected, you open up the app and play some games. There are two simple games that requires squeezing to accomplish tasks. “Game” might even be giving them more credit than they deserve. Activities? Regardless, it’s harder than you might think, and it’s great for giving you feedback about how you use your PC muscles.

You set goals for how often you want to work out, and the app will remind you. These are all pretty good features.

But the problem with kGoal is there are so many damn “ifs” to get to that point, and it’s difficult to pinpoint how to minimize them. I cannot in good conscious recommend a toy this costly with so many risks.

Does kGoal sound like something you’d like? Are you okay with a really innovative and costly paperweight? If so, buy it. If not, buy anything else.

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JO Hair Reduction Serum

December 4th, 2014

Shame and exhaustion are the two things I feel when I think about how much time I must spend removing hair or even just thinking about it. I am not a fortunate person with wispy blonde hairs. I have dark, coarse hair. The older I get, the more I have. I shave practically every part of my body to deal with these hairs, save for my arms. This is the one place on my body where it doesn’t seem like a cardinal sin to have hair.

I settled on shaving because it’s the compromise between expensive salon waxing or even more expensive hair removal and touchable skin. I’ve tried any number of at-home creams and waxes, none to much success. Coarse hair isn’t so easily dealt with when it comes to those chemicals. Tweezing works well, but the only epilator I’ve managed to use wasn’t very good, either. Shaving it is.

And it becomes quite quick once you get a routine. There are places I won’t go without shaving every day. Those are the places where women don’t even talk about having hair. I’m less worried about places where it’s “okay” to shave because we shouldn’t have hair there — legs, underarms, pubic region, thighs. Those areas are truly the least of my worries.

With so much hair to worry about, I’ve thought about ways to complement shaving or even permanently remove hair. Since laser removal is out of the question, I started considering creams that would help with hair. I’ve seen a few reviews about products designed to slow growth, make hair more fine and reduce the necessity to shave. I was hoping that some of those more obvious areas that I hide shaving would react well to System Jo’s Hair Reduction Serum, then.

To put it bluntly: it didn’t. After weeks of daily application — you’re supposed to put on the lotion after you remove hair. It says it works with “all” hair removal types but only listings shaving and waxing. Um, okay, then.

It might have even been over a month, and I’ve noticed nothing. All the places I was shaving on a daily basis still require daily shaving. The hair is no less dark or thick. Stubble feels exactly the same.

I mean, i guess it’s a good thing there are no negative reactions. The thin lotion has a light scent, like just a hint of vanilla, and it causes no ill reactions. It seems to moisturize and doesn’t add to any discomfort of shaving sensitive areas, but it also doesn’t do much of anything, either.

I really wish this product worked better — at all? — than it does because I so enjoy the scent. There’s no reason to continue buying it once I run out, however, because I’ve got plenty of scented lotions, and who needs an extra product? I’m still interested in lotions like this, but System Jo’s option isn’t it.

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JO So Fresh! Hygiene Cream for Women

November 5th, 2014

I generally like System Jo’s lubes and massage products, but my experience with their bath and body products has been hit or miss. For example, their feminine spray? Pretty good. Their shaving cream and pheremone deodorant? Meh. I was excited to hear about some of their new products and reached out to see if I could do a review. The folks over there kindly said, “Yes.” Thanks, guys!

One of the products I received was the Hygiene Cream for Women. The site describes it as a product that ” delivers long lasting moisture control and comfort wherever you need it most. Use daily on hands, elbows, knees, armpits, groin area or anywhere else you experience chafing or irritation.”

This talc-free product is designed to help combat moisture and side effects caused by moisture. Think chafing and smell. Now, the feminine spray already does a decent job when it comes to smell on a hot, summer day, but I am always looking out for something to prevent chafing, especially after I shave.

This cream is one of those cream-to-powder products. It comes in a pump bottle and comes out like a gel, but it turns into a powder once you rub it in. It’s like Monistat’s anti-chafing gel like that. In fact, it leaves marks on clothing and fabric like  a powder. I noticed this on my black sheets.  So keep that in mind when it comes to getting dressed and wearing dark colors.

I experienced no ill effects from this product. I didn’t notice anything about the smell either. It’s pretty light.

But does it work?

Ehhhhh. I noticed no real protection from chafing. I tried it on  a sensitive spot and it didn’t prevent additional chafing nor do it help to soothe the existig irritation. Nor do I think this absorbs moisture enough to be better than some sort of body powder or, you know, regular deodorant. At $15, you could get a couple of tubes of Monistat’s anti-chafing gel, SHE Aftershave Oil or go for Jo’s Feminine Spray instead.

I really wanted to like this product. i will certainly keep using it as long as I have it, but I can’t really recommend it. Perhaps it tries to do too much. Perhaps the gel to powder formula isn’t the right one.

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Flirty Little Secret Pink Caviar Scrub With Pheromones

November 2nd, 2014

I never thought I would try another Booty Parlor product if I’m being honest. The last time I did, I was rather unimpressed by the quality of multiple products, so I’ve stayed away. It’s been a while, and I’ve opt to review another product from the company thanks to SheVibe. The pink caviar scrub is a body product, sensual as best. It’s definitely not sexual, but I certainly feel sexier when my skin is soft and smooth!

So let’s start with the positives. This thick scrub has some serious scrubbing power thanks to the sugar granules. I’m not sure if the caviar beads help. I can’t really tell the difference between them and the sugar, honestly. The texture is well mixed.

Secondly, I like the smell. It’s generally sweet. The scent is supposed to be raspberry lemonade. I get a hint of lemon if I’m looking for it, but the sugary smell really stands out.

However, there’s something about the overall texture that prevents me from loving this scrub wholeheartedly. More specifically, it’s slick and hard to rinse off. When used on my feet in the shower, it’s slippery. In fact, the residue stays on the floor through several showers, so I couldn’t imagine how slippery this would be after several showers if i used it every time.

Secondly, it’s nearly impossible to wash off my hands and body. To some people, this might feel moisturizing, but it’s definitely intense and not going to be everyone’s cup of tea.  This feeling/residue might stick, but the beads do wash off, so it’s still effective.

And to be honest, I never notice after I’m out of the shower, but it bothers me enough that I’d really like to see the ingredients list changed. When moisturizing becomes potentially dangerous, there’s room for improvement.

I’m not entirely sure which of the ingredients is making it so slippery, but they include Jojoba oil, Shea butter,  grape seed, soy and pheremones. It’s likely the shea butter or oil that’s causing this to be sooo slippery. I’m not sure how I could reduce this for the tub that I have left. Like I said, it works well and smells good.

So any suggestions how to make this a little less likely to cause a broken bone in the shower would be great.

Otherwise, you might give this scrub by Booty Parlor a try.. but $26 is a steep price for a product that doesn’t do everything it’s supposed to with flying colors.

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Fetish Fantasy Gold Ben-Wa Balls

August 18th, 2014

As I sit here writing this, I am awaiting one heavy, golden ball to reintroduce itself to gravity and make its way down my vaginal canal so I can finish this review and go to sleep.

I am not afraid that this ball is lost forever. I have a cervix. I know that there is an end to my vagina. I am not worried. I am simply annoyed. Other people might be worried, however. They may not understand how the the female anatomy works or, perhaps.

In my case, I struggled to push the small ben wa balls past my pubic bone, pinching myself with my fingernails as I did. Yes, this isn’t the type of item I would review at this stage in my life, but the folks at Pipedream sent me a pair to try, so I had to give them a fair shake.. roll?

At the end of this whole experience, I sit here with one ball nestled against my cervix, right where my short fingers can’t reach them. Perhaps someone else could, but I have to wait for gravity. This brings up one of the issues of classic ben wa balls: usability. Without a retrieval cord, it can be difficult to remove them, and I’m sure the variances in female anatomy make this more true for some women.

But let’s head back to the begining, the point during which I was inflicting pain upon myself in the name of a review. These ben wall balls are much smaller than any of those that most people really like. I’m talking about the Luna Beads or Smartballs. I like the K-balls, all of which are 4 or so times larger. Most of them also have some sort of texture or ridges, which helps keep them inserted in addition to the size.

With a sleek exterior, it was hard enough to get the ben wa balls inserted to stay in place. They kept wanting to slip back down past my pubic bone, which had me walking like a penguin. Not so great for daily use. I recall one of my first set of ben wa balls, which were similarly sized and white like pearls. They stayed in the first third of my vagina and kept irritating my urethra.

I opted to forego standing and returned to jerking off and pausing for a few kegel exercises. On my back, I could barely feel the balls inserted, and that must have been when they rolled back toward my cervix, where one still sits.

Since I can’t feel them, it doesn’t remind me to do kegels, and I’m not convinced that simply having them in is going to improve my muscles; although, I was more than impressed when my finger was inserted to push them into place and I clenched my PC muscles. Of course, the size of large balls makes them easier to feel, and most manufacturers argue that internal balls, which are probably like these ben wa balls, keep your muscles working passively.

I wanted to see if the ben wa balls made any difference during orgasm. They seemed to enhance them a bit, but orgasm always feels better with something or someone inserted.

These ben was balls are simply listed as “made of metal,” and they have the weight of them. The product description lists them at 2 ounces, with a diameter of .75 inches. They’re actually more like 1/2″ in diameter.

The gold ones, which I received, don’t seem to be available from every retailer. You can but them at my affiliate store here. At just $12, they’re cheaper than the alternatives, but they lack a storage option. This seems to be something pretty necessary for an item that can literally roll away. They come in a box with a plastic insert that would work for storage but is far from ideal.

And I guess that’s how I feel about these as a whole.

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Lip Products for Softer Skin and Better Oral

August 14th, 2014

The lovely folks at Good Vibes were kind enough to send over a tin of Smooch Me Lip Lube with my last order. This it not the first time I’ve been able to try a product like that if you recall my review of Babegloss, a liquid lip gloss and lube intended to make your lips softer, tastier and wetter. Babeland has since discontinued the product, which is a shame. I like the taste and the design. I only wish I had used it more. I still have plenty left!

Good Vibe’s take as such a product is a little more, dare I say, generic? It comes in a tin like any homemade lip gloss. Now, this isn’t a deal-breaker, but I do prefer a container that allows me to apply without getting my fingers dirty. So, I sort of just wind up sticking my lips in the tin. It’s weird, I know. Maybe I’m just being lazy.

Anyway, this gloss/lube is available in several flavors, including mint and cinnamon. I got Cherry Vanilla. It’s probably the only scent I would come to close to liking — and I do like it.  The gloss is flavored as well as scented; although it’s more artificial flavor than anything else. I wouldn’t expect much more from a product like this. The flavor can help during oral, but Smooch Me is white so it’s not making your pout look anything other than shiny.

The texture also aids in this as an oral tool. It’s softer than many lip balms in a tin, so it definitely feels more like lube. However, it’s still got the slightly-waxy balm feel. Perhaps a little less so given how how soft it is. I really like the texture and find myself reaching for it simply to moisturize my lips. But the softness makes it easier to reapply if you’re actually using it as lube and need a little more.

The final product I’d like to discuss is PinkCherry’s lip balm. You can buy it because you love the company or maybe you’ll just throw it in your cart because you’re angling for free shipping. PinkCherry’s lip balm comes in a standard-sized tin. It looks a lot like the option from Good Vibes — but smaller. It’s white, so it’s not going to tint your lips. And, yes, it’s cherry scented. Although, it’s even more artificial than the other products I’ve discussed, and there’s a weird after taste that I don’t particularly like. This balm is scented but not flavored.

While Smooch Me is soft and easy to apply, PinkCherry’s lip balm simply isn’t. It’s hard. You either have to dig into the pot with a nail or give it a pretty fierce rub to get it to melt a little. PinkCherry definitely missed the mark here, and I think this simply makes the lip balm seem pretty cheap. I mean, at only $1, it’s not going to change the world, but it’s not doing the brand any favors. Smooch Me costs seven times as much, but you get more of a better product.

To be quite frank, PinkCherry’s balm will probably go into the garbage. Or maybe I’ll do some “science” experiments with a lighter. Because who doesn’t love open flames?!

If you’re looking for a lip product that’s as versatile as these things can be, Smooch Me is your best option. However, you might simply want to opp for flavored lube, instead.

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Pjur Med Clean Fleece Moist Towelettes

May 18th, 2014

I’ve had a bottle of Pjur Med-Clean Spray for some time. I don’t use it as much as I should simply because it keeps winding up in my spare toy drawer. However, I was always super impressed that it wasn’t your run-of-the-mill toy cleaner. It’s gentle enough to clean your toys and leave on if you don’t have physical dirt to remove. I recommended still rinsing your toys if that was the case in my review of the spray. However, it’s tough on bacteria an germs. Pjur’s cleansing products are designed to help combat bacteria, fungi and viruses, and I don’t know anyone who is a fan of those things. Especially when you consider how long HPV can stick around on your toys — even the porous ones!

The product description uses the phrase “ an intensive antimicrobial effect against bacteria, fungal infections, and viruses such as Hepatitis B and HIV.” I remember reading this years ago. This has always stuck with me, but I never got around to trying or buying the wipes, which are formulated more for your body rather than your toys. The wipes aren’t different than others I’ve tried in use. Open the package, remove a wet wipe. Wipe down toys or yourself. They are unscented, but there is a slight “clean scent.” It fades quickly. I sometimes reach for the wipes when I want to freshen up without a shower. They do that, and the smell doesn’t linger in a way that would put me off from oral sex.

I know that Doc Johnson is making products to freshen up specifically for oral sex, but these are more versatile, and they’re a better value, too. The Oralove lign isn’t readily available. A 5-pack of those wipes costs between $5 and $8 while Pjur’s wipes come in a 25-pack for just under $12 from SheVibe.  They’re obviously a better deal and that isn’t even factoring in the fact that these wipes may possibly help inhibit the spread of STIs or bacterial infections, and we all know that I am not a fan of those. Because of this, I would even recommend using wipes after sex to help lower the risk of UTIs if you tend to be prone to them.

I’ve experienced exactly zero reaction from using these wipes. They’re intended to be safe for sensitive and even irrited skin, which is important when I run out of Aftershave Oil. The ingredients list is as follows:

  • Purified Water
  • Phenoxyethanol,
  • Cocamidopropyl Betaine
  • Chlorhexidine Digluconate
  • PEG-7
  • Glycerol
  • Cocoate
  • Dimethicone Copolyol
  • Neohesperidine dihydrochalcone
  • Sorbitol

These are exactly the same ingredients as the spay so you could probably mix the spray with some soft towels of your own to make wipes like this to be honest. I’m a little lazy (and sloppy!), but that might be more cost-effective. If you don’t experience irritation from the spray, then you’ll be good with the wipes and vice versa.

I do rather enjoy the quality of these wipes, though. They’re soft but not linty. They don’t easily tear like some of the cheaper wipes I’ve used. It may sound silly, but you really get what you pay for when it comes to these things. Some store brands are fucking terrible.

Now that I’ve been reminded how much I like these products, I will quickly use

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