A list of thoughts

August 17th, 2015

I had when I realized my ex-husband has a child with the woman he was (probably) cheating on me with before we split up.

  • Of course he was cheating on me. Why did I ignore the signs? How could I have been so stupid?
  • Was I stupid for the entire thing? Do I suddenly regret everything?
  • How can she think being with him is a good idea?
  • Why do they look so happy? Are they really?
  • Don’t I deserve happiness?
  • Why wasn’t I worth working it out with?
  • Was it all my fault? Maybe he’s not as bad as I think he was?
  • Perhaps he suddenly changed? Was I holding him back?
  • She’s cute.. and not as thin as I would have expected.
  • I wonder if I would like her if I met her in another situation.
  • I do hope he’s happy at least.
  • Their relationship will probably end anyway, statistically speaking.
  • What a terrible name for a child.
  • What have I been doing these last five years? Is everything really awesome? Or does it amount to nothing?
  • How much does his mother like her?
  • Was there any way I could have succeeded in her eyes?
  • Why did this have to happen on a day when I’m so emotional about the bartender?
  • At least I’m upset about the situation and not hung up on him.
  • But why do I keep picking cowardly people who aren’t honest with me? Or is it just that most people are cowards?
  • How will I ever sleep again?
  • Why do I even care? It doesn’t matter. I’m not in love with him. I’m in love with another asshole, in fact. And it doesn’t change anything. We’d still be split up for almost five years.

And a million other thoughts. Ugh!

They’re not healthy or secure for the most part.

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8 Beginner Bondage Toys That Will Transform Your Sex Life

July 11th, 2015

In recent years, we’ve fallen head over heels for anything bondage. Whips, cuffs, floggers – you name it, we’re buying it. Could this be the Fifty Shades effect?It seems that as soon as it hit the shelves, we realised how much fun we could be having in the bedroom. So whether you’re trying to emulate what Christian and Anastasia get up to or you’re doing things at your own pace, there are a multitude of toys out there. To help you out, we’ve picked ten of our favourites.

Quickie Cuffs

Handcuffs are a staple of any bondage toy collection, and the Quickie Cuffs are extra special. Made from stretchy silicone, they’re incredible easy to slip on and off. If you’re nervous about using cuffs, then these are a great starting point. Being extra light and flexible means that you can pop them into your overnight bag too.

Fetish Fantasy Butterfly Nipple Clamps

The Butterfly Nipple Clamps by Fetish Fantasy are just as delightful as they sound. Pretty as well as functional, the dangling butterflies provide extra stimulation when they move. Adjusted by simply turning the screw, they’re simple enough for even complete beginners to get to grips with.

Check out this review of other Pipedream nipple clamps.

Frisky Take Me Thigh Cuffs

For a different take on restraint, why not try the Frisky Take Me Thigh Cuffs? Made from soft and durable fabric, the cuffs are attached to bands worn on the thigh. As well as being comfortable, this allows wearers to use these cuffs anywhere – there’s no need to worry about attaching them to something else.

Frisky Paw Me Silicone Foot Crop
Crops are a favourite of bondage enthusiasts, and this one is great for beginners. The little silicone foot at the end is firm enough to leave a ‘paw print’ behind, but soft enough to not be too overwhelming. In sexy red and black and at an impressive 16” long, it’s one of our favourite crops ever.

Rimba Electrical Sex Dildo

If you’re feeling adventurous, the Rimba Electrical Sex Dildo is the ideal gift. Working just like a normal vibrator, it also delivers small electric shocks to your deepest pleasure spots. Build up confidence using just the vibrating function, then for mind blowing orgasms, try using both together.

Silicone Cockcage And Ring

If you’re new to cock cages, then the Silicone Cockcage And Ring is perfect for you. Flexible silicone means that it’s easy to get on and off, while the three cock rings in varying sizes allow you to choose just how tight you want to go.

House Of Eros Leather Old School Ruler

House Of Eros Leather Old School Ruler

House Of Eros Leather Old School Ruler

Go back to school with the House Of Eros Leather Old School Ruler. Great for teacher and pupil role play, it’s the best way of dishing out a little bit of disciple in the bedroom. The supple leather feels so good, you’ll be behaving badly on purpose!

The Amazing Bondage Sex Toy Kit

The Amazing Bondage Sex Toy Kit is for those who just can’t choose. The kit contains a whip, eye mask, cuffs, collar, rope, whip and a ball gag. Either choose one piece or use a few together for sex that’s out of this world. For us, that sounds like the perfect night in!

Your sex life can only get better

Sex toys make sex more interesting, offer us more ways of achieving orgasm and improve the bond between partners when used in a loving, caring environment.

So there’s no excuse not to treat yourself to something a little kinky! All of the above fun toys can be purchased from the Adult Sex Toys store.

It’s important that you keep your toys clean and used a water-based lubricant for comfort and safety. As long as you do that, sex toys will improve your love life greatly.

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Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1

June 14th, 2015

Another year, another edition of Best Sex Writing. Actually, this anthology of essays, blog posts and personal tales doesn’t come out every year, but we’re fortunate to have a release this year. This is the first since Best Sex Writing 2013, and it’s a bit different from previous options due to a new editor, Jon Pressick.

Thus, Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1 sounds like the first title in a brand-new series, but it’s actually not. So if you’ve read any of the previous Best Sex Writing books, then you know what to expect from this one. And if you haven’t, you’re in for a collection of stories and articles to entertain and inform.

There’s plenty that’s familiar with the books that are now edited by Mr. Pressick, who you might know as the brains behind Sex in Words. For instance, there is a touching piece from Joan Price, who knows how to tug at my heart strings when discussing her deceased husband, and a piece about what exactly we should call sex toys by our own Epiphora. The former editor, Rachel K. Bussel, has even submitted a thought-provoking piece on sobriety and BDSM.

Best Sex Writing of the Year incorporates personal stories with professional studies and everything in between. Per usual, I find myself somewhat more enamored with the chapters that analyze sex and society from a scientific/research viewpoint. However, some of those personal pieces were interesting. Two such stories were those by former porn star Danny Wylde and current porn star Stoya. Wylde discusses his sex life after porn and Stoya discusses her mother’s influence on sex education, feminism and motherhood.

In another piece dedicated entirely to the industry of sex work, Laura Augustin looks at the complicated and often heart-breaking relationship that sex work and sex workers have with the world at large. Often ignored, penalized by laws and ignored by police, these people are treated as less than human and stigmatized. The article is insightful, articulate and well-researched.

There’s also a great op-ed from Alexandria Goddard, the blogger who is responsible for outting the young men of Steubenville who participated in, recorded and later posted about on social media the gang rape of a woman woman. Goddard was undoubtedly crucial to bringing these men to justice, and like her title says, wouldn’t change anything about what she did, even though she received a lot of flack for her actions.

There are too many stories to name individually. Jiz Lee and Mollena Williams discuss fisting and desire/submission, respectively. Tina Horn’s chapter about The Gates, a dominatrix house in Califonia, was telling and relateable, even to someone who has never been a prodomme.

In the pages of Best Sex Writing of the Year, you’ll find memoirs that make you cry, articles that enrage you and personal stories that make you chuckle and nod in understanding. Topics range from sex toys to laws to BDSM to sex work and everything in between. No corner of sexuality is left in the dark of this year’s anthology, and the collection is not only one of superb pieces by intelligent writers who love to talk about sex. Like other books in this series, and perhaps this is why I love it so much, it encourages you to talk — and think — about sex in new ways, as often as you can, and to everyone upon whom you happen.

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Ugh

June 2nd, 2015

I’ve been sick for three weeks, and I’m just over it. I don’t want to test toys or blog about it. i don’t want to do anything other than watch FRIENDS while lying on my couch. And maybe order pizza. Maybe.

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Have Fun With New Toys and Partners – No Strings Attached

April 26th, 2015

Guest post from Holly Rose

Sex toys and escorts are a great way of exploring your sexuality with no commitment. Right now, sex is all about you.

We ladies have often be expected to take a back seat in the bedroom. After all, it’s often men who are shown to be the ones initiating sex and women either falling for their manly charms or crying off with a headache. Well, I think it’s high time for that kind of thing to stop! I’m pretty sure that I can speak for all women when I say that I want to experience pleasure on my own terms, whether it’s with a hot guy or a shiny new toy. So, I decided to do a little bit of digging and see just how my fellow girls have been doing it.

have-fun-with-new-toys-and-partners-no-strings-attachedFifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey. Chances are, you’re heard of it. Oh, who am I kidding? Of course you have. The tale of Anastasia and Christian getting their kink on has taken over the world, first as a book, then as a movie that smashed records everywhere. It has inspired us to explore uncharted territory in the bedroom; and it is women who are leading the charge. We’re the ones who read the book – and we’re the ones who want to emulate that. Not that guys are complaining, of course.

Sex Toys

So thanks to Fifty Shades, we’re having a little bit of a sexual revolution. Ladies everywhere are liberating themselves from sex lives that are either empty or fulfilling. Toys in particular are letting women get their rocks off with no strings attached. After all, you don’t need to make a vibrator breakfast in the morning. Experimenting with toys is a great way to find out what makes you tick with no commitment. Find a toy you love? Use it to add a new flavor to your love life, with or without a partner. Don’t rate your new bullet? Throw it out in the trash.

Male and Female Escorts

Women are also turning to escorts for a little bit of fun on the side. This was something I was really intrigued by and I’ve discovered that the ladies of Britain are leading the way. Escort agencies such as Heaven London Escorts are seeing an increase in the number of female clients wanting the company of a man or a woman for an evening of fun. The British press reported a ‘Fifty Shades of Grey effect‘ on sex toy sales; but could this phenomenon also extend to demand for male escorts? I think we’re onto something with that. With the release of that book came a desire to try new, exciting things. What could be naughtier than paying a man to do your bidding for a few hours? You’re able to have the time of your life and then move on to something new if that doesn’t work for you!

So, what happens now? Is this the end of sex as we know it? No, but it’s pretty awesome to see that women are being able to explore their own sexuality through the use of toys and male escorts. Done safely, there’s no reason we can’t have fun but go light on the commitment. After all, it takes a little experimenting to find what works for you. Christian Grey may have been calling the shots on the page; but in real life, it’s ladies who are taking charge.

Holly Rose is a rep for Heaven London Escorts, who offer an extensive gallery of alluring and stunning London escorts for hire.

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She, Tigress

February 22nd, 2015

When my best friend talks about her marriage, it’s as though she’s describing life as a caged tiger in a zoo. But she wasn’t plucked from her homeland by hunters who wanted to make a quick buck and fast. Rather, she followed the metaphorical steak, so tantalizing that it usurped her entire field of vision, right into that cage. And she was the one who locked it tight after the door swung shut.

My best friend, the tiger, spends most of her time lamenting about unhappiness inside the cage. Yet, she sees no way to make her escape. Not only has she locked the door behind her, but the things that happen once one marries — financial burdens and children specifically — have piled up on the inside of that door, making it seem all bit impossible that she could even escape.

After some eight years of marriage, three children, moving across the world and back and no less than three Army bases, she has begun to lose some of her luster. Her hair is thinning. She looks more haggard than ever before. We play, but not as frequently as before and, perhaps more importantly, it lacks a certain sense of freedom that we once shared. This, I imagine, is similar to the tiger’s life in captivity. His stripes will be a little less intense. His fur will be less shiny. He might mope around, or he may do nothing at all.

My friend’s thoughts of liberation are confused at best. She fiercely wants to protect her cubs. From the cruel world outside. From her husband and their terrible never-ending fights and sometimes, I suspect, from her own self. It cannot be an easy slavery. She describes the lack of romance from her husband. Sex occurs rarely. I suspect he views physical coupling as a way for them to connect. She does not. He must coerce her. The times that their romps have been notable she can count on one hand. I cannot imagine a sex life so dismal.

And I would be remiss if I called her husband her captive. I think, if I am being honest, he is like another animal. I am not entirely sure that he is a tiger she like, and this might be where the problems arise. But he is also a caged beast, and like most beasts, he does not know how to communicate his thoughts or feelings. Instead, he emits a roar loud enough to get attention but perhaps too feeble to get anything done.

Thus, the pair of them, with their litters, lives in a cage from which they both would like freedom but neither of them are sure how to escape. Truth be told, they’re not entirely sure what freedom looks like anymore. and that scares them. They’ve been together for most of a decade, and the world outside their cage surely doesn’t resemble their lives before their mating in any way. Freedom is change, and change is terrifying.

Isn’t it unfortunate, then, that everyone on the outside of the cage feels so sorry for these two? My heart breaks for my best friend, but she is in part master of her own captivity. The boulders against the door are as much in her head and, from the outside, I can see that the key has never been removed from the lock. All she has to do is reach around to open the door.

Scary? Absolutely. I’ve been in a similar position, and looking forward was nigh impossible given how terrifying it was. Damning? Hardly. Here I stand, on the other side, ready to hold her hand and help her to take her first shaky steps on new legs. If only she would stand up first.

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My Sex Life Can Legally Vote

February 3rd, 2015

And marry. And it can drink in Japan.

That is, to say, I’ve been a consciously sexual being since I was around 8 years old. Give or take.

I don’t remember the first time I masturbated exactly. I remember simply grinding against balled up blankets — never pillows — until I became sweaty and hot and felt finished. In hindsight, that must have been an orgasm. But either I didn’t know the word or maybe it really wasn’t. Perhaps I felt some sort of other closure. And I would stop for the night.

Some twenty years later, I occasionally find myself getting off in the same way. I almost-but-not-quite wake up in the middle of the night, reach down for a corner of my blanket and grind against it for dear life. I’ve always been a fan of grinding.

Of course, it’s not the only routine in my repertoire now, but that’s how this all got started. I was still in the single digits, and I was humping blankets when I was supposed to be sleeping. I suppose I became bolder, sometimes doing it during the day time. I recall masturbating in my best friend’s bed one night while she talked in the other room. I couldn’t quite remember where her brother was. I was relieved to know he wasn’t in the room.

I remember, in high school, masturbating with the door to my room not quite closed. Could someone in the living room see the movement of my feet and legs and guess what was happening even though I wasn’t making a noise?

It wasn’t that I was a voyeur. I was just a horny teenager, and I couldn’t resist if the mood strike. And strike it did — hard and often.

During my teen years, I spent countless hours in chatrooms talking to boys, men, women. Cyber sex, they called it. Back then, it was simply erotic roleplaying. There were no photos and videos, not really. People would try to encourage them, but I wasn’t comfortable in my skin in any way shape or form. During those times, the blood would rush to my clit and my G-spot, making me feel like I had to pee. I read plenty of articles about G-spot stimulation, but it wasn’t that. It wasn’t impending orgasm. I just mistook the equivalent of blue balls as a different sort of bodily fluid.

I experimented with technique during these times. I once read that you could use the handle of a Venus razor as an impromptu dildo. I tried. It wasn’t necessarily pleasurable and I freaked out when I realized I was bleeding. I was never entirely sure if it was a cut from vigorous thrusting of a first-time penetrator or if that was my hymen. It didn’t hurt, and neither did sex for the first time. I didn’t give it much thought. I was happy to be masturbating and having sex.

I guess there must have been other household objects, but nothing stuck. It was that blanket or nothing. At some point, I added in fingers to rub my clit, which afforded me the opportunity to jack off wherever the hell I wanted. Eventually, the feeling-like-I-needed-to-pee sensation would fade away, and I’d forget about it.

It wasn’t until 10 years after I started masturbating that I bought my first sex toy, a purple jelly beast. In hindsight, it might have been a bit large. But I used it for a couple years, and it worked for several years after that without the purple glitter jelly leaking. I was surprised. I enjoyed this toy internally and externally, but it wasn’t doing me any favors. I can now recognize that my body just wasn’t used to masturbating in different ways.

I decided that I need clitoral stimulation, too, and plopped down money on another purple beast: the Rabbit Habit. In less than a month’s time, I had broken it because my tendency was to pull the base upward, forcing the shaft to bend. I bought another, not realizing the dubious construction or materials were something that should prevent me from doing so. I hadn’t ever thought about silicone, even though the original Form 6 had already been added to my wishlist.

The second rabbit eventually broke, too, but because loose beads are simply a terrible idea. But between the two bunnies, I had managed to have a toy-induced orgasm. Except, I had no fucking idea what it was. The quick contractions of my vagina felt like an alien, and that’s literally how I described it to a Livejournal group I was part of. Some women replied with “Yes! That’s an orgasm.” Others thought I should see a doctor.

I spend a lot of time researching whether or not a person, especially a woman, could have an orgasm and not realize it. Weren’t they all supposed to be toe-curling and earth-shattering? Mine surely weren’t. In fact, to this day, I’d still describe them as somewhat perfunctory. There have certainly been some pleasurable orgasms, but they’re notable, not frequent.

A few more shitty toys, including pocket rockets, would call my makeshift converted shoebox home before I would finally upgrade to something better, mostly thanks to this blog.  I still focus on clitoral stimulation, and I often use nothing more than my fingers despite my growing collection.

Rabbit after rabbit followed. An interesting night with k-balls and the Miracle Massager led to me squirting for the first time, awakening my G-spot. Or perhaps re-awakening it and reminding me of sensations I had experienced but learned to fight years before.

The years following would include more clitoral and G-spot vibrators, glass, wood, stainless steel and various ceramic toys. Several of those years were spent with my ex-husband.

5 years ago, my marriage started to crumble. Although masturbation was much the same, my sex life would change forever when the divroce was finalized a little over 4 years ago. For months, I would struggled to be aroused and masturbate without fantasizing about my ex, an issue I still face when dealing with heartbreak.

For three years, I would remain sexually celibate. It wasn’t necessarily on purpose, but I also didn’t want to deal with the hassle that came with romance and/or sex. I was sick of terrible first dates. And for nearly two of those years, the hot geek was unintentionally breaking my heart.

2 years ago, I finally left my celibacy behind. I was glad to have broken the fast, but it didn’t enhance my sex life. My drive might have been kicked alive once more, but the very act that was the catalyst for this change also opened my eyes to the fact that there would be no coming back for seconds with this person.

Just under 2 years ago, I would begin a haphazard romantic and sexual relationship with the bartender. There were as many highs as there were lows, but the sex was some of the best in my life. It brought out parts of me that I hadn’t understood or perhaps had even hidden from light for years. I felt whole and I finally understood that my sexuality can never be quite complete without a partner.

1 day, 1 week, 1 month from now, I don’t know how my sex life might look. I can imagine. I can hope that the next time I have sex, it will satiate me in every way. But if there’s anything that the past two decades have taught me, it’s that the life my sexuality takes on is bigger, bolder and better than I can imagine.

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