What I Wrote in 2017: Sex Ed, BDSM Guides, Relationship Advice + More

January 12th, 2018

Although I might have been uncharacteristically quiet on Of Sex and Love last year (I sometimes managed only to post a monthly Science of Sex post and certainly didn’t write enough reviews to post a best or worst of list!), I have not been quiet elsewhere.

Last year I continued to write for two other venues: Bad Girls Bible and Cirilla’s. I write dozens of pieces between the two of those, not to mention other clients (interested in someone writing for your own sex blog or sex toy store? You can hire me!).

The result includes some articles that I am pretty proud of. I’ve curated a list of posts that I think are especially helpful, well written or otherwise worth sharing.

For  Cirilla’s

I discussed 12 Things Porn Gets Wrong, which probably isn’t news to many of my readers, but many of these stereotypes are still perpetuated.

I also wrote about the Ways That Sex Changes In Your 30s, some of which are surprisingly awesome!

You can also check out my post called Why You Should Care About Sex Toy Materials. Again, this is old-hat stuff for some, but a reminder is always welcome. One thing I wanted to delve into but didn’t have the opportunity to do so is how green our sex toys are and where materials are sourced from.

Finally, I tackled 12 Sex Myths About Sex That Aren’t True. There are a lot of ideas that we believe to be true. But when you seek out accurate sex education that is also sex-positive, you quickly find that these ideas aren’t self-evident at all: they’re unhealthy and potentially harmful.

For Bad Girl’s Bible

The Truths and Myths Surrounding the Concept of Virginity

I was glad to be able to break down the concept of virginity, which serves very little — if any — purpose, in this post.


How You Can Have a Functional (and Sexy) D/s Relationship

I’ve been able to write more about BDSM, bondage and D/s lately, and I enjoy educating people on how these things can be sexy and healthy.


The 7 Best Sex Positions for Female Orgasm (Tried and Tested!)

You’d think that I’ve been around the block enough to have tried — or at least known about — all the positions that facilitate orgasm. Then again, you’d be wrong.


The Complete BDSM Aftercare Guide: Learn How To Do It Right.

Another element of safety in BDSM is aftercare, which I outlined in this post.


Hymen 101: Breaking the Myths to Determine the Truth

Writing about the hymen is similar to writing about virginity. Our current sex ed teaches us a lot of the wrong stuff, and this so-called knowledge can damage us in all sorts of ways.


5 Love Languages: How To Keep Your Partner’s Love Tank Full

You don’t have to believe in the 5 love languages to appreciate how being more thoughtful about the way you show love to your partner can benefit your relationship.


8 Vital BDSM Rules To Keep It Safe, Sane & Crazy-Kinky

Another post regarding the risk and safety involved in BDSM activities. Can there be too many?


What Is Intimacy? Discover The True Meaning Of Intimacy

A small detour into the romantic and relationship side of things.


Why Do Men Watch Porn When They’re In Relationships?

There are so many negative views on porn, and the idea that men (people) in relationships shouldn’t enjoy it is definitely one of them. It’s all bogus, of course.


Breast Bondage: Easy Harnesses Even If You’ve Never Used Rope Before

I quite enjoyed researching different styles of harnesses and rope bondage for this post. In fact, I wasn’t really a rope fan before writing it, but that has perhaps changed.


Sensual Domination: The Complete, Step-By-Step Guide

I am not personally one for more sensual styles of BDSM, but many people are. I hope this post encourages them to find their perfect flavor.


It’s no wonder that so many of my favorite pieces from last year were those that busted through stereotypes and myths surrounding sexuality.

Here’s to whatever 2018 brings!


AP Sex Ed

January 16th, 2013

AP Sex EdWhile browsing Tumblr, I came across this fantastic image. At first, I thought it was an infographic. It’s actually an eBook created by a Tumblr user to teach you a thing or two. I haven’t read it cover to cover, and it might be a little elementary for some of us, but it’s put together pretty well, and spreading this information is important — important enough that I’ve shared it on my public Facebook!

Download the eBook here.

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Just Pretend

November 10th, 2009

We’re playing and the scene is one in which he appears to have power but we both know it’s my scene, my power, my plan, my way. I call him “Daddy” and, at first, it sounds awkward. We stumble over our lines and I am incredibly aware that he is not my daddy and these are not our real roles.

“Come here,” here says, beckoning me over and I do trying to act the innocent daughter. I am anything but. He tells me to sit; I do. He launches a conversation about growing up, adolescence and the differences between boys and girls. My head still isn’t in it but I play along anyway. He asks me if I’ve noticed these differences.

“Yes,” I say. “I know I have a penis but you have a vagina, Daddy”. He nods, proud of me. I beam, getting more into the role. I tell him I have seen the pictures in school but they’re cartoony. He nods and looks disappointed, as though public education has failed me. We continue in our roles and he asks if I want to see a real penis, his penis. I am in awe that he cares so much about my knowledge; I nod meekly.

He slowly removes his jeans. I try not to stare as he unbuttons, then unzips. They lie crumpled on the floor and his boxers follow next. I see his penis, standing parallel to the floor. It’s much more detailed than the pictures in school show. I can see the shaft, rigid and straight and the end is bulbous with a funny ridge. He follows my gaze.

“It’s erect,” he explains. “It has filled with blood and increases in size, pointing up. Other times, it is not engorged and hangs limply.” I struggle to stay in the mindset, pretending I don’t already know this, pretending I haven’t seen his cock one hundred, one thousand times before. I try to convince myself I’ve never before seen his cock.

“Does it hurt?” I ask, in amazement. I reach out to touch it before I snatch my hand back, unsure if that would be a mistake. “Can I?” I ask hesitantly and he nods, smiles reassuringly as he explains it doesn’t hurt. It can feel quite good and I wonder how.

I gingerly reach for the head of his cock and he moans. I feel the skin, velvety smooth over the hard shaft. I wrap my fingers around it and he startles me, enclosing his larger hand over my own. He must see it as he puts a finger to my mouth to sooth me, silence me. Together, we stroke his cock. He breathes harder and thrusts his hips toward me. His cock slides in and out of my hand and I stare at it intently.

“Just like that,” he moans and my confidences are mentally boosted. I see the first drop of pre-cum ooze from his penis and ask him what that is.

“That means you are doing a very good job at making Daddy feel good but you know what would really make Daddy feel good?” I shake my head “No” and continue to stroke him.

“Take off your panties,” he tells me. For a minute I am stunned. I didn’t see that one coming at all. I drop my hand from his penis. “Take them off,” he repeats once more and I do, struggling to comply as quickly as possible. He instructs me to lie back on the bed and I listen, afraid of angering him anymore.

He presses his thighs between my legs, spreading them. His fingers travel along my inner thighs and I laugh as it tickles. “Do you like that?” I nod, biting my lower lip as his hands travel further inward. I don’t know what to expect when he reaches the warm area in between my legs. I have touched there before and sometimes it feels good. I am anxious.

His fingers make contact and his touch is gentle. He strokes my skin with one hand, all around my vagina, with his other reaches behind him. I hear something pop but I’m not sure what. I look at him quizzically and he returns my look; something in his expression says everything will be okay. His other hand returns between my legs; he spreads me open and applies something cold, wet against my flesh, inside of me. It feels tight but gets easier as he strokes.

“Don’t mind the cold lube,” he reassures. “Are you ready to make Daddy very happy?” I nod, wanting to please him, knowing my Daddy knows what is best.

I feign pain as the head of his cocks slips into me but we both know it’s fake. I contort my face, trying to look as virginal as possible. “It hurts,” I lie.

“I know but that will pass soon. I promise.” He strokes my cheek as he presses himself into me and I can start to feel him stretching, tearing. It doesn’t feel like he can fit, like he should fit. I let him know, biting my lip in pain.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” he consoles. “Daddy’s almost there.” He lets out an minimalistic groan, the likes of which I have never heard before. The pain, the tearing continues as he slides into me, inch by painful inch. Then it stops, I look down at his body over my tiny frame and I see that he is all the way in me. The hairs around his penis are long and fuzzy, tickle me slightly.

“Are you okay?” He asks, commending my bravery and performance. I nod, try to smile through the pain as it slowly fades. He begins to thrust his hips, pumping into me and I feel the head of his penis stroking against the different sensitive parts of me, inside of me. I think about how I hadn’t even known those parts existed and, in my mind, it’s like this is my first time.

He grunts, moans and grips my hips. I feel him fill me up and I’m not even sure how it’s possible. I look up at him and he leans down to kiss me hard. It hurts but it also feels.. good, somehow. The way he feels inside me feels differently, too. There’s less resistance and he thrusts come easier. It’s like my body is accepting him now and, without thinking, my hips thrust back toward his.

“That’s a good girl.” His words are muffled my my body as he nestles his face against my shoulder. A sound escapes my lips like none I have made before and I cut it off sharply.

“No, go ahead. Daddy wants you to feel good, too.” He reaches down, his fingers caressing around my vagina. His fingers press between the curves of my flesh and he begins to stroke that special button. “Do you like this, when I touch your clit?” I do and I let him know. He continues to stroke, to twist, to flick and the pain is long forgotten. I am moaning with him and, every time I do, it seems to elicit a moan from him.

He thrusts harder now, pressing against my clit harder. I feel the change begin to grow inside me. I’m not sure but I don’t have much time to think about it. Suddenly, his penis is no longer in me and I gasp. As I look down, I feel his erection rubbing between my thighs, against my clit. It looks silly; although, I’m not sure it should.

As quickly as he exited, he slams back into me and I wonder if I will even be able to walk after this. his fingers return to where they were playing with me and that strange feeling builds again. Something is going to happen but I’m not sure what.

Seemingly out of nowhere, I feel the muscles around my vagina, surrounding his cock spasm. They clench and release in quick successions. It’s only a few seconds but they are mesmerizing. I never knew I could do that. Apparently, Daddy is also surprised. He gasps as his own body shudders and he slumps down, weighing more heavily on him. Still supported by his arms, I look up at him, wondering what just happened to the both of us.

As he slowly withdraws from my body, I see his penis shrinking, losing its erection. I think I understand its anatomy more but I am jolted from my thoughts by the warm gush from between my legs. I wonder where it comes from as he stands beside the bed.

“Be a good girl and go clean up in the bathroom. You made Daddy cum hard.” So it’s normal, I assume, and he likes it. I beam once more, glad to have pleased him and head to the bathroom, my legs warm and sticky. I clean myself slowly as I consider what just happened. I know it must be good. We both felt good, very good and I know my Daddy would never do anything wrong. I smile, feeling on top of the world.

As I exit the bathroom to climb back in bed, I see him leaning against the doorway, once more in his boxers. He puts his fingers to his lips, still in the role. We know to keep it a secret. I smile knowingly, not just in character anymore and crawl between the sheets, exhausted, and motion him to join me. He lies beside me, presses his body close and we wish eachother good night, our game over for now.