BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism

October 31st, 2016

One of my goals this year was to read more, and I’m poised to finish about three dozen books by the end of 2016, which is a number with which I am quite happy. Few of these books are “assigned” reading a la reviews, and most of them actually aren’t about sex. I wanted to branch out into hard science and nonerotic fiction, so few of the titles on my bookshelf or Kindle were related to sex.

As you can guess, BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism doesn’t break that mold, but it does stand apart from other books that I’ve read this year.

Now, I am no stranger to BDSM books. You can check out my reviews for As Kinky as You Wanna Be, Decoding Your Kink: Guide to Explore Share and Enjoy Your Wildest Sexual Desires, and S&M 101, among others. There are even a few in there that I forgot. BDSM: A Guide is not one that I will soon forget.

Part of this is because it’s a tome of a book. With over 600 pages, it might be the longest book I’ve read this year — or during the past several. There is a wealth of information provided by the author Ayzad.. if you’ve the time to peer between the pages. I do think this book could be intimidating to some because of its size and other reasons, which I will touch on later.

First, let me introduce you to Azad, an Italian and self-proclaimed pretentious European who wrote the first version of this book over a decade ago. Ayzad’s experience and connections have resulted in something that could be described as the ultimate BDSM textbook. If it’s not in this book, it’s either urban legend, frowned upon by conscientious kinksters or has been invented since this summer.

The original Italian book has been translated and updated for the world at large, and I was fortunate to review a copy on my Kindle. As you can imagine, a 500+ page book is one that could easily become overwhelming. I recommend the Kindle version not just for ease of searchability but also because it’s about half the price of the soft cover on Amazon and, I would imagine, a sure bit lighter!

I don’t normally comment on Kindle formatting, and there’s nothing terribly wrong with BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism, but a lack of numbered chapters — both within the table of contents and the pages themselves — makes it a bit hard to determine where you are in the book. A bit of tweaking with the different headings would also aid this, but it’s certainly not the biggest thing that would prevent someone from picking up this book.

BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism is, well, daunting. If you read the original, want a complete BDSM library or only want to read a single book on the subject ever, then this one is for you. On the other hand, I might recommend something a bit more specific to readers who are already well-versed in BDSM but wanted to learn more about a particular niche or something more accessible for those who are new to the subject or perhaps unsure whether BDSM is for them.

Ayzad doesn’t coddle his readers, and I must admit that I agree with when he describes himself as pretentious. Initially, this was offputting, but there is no doubt that the usefulness of this book overshadows that eventually.

As a resource, BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism stands head and shoulders above other BDSM publications and certainly above most things you’ll see online (where many people are seeking answers to specific BDSM questions). I’ve written guides myself, but this book delves far deeper than typical BDSM activities and terms, introducing the reader to ideas that they never knew they wanted to try (or perhaps never realized they wanted to avoid!).

Indeed, Ayzad lists potentially dangerous activities such as choking out of due diligence, even while advising against them. He goes beyond a quick warning not to flog a person’s kidneys and provides ample advice for dealing with a scene gone wrong. In short, Ayzad emphasizes safety and consent in such a manner that shames traditional sex education for a lack thereof.

Ayzad includes a level of detail that’s not merely impressive. It’s almost magnificent. You can see this in charts, which explain to the reader just how much weight certain body parts can hold, how to care for BDSM implements of different materials, the effect of electricity on the body, and how much saline solution you can inject into various body parts. You can easily learn basic knots and how to create rope harnesses (not to mention the difference between Eastern and Western rope bondage) from the words and photos in these pages despite the fact that it’s just one element of BDSM.

BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism isn’t dry, however. Stunning photos are peppered throughout the pages; although, positioning might be a little less than ideal if you use custom font sizes on your Kindle as I do.

The photos themselves are not the only thing that will arouse a reader’s mind. If you’re into any particular kink, this book will likely have your heart beating faster when you discover the section that’s closest to your deviant heart. For me, that was reading about needles, which I found particularly inspiring. Ayzad writes in a way that I imagine could inspire creativity in most readers who have a serious interest in BDSM. I found it difficult not to imagine myself shopping in a medical supply store looking for items that could be perverted for this very purpose.

There is such a wealth of information that Ayzad frequently refers the reader to his website to learn more (you’d be hard-pressed to find a more comprehensive list of BDSM websites than in the resources section), and I often found myself performing quick searches when I would discover something new (such as what a tawse is). I must admit humility upon learning how much there was yet to know about BDSM. In fact, he tries to introduce the reader to the Internet and the role it plays in learning about BDSM and finding like-minded individuals and partners. This is a worthy cause but seems a little futile to me given how frequently the Internet changes. The best place to

This is a worthy cause but seems a little futile to me given how frequently the Internet changes. The best place to read about using the Internet is simply online. These final pages seemed rush and lacking in the detailed information found previously in the book probably because of these the ever-changing nature of the Internet.

I’ll wrap this review up because, while nowhere near the length of BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism, it’s certainly lengthy. There is little this book doesn’t touch on that falls under the umbrella of bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism and masochism. If you’re all at all familiar, some of the content may be redundant, which is why I recommend the Kindle version for ease of use.

For those people who are unsure about BDSM or need a friendlier tone, I might recommend As Kinky As You Wanna Be to pique your interest and quell any worries you have about consensual BDSM.. before eventually adding BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism to your collection if it felt lacking.

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Best Bondage Erotica 2015 and She’s on Top

May 23rd, 2016

I had this great introduction for this post worked out. But when I sit down to write it, it completely escaped me. Go figure, eh?

I wanted to explain why this review has taken me so long, which seems to be how most of my posts on this blog start these days. I suppose it all comes down to the fact that I was simply uninspired, not because of me but because this collection is simply uninspiring for me. Perhaps I need more of a D/s angle instead of simply bondage, though there was some of that within these pages. Maybe I prefer specific roles. She’s On Top is the next book in my review queue, and thus far it’s doing a much better job of getting the juices flowing.

And perhaps this was just a slow year for erotic fiction. Maybe I’m too harsh.  Perhaps there was too much variety, and Best Bondage Erotica just missed my niche. I’m not sure. I can’t put my finger on it, but I’m reluctant to call this the “best” the world has to offer. Plenty of other people disagree, as is their right, however. Best Bondage Erotica 2015 has a 4.65 rating on Good Reads.

It’s a fair question to wonder whether I am just burned out on erotic short stories. I’ve reviewed many of these anthologies and have read even more! But as soon as I finished Best Bondage Erotica, I opened up She’s on Top, another anthology edited by Ms. Bussel. Almost immediately, I was pulled in. From the very first, I was curious, aroused and craving more.

It’s been a much quicker read because of how rapt I am, and I find myself reaching for the book even when I do not want to be aroused. I simply want to read the stories. Aside from deliciousness, I love how the overarching theme of female dominance isn’t necessarily done in the most cliche or redundant way. That’s hard to do, and many BDSM manuals and guides would have you believe there are only so many femdom archetypes from which you can pick. She’s on Top absolutely defies that “truth,” and I am glad for it!

But what about Best Bondage Erotica, which will soon be replaced by a new volume? The stories run the gamut from playing with strangers to voyeurism/exhibition to spy games — all with a bondage element, of course. Sometimes the bondage takes center stage es elaborate setups are discussed. At other times, however, it’s more incidental than instrumental. I think that’s one of my critiques. Sure, there is bondage, but I’d rather it be all about bondage with less curiosity about how this story is going to get there. If you like erotica that warms you up first, you might prefer this collection of stories more than I did, however.

Very few of the stories just stuck with me, and as I page through the book to write this review, I don’t remember reading most of them. I do recall and enjoy “Housewarming the Craftsman,” a story in which a man and woman break in their new home in a less-than-traditional-way, and “Tying the Knot,” a tale about a (homosexual!) couple who use bondage to get over those cold feet. “You Shall Not Come” is a solid piece written from the point of view of a visitor of a weekend sex camp. At camp, she participates in a game where she and a stranger try to make the other come first. “Stuck On You” evokes classic wet T-shirt imagery through the use of a soapy, wet sponge; adding bondage brings something new to the old concept.

With so much variety, the reader is bound not to love everything. But bondage is a less cohesive theme than I’d like, which means there are fewer themes that do it for me. Your mileage may vary.

Now, why did I love She’s On Top so much? Certainly, it had to do with when I was reading it. I was in the middle of steamy sext sessions with a guy who would eventually break my heart but who was also comparably kinky. Perfect background! And the stories were perfect to read while my sex drive was in such a heightened state. Thus, reading was frequently broken up but only because there was so much masturbation happening!

It starts off strong with “Suit and Tie,” a story about workplace oral. Stories about housework, crossdressing/cosplay, professional dominatrices and even Victorian England, which turns out to be sexier than I ever would have thought. That particular story, “Victoria’s Hands,” is one that I would recommend. But it’s not the only one. Teresa Roberts writes a haunting-yet-sexy story in which the main character is using BDSM as closure to a relationship.

If there’s a story that I don’t particularly like, there’s only one, “Feeder.” The name points at exactly what you’d expect, and that sort of fetish just isn’t my thing.  But it’s quickly followed by “Penelope the Punisher,” a story that takes place in a fabled domination house, and the cooperation between the women is fantastic. Cooperation is also a sexy theme in “The Queening Chair,” a story that ends the book on a note as high as it begins.

There are a few stories in She’s On Top that pull on my heartstrings while simultaneously making me aroused. They resonate with me in multiple ways. Some of the characters/relationships are well versed in domination. Others fall into it by accident, through experimentation. The types of bondage and kink vary, as do the characters in their race, sexualities, and personalities.

Not only is She’s On Top worth a read; it’s one of the rare collections that I want to read again and perhaps again and again!

You can get both of these books on Amazon, but if you’re looking for more erotica, I highly recommend checking out the erotica section at Good Vibrations, which was kind enough to provide me with these books for review.

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DOMINIX Deluxe Leather Wrist to Thigh Restraint

December 29th, 2015

There are certain things that have the right smell, taste or touch that instantly make  you feel sexy. I would argue that the DOMINIX Deluxe Leather Wrist to Thigh Restraint aris e one of those things. From the instant I smelled the leather to the first touch, both of the unfinished suede and the finished leather side, I was hooked. This is the type of item that you lust over, the type of thing you write into your fantasies — or even the one thing that gets you back into the habit of fantasizing.

With as many toys, ties and treats as I’ve tried, it’s hard for anything to do that to me (for me? anymore, but the DOMINIX Deluxe Leather Wrist to Thigh Restraint does.

So what exactly has me so gaga?

They feel high-quality. It’s the leather. It’s the firm stitching. It’s how I can pull on them with arms, spreading my thighs further, without any worry of them giving way. It’s the buckles, shining and secure around my wrists and my thighs. It’s the type of thing that makes you say “$47 is not only affordable but even a steal for these goodies!”. And I would say that. I’m saying it to you now.

It’s the leather. I love leather. I’ve tried vegan leather. I’ve had rope, fur, metal and foam cuffed around me. But there’s nothing quite like leather, with its intoxicating smell. The textured treatment of the exterior of these cuffs is interesting to touch and feel. The soft insides rest against my flesh, holding me enthralled, and the bordered hems give it a completed feel.

It’s the simplicity of binding thighs to wrists. The more you struggle from your upper body, the further open your legs spread. More often than not, I want to pull them closed as I cum, but these cuffs won’t let me. It’s my body being a an instrument of my own torture, if even torture it can be called.

But enough with the waxing poetic. You know that I love the DOMINIX Deluxe Leather Wrist to Thigh Restraint. Will you?

They aren’t quite perfect, either. Because the buckle secures on another layer, you have to be careful if you want them to make a complete circle around a wrist and nestle the layers in securely. Think of how you make the two layers of your belt lie flat. If your wrists are especially small, the buckle will always join the two sides of the cuffs at an angle. This doesn’t affect performance. It’s just not aesthetically appealing to me.

Furthermore, these cuffs are best for straight sized people. I have 8-inch wrists — larger than your average bracelet but smaller than many men’s wrists. You can only secure wrists up to 10.5 inches in diameter with these cuffs. It seems a little small to me, but leather comes at a premium price, so I understand why the company would err on the side of smaller.

The thigh cuffs are both wider (2″ compared to 1.5″ for the wrist cuffs) and longer for obvious reasons. The cuffs range from 19 inches to 28 inches, depending upon which hole you use. You could potentially move them further down your thighs, toward your knee, if they’re too small for the fleshier part. However, I do like how they look further up the thigh! I have both muscle and fat in my thighs that makes them fairly wide, and I can wear the cuffs at the fleshiest point with them buckled at the third hole in, but there’s not a lot of give, there. If you’re plus sized, you might consider another option for thigh bondage.

DOMINIX Deluxe Leather Wrist to Thigh Restraint

DOMINIX Deluxe Leather Wrist to Thigh Restraint

You’ll probably want to secure the thigh cuffs toward the inside or underside of your thighs, so the wrist cuffs will face up or out. I find it’s easiest to secure them first around thighs, then to add your wrists into the mix. I can easily do one thigh and wrist by myself, but it’ll require a second person to secure the other side. once they are secure, they won’t come loose; although, there’s no way to put a padlock on them. They’re not that hardcore.

Because of the design, you’re going to have extra material dangling if you wanted to use these just as thigh or wrist cuffs — they don’t separate. Nor is there a loop or hook so you could attach them to other bondage gear. But they’ll work well for someone who is kneeling, lying on a bed, sitting on a chair so on and so forth.

Like under the bed restraints, the DOMINIX Deluxe Leather Wrist to Thigh Restraints use the bound person’s strength and body against them, which makes them more enticing than I originally expected. And at under $50, they’re really something you ought to try!

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The Latest Bondage Trends: From the Bedroom to the Catwalk

October 23rd, 2015

Fashion designers are looking to bondage for some inspiration this season. So how can you sex up your look?

Bondage has been pretty popular in the bedroom for a long time. Plenty of people use things like whips, cuffs and chains to spice up their love lives – but bondage has been reaching a far bigger audience of late. Yes, we’re talking about fashion. From handbags to wedding dresses, the runway has been decidedly raunchy this season. So if you’re wanting to invest in some bondage-inspired buys, here are some ideas.

Catwoman

Catwoman takes a few cues from bondage

Dressing to impress

The fashion industry’s fascination with all things bondage isn’t exactly new (remember that dress of Liz Hurley’s?), but recently we’re really seeing a lot of it on the catwalk. From sheer tops with strategically placed leather straps at Tom Ford, to big, bold black leather coats at Givenchy, it seems that designers are keen to walk on the wild side. If you want to spice up your wardrobe this winter, then take inspiration from what we’ve already seen on the runway. Dresses with sheer panels that flash the flesh are great for those who are a little daring. Likewise, corset detailing and metal studs will ensure that you turn heads for all the right reasons.

Those all-important accessories

If you’re not feeling quite brave enough to rock the look head to toe, then why not invest in some accessories? Knee or thigh high leather boots are really popular at the moment, and look just as great with skinny jeans as they do fishnet tights. For extra style points, go for a pair with buckle or lace-up details. The same goes for handbags too. A bag made from black, patent leather with chain handles is a great way to introduce a little bit of raunchiness to your wardrobe.

Walking up the aisle in style

It’s not just everyday fashion that’s getting a bit risqué though. Bridal dresses are taking some inspiration from bondage too. This year’s Bridal Fashion Week has seen plenty of out-there designs from some of the top designers in the industry – with one memorable dress featuring black straps that just preserved the model’s modesty! If you’re not feeling that daring, then just opt for some sheer fabric detailing and delicate cut out designs.

Something a little racier

If you’re bringing some excitement to your wardrobe, then it’s only fair that your sex life gets the same treatment too. Treating yourself to some bondage gear is the perfect way to spice things up in the bedroom. For beginners, handcuffs and soft whips are the perfect introduction into the world of S&M. If you’re more of a seasoned bondage enthusiast though, you can really push the boat out. Sensory deprivation hoods, medical instruments and strap-ons are all there to be taken advantage of. Whatever you decide to buy, you can be sure that your sex life will reap the rewards!

How will you rock the trend?

As you can see, bondage has never been hotter than it is right now. It doesn’t matter if you’re buying yourself a new pair of shoes, a party dress or upgrading your sex toy collection, you’ll be spoilt for choice. Remember, your look can be as daring as you want it to be – whether that’s in or outside the bedroom. So go on – indulge your love for all things x-rated!

 

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Sportsheets Door Jam Cuffs Giveaway

August 12th, 2015

Sportsheets is among my most favored companies when it comes to beginner-friendly BDSM gear. I have their under the bed restraints, which have been imitated by countless companies. They also make devices for having sex in the shower, harnesses, hog tie sets, collars, cuffs and leashes and more.

You’ll find all of these items — and more — on UberKinky, the generous sponsor of this giveaway! Although I don’t currently have an S&M partner, I wouldn’t want my readers to suffer. So one of you lucky folks will soon own Sportsheets Door Jam Cuffs!

The door jam cuffs are designed to be place over any closed door. The straps are thin enough, and you wind up using the pressure between the door and jam to hold them in place. The two cuffs then wrap around your wrists, and you can has sex or endure whatever flavor of torture is up your alley in a standing position.

Alternatively, you could place them under the door so someone who is sitting or lying on the ground  is cuffed.

When you’re finished, simply open the door and remove the cuffs. There’s no permanent installation required, and storage is easy. The included cuffs use Velcro to secure, like the under the bed restraints. But you could swap them out with sturdier and more secure cuffs if you’d prefer.

If this sounds like something you’d like to try, you’re in luck. Sign in to the Gleam form below to get your free entry, then complete other entries and give my sponsor some love. Stop by every day to do things like tweet to increase your chance s of winning.

Good luck!

Sportsheets Door Jam Cuffs Giveaway

Ends September 2nd.

Winner must live in one of these countries.

I received no compensation for this post. Affiliate links will earn me a small commission when you make a purchase.

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8 Beginner Bondage Toys That Will Transform Your Sex Life

July 11th, 2015

In recent years, we’ve fallen head over heels for anything bondage. Whips, cuffs, floggers – you name it, we’re buying it. Could this be the Fifty Shades effect?It seems that as soon as it hit the shelves, we realised how much fun we could be having in the bedroom. So whether you’re trying to emulate what Christian and Anastasia get up to or you’re doing things at your own pace, there are a multitude of toys out there. To help you out, we’ve picked ten of our favourites.

Quickie Cuffs

Handcuffs are a staple of any bondage toy collection, and the Quickie Cuffs are extra special. Made from stretchy silicone, they’re incredible easy to slip on and off. If you’re nervous about using cuffs, then these are a great starting point. Being extra light and flexible means that you can pop them into your overnight bag too.

Fetish Fantasy Butterfly Nipple Clamps

The Butterfly Nipple Clamps by Fetish Fantasy are just as delightful as they sound. Pretty as well as functional, the dangling butterflies provide extra stimulation when they move. Adjusted by simply turning the screw, they’re simple enough for even complete beginners to get to grips with.

Check out this review of other Pipedream nipple clamps.

Frisky Take Me Thigh Cuffs

For a different take on restraint, why not try the Frisky Take Me Thigh Cuffs? Made from soft and durable fabric, the cuffs are attached to bands worn on the thigh. As well as being comfortable, this allows wearers to use these cuffs anywhere – there’s no need to worry about attaching them to something else.

Frisky Paw Me Silicone Foot Crop
Crops are a favourite of bondage enthusiasts, and this one is great for beginners. The little silicone foot at the end is firm enough to leave a ‘paw print’ behind, but soft enough to not be too overwhelming. In sexy red and black and at an impressive 16” long, it’s one of our favourite crops ever.

Rimba Electrical Sex Dildo

If you’re feeling adventurous, the Rimba Electrical Sex Dildo is the ideal gift. Working just like a normal vibrator, it also delivers small electric shocks to your deepest pleasure spots. Build up confidence using just the vibrating function, then for mind blowing orgasms, try using both together.

Silicone Cockcage And Ring

If you’re new to cock cages, then the Silicone Cockcage And Ring is perfect for you. Flexible silicone means that it’s easy to get on and off, while the three cock rings in varying sizes allow you to choose just how tight you want to go.

House Of Eros Leather Old School Ruler

House Of Eros Leather Old School Ruler

House Of Eros Leather Old School Ruler

Go back to school with the House Of Eros Leather Old School Ruler. Great for teacher and pupil role play, it’s the best way of dishing out a little bit of disciple in the bedroom. The supple leather feels so good, you’ll be behaving badly on purpose!

The Amazing Bondage Sex Toy Kit

The Amazing Bondage Sex Toy Kit is for those who just can’t choose. The kit contains a whip, eye mask, cuffs, collar, rope, whip and a ball gag. Either choose one piece or use a few together for sex that’s out of this world. For us, that sounds like the perfect night in!

Your sex life can only get better

Sex toys make sex more interesting, offer us more ways of achieving orgasm and improve the bond between partners when used in a loving, caring environment.

So there’s no excuse not to treat yourself to something a little kinky! All of the above fun toys can be purchased from the Adult Sex Toys store.

It’s important that you keep your toys clean and used a water-based lubricant for comfort and safety. As long as you do that, sex toys will improve your love life greatly.

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Why You Should Design Your Own Bondage Accessories

November 4th, 2014

Wearing collars, cuffs or ankle restraints is often an expression of your style and personality if you’re into the bondage scene. Not everyone wants to wear spikes or plain black leather, however; some wearers like different colors or ornaments that reflect their personality or even make a comment about their BDSM relationship.

Unfortunately, not everyone is blessed with leather or metalworking skills to customize their leather goods. Purchasing these personal accessories generally means taking whatever happens to be in vogue or available, new or used, even if those items don’t necessarily reflect their personal style.

Fortunately, there are other options when it comes to custom leather gear. Many people want personalized gear that they have personally designed.  Traditionally, craftspeople often accepted custom orders like this, but costs can be prohibitive and quality varies widely among merchants. Refunds or replacements are often hard to obtain from craft fair merchants, leaving customers wondering where quality merchandise can be found, if ever.

Merchants specializing in custom orders and guaranteeing professional quality do exist, however. Designing your own restraints using a company like thecollarshop.com gives you the freedom to choose exactly what you want. For example, you can choose from several different widths, colors, materials, linings, decorations and so on for your leather gear. Professional artisans produce exactly what you request and ship it directly to you discreetly.

The company produces a variety of leather goods, including collars, cuffs, leashes and belts. They also offer advice on the various types of items you may need and the appropriate settings for them if you’re new to bondage. The company has beautiful stock accessories for customers not looking for custom work at the moment. Stock pieces make great gifts for your special friend(s).

This post brought to you by a partner with Of Sex and Love who wants to provide you customized yet affordable bondage gear!

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