Resolve, Not Resolutions

January 4th, 2018

I’m not one to make new year’s resolutions, not really. I think they’re silly and we shouldn’t wait to do things that can just as well be started on a given Thursday. And I do dream up and start projects with no apparent thought to time or season — my Science of Sex feature is one of those things.  So I don’t plan to make resolutions, but the new years lures me into thinking about what I can do differently, and I wind up setting some informal goals, goals that I would never call resolutions, of course.

I’ve had pretty good momentum thus far. Granted, it’s only the 4th of January (I typed “July” because apparently that date just wants to be read), so there is plenty of time to fuck that up, but I feel pretty good about the emailing, article pitching, review inquiring, Twitter using, orgasm tracking and otherwise gettin-together of shit that I’ve so far accomplished. I’m creating opportunities and fostering connections, and I don’t want that effort to go for waste.

As it is, I may not be able to maintain this momentum. This may not be necessary if I set myself up to succeed. So I’ve been thinking of ways to keep myself accountable, to help me succeed at these not-resolutions. That’s what this post is about.

One of my big issues is time management. I plan to do things in a timely manner, but the deadline whizzes by, and it might take me weeks to notice. I think the solution is twofold: to see more rigid deadlines and to utilize technology to complete tasks. I’m not a planner type of person, but I rely on my phone for a couple of reminders, and I think I will expand that for some of my monthly endeavors.

With that said, I try not to put a timeline on certain creative things. I write when I am inspired. I pitch when I have an idea, and I don’t think trying to push that is beneficial. I want to encourage more inspiration, which means I need to be more proactive about keeping up with my fellow bloggers and the sex educators that I respect, among others. I’ve clicked countless links over the past few days, read blog posts and generally found myself shocked at how much I’d missed over the last couple years.

I’ve made efforts to follow more people on Twitter, where I intend to be more active. For the past few years, I’ve spent a lot of time aimlessly scrolling my personal Facebook. It’s a huge time-suck, one with which I am sure plenty of my readers are familiar. I plan to redirect some of that attention. With that in mind, I am also following more of those sources on my personal Facebook, so when I inevitably find myself scrolling mindlessly, I will come across content from those pages. I am considering eventually consolidating my writing about sex with my actual online presence, so this is also a first step toward that.

While I don’t want to tie myself down to deadlines, I think I need to periodically analyze my progress and make adjustments. It seems that a quarterly check-in would be feasible and helpful. This will also enable me to keep up with erotica calls to action as I want to publish more of that.

And this leaves me with a shift I think has been coming for a long time, and some may argue has already occurred. Reviews are not where my heart lies. Perhaps they never were. I prefer writing articles and erotica, and I want to continue focusing on those. Eventually, I may want to move away from this domain name altogether, but I don’t plan to do that in the near future.

In the meantime, it’s necessary for me to only review the things that I feel strongly about, either positively or negatively. I’ve written so many lukewarm reviews in the past year or two, and I know they’re neither as helpful to readers as they should be or a worthy us of my time as I want.

I’ve got a backlog of items to post reviews about. Some are half-written drafts. Others are completely written and waiting on photos (a photog I am not, and I frequently struggle capturing photos that I feel are good enough to post). Some items I’ve tried and honestly never sat down to write about. I am not only renigging on my responsibilities, but I am making the task for difficult for myself. Signing up for fewer reviews in the first place seems like the most viable option, and I will shortly take a look at where I am with my existing queue and what I can do about that.

I think all this is doable. I’ll set up some reminders on my phone later today, after making a few more emails, and surround myself with the pile of items that I need to write about in the upcoming days and go through my post drafts to see what I feel like finishing and publishing.

Although I think I have no right to ask of my readers and friends to help, I think I shall. If I appear quiet on Twitter for extended periods of time, if I have missed the second Saturday of the month, if my blog seems stagnant, I would welcome a friendly reminder about these things if you feel like chiming in. I want to speak more, but I also want to hear more from you guys!

1 Comment

What gives?

May 13th, 2016

I am just not having a good time with advertisers lately. There’s always the chance that someone will lowball you or string you along without providing you with whatever price or product was agreed upon. lots of people just flake out, and I’m not always the best at keeping up with email. (The lack of posts isn’t because I have half a dozen toys/books ready to write a review about or anything…) But I recently went through my inbox to catch up on messages about reviews and potential advertising and thought I was doing a pretty good job as an adult.

This is where I realized, however, that the representative from Tacky Sex Toys had never actually come through with their side of the agreement in regards to my sex toy store profile/review. Since the communications had been positive, I figured it was an honest mistake. I, too, had not been on the ball. Except my return email bounced back and the site doesn’t even exist anymore? Yesterday, it was a directly, today’s it’s a 500 error.

I mean, the dine-and-dash doesn’t even make sense in this context because the post I put up simply links to nothing, so it’s not like they’re reaping the benefits.

But it gets more frustrating. Another representative from a different site wondered if I could naturally slip a link into an existing post. Listen, we all know how “natural” any sponsored content is most of the time. It was my bad for even accepting it after seeing the link text, which was as unnatural as it gets. But after slipping the link into the requested post, the rep decides this post isn’t suitable.

C’mon, now! I can’t do what you want and then have you back out. In the meantime, the link’s on my site while this person tries to figure out my crap. I don’t particularly like it. I haven’t been paid. I’m starting to realize while I let all those emails pile up to begin with. I’m wondering if this is just punishment for me agreeing to work with such shady people in the first place.

So it’s a bit my fault, sure, but i feel like the nature of the Internet means I deal with more flaky people and more fly-by-night companies than ever before, and I’m just kind of sick of it.


As soon as I posted it, someone else followed up that they couldn’t pay for a sponsored post. Um, what? You already agreed that was fine?! Ugh.


A new review is coming, gaiz

November 25th, 2015

I just have to take a photo or two.

Actually, there’s two reviews. I need to write the review for the one item I have photos for – ha!

And there will probably be some Black Friday sales. Keep an eye on Facebook/Twitter, where I’ve been sharing those deals.

Just gotta dust off some cobwebs in here.


October 21st, 2015

I don’t know how to make this blog relevant to my life right now. And I haven’t for a while.

I feel so torn about this. For the first time in a a while — a couple years, really — I am more than “fine.” I am really okay. Good, even. And I’m glad.

But right now, that just doesn’t involve sex or love or even masturbation. My life is lacking in all the things that I need for blog fodder.

It’s not as though I will ever lose interest in sex. It’s a very important part of who I am, but it’s not the only thing. I think that’s something I need to come to terms with to finally get over the Bartender.

And human sexuality will forever intrigue me in all its glorious, weird vastness. Everything I read only makes me want to learn more.

I think it’s just time that I soak in what others have to say rather than say anything of my own. This terrifies me — that I may become irrelevant.


He’s Back

July 1st, 2015

Y’know, the guy on Tindr.

Actually, he returned a day later. I was confused when he popped up again, but swiped right.

He sent a message right away — that I didn’t see — about how he deleted his account because he was nervous. He apologized, but I played it cool.

We’ve talked a lot since then. He has a lot of downtime at work, and his schedule is third shift, during which I am usually awake.

We get on pretty well, but it’s been quiet for a while. And it will be while I’m back in Minnesota for an extended weekend.

This means it’ll also be quiet here, but I hope to return with reviews and some other awesome posts. I’ve got ideas!



April 20th, 2015

I know it’s been over a week, guys. I know I usually blog more often. I really want to. I’m just so.freaking.exhausted.

2015 — and it’s like a quarter done already! — has been so busy. I’m not sure with what, but I feel like I never really get a chance to just sit down and breath. I’m not getting enough sleep and I’m still dealing with my broken heart on top of it.

I don’t mean to sound negative. For the most part, it’s been a ton of fun. I’ve been in high demand, and that makes me feel great. But as much as I intended to post a review before I went to sleep, I think I’m going to lie down on my couch and watch Friends and probably fall asleep.



Happy 5th Birthday oSaL! Have a giveaway!

July 17th, 2013

Birthday candles

Usually, the anniversary here at Of Sex and Love comes and passes and I miss it. I don’t mean to, I just don’t have it memorized, and I obviously spend less time in this corner of the Internet than I used to. It’s not that I don’t love you, because I do. However, the landscape of things has changed, and it doesn’t take a genius to see this. Still, I’m here, and I think there’s something to be said for that.

I’m still learning. I’m still making friends. I’m still finding new toys that I love and trying to help other bloggers and reviewers by giving them information and steering them away from awful companies.  I’ve made a few changes in the past year. I joined Tumblr, and have been trying to be active on it. You can follow me here or see my highlights every Thursday-ish. Additionally, I’ve been trying to sc0ur the Web for more content that I think my readers would enjoy.

I’ve been running giveaways with widgets instead of through comments. For the most part, it makes everything easier for me. The rest of the Internet is ahead of this trend, so I hope you guys are getting the hang of it. I’ve been making more of an effort to include photos in my reviews, which I think is something that other people like more than I do, so I never noticed before.

I couldn’t begin to guess how many toys or posts I’ve made since last July — there are about 50 reviews and 10 giveaways — but I can give you the rundown since I started this blog:

  • 723 posts
  • 32 categories
  • 1360 tags — wow!
  • 247 Tumblr posts
  • 92 Facebook followers

One of the things that I cannot quite quantify is how I’ve become more of a feminist after hanging out with this crowd. It started as Adriana clicking links, reading posts and leaving comments, but now I’m a vocal feminist in my real life. This is one of the reasons I am quieter on OSAL: I’m spending less time hiding behind anonymity.

Looking back, not everything is grand. I debated adding these thoughts at all but they’re important because they’re me. So many of the people that I’ve loved have now become people that I’ve lost. None of the communities feel the same anymore, and I feel an increasing sense of disconnect. Now, more than even when I started this blog, I feel like an outsider looking in. I feel invisible more often than I’d care to admit. It reminds me of times as a child that still evoke negative emotions. I don’t quite know how to reconcile that.

But I’d like to change that, so perhaps my next year with this blog will be one where I focus on making friendships that extend past Twitter or Facebook. Beyond forums. Into the land of the person behind Adriana rather than just the persona I’ve developed. In that vein, I don’t just want to reward you as my readers and commenters. I’d like to use this soapbox to engage with and get to know you. Maybe this will be a little more fun, or maybe you’re just here for the giveaway prize.

And to the point of this post: a giveaway! $100 from PinkCherry to residents of the con US and Canada. Shipping’s on PinkCherry so you can spend every last penny! Use the form below to enter.

Good luck!

$100 to PinkCherry

Click here to load the form if it doesn’t show up on page.

Ends August 17.