I’m So Glad I’m Not You

June 12th, 2014

This post isn’t going to be a positive one, and that’s okay.

Today, a Facebook friend is going through a very public breakup with her husband and father of her children.  He suddenly informed her that he was unhappy and leaving. She publicly posted the ended of their relationship.

Then, she discovered he has been in appropriately messaging another woman, and her good friend publicly tagged the husband, the woman who was participating in these messages and that woman’s fiance. So when said woman who may or may not be having an affair with her husband tried to contact my friend, my friend posted on Facebook about it as though it was shocking.

From the get-go, I looked at this and thought Facebook wasn’t the place to air her dirty laundry. Since then, she has received many comments lauding her for being strong and none that I’ve seen warning her away from such a public display. Especially because this isn’t the first time he has done this.s

Yes, it’s her right to have feelings and to answer with honesty the questions posed to her. However, she doesn’t have to do it in a public place.

It goes beyond there, however. The whole thing reminds me of the relationship drama I experienced fifteen years ago — when I was 13. It’s not something that an adult does. It’s petty and childish. It’s not about being healthy, moving on or learning lessons, and while people certainly need time to experience their grief and sadness when a relationship ends, they need not to wallow in it. And they need support from their friends not to do that.

It’s almost 5 in the morning and my thoughts are no longer as clear as I want them to be, but I know that I tried to go through my own divorce with my head held high and my Facebook posts positive.  At the end of the day, I didn’t want to have to go back and delete things that made me look immature or petty, and I sure as hell didn’t want to give my ex the benefit of seeing how torn up I was.

 

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Categories: Everything Else

My Last Word

February 17th, 2009

..On the subject of AAGs crusade against sex toy reviews

Originally I didn’t give AAG’s post much thought. I thought it was snarky but passed it over until I read many posts which discussed how insulted some toy reviewers were. Then, I gave it another look over.

AAG doesn’t want to read so many reviews. She feels they are perhaps, inferior, to other type of sex blog content and she suggested not only that sex blogs should get back to that content but that this is the point of sex blogs. Some agree, others don’t. I like to read and write reviews myself. Reviews may be increasing in popularity, I can’t say. AAG has certainly been around longer than I had so maybe she is better equipped to notice this trend.

What I have noticed, however, is that the terms ‘sex blog’ and ‘sex bloggers’ have varied definitions. They umbrella personal stories, articles, sex tech, reviews, erotica, sexual health and more. Some bloggers simply get lumped into the group because they write about their lives and they simply happen to be sexual beings. What this means is there is no definition to sex blogging; it pulls from every corner and every angle and envelopes every aspect of life along the way so it’s virtually impossible to define a sex blog. Thus, I would think it’s impossible to say what a sex blog should be.

And that’s why we’re up in arms. AAG asserted what she thought a sex blog should be but she didn’t stop there. She decided her definition was right and implied that somehow the majority of the internet is in agreement but I don’t know if this can be true. After all, how many of us disagreed enough to speak up? A damned good portion. And what we have to say is “Hey, we’re sex bloggers, too!”

Truth be told, AAG has said she wasn’t talking about sex toy reviewers per se which confuses me because doesn’t that, in the end, only further imply that reviewers are a less important part of the sex blogging community? But I digress. It has been suggested that AAG was only discussing blogs which were more personal have become increasingly full of reviews. And, if this is supposed to be the case, then I think we can all agree AAG did a piss poor job or wording her blog.

The problem many of us see is that we do not have blogs to talk about our personal lives or write articles or erotica (I have dabbled in all three, though) but we blog for our reviews and we happened to be lumped in with the greater sex blog population and now our “sex blogger cards” are being revoked, apparently. Blogging is a personal expression; we all have the right to choose what we post. Of course, no one is going to stop because AAG stated her opinion, but we’re going to be miffed that she acted as though her opinion was fact.

The fact of the matter is, I will write what I want. I will read what I want. In the recent past, this has not been AAG’s blog as I have found her blogging to grow continuously away from what I want to read. Rather than bitch about it, I move toward the blogs I want to read which is what I think she should have done instead. I would never think I have the right to say that how she writes make her any less legitimate as a sex blogger because I recognize that the types of blogs she likes and the types of blogs I like are just several types of the sex blogs in the greater sex blogging community and an even smaller fraction in the overall blogosphere.

Don’t like it? Stop hanging around that corner. You don’t have to finish a book you hate or a movie which makes you uncomfortable. You’re not required to stay with an abusive partner. No one is forcing you to read sex toy reviews. There are plenty of other sex blogs to sate whatever appetite you have so go read them. If you are “dismayed” to see more reviews than “sexy writing” on a blog, perhaps you’re simply at the wrong type of blog or assuming erroneously about what the blogger is trying to do with his or her website.

In summary, there is no right way to blog – sexual or otherwise but posting an entry which alienates a vocal group of people probably isn’t the best way to go about it either. (And, yea, I might fall into that category now, too)

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Categories: Everything Else

Respect, and how not to earn it

February 1st, 2009

A while ago (months, I guess) I became a member of TooTimid’s forums. I had found the site a while back when looking for sites which use sex toy reviewers (I applied, twice, and heard nothing back). I took a bit to get around to joining the forums and I found a fairly active community which was sex positive if not as contemporary as some. I enjoyed it, nonetheless.

After joining, I put my blog URL in my signature. I soon received a private message from the person who I assume is the site owner which said I could not have the link in my signature but it would remain in my profile. I was fine with this.

Recently, I went to update sometihng else my profile and realized my URL had been removed; I can only assume this happened back when I first joined and I had not realized it. I updated my information, added my URL back in and soon received another private message. The owner (again, my assumption) thanked me for being an active part of the community but said I could not have the URL in my profile and hoped I understood.

I did not and I very politely responded as such. I did not see why I could not link to my personal blog in my profile and, if he did not want that happening, he should edit the profile fields so it could not be entered. If he was worried about competition, I recommended increasing Too Timid’s reach and reputation as an online sex shop and community rather than being paranoid about personal blogs. I strongly suggested they reconsider what I think of as a ridiculous policy. I heard no response.

In fact, I have been suspended, without notification until “Dec 27 4746, 08:14 AM.” I can only assume that, by this time, I will be dead and Too Timid will be long gone as well. In fact, I doubt any humans will remain but I digress.

Rather than being mature, the powers that be chose to suspend an active and helpful member. I joined despite the fact that they ignored my requests to be a reviewer and gave my input to other members, helping them as I could. All I asked was to fill out a field in my profile which was, for lack of a better term, fill-outable.

This suspension really shows TooTimid’s true colours. This is not a company or site which supports community, in my mind. This is not how you spread the word of your company and make yourself viewed as a team player. This is not how you boost your reputation. No, this is how you alienate those who have the power to spread the word about your site (which TooTimid does seem to need; it’s not very well known despite the fact that it seems to have an active community and resources on its site). This is how you show that you are so insecure about what you’re selling that you must try to censor the mere mention of potential competition.

In fact, rather than ask how I think TooTimid might strengthen its public appearance or to do a link exchange, I was essentially banned without valid reason. It seems to me that not allowing for constructive criticism gets you nowhere fast. I can name quite a few historical figures who saw defeat because of this tactic.

Shortly before this happened, I was contacted by TooTimid on Twitter to be a reviewer (but no follow up contact was made). I know I was not the only one. I had thought it a step in the direction of community mindedness. However, after this, I must advise caution to anyone who might choose to review for or affiliate with Too Timid in any fashion. If this is how they treat an active community member, I am not sure how they would treat anyone else. If they is how they deal with a nonserious issue, I wonder what approach they will take with serious issues customers, reviewers and community members may have.

It’s no secret that I chose to stick by EdenFantasys after some mishaps on their part, because I feel there is much potential within that company and, ultimately, I think they try to be a community member. I cannot say the same for TooTimid and while I also cannot force anyone to decline an opportunity (nor would I think any less of anyone who does review with them), I can warn that TooTimid has a long way to go before they are a company I can respect.

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Categories: Everything Else

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