Where Has All the Plan B Gone?

October 20th, 2011

I’d never heard of Jane Pratt or any of her work before the recent uprising over the article GET IT TOGETHER, GIRLS: Every Goddamn Pharmacy in New York is Out of Plan B! Every ONE!. I’m just young enough and located in an isolated enough location that (maga)zine culture never really flourished in my life. Sassy? Too alternative to be sold in my hometown and if it wasn’t Gothic Beauty or Revolver, I probably didn’t care.

So this article started popping in on my radar a few days ago and I was like “What is this website?” and furthermore “What are they talking about?” You see, the article itself is written so poorly that it’s really difficult to copy and paste it into your own post — to add commentary — in a way that makes sense. I didn’t actually read the article until avflox’s analysis on BlogHer appeared on my radar.

And all I can say now is “What the fuck?!”

Some people have posited that this article, which praises the virtues of Plan B over other birth control while admonishing women for buying so much Plan B that the entire city of New York has run out, is perhaps performance art. How can a young woman be so ignore, sheltered or naive? I guess they never read Overheard in New York which proves that the entire city is pretty much one french fry short of a happy meal. Not to worry rest of the world, ’cause the entire Internet proves you’re a bunch of morons.

But, really, even this is going too far. The writer in me is offended by the overuse of capitalization and the under-use of any sort of grammar but my humanity is offended at every other fucking part of this post. Who needs a God damned list of why birth control is too inconvenient to use? Who needs this convoluted B.S. that is full is misunderstanding — and shaming! — about our bodies! Cat literally describes the way that Plan B works as “THIS IS TOO, TOO TERRIFYING AND I REFUSE TO UNDERSTAND IT.” And how more classist can you get than by insisting that $50 is something every woman should be able to shell out multiple times per month for a non-prescription form of birth control? And, hey, if you are that woman who is shelling out all that money — it’s practically a new fall fragrance, you guys!!!!! — how’s your body doing with the super-dosage of hormones? I can’t imagine that feels good.

Perhaps the only thing worth reading in this article is Cat’s admission that there is clearly abuse of Plan B and if other women aren’t abusing it, then at least she is. Yes, Cat, maybe you are abusing Plan B because or poor planning skills or because, apparently, you’re a fucking moron. Darwin and I would both agree that you should keep using Plan B so that your genetic line ends with you.

Flaming aside, I cannot help but wonder what other factors are at work. Are pharmacies not providing (much) Plan B because of their “moral” compasses? Was there a bad bad or something else that temporarily slowed or halted production? Is October just a really busy fucking month? See what I did there?

We all saw what Cat did there. She made a fool of herself. She shared some seriously incorrect information to impressionable minds on the Internet and the folks over at xoJane? Didn’t do a God damned thing about it. If any of them have a Plan B for saving their reputation, now’s the time to enact it.

2 Comments to “Where Has All the Plan B Gone?”

  • Juliettia says:

    What? Just what? What the fuck Adriana. :P

    There is a possibility that there is a shortage or slow production right now. There was an article in my endocrine newsletter that said Glucose pens for diabetics would see a shortage starting this month and well into 2012 possibly. So you never know.

    I really don’t like the abuse of things such as this. It was made for emergencies for those “oh fuck” moments. Not for stupidity and laziness. Birth control comes in MANY fucking forms these days so it’s not like you have to remember to take a pill daily.

  • Kyra says:

    Well said, especially the part about Darwin. :D
    I can’t understand it, condoms are so easy to use! Why use birthcontrol, seriously! :/

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