Media Recommendations September 2019

September 28th, 2019

Whether you like to listen, read, or watch content that discusses sexuality in humans (and occasionally other creatures), you’ve come to the right place! I gave myself an extra day to write this, which meant I could add three stellar podcast episodes to my media recommendations. I realized that September is almost over I recently learned as I typed “August” into the title field, checked my calendar, and remembered I was off by a whole month. Welp!

Listen

NPR’s Hidden Brain tackles the intersection of sex and tech that will eventually usher in sex robots and has given hookup culture a facelift via apps such as Tinder and how that affects intimacy. If you don’t want to listen, you can read the accompanying article.

In his podcast, Dr. Lehmiller interviews author and psychologist Dr. Ari Tuckman who recently wrote the book about ADHD and relationships, including how it can affect sexual relationships.

I started listened to Peepshow Podcast last month. As I was scrolling for episodes that seemed particularly interesting, this one featuring Nicoletta and Simone from Sluts and Scholars, which I have previously recommended. The pair discuss starting their podcast and balancing their day jobs with communicating about sex in a world where that’s still a boundary-breaking thing to do despite the fact that’s the very stigma they’ve set about to break. Simone also talks about becoming an abortion doula

The first of two Slate podcasts I’ll recommend this month is is their queer podcast Outward, which recently tackled the issue of what makes us gay after the recently-released study about how much our genetics influence sexual orientation. This episode really got me thinking about what it means to be gay, including the importance of community. It made me think about my own sexuality and my struggle to be part of a community.

Finally, Slate’s feminist podcast The Waves discussed a chapter of journalist and podcaster Malcolm Gladwell’s recently-published book, How to Talk to Strangers. It was a book I thought would be interesting but now am not so sure about. The chapter looks at sexual assault and drinking in the great context of knowing whether a person is being duplicitous, but Gladwell’s privilege shines through when he makes the case that no one can ever know the truth. The hosts of The Waves point out how weak this argument, which shames victims, truly is.

Read

I haven’t managed to get very far in Screwed: How Women Are Set Up to Fail at Sex, but I’ve enjoyed almost every word that I’ve read thus far. Lili Boisvert challenges gender roles, sexual scripts, slut-shaming, and more in on cohesive argument about how society has done women dirty when it comes to sex.

Watch

In this short snippet from the BBC, a gentleman discusses the abuse he receives because of his HIV+ status.

I somehow managed to miss this older TED talk, which delves into why humans are among the few species that menstruate.

I was thoroughly impressed with the Sex Ed School series by Shaftesbury Kids. The eight episodes in the first season follow Eva and Nadine as they provide real, age-appropriate, and fact-based sex ed to kids on topics such as anatomy, consent, orientation, and more. They even use dolls and toys to teach students in a way that would neeevvver be allowed in any but the most progressive schools, American or otherwise. It makes me a bit sad for the state of sex ed, but this is really how it could look.

Hopefully, I’ll have a chance to read a bit more next month, but I think this post really covers it.

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June 2019 Media Recommendations

July 1st, 2019

June flew right past in a flurry of red tape, phone calls, and health concerns, so this post is later than it typically would be. However, this gave me a chance to binge a few podcasts and watch a few episodes so I can recommend more to my readers!

Listen

I was enthralled with the very first episode of Unladylike that I listened to once I came across it.  Cristen and Caroline, who formerly hosted Stuff Mom Never Told You, have been working on their podcast that tackles a variety of issues from a feminist POV since early last year. They’re all about smashing the patriarchy and encouraging women to do whatever the hell they want. It’s not a podcast I’d listen to every episode of, but I haven’t regretted any I’ve listened to. Of note are episodes titled How to Get a Rape Kit and How to Find a Lesbian Bar.

Note that none of these episodes are “how-tos.’ The naming mechanic is annoying.

The episode of Sex Out Loud with Yin Q introduced me to Mercy Mistress on Youtube but also her other projects including Red Canary, a sex worker organization that focuses on Chinese migrants who work at massage parlors. Yin Q describes to Tristan how selling sex work under the guise of licensed massage is actually a felony and describes the danger of being detained by ICE.

Just recently, Sluts and Scholars was removed from iTunes podcast list, and Shameless Sex had their IG account removed. I made a point to listen to both.

S&S had two great episodes with Amber Heard, with whom I was only really familiar because of her marriage to Johnny Depp. I loved learning more about her. Amber seems to be a strong, feminist who is very aware of her privilege.

I tuned in to the bonus Shameless Sex episode title Sex For Curvy Folks With Laura Delarato because I only had a little time. Laura discusses body positivity and practical sex advice for anyone who is curvy or having sex with a curvy partner.

Honestly, I listened to most of these tonight because I’ve been obsessively listening to Hello From the Magic Tavern for the last three weeks or so. It’s a nerdy, improv podcast that has successfully distracted me from the current stress of my life.

Watch

The Cut presents Sex Probz, a web series featuring sex educators Dirty Lola and Francisco who help people improve their sex lives. If you ever wanted to see someone’s sex life get a makeover, here you go! The pair provide simple solutions to issues such as long-distance relationships, having sex with a disability, exploring kink, and reclaiming your sexuality after having kids. Although the episodes are too short to go super in-depth, viewers can implement these practical changes in their own lives.

Samantha Bee’s Sex Ed for Senators is a hilarious, cutting, and enraging look at the misconceptions some politicians have about pregnancy and abortion. It’s probably old news for many of my readers but still entertaining.

I discovered Mercy Mistress when creator Yin Q was on Sex Out Loud. It’s a sexy series on YouTube. Each episode is short (under 4 minutes) and steamy without sacrificing reality (a huge criticism of Bonding on Netflix) as it takes a look at various aspects of a professional Domme. The music and visuals are both so well done. I love seeing kinky POC getting screen time! There are also bonus videos that introduce viewers to the different tools used.

Read

I focused on reading things unrelated to sex during the month of June, namely A People’s History of the United States and Grunt: The Curious Science of Humans at War, both of which I recommend. I also read a few comics/graphic novels. After thoroughly enjoying Good Omens on Amazon, I picked up the graphic novel adaptation of American Gods.

I also enjoyed the first two volumes of Man-Eater, a story about how cis girls who reach the age of menstruation become werecats that eat people. It highlights the mistrust and mistreatment of women in society. However, right around the time I discovered this series, author Chelsea Cain backed herself into a corner in response to critique that the comic ignores trans people. She’s since deleted her Twitter account and the future of Man-Eaters is unknown. I think the premise is interesting but agree that the comic is limited because Cain’s white feminism isn’t inclusive or intersectional. The experimental format also leaves each book feeling a little light. Perhaps we’ll see some less problematic feminist comics in the future.

I’m still reading A People’s History, so sex may take a backseat, but I welcome any of your suggestions.

What media did you consume related to sex last month?

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May 2019 Media Recommendations

May 28th, 2019

I’ve got lots of suggestions this month, so I’ll jump right into them.

Listen

Several podcasts touched on abortion in recent episodes. This includes Science Vs, which took a different stance with their episode called The Abortion Underground, in which host Wendy interviews women who required abortions when they were illegal and absolutely terrifying as well as women who provided abortion services. I wasn’t very familiar with how this worked, and this episode was eye-opening and timely.

Sunny Megatron also tackles the topic with a focus on how criminalizing abortion disproportionately affects marginalized groups such as people of color and those who are impoverished on American Sex.

A previous episode of Science Vs looks into the fertility cliff, whether it’s real, and why so many people

Outward hosts talked about sex ed this month. They discuss how many LGBTQ+ issues should be included in sex ed (and whether sex ed should just take that slant to begin with because straight people have so much to learn), how porn fails as sex ed, and why everyone should use lube.

My final recommendation is another Slate podcast: The Waves. Introducing Hi-Phi Nation: For Women Only is a brief history of trans women as feminist activists, the TERFs who exclude them, and how events in the 70s affect us all today.

Lovehoney also has a new podcast that you can give a listen.

Read

I’ve got to catch up on my reviews, including two book reviews. In Turned On: Science, Sex and Robots, Kate Devlin really breaks down the state of sex robots, who uses them, and the implications for human and does it all with a side of British humor. One of my favorite books all year!

Watch

I wasn’t previously familiar with Philosophy Tube before this video about sex work came across my screen. It seems like a lot of the topics covered were also addressed in the book Revolting Prostitutes (yes, a review is still coming!) including decriminalizing, marginalized people, and various models the world over, among others. I haven’t watched every second of the video, but it seems like a good intro if you can’t dedicate yourself to an entire book and especially if you listen to it on double time.

Terri Conley discusses myths about sex and specifically casual sex in her TEDx talk at U of M. She draws from her research that flips much of what we believe about sex and a person based on their sexual preferences and activities on its head.

Let me know what you thought of anything on this list or if you have suggestions for me!

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Adriana Currently Enjoys [July 2018 Sex Media Recommendations]

July 13th, 2018

My media consumption has been pretty sex-heavy lately.

Reading

The three books that I am reading, at least two of which will show up in the near future as reviews, about. The first two have been released in the past month or so while the third is a little older. Thus far, I am loving Lehmiller’s tone in Tell Me What You Want.

Watching

Hulu just released the second season of Harlots, a period drama about an English brothel and the sex workers who are attempting to survive, avoid run-ins with the law, and win a rivalry with another brothel. It’s nice to see a show that stars so many women, and it’s not just the cast that dominated by women: the staff is, too. You might enjoy Harlots for the drama and costumes. The seasons are only a few episodes long, so you can catch up by the time the third episode of season 2 is released next week.

Harlots

Listening

I am more than a little sad that the Science of Sex podcast is over for the season, so I’ve been trying to fill the hole in my heart with other sex-related podcasts. So far this week I’ve listened to Sex Out loud, American Sex, and Sex with Emily. I’d listened to a few episodes of the first two before, and they tend to focus on sex culture. American Sex is hosted by Sunny Megatron and her husband, so if you’re familiar with Sunny, then you won’t be surprised at her upfront tone and commitment to sex education. The most recent episode was about sex after trauma, and it was full of resources

Of course, this is just what I am into this week. I’ll finish books and catch up on podcasts and have a little time to enjoy more. I want to hear your recommendations in this comments, and it doesn’t have to be limited to books, podcasts, and TV. If it’s about sex and it’s worth paying attention to, I want to know!

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What I Wrote in 2017: Sex Ed, BDSM Guides, Relationship Advice + More

January 12th, 2018

Although I might have been uncharacteristically quiet on Of Sex and Love last year (I sometimes managed only to post a monthly Science of Sex post and certainly didn’t write enough reviews to post a best or worst of list!), I have not been quiet elsewhere.

Last year I continued to write for two other venues: Bad Girls Bible and Cirilla’s. I write dozens of pieces between the two of those, not to mention other clients (interested in someone writing for your own sex blog or sex toy store? You can hire me!).

The result includes some articles that I am pretty proud of. I’ve curated a list of posts that I think are especially helpful, well written or otherwise worth sharing.

For  Cirilla’s

I discussed 12 Things Porn Gets Wrong, which probably isn’t news to many of my readers, but many of these stereotypes are still perpetuated.

I also wrote about the Ways That Sex Changes In Your 30s, some of which are surprisingly awesome!

You can also check out my post called Why You Should Care About Sex Toy Materials. Again, this is old-hat stuff for some, but a reminder is always welcome. One thing I wanted to delve into but didn’t have the opportunity to do so is how green our sex toys are and where materials are sourced from.

Finally, I tackled 12 Sex Myths About Sex That Aren’t True. There are a lot of ideas that we believe to be true. But when you seek out accurate sex education that is also sex-positive, you quickly find that these ideas aren’t self-evident at all: they’re unhealthy and potentially harmful.

For Bad Girl’s Bible

The Truths and Myths Surrounding the Concept of Virginity

I was glad to be able to break down the concept of virginity, which serves very little — if any — purpose, in this post.


 

How You Can Have a Functional (and Sexy) D/s Relationship

I’ve been able to write more about BDSM, bondage and D/s lately, and I enjoy educating people on how these things can be sexy and healthy.


 

The 7 Best Sex Positions for Female Orgasm (Tried and Tested!)

You’d think that I’ve been around the block enough to have tried — or at least known about — all the positions that facilitate orgasm. Then again, you’d be wrong.


 

The Complete BDSM Aftercare Guide: Learn How To Do It Right.

Another element of safety in BDSM is aftercare, which I outlined in this post.


 

Hymen 101: Breaking the Myths to Determine the Truth

Writing about the hymen is similar to writing about virginity. Our current sex ed teaches us a lot of the wrong stuff, and this so-called knowledge can damage us in all sorts of ways.


 

5 Love Languages: How To Keep Your Partner’s Love Tank Full

You don’t have to believe in the 5 love languages to appreciate how being more thoughtful about the way you show love to your partner can benefit your relationship.


 

8 Vital BDSM Rules To Keep It Safe, Sane & Crazy-Kinky

Another post regarding the risk and safety involved in BDSM activities. Can there be too many?


 

What Is Intimacy? Discover The True Meaning Of Intimacy

A small detour into the romantic and relationship side of things.


 

Why Do Men Watch Porn When They’re In Relationships?

There are so many negative views on porn, and the idea that men (people) in relationships shouldn’t enjoy it is definitely one of them. It’s all bogus, of course.


 

Breast Bondage: Easy Harnesses Even If You’ve Never Used Rope Before

I quite enjoyed researching different styles of harnesses and rope bondage for this post. In fact, I wasn’t really a rope fan before writing it, but that has perhaps changed.


 

Sensual Domination: The Complete, Step-By-Step Guide

I am not personally one for more sensual styles of BDSM, but many people are. I hope this post encourages them to find their perfect flavor.


 

It’s no wonder that so many of my favorite pieces from last year were those that busted through stereotypes and myths surrounding sexuality.

Here’s to whatever 2018 brings!

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AP Sex Ed

January 16th, 2013

AP Sex EdWhile browsing Tumblr, I came across this fantastic image. At first, I thought it was an infographic. It’s actually an eBook created by a Tumblr user to teach you a thing or two. I haven’t read it cover to cover, and it might be a little elementary for some of us, but it’s put together pretty well, and spreading this information is important — important enough that I’ve shared it on my public Facebook!

Download the eBook here.

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Just Pretend

November 10th, 2009

We’re playing and the scene is one in which he appears to have power but we both know it’s my scene, my power, my plan, my way. I call him “Daddy” and, at first, it sounds awkward. We stumble over our lines and I am incredibly aware that he is not my daddy and these are not our real roles.

“Come here,” here says, beckoning me over and I do trying to act the innocent daughter. I am anything but. He tells me to sit; I do. He launches a conversation about growing up, adolescence and the differences between boys and girls. My head still isn’t in it but I play along anyway. He asks me if I’ve noticed these differences.

“Yes,” I say. “I know I have a penis but you have a vagina, Daddy”. He nods, proud of me. I beam, getting more into the role. I tell him I have seen the pictures in school but they’re cartoony. He nods and looks disappointed, as though public education has failed me. We continue in our roles and he asks if I want to see a real penis, his penis. I am in awe that he cares so much about my knowledge; I nod meekly.

He slowly removes his jeans. I try not to stare as he unbuttons, then unzips. They lie crumpled on the floor and his boxers follow next. I see his penis, standing parallel to the floor. It’s much more detailed than the pictures in school show. I can see the shaft, rigid and straight and the end is bulbous with a funny ridge. He follows my gaze.

“It’s erect,” he explains. “It has filled with blood and increases in size, pointing up. Other times, it is not engorged and hangs limply.” I struggle to stay in the mindset, pretending I don’t already know this, pretending I haven’t seen his cock one hundred, one thousand times before. I try to convince myself I’ve never before seen his cock.

“Does it hurt?” I ask, in amazement. I reach out to touch it before I snatch my hand back, unsure if that would be a mistake. “Can I?” I ask hesitantly and he nods, smiles reassuringly as he explains it doesn’t hurt. It can feel quite good and I wonder how.

I gingerly reach for the head of his cock and he moans. I feel the skin, velvety smooth over the hard shaft. I wrap my fingers around it and he startles me, enclosing his larger hand over my own. He must see it as he puts a finger to my mouth to sooth me, silence me. Together, we stroke his cock. He breathes harder and thrusts his hips toward me. His cock slides in and out of my hand and I stare at it intently.

“Just like that,” he moans and my confidences are mentally boosted. I see the first drop of pre-cum ooze from his penis and ask him what that is.

“That means you are doing a very good job at making Daddy feel good but you know what would really make Daddy feel good?” I shake my head “No” and continue to stroke him.

“Take off your panties,” he tells me. For a minute I am stunned. I didn’t see that one coming at all. I drop my hand from his penis. “Take them off,” he repeats once more and I do, struggling to comply as quickly as possible. He instructs me to lie back on the bed and I listen, afraid of angering him anymore.

He presses his thighs between my legs, spreading them. His fingers travel along my inner thighs and I laugh as it tickles. “Do you like that?” I nod, biting my lower lip as his hands travel further inward. I don’t know what to expect when he reaches the warm area in between my legs. I have touched there before and sometimes it feels good. I am anxious.

His fingers make contact and his touch is gentle. He strokes my skin with one hand, all around my vagina, with his other reaches behind him. I hear something pop but I’m not sure what. I look at him quizzically and he returns my look; something in his expression says everything will be okay. His other hand returns between my legs; he spreads me open and applies something cold, wet against my flesh, inside of me. It feels tight but gets easier as he strokes.

“Don’t mind the cold lube,” he reassures. “Are you ready to make Daddy very happy?” I nod, wanting to please him, knowing my Daddy knows what is best.

I feign pain as the head of his cocks slips into me but we both know it’s fake. I contort my face, trying to look as virginal as possible. “It hurts,” I lie.

“I know but that will pass soon. I promise.” He strokes my cheek as he presses himself into me and I can start to feel him stretching, tearing. It doesn’t feel like he can fit, like he should fit. I let him know, biting my lip in pain.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” he consoles. “Daddy’s almost there.” He lets out an minimalistic groan, the likes of which I have never heard before. The pain, the tearing continues as he slides into me, inch by painful inch. Then it stops, I look down at his body over my tiny frame and I see that he is all the way in me. The hairs around his penis are long and fuzzy, tickle me slightly.

“Are you okay?” He asks, commending my bravery and performance. I nod, try to smile through the pain as it slowly fades. He begins to thrust his hips, pumping into me and I feel the head of his penis stroking against the different sensitive parts of me, inside of me. I think about how I hadn’t even known those parts existed and, in my mind, it’s like this is my first time.

He grunts, moans and grips my hips. I feel him fill me up and I’m not even sure how it’s possible. I look up at him and he leans down to kiss me hard. It hurts but it also feels.. good, somehow. The way he feels inside me feels differently, too. There’s less resistance and he thrusts come easier. It’s like my body is accepting him now and, without thinking, my hips thrust back toward his.

“That’s a good girl.” His words are muffled my my body as he nestles his face against my shoulder. A sound escapes my lips like none I have made before and I cut it off sharply.

“No, go ahead. Daddy wants you to feel good, too.” He reaches down, his fingers caressing around my vagina. His fingers press between the curves of my flesh and he begins to stroke that special button. “Do you like this, when I touch your clit?” I do and I let him know. He continues to stroke, to twist, to flick and the pain is long forgotten. I am moaning with him and, every time I do, it seems to elicit a moan from him.

He thrusts harder now, pressing against my clit harder. I feel the change begin to grow inside me. I’m not sure but I don’t have much time to think about it. Suddenly, his penis is no longer in me and I gasp. As I look down, I feel his erection rubbing between my thighs, against my clit. It looks silly; although, I’m not sure it should.

As quickly as he exited, he slams back into me and I wonder if I will even be able to walk after this. his fingers return to where they were playing with me and that strange feeling builds again. Something is going to happen but I’m not sure what.

Seemingly out of nowhere, I feel the muscles around my vagina, surrounding his cock spasm. They clench and release in quick successions. It’s only a few seconds but they are mesmerizing. I never knew I could do that. Apparently, Daddy is also surprised. He gasps as his own body shudders and he slumps down, weighing more heavily on him. Still supported by his arms, I look up at him, wondering what just happened to the both of us.

As he slowly withdraws from my body, I see his penis shrinking, losing its erection. I think I understand its anatomy more but I am jolted from my thoughts by the warm gush from between my legs. I wonder where it comes from as he stands beside the bed.

“Be a good girl and go clean up in the bathroom. You made Daddy cum hard.” So it’s normal, I assume, and he likes it. I beam once more, glad to have pleased him and head to the bathroom, my legs warm and sticky. I clean myself slowly as I consider what just happened. I know it must be good. We both felt good, very good and I know my Daddy would never do anything wrong. I smile, feeling on top of the world.

As I exit the bathroom to climb back in bed, I see him leaning against the doorway, once more in his boxers. He puts his fingers to his lips, still in the role. We know to keep it a secret. I smile knowingly, not just in character anymore and crawl between the sheets, exhausted, and motion him to join me. He lies beside me, presses his body close and we wish eachother good night, our game over for now.

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