A while back I had signed into Facebook and an image popped up in my feed. I wish I had saved it, but I didn’t. It annoyed me but I figured that I would forget about it. I didn’t.
The image said something along the lines of
Ladies, just because he makes you feel that way doesn’t mean that he’s the one.
I take issue with this for so many fucking reasons.
I do not believe in true love, but the idea of true love is based on the belief that out of 7 billion other people on this planet, one of them is right for you. Perfectly so. No one else is. This true love complements you in every way. No one else can. If there is only one, true love, then it stands to assume that only one person should be able to do and say the things that make you feel love in that special way. If other people can do that, how can anyone believe in the concept of “the one.” There obviously is more than one when that’s the case.
You cannot have it both ways. These ideas do not go hand in hand. In fact, they are mutually exclusive. If there is only one true love and you’re supposed to know it, to feel it in the pit of your stomach and the marrow of your bones, then anything that confuses you or masquerades as true love only discredits the idea.
Finally, I am offended as a woman and a feminist. It’s not just that the text assumes this oxymoron is true, it assumes that women, somehow, are not able to realize that this is a fact. It’s targeted as women giving some sort of impression that it’s not okay for us to make what other people are poor choices in relationships. Of course, the same behavior in men is perfectly acceptable. It’s the same old double standard. A man sleeps with tons of women that he meets on adult dating website UpForIt, even if those women are poor choices for whatever reason, it’s okay. Boys will be boys. But women? No, we’re not allowed to make mistakes, even if those actions are only what others consider to be mistakes.
What’s wrong with spending time with someone who makes you feel good temporarily just because you’re a woman? Can we not be adults who make our own decisions? Why is this anyone else’s business?
Not only does this assume that true love is real, it assume that this is can be our one and only goal. No thank you, silly meme creators of Tumblr and Facebook. You do not know my wants. You cannot possibly imagine the vastness that is the human experience or the complexity of emotions and desires.
I know it’s a silly thing to be so frustrated with, but the very premise just rubbed me the wrong way.
These annoy the hell out of me too. I usually respond with snark but occasionally go off on *why* these messages suck for women and men alike. Most of the people who post these are so stuck in the There Can Be Only One narrative that they’re sick with frustration and sadness with every supposed “failure.” Urgh!
“There can only be one” made me laugh!
I’ve seen something similar – He may be what you want in a partner, but that doesn’t mean he’s the one.
Right. I don’t get that. LOL