Discussion Point

September 25th, 2008

I recently asked a question on the Eden Fantasys forum about lube. Let me ask here, too.

Do you use a different lube for your toys than for sex? If so why and what brands?


Worth the Wait

September 25th, 2008

What is it about having sex after a break that makes it seem so much better?

Is it simply physical? It’s no secret that a body will experience a stronger orgasm after an extended period of time without release. Perhaps sex is better because the climax is that much stronger.

Or maybe it is that having sex after a dry spell refreshes your memory to how good it is. It’s not any better than it normally is, you simply forgot.

Of course, there’s always the possibility that neither of those is true. It could be an emotional reconnection, solidifying the bond once again in a physical way.

Yet, it could be that a break reminds us of when we first had sex. As we become reacquainted, we may go through some of the same awkward moments and experience how it is to (re)learn about ourselves and our partner. But it’s okay if it’s uncomfortable, silly or even painful.

And there’s always the relief. There’s no more worry about when or if you’ll have sex again because this is it. For now, at least, you’ll be satisfied and you can experience something you love. All the time and energy spent trying to have sex had finally paid off.

Truthfully, it’s more likely a combination of some or all of these things, and then some. It’s a complex relationship between hormones, physical pleasure, emotions and mental clockworks. But whatever it is, it can sometimes make the wait worth it.


The Gears are Grinding

September 18th, 2008

I’m writing articles and reviews in the back of my mind. In the mean time, I thought I’d share with you a cycle I notice that I’m in. It seems that the less I have sex, the less I think about it and the less I want to have it. The also seems to be true; the more I have sex, the more I want it and the more I think about it.

It’s sort of a curious trend but  not without it’s logic. The less time I spend having sex, the less time I think about having sex and the further away from the idea of sex I grow. The less time I think about sex, the more I spend thinking about other things and the more I concentrate on other subjects, the more subjects arise to keep my attention. As my mind distances itself from the subject, my body does, too which is a fair assessment when you consider that female arousal and sexuality is mostly mentally based.

On the other hand, the more time I spend having sex, the closer my mind is to the issue and it will be more easily aroused to continue having sex. The effect my mind has on my body is obvious. I’m aroused more easily and quicker to accept sex. When sex takes up a larger part of my mind, other subjects are forced out and I think of it even more.

The one thing I find interesting is that these trends don’t necessarily have a correlation with masturbation quantities although quality might be something different. If I am not having sex, I might be more likely to masturbate but if I’m not thinking about sex at all, I may be less likely to engage in self stimulation. The same lack of trend is apparent when I am having sex. An increase in sex may mean an increase in general arousal and thus more masturbation or it may mean that I’m being satisfied more and thus masturbate less.

I think the difference here is in purpose of masturbation. Generally, it’s just done to get off; it’s a mechanical motion rather than a passionate or emotional one. While self gratifying, it isn’t necessarily satisfying and I usually see it more as work than play time. Of course, this changes when I have more time and space and can make it more of an experience, I will go above and beyond the call of duty but this is not all the time.

It’s interesting to see how these trends and even the lack of trends about masturbation are so heavily connected to my mind. Of course, considering how deeply rooted in mentality female sexuality and orgasm is (which is another topic for another time), I shouldn’t be surprised.


Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

September 9th, 2008

There’s something so very satisfying, both sensually and emotionally, about lying next to someone else during night. Listening to him sleep makes my heart swell with the knowledge that he feels free to be so utterly vulnerable next to me in bed. Even more, that he wants to stay with me during the night instead of sneaking out will always bring a smile to my face. To know that not only is he comfortable but that he desires the closeness is wonderful.

And when it comes to sensuality and sexuality, it is also pleasing. When I see the profile of his face, his neck, his shoulders.. glistening slightly in the pale light, it always turns me on. To know that I could reach over and caress his wonderful skin or more and that he would more than likely respond in kind sends a tingle through my body.

I will never tire of lying next to him.


Another Notch in the Bed Post

August 26th, 2008

If you’re a fan of Web2.0 applications like Twitter, you might try out BedPosted which helps you keep track and get a better view of your life between the sheets. I’ve just signed up and am waiting for an invitation. If you’ve used it, let me know how it goes!


Are your batteries charged?

July 20th, 2008

I am a big advocate of sex toys. I own more than I can count on one hand and will continue to add to the collection. I even review them which is quite a fine hobby, if you ask me. I think sex toys are a great way to explore oneself and one’s relationship and they can open doors you never knew existed.

Sex toys feel great in a way completely different than intercourse or masturbation with a human body. They vibrate and bend in ways we simple cannot and sometimes this helps to hide our own imperfections. This doesn’t make them necessarily better or worse, just different.

Sex toys make what is sometimes difficult to achieve – the female orgasm – come much easier and quicker. In fact, many females would not have experienced orgasms at all if it weren’t for sex toys. My first recognizable orgasm was with my late Rabbit Habit.

I don’t need a vibrator to get off, however. One of the things I love about sex toys is that an orgasm while a sex toy is inside helps me to feel my body’s sexual reponse. When my hand is on a vibrator as my pussy contracts around it as I cum, I can feel the vibrator moving because of those squeezes. It becomes an extension that helps me to feel those pulsations in a way I otherwise would not.

Try it yourself!


All that’s needed is a little imagination

July 18th, 2008

Regina Lynn, columnist for Wired.com’s Sex Drive recently wrote an article entitled “Keeping the Fireworks Going from Afar” which touches on the sex technology that caters to or, rather, fails to cater to long distance couples. While I can’t agree that more technology couldn’t hurt, I think that if you’re experience any sort of boredom or strain in your relationship, you just ain’t doing it right.

Maybe I’m spoiled by the internet and phone as a communication medium between as I simply love the linguistics that go with it. The opportunity to ponder words, to careful hone the creation that will be your response to your lover while someone who knows you perfectly -yourself! – tickles your body pink.

I’ll admit, during cybersex I have more than once logged onto Thesaurus.com, expanding my vocabulary as I looked for scintillating words to turn on both my partner and myself.

I love having the opportunity to consider someone’s word, to draw a picture with them in my mind, a picture devoid of the unpleasant accidents and awkward moments physical sex brings with it. A picture hand-tailored to my fantasies.

The ends of which is both physically and emotionally satisfying, if done right. I have known what it is to make love with words, to know someone’s thoughts and feelings about sex, about me, not just their thoughts of my body and the feeling of their skin.

The sheer excitement to know that I can send someone into a frenzied state of arousal based only on the words I type (the words I think) or the words I moan breathily into the telephone is overwhelming, an aphrodisiac in its own right.

There are no physical limits in this realm. If you let yourself succumb to it, you can go to places you’d never otherwise experience. There is no pressure besides the motivation to excite your partner – and yourself – as much as humanly possible by bringing forth eloquent words heavily laden with sexual promise. Multiple orgasms are more than achievable here and every body looks, smells and feels delicious.

No, the only limit is your imagination.

And if you find your communication becomes tedious and boring even distant, then I suggest not that you pick up a remote-enabled vibrator. No, what you need is to pick up a book, see a play, attend a concert or otherwise submerge yourself in the arts. Rekindle the flame and passion that is your creativity because that, my friends, will far outlive any vibrator, dildo or Weighted Companion Cube.