No Pretenses

January 26th, 2015

The other day I read a post by the wonderful, articulate and talented Rachel Kramer Bussel on Thought Catalog. I’ve read her tweets, her stories and plenty of collections she’s edited. In fact, I will soon be published in one of those very collections! Her recent piece “Sorry, But I’m Not A Sexpert” was as well-written as any. But it was was than that.

To me, the words my eyes were absorbing were like something I could have written. I wouldn’t dare to compare myself to Rachel, who has years of experience and has done more to make a career from her love of writing and sex than I ever might. But the thoughts in those paragraphs spoke to me nonetheless.

There are certainly some people who would call Ms. Bussel an expert in her own way, but she dispels the idea that her longevity and interest alone are enough to make her a sexpert. She goes on to explain how she feels more like a student than a teacher, and while people might learn something from her, she’s focusing on sharing her ideas, opinions and experiences with the world as a person who loves sex.

She will “play” with words to tell of her life and fantasies and to lend advice when appropriate, but it’s all based on her own experiences and nothing about it makes her an expert. And that’s okay.

I was particularly struck by this line:

There are plenty of amazing, smart, talented and dedicated sex educators out there who rightly deserve the title of sexpert.

What I hope to offer readers is something else: amateur honesty.

Rachel Kramer Bussel calls herself an amateur. Albeit an honest one, but an amateur nonetheless! And that’s still okay. If Rachel doesn’t need to be an expert, then I sure the hell don’t.

I think I really needed to read this post as my brokenhearted love life and nonexistent sex life — I’ve masturbated twice in approximately two months — had me wondering why I still have this blog. What could I offer to the world? What words can I type on the screen that haven’t already been said? And if I can’t say it better, should I even bother?

But here I am, overlooking the one difference that no one — not even I — can deny: I am me. There are no other mes in this world. So while I may not be able to write about Peachy escorts in London — at least, not yet — or sex rooms in Amsterdam, I can unapologetically stand up for a sex toy that I love. Or speak out against transphobia. Or offer a little advice based on my own experience as a human being who loves and fucks.

I toyed with calling this post “Rachel Kramer Bussel is who I want to be when I grow up.” And it’s not entirely untrue. But it also misses one of the points of her recent post: her value as an “amateur” extends directly from her individuality as a human being. To quote her again:

No, not everyone wants to share their sex lives, but for those who do, their stories are fascinating not because they know everything there is to know about a given sexual topic, but because they are individuals.

So I shouldn’t aim to be another person when I grow up. Rather, I should try to be me. Just, perhaps, a me who understands that it’s okay not to have all the answers. Like Rachel Kramer Bussel, I might help people find them, but I don’t have to pretend to have them all, even answers about my own life.

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Categories: Everything Else, views

Entice Emilia

September 23rd, 2014

Entice Emilia
$58.96 from Of Sex and Love Store

CEN’s Entice line is attractively designed. Sleek boxes and toys that come in purple or pink silicone with clean lines attracted my eye. I opted to try the Emilia. It’s a dual stimulator that’s almost-but-not-quite a rabbit. While I may have loved rabbits once upon a time, they’re not a favorite of mine anymore.

I actually first tried the Emilia externally. This was where I found myself curious about the flexible neck of the shaft. It’s not exactly floppy, but it’s not good for pressure that I like externally. This also isn’t going to make it a good thrusting toy internally, and while it’s not as difficult to use as the Dorcel vibe, I would prefer a more rigid shaft.

The shaft is also pretty small, so this might be a good toy if you’re not into gigantic insertables. I do tend to like something larger, however. The specs measure it as 1.25 inches in diameter. This is actually the max with at the toy closer to the edge of the shaft. It’s gradually thinner toward the neck, where it’s flexible.  I don’t typically need a pronounced head to get G-spot stimulation and the curve of the shaft was almost perfect.  This might not be the vibe for you if you do like a ridged head that you can’t possibly ignore.

Similarly, the tiny clit protrusion is just a fraction of the length of your typical rabbit. Unless your clit basically dances right at the edge of your vaginal opening, it’s not going to provide direction stimulation. This might be okay if you like general stimulation. The curve of the toy did seem to hug me almost perfectly.

It seems like CEN had some trouble with the two motors. Perhaps My Emilia is defective, but there’s a distinct rattle as though the housing isn’t tight enough around the inner workings.  While I’m use to the first settings being steady vibration, this isn’t the case with Emilia. The first setting is both motors, the second is just the clit stim motor and the third is just the shaft vibration.

This is followed by a fast pulse in both motors, a surprisingly deep escalation pattern and a back-and-forth escalation between the two motors. The last setting is both motors going steady. It seems to be stronger than the initial mode in the cycle. Fortunately, it returns to this first mode when you turn it off. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to describe the settings at all. They’re in some crazy order that makes no sense. The two modes where both motors are vibrating continuously should be right next to one another. And there’s no helpful material. The included instructions are generic for any sex toy and not the Entice line or the Emilia specifically.

All of this might you think that I dislike the toy. But to be honest, it was effective enough when used as anticipated to get my to squirt. I actually quite like the weird escalation setting, and some of the other settings seem to produce vibrations that are deeper than the steady vibes. There’s definitely some quality control issues, but this isn’t a terrible toy by a long shot. It even survived a silicone lube incident. My bad.

The shaft vibrations are fairly deep, but there’s a rattling of the housing that makes them seem buzzier than they are. The clitoral vibrations a deep, but any setting that uses both motors makes this less noticeable.

This is especially true when you consider the price. It’s less than $60 fro Sextoy.com. In fact, you can save 15% with code EMILIA15 when you buy it now.

Caveat: this toy is toy is touted as USB rechargeable. It comes with the cable and no AC adapter. You can find adapters for at cheap as a dollar at places like Walgreens, though. The real nit I have to pick is the charging port access through the silicone at the base of the toy. Other companies have tried that shrinking-hole style. It’s especially frustrating with  Emilia because the hole seems slightly misaligned with the port beneath it. I have to find the right angle to get it to go in. With frequent use, I’ll be a pro, but I’m not sure how frequently I’ll use this.

CEN Sexpert

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Love Rider Butterfly Lovers

April 7th, 2014

Love Rider Butterfly Lovers
$49.95 from Of Sex and Love Store

My body has changed since I first started reviewing. At one time, rabbit vibrators were my favorite type of vibes despite the fact that so many people seem to have so many problems with them. 6 years ago, my g-spot hadn’t yet awakened. I couldn’t squirt and I wasn’t familiar with that acute pain that occurs when my g-spot needs to squirt but can’t because something is blocking the vaginal canal. If this sounds weird, well, it is.

So I would use rabbits to get intense external stimulation with a little internal stimulation. I enjoyed the cupping of my pubic bone, which we all know is alien shaped or something. In fact, very few rabbits did much for me internally at all. The Passion Wave was one of them. Guys, that was 6 freaking years ago! And now my g-spot isn’t like that. Rabbits tend to get in the way, now. When I need to squirt, I need to get all toys and cocks the fuck out of my vagina. And the increased sensitivity of my g-spot also means that rabbits, most of which have rigid mechanisms in the shaft, kind of hurt.

So I don’t use rabbits much. In fact, when I use G-spot/internal and clitoral/external toys, I tend to use them different. Vibration gets me off clitorally with a lot of pressure. A little vibration and/or a few strokes internally literally milks my g-spot to ejaculation. Most masturbation sessions are the former because I want to get off. If I am aiming to squirt, which isn’t accompanied with an orgasm, it’s usually because I am reviewing a g-spot toy or simply want to feel some sort of accomplishment.

Where is all this leading? To the fact that this is a review for a rabbit vibrator, and it’s so weird for me now. But it wasn’t when I owned over a dozen of them. In many ways, it seems like sex toy makers have also moved away from rabbits, and perhaps for good reason. There are so many complaints.

  • rabbits are big
  • they tend to be expensive
  • they’re not one size fits all

The size issue keeps many women from enjoying rabbits because it’s hard to find one that will fit you. For me, personally, this wasn’t an issue when I was just forcing the rabbits to work, I guess, but I can no longer do it. The nice part about the Love Rider Butterfly Lovers is that it isn’t so huge so this could be a decent toy if most rabbits are too big for you to use comfortably. The shaft only has about 5 inches to insert, and the diameter is about 1.5 inches. The product listing says 1.75 inches, but this is actually the size of the flared base. See, a modern aspect of this rabbit is that it’s harness compatible. You’re going to want an O-ring smaller than that, though. A 1.5 inch ring, I would think. I don’t have a harness to check. The base also works as a suction cup, but I have no use for this.

However, the silly butterfly design for the clitoral stimulator isn’t new at all. There’s a very similar version with a rabbit clitoral arm. I think that I’d like that better. It also just doesn’t hit the right spot or do much at all. The shaft has no silly faces on it, just some surreal sort of swirls and a gently curved head that should be able to provide some G-spot stimulation. The silicone is firm enough to provide pressure but not rock hard because there’s no internal mechanism. It’s also the type of silicone that works best with lube. I did find the shaft to be rather comfortable during insertion. The length of the shaft and clit stimulator aren’t simpatico for me, however.

The motor for the toy is in the base of the shaft/clitoral arm, so it does have the strongest of the vibrations. They traveled up the shaft enough to make me squirt, but I feel like some people would be disappointed. 2 AA batteries provides vibrations with more depth, and the vibes are decent enough. You control this vibe  from a detachable battery pack. This is convenient if you want to use this as a harnessed dildo without vibration, but it doesn’t do much for me when it comes to washing because the wire  stays on the toy and just seems to get in the way.

The control pack is different because there’s a master power button on top and a trigger-style button on the bottom to cycle through the settings. Now, I don’t really like the trigger button for this purpose, but I love the idea of a trigger button. I want to shoot all my sex toys, er, something like that.

The other settings are:

  • high steady vibes
  • medium steady vibes
  • low steady vibes
  • fast fast fast slow pulse
  • pitter-patter pulse
  • medium pulse
  • fast pulse
  • slower/weaker pulse
  • longer/stronger pulse
  • tiny pulse

I hatehatehate when vibes start at the highest setting because you expect to be able to increase the vibrations, but then you can’t. However, the pulsation is all rather effective and there’s no escalation, which really does nothing for me. The vibe returns to the last setting you had it on when you turned it off.

This rabbit vibrator is also fairly loud, certainly louder than any of my Lelo toys. I’m used to toys that are pretty quiet, but maybe you won’t notice.

So, overall, this toy doesn’t make me love rabbits again. Internally, it fits better but it doesn’t offer true dual stimulation for me.  Like I said, I might like the rabbit better.  Or maybe I just want to focus on one thing and do it right.

CEN Sexpert

2 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Scandal Control Cuffs

December 15th, 2013

Scandal Control Cuffs

Scandal Control Cuffs
$18.13 from Of Sex and Love Store

I have got to hand it to California Exotics — wow! Who ever would have thought I’d use that sentence? When it comes to the entire Scandal line, the design is quite attractive. If I hadn’t already started a purple bondage theme, I’d seriously consider getting everything in this line. It’s got that sort of boudoir feel to it.

These cuffs have a red and black damask style exterior. It’s classy. It’s sexy. I like it.

The interior is a plush velvet type material. It’s classy. It’s sexy. It’s comfortable, too. I like it.

I suppose you could wipe clean any spots with a damp cloth. Blood might be an issue so be careful when playing.

The cuffs themselves are connect by a length of nylon. Think backpacks. You can adjust the length, and the box described it as a “handle.” Sure, you can grasp it, but to call it a handle seems a little like a stretch.

The cuffs themselves secure with velcro. This could potentially be a problem if the bound person pulls her wrists or ankles apart with enough force. People with long hands can also often grasp velcro straps with their fingers to undo their binds. This was my main complaint with the cuffs that come with the Under the Bed system.

The major downfall with these cuffs is that they only attach to the other cuff with the plastic buckle. It’s good for leverage during sex, but it’s not versatile enough that you’ll use them with other restraints. The Scandal line does intclude it’s own bed restraints, hog tie set and universal cuffs, but it would be nice if more of the items were more versatile.

Although the package suggests these as ankle cuffs, they’ll work just as well on wrists. The cuffs are 2.5″ wide and 11 inches long. You can adjust the circumference so that it’s a few inches narrower or wider. These probably won’t work well if you have especially wide ankles.

The handle adjusts to just under 3 inches, and stretches to 9 inches long. It’s long enough to grasp with one or both hands.

Overall, I like these cuffs. I’d prefer them to be more versatile, like I mentioned.

CEN Sexpert

3 Comments

Categories: BDSM, Reviews

Platinum Edition G-Bliss

October 12th, 2013

PLATINUM G-BLISS BLUE

PLATINUM G-BLISS BLUE
$22.30 from Of Sex and Love Store

This is a weird vibe, and not for any reasons that you’d notice on the outside. It looks like a slew of other vibes that CEN has released before. But the features — of lack there of — are kinda weird. You see, there’s no steady vibration, and while my G-spot certainly responds to pulsation, I generally prefer the sensation of steady vibrations.

What you have instead are escalation like an airplane, escalation like a race car, escalation like a car that’s about to break down, pulsation like a bumblebee, fast pulsation, longer pulsations, fast-fast-slow pulsation and something that I’m pretty sure is Morse code.

Some of them just seem too similar for me, and while the pulsation is decent due to the power source — 2 AAs — I don’t want fancy. I can’t bring myself to care that this is waterproof when it doesn’t do what I want outside of the water. I just want what works. This is all controlled by heart-shape buttons. Gag me, and not in the erotic way.

I also found that the shaft doesn’t work for me. It’s just under 1 1/4 inches wide, and I feel like I want something bigger these days. The little wave on the shaft doesn’t extend enough to reach the clit, so it’s just for looks, but I’m not sold on the look of this vibe.

The target demographic is just not me. It also seems like this toy is geared toward beginners with its price tag of less than $25. In fact, it really seems like a step down from some of the company’s recent efforts, which use silicone and rechargeable vibrators. There are words embossed on the base about recycling and such, information that’s on the box and certainly doesn’t need to be on the toy itself. The use of this translucent TPR seems like a way to produce a cheap toy, especially after this recent discussion about TPR on Twitter, but this is ultimately one of those toys that I would advise shoppers to get only if they’re not absolutely sure that they like toys.

 

CEN Sexpert

 

1 Comment

Categories: Reviews

Gyrating Sensations Gyrating Hummer

March 8th, 2013

Gyrating Sensations Gyrating Hummer

Gyrating Sensations Gyrating Hummer
$18.29 from Of Sex and Love Store

I’ve come down with an awful cold, so this one’s going to be a quick one.

The gyrating hummer is not the type of vibe I’d pick for myself. You see, it’s weird shaped. I mean, I’m not into spoon/scoop shaped toys, and I don’t get the point of the little pokey dimple on the back. Whenever I look at this toy from the side, all I can imagine is a Shyguy — and not in the good way! Plus, for a toy that I wouldn’t want to insert, it just seems a little long for external use. It seems reasonable that CEN could save some time and materials by making this vibrator a little shorter. It doesn’t need to be longer than six inches. Then again, I just don’t get this whole “clit huggers” thing. Can someone please fill me in? Or not. I don’t really care. At least it doesn’t use AAA batteries.

So here’s some things that work in this toy’s favor:

  • It’s available in bright freakin’ green
  • The 2 AAs provide some surprisingly deep vibrations
  • It’s easy to use
  • The plastic cote is silky smooth and feels good to the touch
  • It has multiple modes
  • The pulsations are impressive
  • It’s water resistant with an O-ring around the battery pack

Really, I expected this to be a buzzy little thing, but the vibrations are impressively deep. They’re not the strongest ever, but I was taken aback. It makes me wish that I liked the shape better, but I just don’t. I don’t want to cup or surround my clit. I want firm pressure, which this toy just cannot provide.

But there’s plenty of things that suck about this toy:

  • The shape is just plain weird
  • You have to press the button for several loonnng seconds before it turns off
  • It rattles and is louder than I’d like
  • It uses one of those quarter-turn battery cap styles, which is a bitch to screw on
  • The silver band looks cheap
  • The vibrations could be stronger

Ultimately, however, it’s cheap. That’s what we gotta focus on. For less than $20, you really could do worse. If the shape somehow works for you, then go for it. I need something else, but I think I could have liked aspects of this toy if I hadn’t already tried hundreds.

2 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Body and Soul Connection Vibrator

August 18th, 2012

Body & Soul Connection

Body & Soul Connection
$25 from Amazon

This vibe either looks like the eyeball guy from Aah! Real Monsters or a laser robot from the video game Portal. The latter is exactly why I requested to review it, even though another model in the line up looks slightly more turret-like. Unfortunately, all the reasons that would have caused me to pass up this sex toy are exactly the reasons I should have.

It took me less than thirty seconds to realize this, honestly. The vibrations, powered by 2AAA batteries are super buzzy. Although it’s easy enough to switch through them with the single button, there’s not much difference between any of the settings, except for the horrible whine that I could hear over music that I was listening to at the moment. This was common in Lelo’s old toys, but it bugs me whether a toy costs less than $50 or more than $100.

The vibrations are so buzzy that I wouldn’t be surprised if someone told me this was powered by watch batteries. In fact, my body simply stopped being able to feel the vibrations after a few seconds. I kid you not. While the rabbit-ear-like attachments are flexible and rounded in a way that surrounds the clitoris nicely, but the depth of the vibrations is simply too high-pitched to to anything. Honestly, I think I might have liked this a bit more, if the vibrations had been deeper. I’m not surprised that they weren’t. Some folks would suggest that this is “Great for newbies”, but I just can’t see how this vibe is all that good for anyone. Does a person exist who is really, honestly that sensitive?!

Still, while I don’t normally like fluttering rabbit ears, the arms on this guy are a little less flexible. They don’t flop back and forth, and they’re wider, so they really hug my clit in a way that could be effective. I usually like pressure, though, and this design really doesn’t offer that. However, I do like that the single push-button works well when you turn the toy around. There’s technically two ways you can hold this flat against your body/around your clit, and this lets you find the best position for the button.

Connection's annoying battery packThis toy is kind of like the less awesome version of the Form 2, which I already didn’t like and have recently swapped away. The plastic base is round, and this toy is bigger so it’s easier for me to hold. However, you have to twist the bottom directly off from the top to insert the (useless) batteries. The whole thing is awkward, and it uses that quarter-twist style that I always have trouble lining up. Plus, the batteries sit in there vertically, without much support. They fall out pretty easily. Obnoxious, dudes.

At least Jimmyjane got the quality down. The Connection has soft silicone up top and shiny plastic on the bottom, and it’s not seamless in the least. In fact, there’s a visible line between the two portions of the toy, and it looks like a gout line full of gunk. Upon closer inspection, it’s not filled with gunk–thank God!–it’s just that the cut of the plastic is super sloppy. This toy feels low-quality now matter how you cut it.

Given the vibrations and the poor quality, I’m surprised by the MSRP. Luckily, sellers on Amazon offer this for less than half. I don’t know if I’d even spend $25 on this, but that’s a smaller hit to your wallet, if you’re convinced this will work for you.

Am I surprised though? Eh, not really. I almost always need something that uses AAs. The shape here does have some redeeming qualities, but it can’t overshadow all the things that bother me about the Body & Soul Connection.

CEN Sexpert

7 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.