February 2019 Media Recommendations

February 28th, 2019

The brevity of February always throws me off. All my bills are due at the end of the month, and February is the one month that I’ll be late on a bill (or forget to pay one in its entirety, oops). So it’s not surprising that the month is almost over, and I’ve yet to post this (recent concerns over my cat’s health don’t help).

But it’s February 2019, damn it, so this still counts.

To be honest, the short month is only one reason why I didn’t consume a lot of media about sex. However, I had a few ideas in mind that I could have included from last month.. if only I could remember them! I need to use a spreadsheet, y’all. Still, there are a few things I’d like to recommend.

Listen

I usually focus on sexuality topics when I write these posts, but there’s always room for a little love, right? I came across a suggestion for This American Life’s podcast about breakups last month. It’s a long one, so you might need several sittings to finish it. In this episode, the hosts talk to a few different people about the heartbreaks they’ve experienced and, in some cases, are currently experiencing. It’s incredibly comforting in its way. Heartbreak can feel so solitary, yet we’ve all been through it, and this podcast reminds us of that. Plus, Phil Collins makes an appearance.

Sunny Megatron talked to Midori for an episode of American Sex about communication and negotiation, and it was enlightening — even if you’re not into kink.

Watch

This TEDx talk by Dr. Lisa Diamond prompts the audience to analyze whether it’s a good thing to view sexual orientation as something with which we’re born or if it’s potentially harming the very people who it was intended to protect. In some ways, she counters whether this is just a biological essentialist argument for orientation. I shared the article on my Facebook page, where it was a little divisive. While I’m not ready to fully agree with Dr. Diamond, I appreciate that she got me thinking.

Read 

I’ve just started Revolting Prostitutes: The Fight for Sex Workers’ Rights, which I will eventually review. I’m glad to include more writing about sex workers on my bookshelf; although, I’m not far enough to give my full opinion.

Another book that I recently read for review is Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships. I wasn’t intended on reading the book until I heard an interview of Stella Harris, the author, on American Sex that had me intrigued. Review coming soon!

Sex, Lies, and Pharmaceuticals: How Drug Companies Plan to Profit from Female Sexual Dysfunction by Ray Moynihan and Barbara Mintzes isn’t on my review list, but it is a book that falls squarely within my interests, and I will likely write a review here when I’ve finished it. It’s an interesting look at how big pharma wants to medicate female sexual dysfunction, which may not at all be dysfunction and simply a misunderstanding of the variations of sexuality. I definitely find myself skeptical about some of their views, but the book highlights some inner works of the medical and pharmaceutical industries that I wasn’t previously aware of.

Let me know if you’ve read, watched, or listened to any of these media. What did you think? Do you have any recommendations for me? Sound off in the comments!

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I Don’t Want to Be Friends

September 3rd, 2016

There have been a few people with whom I flirted or had sex. There was excitement in the beginning because I suspected there was something, but I realized it was going nowhere and called it off. I would tell them I just wanted to be friends. Or sometimes they would say the same to me. Either way, it was a lie.

What I meant was that it’s easier to let someone down when you say you wanna be friends. But in my heart, I know I was only making room for these people if there sexual or romantic potential. I don’t need another friend.

Before I might have thought that line of thinking crude, but now I know it to be true.

And when someone says they want to be friends with someone who is rejecting them, they more often than not mean that they hope things will change if they stick around. I know that, too. I’ve been that person.

But there’s more. Saying you want to be friends makes it less awkward, even when breaking up from a long term relationship. Otherwise, it just feels like you’re just ignoring or denying the fact that someone’s existence has suddenly been revealed to you, perhaps along with their hopes, dreams and other intimate details. What do you do with that knowledge when it’s time to part ways?

At least if you’re friends, you don’t have a vault full of knowledge about a stranger. It doesn’t feel quite so wrong or dirty or whatever-it-is-that-rubs-me-so-wrong to know all those things. But sometimes we may need to forget those things about a person, and that means we can’t be friends.

Which is okay. I didn’t want to, anyway.

 

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