Changes

March 9th, 2012

I have made a small decision that has had a dramatic influence on my life. I decided to change the way that I view communicating with others on OkCupid and other dating sites. In short, I have decided to spend more time talking to people who seems interesting, regardless of personal attraction. I’ve found that this takes the pressure off of the way I communicate and I tend to come across as more fun. I suspect it will result in more possible friendships, if not relationships. It’s a good way to prevent myself from writing people off completely, based on looks alone. At least, I hope so.

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How to Talk to Women on Dating Sites

November 4th, 2011

Lest you think I’m some sort of sexist, the advice in this article absolutely pertains to communicating with men as well. However, in my experience, men seem to more often experience frustration and confusion when reaching out to a woman for a first time on a dating site. Having been on the receiving end, I can tell you there’s a few simple things that will make me more likely to respond, even if you’re not necessarily my type or if I’m not immediately attracted to you. So, for all the women who are sick of signing in to messages that just read “Hi” or include a phone number (why?), here’s some advice,

Read her profile.
Seriously. Take some times to read it two or three times. Make note of anything you find interesting or confusing or anything that you simply have in common. Unfortunately, this is where you need to realize that you may have nothing in common. Even if she’s incredibly attractive — and especially if her profile gives no indication of wanting casual sex — you may need to forget her. You won’t know this if you don’t take the time to read, folks. However, if you do find some compatibility, click the button to send her a message. Nevertheless, this is a great place to list a few common interests.

Introduce yourself.
Just a sentence or two about who you are and where you’re from. “Hi, I’m Jon. I saw your profile today and you look pretty interesting.” To make yourself more memorable, explain why you took the time to message her. If you can’t think of anything besides “you’re hot,” you should probably delete the message.

Ask her something.
Don’t just end the exchange on an awkward note that forces your recipient to force a conversation. Ask something! Preferably, you’ll ask something related to her profile. This shows that you’ve read it and you’re interested and, also, that you have a brain. Perhaps you can ask why she does what she does (work/school) or what it’s like to be a person who [fill in your own blank]. The key, here, is to build a conversation that is less generic because you can only be having it with her.

Send your message
That’s it. You’ve got a little of you, a little or her and some ideas about “us.” Either you’re intriguing or thoughtful enough that she’ll respond or she won’t but you’ve made it that much easier for her to respond.

Here’s a few tips to help your post to come off even better. Use proper grammar to the best of your ability. No one expects you to be perfect but at least put in an effort. Avoid text/chat speak. This means you might avoid typing on your phone at all and, instead, save the interactions for when you have a full keyboard within reach. With that said, don’t send essays every time. Time is valuable and you should be able to succinctly get your message across without making your reader feel like she is doing homework. Leave a little to the imagination. Don’t show all your deep, dark secrets and rattle off your entire life’s history within five minutes of her first response. Let her wonder and, if she is so inclined, inquire about you.

Be open and honest if you expect the same. It doesn’t guarantee it but the effort goes a long way. Remember that humor and silliness doesn’t always come off the way you intend online and, because first impressions are so important, you may want to hold back until you know her better. If you attempt, and fail, at humor, feel free to lightly apologize. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to make a good impression and my nerves may have gotten the best of me.”

What you don’t do it just as important as what you do do. So don’t talk all about you, don’t be rude or dismissive, don’t make fun of her (even if you’re a funny guy), don’t assume you’re already in or that you are somehow better than her and she is lucky to have caught your attention and don’t assume that you’re a loser who would never deserve a response. In fact, stay as positive as possible. A negative attitude will quickly turn off potential friends and lovers.

Be patient. Even if someone is actively pursuing a new relationship via the Internet, she still has a life. Don’t write someone off who moves at a different pace than you. Responses may take a while and she may want to take time to be angaging and appear thoughtful. You should also take your time when crafting messages for the very same reason. This is especially important with your first message because your reader may not even take the time to view your profile if you butcher the conversation.

Expect awkwardness. In fact, sometimes acknowledging it can break the ice. Dating sites have thrown a lot of traditional etiquette and expectations to the wind. Everyone’s learning how to be successful with this new medium and how to incorporate apps and text messaging into blooming relationships.

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Faceless Voice

May 4th, 2011

Faceless Voice
Usually I review toys but sometimes I receive some information about other things that sort of strike me fancy and I agree to review them. Such is the case with Faceless Voice, a website that supplies erotica audio as opposed to porn. It seemed an interesting concept and we all know that pornographers are always ahead of the tech curve. The developers gave me a sample of the goods so I can provide you with a review.

Let me start by saying a bit about the design. Faceless Voice is easy enough to navigate but it feels a little web 1.0, that it to say, outdated. It lacks the touch of a professional design and, as such, some folks might not feel comfortable spending money there. I’m also a little confused by the distinction between males and females. When you click these links on the splash page, it simply changes the template from light, white and pink (for females) to black and red (for males). I don’t think this really adds anything to the visual appeal of the website.

The main page includes featured bog posts and stories. The featured stories seem to include a free download teaser and new releases. The site is arranged so that each story gets a “cover” image, much like if you were browsing actual porn. Like the website, the design on the covers could use a bit of finessing but this doesn’t detract from usage. As you click around on the covers, you will get a brief description of the stories. To me, this is pretty imperative to aid in your finding the right story. You can also sample each story with an on-screen audio button, another plus.

The developers have provided each story as told by a man–Duane Dale–and a woman–Lucy Blue. I do like this because some people may prefer a different narrator and it helps to mix things up if you frequently listen to the stories. One thing I noticed lacking on the individual story pages was a price listing. This shows on the bottom of every page and there’s an interesting scheme. Individual stories cost $3.99 but the price per story drops as you add more to your cart. So it’s definitely better to buy in bulk and cheaper than most porn anyway. Considering as you get unlimited use out of the stories, I’d say you could do worse.

Although I was offered a free sample, I took a look at the checkout page. I noticed there’s no sort of backing from Verisign. Again, consumers like to see these things so they know that their money and CC information is in safe hands. Perhaps a PayPal option might make some feel safer.

Once you’ve purchased your audiobooks, you will be able to download them as MP3 format. This enables you to listen to them on your computer, MP3 player or phone. Most everyone knows how to deal with a straight up MP3 file so this is a point in their favor. Most of the files are between 10 and 15 minutes long so download time takes only a little longer than if you were downloading a song.

Faceless Voice doesn’t have the largest selection but it has a few dozen titles right now. The biggest concern you may have is whether or not you will like the stories. Unfortunately, there’s always going to be a percentage of luck when looking for porn or erotic stories or audio books that meet your fancy. I listened to a few and none of them really got the juices flowing. I’m not patient enough to listen to every sample but the biggest issue I noticed was that I simply didn’t think the writing was all the interesting or erotic. Lucy especially has a great storytelling voice that is quite sultry but even that can’t save a poor story. Although there is a list of authors, there’s no extra information so I don’t know if these guys are amateurs or professionals or a mix of both. Authors can submit their work for a 20% royalty so I suspect some of the authors are just getting started. It’s pretty cool that you can submit that way, however.

One interesting aspect of the website is your ability to select how hardcore you want your audiobooks to be with the “good” “bad” and “naughty” girl links beneath the header. I like the idea but I’m not sure it’s done very well. The site’s theme changes depending on which level you’re on but I didn’t notice this at first. I was simply confused by the changes. In addition to this, the “bad” girl setting is kind of an odd olive yellow/green that’s pretty unattractive. Rather than a theme setting, I’d simply like to see some text on the audiobook page with a hardcoreness rating. I do like the option, however. It helps steer you toward the ideal story. Some tags or categories based on sexual activities, settings, characters and story elements would also be nice.

Faceless Voice is definitely a unique concept and I think it has a lot of potential. A more commercial layout would probably help with branding and probably attract advertisers, too. It just feels a little “home grown” right now. The content and organization works fairly well as is. Perhaps the company should work on contacting new authors to spread the buzz. It seems like Faceless Voice is pretty new so it will be interesting to see how it develops.

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This is Why Your Online Sex Toy Store Sucks

April 12th, 2010

Don’t deny it.

  • There is no “new additions” page.
  • There is no way to arrange products by price.
  • Options for product arrangement exist but do not work.
  • Users cannot tell which category a toy falls into.
  • All your prices fall in the under $30 dollar range.
  • All your products fall in the over $75 range.
  • Both of the above.
  • Any category contains less than 5 items.
  • There are not page navigation links (“Page 1”, “Page 2” or “Next” and “Previous”) on both the top and bottom of the page.
  • Links take the user to a different part of the site with no indication how to return to where they were before.
  • Different colours are listed as separate products. (Personal comment: cut it the fuck out!).
  • You obviously have no concept of material safety.
  • Items are described with manufacturer supplied images or descriptions.
  • And the generic supplied information isn’t even listed with the correct toy.
  • Toys which are in no way safe for anal play are recommended for anal play.
  • Your site is obviously just an affiliate shop.
  • Your site has only been tested in one browser.
  • That browser is IE 6.
  • The home/index page links to sections which cannot be found via any other page.
  • Every toy is made of jelly.
  • Every porno you stock is straight.
  • You rename products from their box name.
  • The images in your shop: do not work, have been resized until the subject is unrecognizable, are taken in light that even bats would find low, are only icon sized, are of the wrong product, include more than 2 products which are not included and/or are intended to grossly misrepresent the size of the product.

Let’s be honest here, all of these things fall into one of two categories: site usability and product selection. If your site is so horrendous that we cannot use it, we sure as shit ain’t buying from it. And while I don’t expect every toy store to stocks tens of thousands of items, having variety in styles, prices and toy materials is a must. In fact, I would never suggest only stocking high end items because that puts your shop in a niche which I will never have need for. Me? I just want a site which I can browse and enough product variety that something will catch my fancy.

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