L1 Love Balls

October 1st, 2013

I don’t care what anyone says. If you can’t tell whether you’ll like a toy after the first use, you’re doing it wrong. In fact, sometimes I know so well how much I hate an item, that I put the review off for ages. That’s what happened with L1 Love Balls, a product from Ovo. If you’ve been paying attention to the airwaves, then you’ll know I really like the designs of these toys, but they seem to be all form and no function.

So I put off the review of these kegel balls because, to put it plainly, I fuckin’ hate them.

Logistically speaking, they’re a mess. So let’s break it down so we can clean it up.

This is a system with different weighted balls that go into a silicone sling. The balls themselves are silver and a purple, translucent plastic. The purple gives an excellent idea of how these work as you can see the inner balls. Of course, you can also see the seams, and this makes them feel a little cheap. Once it’s in the holder, you can’t see them, but I’d rather have a single-piece silicone pair in terms of appearance/construction alone. However, I’d really like not to have to mess with these swappable balls because the stretchy silicone sling is soooo awkward to work with. I really have to pry at it. I don’t know if it’s because of the specific shape of the holder, but the balls are a bitch to get in and out. It’s much easier to do this with the Luna Beads. If you don’t align them perfectly, there are awkward gaps between the balls and the holder. If the holder was simply a round, even band that was a little thinner (exactly like Luna Beads) this wouldn’t be such a problem.

So I just used the lighter purple balls in the kegel exercise the first time I tried the L1 balls. And they fucking hurt. I had one hell of a time trying to get them up past my pubic bone, which is rather pronounced and has caused me to dislike toys (including the kGoal by Minna) so I settled with inserting one and letting the other sort of hang out. Now, this isn’t uncommon. Many people have trouble with kegel balls being simply too large. However, these really aren’t any bigger than the K-balls, which I do like.

L1 Balls and Ophoria K-balls

L1 Balls and Ophoria K-balls

It was just a few minutes before these ones started pinching when I sat, and they pretty much slipped right out as I headed to take them out. I had also become incredibly annoyed by the long silicone cord attached to them. It’s the longest of any kegel balls I’ve ever owned. How long? 5.5 inches. You’ve probably seen dicks longer than that. So long, in fact, that it kept slipping out the sides of my panties. Sexy.

My cat’s trying to chew on it right now. I guess that’s one use for it.

Anyway, I put them away for quite a while in an attempt to work up the gall to put the other balls in and try again. Let me tell you, I was almost ready to give up before I had even swapped the balls out. Ugh. I gave the L1 balls more than a once over this time around, too. I noticed there’s some stupid plastic “gem” thing at the end of the cord, which is simply ridiculous. At the best, you don’t notice them. Otherwise, it’s uncomfortable.

So I pop in the kegel balls with the weightier silver balls in them and experienced the same terrible discomfort. They pressed against my G-spot in a most uncomfortable way. I wanted to get them out of me as soon as possible. So I did.

To be fair, I haven’t regularly used kegel balls in quite some time, so I got out my K-balls to see whether I just hate them all together. I took a comparison photo, so you can see that the sizes are comparable. I slipped the K-balls in, expecting to hate them. I didn’t. They felt fantastic. Having ruled out that I don’t hate all vag balls, I took a closer look at the two pairs to determine what was making me hate them.

There are some serious differences that matter to me:

L1 love balls aren’t straight. The balls come together in a lazy “V” angle. When I try to insert them, they want to go one way, but I need them to go another way. I really need a straight set of balls. Secondly, the flexible connector between the Lv balls is much shorter than that of the K-balls, which also affects how it bends — or doesn’t bend — when inserted. Overall, this leads to an uncomfortable sensation.

Even if it was comfortable and I could stand to wear them for long enough to get any benefit from them. But that’s okay because..

I need to call bullshit on this whole two-sets-of-weights things. It’s all hogwash. It’s pointless. It’s a marketing gimmick. Don’t buy into it. It’s not just that it’s a hassle, it’s also that there’s not really any proof that it does anything. I’m kind of sick of companies coming up with faux features to lure consumers in. Don’t buy into it guys, and don’t buy these kegel balls.

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Sensor Vibrating Vagina Balls

April 3rd, 2013

I’m not going to pull your leg. I think this is a weird toy idea to begin with, but if it had any chance of succeeding, it probably isn’t with the design that Maia Toys decided to go with — sorry guys.

So, this is a vibrator molded into something like kegel balls. The balls are coated with a velvety silicone that thins out to create a connector in the center. While it is The whole The balls are designed so that they’re flatter on one side than the other, which makes them oblong and not quite balls in reality.

The design is also a noticeably than most kegel balls. In the photo below, I’ve paired them next to my K-balls, which are roughly the same size s most “full-sized” vag balls. Ignore how much my flash washed out the colors. They measure 5″ long from end to end. At the widest, each ball has a diameter of about 1.5 inches. It’s difficult to fully measure the length of each ball because they’re oblong, but the connector in the middle is no longer than one inch.


IMAG0595-1

If you’ve already had trouble with the Luna Beads or Smartballs, then these aren’t the ones for you. I knew I wouldn’t even be able to insert both balls, so it was only one. What this means is that you’re going to be awkwardly waddling around your life if you try to keep these balls inserted for passive PC exercises as you go about your day. It’s possible with other PC exercisors, but not these. That’s a shame, because I think it really reduces their functionality.

On the other hand, if you only want to exercise your PC muscles while lying down in a comfortable position, you could grasp the outer ball and pull for a more intense workout. I’m lazy. This is the only reason I use vag balls, so this is kind of a no go for me personally. I think a single “ball” design might be easier for this idea, but then you’d have the problem of controlling it..

As this is a vibrator, you have to insert batteries and turn it on. One end of one ball is a plastic silver cap. There’s a matching “cap” on the other ball, but it’s not functional. This one runs on two LR1 batteries, which must have come with the vibrator itself because I don’t remember having any. I also don’t remember getting them. The cap uses a half-turn style, and it’s super finicky. I find it hard to get a good grip on it and turn. You have to use two hands without exception. The battery cap also serves as the controls. A partial turn locks the cap in place, but if you keep turning it, it turns on. It’s not very handy at all, and I loathe toys that I have to turn on before insertion because of poor design.

Also? I keep grabbing the wrong end to remove batteries, and I feel like I’m going to break this.

And when it’s on? The vibrations are buzzy and weak. The vibes tickles my hand. Ugh. They focus in the ball that doesn’t have the batteries, so at least it will be inserted. There’s a terrible rattle, too. On the other end, there’s this little plastic “window” that serves no purpose that I can understand. On mine, it’s not fully attached, so it sort of bounces around the casing of the ball. In fact, it does this if you just shake the toy.

Of course, there’s only a single level of vibrations, and the sound output is just unacceptable. Even if these were smaller and I could fully insert them, I would never wear them out like you might with other kegel balls. People would be like “yo, Imma let you finish, but you forgot your vibrator lady.”

You could use the Sensor Vibrating Vagina Balls without the vibrations turned on, which I’d love to recommend, but the size is going to prevent me from doing soy.

I think it’s great that Maia Toys is trying to do something with an old standby, but I’m just not sure that the company hit the nail on the head with this idea.

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