A good friend recently came to me with concerns about his girlfriend and her sex toys. He was feeling a little bit intimated and wanted to know this:
Am I, as a guy, good enough to make my girl have a better orgasm than she can get with using a toy? Is it weird or wrong to feel bad about something like that?
No, it’s not wrong to worry about something like this.
Because you’re only human. I think feeling intimidated is fairly common and understandable. However, taking a look at what makes up the intimidation can help to greatly reduce or even eliminate it. While I advocate sex toys, I understand that some people simply do not like this. This is not about not liking sex toys; rather, it is about feeling replaceable in relation to them. Furthermore, although my examples focus on a heterosexual relationship, these feelings are universal.
Yes, sex toys may be bigger than you are.
Vibrators and dildos may be bigger or longer or thicker. They are often even made to look realistic and next to your natural manhood, you may feel small. But keep this in mind. Bigger is not always better. The vagina is not a neverending canal and there comes a point when size is painful rather than pleasurable.
Yes, vibrators may have more bells and whistles than you do.
Let’s face it: vibrators do a lot of stuff. For starters, they vibrate. They pulsate. They rotate. They bend and wiggle and wave and have beads and even thrust like a penis. Furthermore, vibrators run on batteries or are rechargeable so they may last longer than you.
Yes, sex toys may sometimes feel better.
With all the technological advancements, no one is surprised how far sex toys have come. Sometimes sex toys do just the trick but sometimes a guy just wants to masturbate for a (relatively) quick and easy orgasmic release, too.
Yes, toy induced orgasms may be better.
But orgasms vary in intensity for many other reasons. I’ve had both awesome orgasms and really disappointing orgasms with a partner and with sex toys.
No, sex is not all about physical sensations (or even orgasm).
I don’t want to generalize but for many men, sex ends with orgasm and ejaculation. It’s easy to understand how this can lead to the assumption that the goal of sex is orgasm through pleasure. However, females are different creatures. For them, sex more often focuses on the emotional aspect. Pleasure is also important and, luckily, we’re becoming a society which stresses pleasure for both genders. However, the female orgasm is still one which can often be difficult to achieve. So if you think that sex is all about physical sensation, then sex toys may just give you a run for your money. However..
Yes, all that “other stuff” is important to her, too.
As I said, there is often a stronger emphasis on the emotional aspect of sex for women. The bond you share, the vulnerability you’re willing to show when stripped to the skin and intimate moments during sex are all important factors when it comes to enjoying sex. When these factors are high, the physical pleasure may not be as necessary or may be a secondary reward.
No, sex toys are not human.
I think this is what it all comes down to. It’s easy to feel intimidated when only consider the factor of pleasure but sex is made up of much than that for all people. Being comfortable with your significant other using sex toys is easier once you realize you are not replacable because of the human aspect. The emotional bond, your desire to please your lover, your ability to observe her reactions to please her better, small talk and even awkward moments make sex with another human unique and irreplacable and are why not heteosexual woman is likely to put her boyfriend in the nightstand instead of her vibrator.
