MysteryVibe Crescendo

February 14th, 2018

Mystery Vibe made a pretty big to-do about their customizable, smart vibrator called the Crescendo last year. “It has 6 motors!” they said. “You’ve never used anything like it,” they claimed (more or less). They sent me one to try, and I took my sweet time getting around to writing this review. You’ll see why after I introduce you to this beast.

Similar to the gKi, you can bend the Crescendo at various joints to take on whatever shape your heart vagina desires (you can fold it nearly in half or bend each end in either direction to create an S-shape). Ostensibly, the two triangular flaps near the base can provide clitoral stimulation while you can create a hook for simultaneous G-spot/internal stim. It’s a two-hand job because the joints are stiff enough to stay in place, but not difficult (don’t count on ever getting it perfectly straight once you bend it, however). This is not something I have a problem with.

The truth is, I don’t want to use an app with any sex toy, partially because my devices invariably are crawling with bacteria that could lead to a nasty infection should I forget and reach down with my phone hand to operate a toy. Partially because I have small hands and using my devices single-handedly is a struggle. Partially because the more attention my eyes pay to a screen, the less my vagina, clit and various other erogenous zones pay attention to what’s going on there.

And the MysteryVibe app? Is not intuitive. It tries to be with gestures, but basic settings wind up hidden behind icons that just aren’t user-friendly. Sure, you can use it, but you really need to get used to it first.

Let’s not forget the logistics. Pairing devices that are buried within orifices to your phone? Not always an easy task. It was ridiculous with the kGoal, and while the Crescendo works much, much better, it just seems like the industry is trying to make using toys more difficult than it really needs to be. The only exception I’m willing to admit to is feedback (as in with kegel toys), but there’s no need for that with the Crescendo.

Speaking of logistics; have you ever had to wait over 30 minutes for your vibrator’s firmware to update? No? Keep it that way! Crescendo uses wireless transfer to update the device’s firmware, despite the fact that literally every device I’ve ever had to update urges you to do it wired because you can brick your device if the wireless update fails.

MysteryVibe support says this shouldn’t be an issue (and that it shouldn’t take nearly as long as it’s taken mine);

The Crescendo firmware file is quite a large one and the file transfer takes around 15 minutes. If there are any interruptions during this time, such as a phone call, Bluetooth interference, it could show an error. In this case, simply tap on the circle again to restart the update and it should work perfectly.
After my update remained stalled at 81%, I canceled and started again. It appeared that Crescendo had disconnected from the app, but I received no error. The only advice I can offer is that you can safely abort and try again if your update does something similar.

I think the argument for all this hassle is “but personalization!” Or maybe “Adriana, you can create your own one-of-a-kind vibration setting.” To which I laugh because I’ve already proven that I am a lazy SOB when it comes to masturbatory preparation and, secondly because anyone who’s been around this blog a time or two realizes that I couldn’t care less about modes. Seriously. My highest praise for pulsation, escalation or what-have-you is usually along the lines of “Well, it doesn’t suck.”

So that brings us to controlling the Crescendo via the app. Note that you don’t have to. You can just use the buttons on the toy; although, they’re more flush than I prefer because they’re embossed into the silicone, which makes them a little difficult to find and use when your hands are covered with lube. They can also get bunched up if you bend the Crescendo at the joint right near the buttons, which are located in two locations along the side (one set turns it on/up and off/down while the other cycles through modes).

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For once, I want some big, clicky buttons with tactile feedback like a mechanical keyboard. I want my fumbling fingers and long nails to have plenty of space. Enough with the tiny, “cute” buttons, people!

If you choose to use the app, it provides you with a visual that better helps you understand which motors are operating and what they’re doing. You can edit the base vibrations or download new settings from the “store”; although, it appears the Crescendo can only hold so many. I find the whole process of downloading and deleting settings from my sex toy to be a bit tedious myself. However, it’s interesting that you can rearrange the order of the settings on your Crescendo. My immediate thought after finding the settings that seemed like they’d be the most useful was that I was going to save them and never use the app again.

I’m pretty much saying that a toy has to be amazing if it’s going to require an app. So is the Crescendo? No. It seems pretty run of the mill. Because you’re supposed to customize the shape to your preferences, it’s rather flat and narrow, underwhelming, really. The internal vibrators that work well for me clitorally definitely have a rounded tip, which this does not. Unfurled, it looks a bit like a finger with the joints visible on the underside. Bent into position it looks perhaps a bit medicinal.

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In terms of power, you’d expect something pretty impressive from the Crescendo. After all, it has six motors. But those six motors are each a little lackluster, too, providing less of a symphony and more of a forgettable background noise. This review is about six words away from comparing the underpowered motors to Kidz Bop versions of pop songs. Is it terrible? No. It is what I want from a vibrator? Also no.

And believe me I tried. My first attempt was to turn on all the motors as high as they can go. I mean, isn’t that what us reviewers do with every vibrating toy we receive? Take it out of the package, charge it up and see how far this puppy goes? Crescendo doesn’t for up to 11, that’s for sure.

It’s not that it’s exactly weak. It just falls on the buzzier side of things, and I, like so many, prefer a deep and rumbly vibration that penetrates. The buzziness is definitely more perceptible on certain modes, and certainly more noticeable when you turn up the power. Ironically, the site describes the vibrations are deep and rumbly and whisper quiet. Surprise! Neither is exactly true.

I do enjoy that there’s a sort of throbbing pulsation. The sheer variety of vibrating modes the Crescendo offers means it’s probably go something for most people if the power output works for you.

The charger could also use some work. You plug a standard microUSB  (I’ve only used one other vibrator that relies on this standard connection) charger into a little disc that the Crescendo rests on to charge. But the lightweight disc has a bevel along the bottom and only the end of the toy rests on it, which causes the disc to tilt and the toy to want to slide off. It takes a bit to find the sweet spot because the vibrator doesn’t sit securely in the base (like some of Minna or Jimmyjane’s smaller toys), just rests atop it. Again, the user has to work around the toy rather than the toy fitting nicely into their life.

It’s hard to say what might be a better design. I don’t need a charging base. If the toy has to rest on a table, then the USB cable might as well plug directly into it (companies have done it and kept their toys 100% waterproof in the past and if they could make it a data+charging cable, firmware updates wouldn’t take over 30 minutes to complete!). If they want to do inductive charging, then perhaps provide a case that also works for travel like the one that used to come with the Delight.

The truth is, Crescendo isn’t a terrible vibrator. It’s just another mediocre sex toy that seems like a much bigger letdown because the marketing led us to believe it would change our worlds. But as long as “change your world” translates to “you have to adapt to the toy,” it’s not smart. I want my sex toys to adapt to me, not the other way around.

The Crescendo is on sale for Valentine’s Day if you’re interested in buying it.

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Fun Factory Laya II

November 29th, 2017

I can’t say that I am the person who was the most excited to find out that Fun Factory made a second version of the Laya II. After all, F, perhaps more than most reviewers. And when that one died, I bought another, which currently seems to be on the fritz (that makes the comparison a bit difficult).

Truth be told, I wasn’t aware that the Laya II was in development, but it’s certainly a needed change. It’s been, what? Well, over a decade? Since the first one, which was underpowered due to relying on 2 AAA batteries. That was the main complaint from others, and I have to concede they have a point. But Fun Factory managed to eke out some moderately rumbly vibrations despite the meager power source.

This time around, Fun Factory has updated the power source to an internal battery This is now charged via Fun Factory’s Click N Charge charger. I assume this comes with a new motor, and it feels different to be sure, but I am not positive.

Along with that comes more modern, bubble buttons that are certainly easy to locate in times of passion than the depressed buttons from the original Laya Spot. The Laya II also comes in a sleek black silhouette, which is sophisticated and appeals to my aesthetic. I never had a color combination of the original Laya Spot that I loved, but some people might miss the option.

While the freshman attempt was covered in Elastomed and ABS plastic, no one was really sure what Elestomed was or how safe it is. I just assumed safe enough. I never had any issues other than my first Laya showing up smelling like ass. After airing out and several washings, the bad smell eventually faded. I would be shocked if Fun Factory produced an updated Laya Spot from anything other than silicone. It has since become the default for most toys, let alone luxury toys. This is noticeable especially at the nose of the toy, where it makes the most contact when I use it, which has more noticeable squish than the Laya Spot. Laya II remains firm beneath the silicone, however.

The silicone makes the Laya II a lint magnet, as you can see from my photos.

Aside from those changes, the Laya II looks pretty similar to the original. It’s got the same general shape, which looks something like a snakehead when you look at it head on or a sneaker from another angle. I am glad for this because it’s the shape of Laya Spot that I always loved. It was rounded enough to press without hurting myself but not so broad that I felt nothing.

The base seems narrower and longer. Truth be told, I am not sure if the Laya II is the same size as the original. It’s hard to measure, and the black certainly makes it seem narrower. But it just might be my eyes playing tricks on me. It looks a little longer in photos, however.

Laya II Laya Spot Comparison

I’m not sure that some of the changes were warranted. For example, the 3-button design works but doesn’t add much. There’s a master power button, the Fun Factory button, and the + and – buttons. I like the feedback of these buttons, which the company has used on other toys, but the FF button on some adds a boost that’s missing with the Laya II. Otherwise, the buttons work exactly as you’d expect with the + button cycling through the 4 steady modes of vibration and the six settings. You’d think the third button could do some of the work.

But that’s not the most frustrating thing about Laya II. The most frustrating thing, by far, is the power output. Now, if I was willing to cut some slack when it was just a battery-operated toy that ran on AAAs, you have to understand how much I wanted to like Laya II. I’m not just not sure it’s any stronger than the original, and it sure as hell is buzzier. With a decade to improve it, you’d think Fun Factory would be able to add a little more oomph. Lelo did it with the second Siri, which is another clitoral vibe.

Fun Factory Laya ++This really isn’t a surprise. I stopped by the toy store to feel the Laya II and noticed it right away. The lower couple settings feel a little more rumbly, but when I turn up the power to feel something — anything — more, I am disappointed. This is probably exacerbated by the fact that there are only four steady settings on Laya II. The original had something like 7 and would occasionally kick out a few more (you had to listen very carefully to ensure it was turned off when you were done with it). You run out of steady vibrations abruptly and disappointingly with the Laya II.

There are six new settings, combinations of pulsation and escalation, that are utterly unsatisfying due to the lackluster motor that’s behind them. I’ve never liked rhythmic vibration more than constant vibes, but I’ve always recognized that you need some oomph behind them to make it worthwhile. Laya II just doesn’t offer that.

There is a single exception, which is one setting that combines pulsation and escalation at a slower pace but somehow draws a little more power from the motor. This, surprisingly, is where I settled with the Laya II.

And I was eventually able to get off, twice, with a healthy helping of lube (in the past, I often used Laya Spot without lube or through my underwear) and more time than I expected that I would require for the Laya II to do it for me. It was moderately frustrating but mostly surprising.

With a toy such as the Laya Spot, which I have loved and relied on for a decade (that’s longer than any relationship I’ve been in!), I’m not looking for surprises. I only wanted upgrades. It’s sad to say that Fun Factory failed on this one, a rating that I rarely hand out for what I’ve long considered my favorite toy company, not surprisingly because they’ve made some of my favorite toys.

But, hey, if you’re not a power hog, love the original shape, have never tried the Laya Spot or simply want to add something different to your collection, maybe Laya II is worth the risk. It’s all I’ve got now, after all, if my Laya Spot continues not to work correctly. )=

For the rest of you, I’d suggest the Siri 2 or perhaps the Tango.

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A Toy A Day #5: Form 6

July 5th, 2017

A Toy a Day is a feature wherein I get reacquainted with toys in my collection and post (brief) reviews with updates to my thoughts or, in some cases, thoughts that I’ve never before posted. 

I’ve always been a fan of Jimmyjane’s Form 6, and it’s seemed like I was the only one. The sleek design attracted my eye years before I finally got my hands on it. Jimmyjane was really ahead of the curve when it came to designing a sleek toy. I discovered the form 6 long before I knew what Lelo was.

When I finally did get the Form 6, I didn’t review it, but I’ve been pretty vocal about my general like for it. But was it just that I finally had it in my hands (and vagina?). It wasn’t a toy that I reached for on the regular, and it’s been perhaps a year since I’ve used it. So I decided to give it a whirl and write about it.

Jimmyjane has dual motors, one for each end, and they can work in tandem or solo. Form 6 is a bit louder than I recall, and the motor in the longer shaft has an annoying whine. The vibrations are moderately deep and strong but not earth-shattering. The smaller end produces a more focused sensation while the vibrations seem to be absorbed by the larger shaft. A layer of silicone sheaths the rigid shaft, and it’s plusher in the larger side. This may contribute to the vibrations feeling dulled in this end.

One of the biggest complaints about the Form 6 is the button location — on the shaft. There are three buttons that are embossed in the silicone. This makes them a little difficult to find and press and super difficult to use when the toy or your hands are covered in lubes and sexual fluids.

They might also become completely inaccessible if you insert the shaft far enough. The Form 6 isn’t a toy I want to start out with, though. It’s 1.7″ at its widest, but remember that the shaft is rigid. The way the shaft is designed doesn’t taper much. In fact, it gets narrow further down, which doesn’t quite make sense.

The shaft is straight-ish, so it’s best for general vaginal stimulation and not G-spot stimulation. I’m not sure this is really a good G-spotter for most people; although, I can use it for one if I used the other side. The slight hook works pretty well for G-spot stim if you don’t need a drastic curve or a lot of length. But it’s not going to work that way for everyone.

I’m able to use the Form 6 for clitoral orgasms, but they’re not the best. I have toys that are a bit more versatile, which is odd because Jimmyjane touts this toy specifically as one that is versatile.

It’s a shame because one of the things I really like about the Form 6 is how it charges. It rests on a base, and it’s not particularly picky about position. When you lift it off the charger, it flashes to indicate how charged it is.

I don’t plan on swapping my Form 6 any time soon but neither do I plan on keeping it in heavy rotation.

If you’re interested in the Form 6, it’s on sale from SheVibe right now ($129.99).

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Satisfyer (Pro 2, 2, Pro Penguin) Comparison Review

June 27th, 2017

I’m a little late on this whole pulsating-air-clitoral-stimulator craze. To be honest, I wasn’t super interested. I’m not typically a direct clit stim girl, usually preferring a broader/rounder sort of stimulation on my entire vulva. And the toy that came out first, well, it has a terrible name (Womanizer).

But when the Satisfyer company contacted me about a review, I said “Sure.” I didn’t expect much, to be honest. So when three different models (Satisfyer Pro 2, Satisfyer Penguin and Satisfyer 2) showed up, I was pretty excited at having the chance to compare them. And when I realized that I didn’t really know how they worked, so I quickly stuck my fingers in the holes to see.

Oh.em.gee.

The sucking mechanism (or pressure wave, if you will) of the Satisfyer toys immediately seemed like something that would feel good. Amazing. God-like.

And maybe it is — just not for me. In order to enjoy any of the Satisfyer toys, you should probably enjoy direct clitoral stimulation. As I mentioned above and in a plethora of reviews, I am not that sort of person. Ultimately, I wound up feeling aroused, adjusting to the suction, turning each toy all the way up and.. waiting. Before awkwardly grinding against the body of the toy to get off.

Suction alone just isn’t enough to get me off. I don’t think this concept marries well with my style of masturbating.

But let’s back up.

All the Satisfiers are devices with hard plastic shells. There’s something of a nozzle on the head, into which a silicone piece slips. This leaves a hole that you place over your clitoris, or potentially nipple, and suction comes from within the device in steady pulses. This direct stimulation is going to be too much for some people to handle, and there’s not really a way to dial it back like you might by using a vibratnig through underwear or clothing. All three toys are waterproof, but I don’t use toys in water.

Satisfyer 2

Satisfyer 2, cousin to a thermometer?

The Satisfyer 2 is, by far, the most medicinal-looking of the models. Someone might easily mistake one of these toys for an ear thermometer if they saw it sitting in your bathroom and didn’t actually handle it. You might think this makes it the least sexy of all the Satisfyer devices, but I actually think this title should be left to the Satisfyer Pro Penguin because its animal shape make me feel.. weird.

satisfyer pro penguin

Never before have animal shapes bothered me on a sex toy

This model is definitely longer and wider (at the head) than either the Pro Penguin or Satisfyer Pro 2. The Pro 2 is definitely the newer, streamlined option. It’s less boxy and more ergonomic – and the gold-and-white color scheme is inverted. A note on the Satisyer Pro 2: there are two different versions available under the same name. If yours has the embossed name on the handle, it’s the newer model that also happens to be quieter than the old version.

If you use either the Satisfyer 2 or Pro 2, you can aim the handle toward your belly button to reach the buttons, which are on top. However, that placement feels awkward for me. I’ve rarely had a clitoral toy where this wasn’t the case, though. The Penguin is curvy and smaller, nearly fitting in my hand. If I turn it handle-up, I can use my thumb to reach the buttons that are technically on the underside of the toy, and this is the most comfortable usage for me. I might be alone in this.

Satisfyer 2 alone has three buttons: power, plus, and minus. The others simply have two, which I prefer, one for on/off and one for cycling through the settings. The Satysfier Pro 2’s buttons make quite the loud clicking noise in use.

satisfyer pro 2

Satisfyer Pro 2 has a curvier design and more plush nozzle

Each has a removable silicone head for ease of cleaning (you’re still going to want to wipe down the exterior and inner hole of the plastic, however). The silicone nozzle on the Satisfyer 2 is in between the Penguin and Satisfyer Pro 2 in terms of which. The Pro 2 is quite thick and wide like a donut. The Penguin has the thinnest and smallest nozzle. But the inner tubes are actually sized opposite, with the Penguin having the largest circumference, the Satisfyer 2 in the middle, and the Satisfier Pro 2 having the snuggest fit.

Nozzles of the Satisfyer Pro 2, 2 and Pro Penguins

Nozzles of the Satisfyer Pro 2, 2 and Pro Penguins

The last way that the older Satisfyer model differs is in noise. It’s much louder than the other two, sounding akin to a small kitchen appliance. I think the Penguin is the quietest of the two, but the difference between it and the Satisfyer Pro 2 is less than the difference between either of those two and the Satisfyer 2.

The Satisfyer 2 is the only model that I received to try that ran on batteries — 2 AAAs. So it took a while for me to try it out because, apparently, it’s too much work to grab my already-charged batteries and insert them. Fortunately, the Satisfyer 2 works with rechargeables.

While I am not usually a fan of something that runs on AAAs, it seems like the suction mechanism of the Satisfyer toys isn’t decreased nearly as much vibrations do on a battery-operated toy. In fact, I think the Satisfyer 2 might be stronger than the Satisfyer Pro Penguin, and the motor does have the highest decibel rating of all the Satisfyer models, but it’s harder for me to discern power level between the toys and even between the levels on a single toy.

The Satisfyer comes with 11 levels, but I can’t really tell the difference. I can only confirm this by turning it all the way up and then backing down level by level. But to my clit or nipple, it’s not a huge difference. Once I get past the fourth level or so, they all feel pretty much the same. I think this is because the frequency of the suction has increased so much that it’s hard to differentiate between each pulse. As you can guess, I’m not thoroughly impressed by the different levels on the Satisfyer toys, and that’s how I feel about vibrators, too. 3-5 more distinct levels would be the better option here.

Although telling apart the toys via suction levels is difficult, it’s easier based on the way the size and shape of the silicone compartment feels. The silicone head of the Satisfyer Pro 2 is squishier, but the tube is also a tighter fit, making it easy to tell when it’s in place. The thinner silicone of the Penguin means you can more easily feel the rigid plastic behind it, but you can definitely feel that the inner chamber is wider. I think I like the shape and size of the silicone head of the Satisfyer 2 the best because it lands squarely in the middle in terms of squishiness and snugness.

But even having tried these three toys leaves me somewhat at a loss for words when it comes to recommending them. If you’ve never tried anything like the Satisfyer, I’m not sure how to compare it. I know you should like direct clitoral stimulation.

Nevertheless, it’s hard to recommend one of the specific models. The Satisfyer 2 and Penguin feel pretty similar suction-wise. If you were really opposed to batteries, I’d recommend the Penguin. It also feels the best in my hand.

It’s pretty difficult to recommend a toy based on head size/shape/angle, though. I think you just need to try them (I did, and I’m not sure if there’s one that I prefer). Unfortunately, Satisfyer doesn’t make their toys with multiple-sized heads like the competition, so I’d advise checking them out if you’re curious about size.

Satisfyer models are cheaper than the Womanizer, so it might be a safer bet if you’re not sure about the concept.

Dangerous Lilly has a fantastic comparison chart and write-up of the different Satisfyer and Womanizer models (which I have yet to try) on her blog. She also has photos of the various heads, which you’ll find helpful. We both seem to enjoy the Satisfyer 2 for what it’s worth.

I’m not sure I’ve ever come across a toy that was so difficult to recommend based on either experience or specs. That’s probably why so many people seem to have tried these or similar toys.

If you want to try any of the Satisfyers, you probably won’t find them from the same retailer. The Satisfyer Pro 2 is on sale for $69.99 from Shevibe. Otherwise, you can pick up the Satisfyer 2 and Satisfyer Pro Penguin from the Of Sex and Love Store for $49 and $66, respectively.

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Luxe Touch-Sensitive Vibrating Dildo

May 3rd, 2017

From the pictures, Cal Exotic’s new Luxe vibrating “dildo” looks like many of the silicone dildos on the market. It has a suction cup base and a slightly contoured head. You can choose from bright pink or purple or two more fleshlike colors.

Of course, it’s not a dildo because it’s actually a vibrator. I guess the suction cups, which works but I will never use, counts this thing as a dildo in someone’s book. It would be harness-compatible, but I’m still not feeling the nomenclature. It’s not a dildo, okay? Luxe is also not as sleek in person as it seems — so much for being luxe — and that’s where I need to focus the beginning of this review.

In person, you can clearly see a white, cylindrical casing beneath the thin layer of silicone that covers it. The silicone is so sheer that it harkens back to a time of PVC jelly vibrators and rabbits with their innards revealed for the world to see. Now, I suspect that the function of this vibrator requires a different interior than others, and I’ll get to that later.

But this whole thing seems like such a weird design flaw that you could see through it. And what I can see? Isn’t the best. During the initial washing, I saw what appears to be a crack in that inner piece of plastic, which was easy to spot through the silicone. I hadn’t even had a chance to use the Luxe, yet. So it’s not looking good for this one.

Crack in the toy

Usually I break the toys myself, but this one came pre-broken??

The more I looked, the more cracks I saw. I.. what?

Cracks in the inner mechanism

I can’t even think of a joke to crack about this. Oh, wait, there it is!

Well, what about its touch-sensitive capabilities? I’ve got slightly better news for you.

This function works not by squeezing the vibrator harder like the Limon or Ola, which is what I initially assumed, but by responding to the area of the shaft that’s squeezed. To illustrate, if you wrap one hand around the shaft, it doesn’t seem to increase vibrations. But adding your second hand beneath it increases the intensity. You can assume that thrusting the toy internally would achieve the same effect. Whether it’s noticeable internally is up for debate, however.

And, to be honest, I’m not a huge fan of the shape or size of this toy, and I think it’s part of that inner mechanism, which feels pretty rigid under the thin silicone coating. Although I don’t need a curved toy for G-spot stimulation, the absolute straightness of the Luxe isn’t comfortable. In fact, it’s almost painful despite only having a 1.5-inch diameter, which is the same throught the entire shaft.

If the shaft tapered a bit more before the head (or overall), it’d be fine. But then the toy might not be sensitive to touches. Perhaps that mechanism should be located further toward the base, or the diameter slightly smaller overall. As it is, Luxe just feels invasive, and I can’t enjoy the touch sensitive function.

It’s a shame because I would like to. The rounded head works well enough for G-spot stimulation, the vibrations are more rumbly than buzzy, and the strength is decent. It’s not like a Hitachi, but it’s definitely good enough. I even liked some of the modes, which never happens.

I think there’s promise if they can offer the same function in a variety of sizes. I am assuming that it’s a size constraint due to what I can see through the silicone, but what the hell do I know, right? If ever there were a toy that I wanted to rip apart, it’s the Luxe. And perhaps I will. After all, it’s already on its way to breaking.

One last gripe: I kind of hate when toys have a single button and require you to hold it to turn it off. I would rather have to hit a down button 8 million times or have a separate master power button. I want an auto off and find myself ridiculously annoyed when this isn’t an option.

I might be alone in this. Luxe has a pretty high rating on GoodVibes, but none of those people left reviews, so take that with a grain of salt.

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A Toy A Day #2: We-Vibe Tango

September 4th, 2016

I recently took a look at my nightstand and realized that there were dozens of toys that I neglect. Not only should I use them more, but I should use them at all. Even my favorites have been collecting dust as of late. More often than not, I use toys only to review them and stick to manual stimulation when I want to get off because it’s quicker and more convenient.

There’s nothing wrong with this per se, but I do feel as though my sexuality isn’t completely integrated with the rest of my life lately. And it’s not just because I am perpetually single.

Regardless, I can change the situation with my sex toys. So as summer winds down, batteries will be recharged, and I will work my way through the draw. I expect to remember how much I loved some toys, be disappointed with those that I have grown apart from and be surprised by toys that has finally won me over.

I plan to detail this attempt in a little project called A Toy A Day.


I guess I never got around to reviewing the We-Vibe Tango on my blog. I think it’s because so many people liked it. And I can generally see why. It came in a tiny package but had rumbly – albeit not super strong vibrations. Few companies were offering vibrators of this caliber and certainly not in this package.

I’ve never been a huge fan of lipstick vibrators, though I’ve tried this one and the Mia by Lelo. They work.. eventually. But getting off is a finicky process that requires a lot of involvement. I prefer rounded shapes, like the head of the Laya Spot or the Yooo or even my long-dead Tuyo. Pinpoint stimulation is neither a necessity nor a drawback, but you can’t exactly get that sort of stimulation from a round toy.

Anyway, I’ve had the same Tango for quite some time. I used it fairly frequently but it would often die in between charges, an issue others seem to have had, too. I wasn’t sure it would charge at all. Indeed, I had issues aligning the magnetic charger up just right. There’s a light that would often be off when I checked, so it’s hard to determine how long it actually charged.

I grabbed it for a test, anyway, and wound up shoving it down my underwear. It fit will and was easy to maneuver, but the shape wasn’t just right. I don’t think it got me off. I got close, but it died before I could get there despite the rumbly vibrations,

And I can’t even say if it’s because it’s old and the battery is dying. Or maybe it didn’t charge all the way. Or both. I do recall it dying frequently during use, so this might be just the sale old issue that I — and everyone else — has had since day one. I’ve just forgotten about it long enough to, well, forget about it.

As I finish up my uterine shed, I’ll be trying out more of the G-spot and internal vibes in this series. Keep your eye out!

 

 

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Cloud 9 Pro Sensual Warm Touch Silicone Rechargeable Vibrator

September 1st, 2016

If there’s something I dislike more than trying really, incredibly hard and long to get off and failing to do so, it might be having to write about a toy that I would describe as “Meh.” I’m several hundred toys into my sex-toy-reviewing, er, career, and this increasingly happens despite that fact that I am now reviewing fewer toys than ever.

These two things go hand in hand, as I’ve discussed before. When I have little or nothing to say about the toy, you practically have to pry the secret from my brain via physical surgery like the mice wanted to do to Arthur Dent in H2G2. I digress just a bit.

So.. this is your introduction to the Cloud 9 Pro Sensual Warm Touch Silicone Rechargeable Vibrator, which you may never have heard of before. Even if you did, you might have forgotten about it given that the name seems more of a random assortment of words than a strong branding choice.Cloud 9 seems to be the new kid on the block, and they’ve got everything from basic

Cloud 9 seems to be the new kid on the block, and they’ve got everything from basic G-spot wands to kegel balls to heated, rechargeable vibrators. Once upon a time, this might have knocked my socks off, you know, if I even kept them on during masturbation (I am not that kind of heathen, after all). It’s still enough to draw my attention, and that’s how I wound up with this vibrator in my hands courtesy of SheVibe.

But making a rechargeable vibrator from silicone and well under the $100 price range is no longer difficult. Lovelife does it, and while their Cuddle may not heat up, it won over several reviewers/bloggers, myself included. But I digress.. again.

The Cloud 9 Pro Sensual Warm Touch Silicone Rechargeable Vibrator is one that shares similarities with many toys. The controls and heating function are similar to Svakom Leslie. The general shape reminds me of a Lelo toy, but that can be said about most toys that are trying to be – or at least look – premium.

Two-button control panel

plus, the magnetic charger reminds me of many Fun Factory toys. Cloud 9 might actually have the leg up because instead of just two contact points, there’s an ellipse groove into which the charger sits, making it more stable and providing more consistent contact during charging.

It’s not exactly like the other toys, however. While for Leslie and this sex toy take a while to warm up, The Cloud 9 vibrator does eventually become noticeably warm, warmer than Svakom’s Leslie. The description says it gets over 100 degrees F. In fact, some people might find the amount of heat to be too much. Of course, you can turn it off, but you can’t adjust it. Perhaps that will be a feature we see in similar toys in the future.

Unlike Lelo, the tip is quite squishy. The entire shaft is much squishier, actually. You might prefer this to those toys with thin layers of silicone that are mostly rigid. It may even make someone a good clitoral vibrator, but it was less than stellar for me personally.

I think I need more deep and strong vibrations or a toy with a shape that juts out in some way to be useful clitorally. This vibrator has quite buzzy vibrations that tickle my hand and leave my clit feeling a little “numb” after use — not because they’re so strong but because of how shallow they are.

I always find that toys with buzzy vibrations have lackluster modes. How can a pulsation feel good if it’s just not deep enough? This can be said for the Cloud 9 Pro Sensual Warm Touch Silicone Rechargeable Vibrator, sadly.

Overall, the Cloud 9 vibrator lacks bells and whistles. It’s got a gentle curve and is coated in soft silicone. But there’s no defined hook or bulge for G-spot stimulation. I don’t typically require texture, but I did finhas quite buzzy d the lack on this toy to be underwhelming.

This fact that it’s got 5 insertable inches and a 1.5-inch diameter kind of adds to this feeling. It’s just so.. middle of the road.

To be fair, it’s a decent, rechargeable vibrator made of soft silicone for less than $60. But unless you’re dying to try a heated toy or don’t own a single rechargeable, internal vibrator, I can’t see why anyone would rush out for one. I mean, you don’t have to. SheVibe can ship it right to your house complete with awesome box art. But I’d hate for that the be the best thing about the package you receive in the mail.

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