Love, Yourself

November 19th, 2014

They say you have to love yourself before others can love you. Or maybe they say you need to love yourself first, before you can love another. And no doubt that a love shared between people who love and respect themselves with be a truer and more respectful love, but they don’t tell you how people will love you anyway. And you’ll love others, too. It will be messier because you’re so far from self-actualization, but this won’t make it any less powerful.

And you won’t be able to let people truly love you as long as you don’t believe you’re deserving of it. Sometimes, they’ll walk away. But some people, people like myself, with love you all the harder because of it, because of the potential we see in you, the light of hope in your eyes.

People will get hurt. It’s inevitable. Even people who know they’re hoping against hope in a reality that just can’t cater to them. Even when no one wants to get hurt. Even when, at the end of the day, there could be love between people. People get hurts.

I guess that’s life. I suppose it’s easier to sing along with that lesson as an Alanis song than to learn it yourself, especially when it takes so many times for that lesson to really sink it. i’m not entirely sure why that is. Perhaps it’s just hard to be a realistic when you have the heart of an optimist. Maybe I am doomed to always see the best in people even if, in reality, they’re more likely to hut me than to be their best.

How many more times do I ignore warning signs, I wonder, before I turn off this path?

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The Girls Bestie Vibe

November 10th, 2014

reviewer’s remorse

noun

1.

overwhelming regret upon using or opening a sex toy for the first time and knowing instantaneously that there’s no way you can like it — and you can’t even send it back for a refund because it was free!

2.

theme of this post

Let’s set the stage shall we? I am so excited for new brands that sometimes I let my excitement get the best of me. I forget to check all-important stats such as length or girth or, God forbid, power source! of a toy. Or I forget that I really don’t like clitoral stimulators shaped like bunny ears. You can guess which one I am guilty of this time.

Yes, the bestie has silly bunny ears. Yes, the vibrations are incredibly buzzy, so those ears wind up.. offending my clit. It’s not a powerful barrage. It’s not over-stimulating. It’s simply the wrong kind of stimulation. My clit is offended, okay?

If you like bunny ears fluttering over your clit, then maybe yours won’t be offended, but I’m pretty terrible at guessing these things.

Bestie’s charging base reminds me a lot of the ones that comes with the Form 3 and Form 3. The rounded butt sits in it. However, there’s actually a plug on the base that inserts into the port. I slightly prefer this because it means that it won’t fall off my nightstand and go rolling across the floor. Or that my asshole cats can’t run off with it like they’ve been doing with my Yooo.

Anyway, A green light flashes while it charges. The soft silicone area around the charging port lights up blue when it’s in use, but the button doesn’t light up. It’s raised and embossed, so you won’t have any issues finding it.

The vibrations are both incredibly buzzy and whiny, and Bestie provides you with three incredibly buzzy levels of steady vibes in case you weren’t sure how offended your clit would be to start with. There’s a buzz-buuzzz mode,  and a pulsation that sounds like it’s an alien trying to communicate with us and a fast pulsation leading up to a slower pulse. The laughable vibrations aren’t enough to make these feel good, however. Plus, the weird noise is sooo distracting. It’s not loud, but it’s at a specific pitch that makes me want to punch someone in the junk.

I guess I think it’s cool that Vibratex has moved away from shitty toys like the Rabbit Habit, of which I broke two when I was 18, and to rechargeable silicone toys. But these are only splashproof and far overpriced for vibrations that literally feel on bar with watch-battery-powered bullets to me. Most of their battery-powered toys rely on AAAs, which I never ever like. When compared to the Magic Wand Original, which they know make, it’s obvious these toys represent the extremes with no middle ground. Boo!

And while Amie might have been a better shape for me — it’s similar to the Minna Limon — I’m sure I would still find myself underwhelmed by the power. The Limon is just $29 more. It’s expensive but well worth it in my opinion. If you’re looking for something under $100, the We-Vibe Tango at $80 is your best bet. I haven’t used the newest model, but I still rely heavily on my original Tango. I still fucking LOVE my Siri, and the Leaf Spirit also costs less than $100 at Good Vibes.

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JO So Fresh! Hygiene Cream for Women

November 5th, 2014

I generally like System Jo’s lubes and massage products, but my experience with their bath and body products has been hit or miss. For example, their feminine spray? Pretty good. Their shaving cream and pheromone deodorant? Meh. I was excited to hear about some of their new products and reached out to see if I could do a review. The folks over there kindly said, “Yes.” Thanks, guys!

One of the products I received was the Hygiene Cream for Women. The site describes it as a product that ” delivers long-lasting moisture control and comfort wherever you need it most. Use daily on hands, elbows, knees, armpits, groin area or anywhere else you experience chafing or irritation.”

This talc-free product is designed to help combat moisture and side effects caused by moisture. Think chafing and smell. Now, the feminine spray already does a decent job when it comes to smell on a hot, summer day, but I am always looking out for something to prevent chafing, especially after I shave.

This cream is one of those cream-to-powder products. It comes in a pump bottle and comes out like a gel, but it turns into a powder once you rub it in. It’s like Monistat’s anti-chafing gel like that. In fact, it leaves marks on clothing and fabric like a powder. I noticed this on my black sheets.  So keep that in mind when it comes to getting dressed and wearing dark colors.

I experienced no ill effects from this product. I didn’t notice anything about the smell either. It’s pretty light.

But does it work?

Ehhhhh. I noticed no real protection from chafing. I tried it on a sensitive spot and it didn’t prevent additional chafing nor do it help to soothe the existig irritation. Nor do I think this absorbs moisture enough to be better than some sort of body powder or, you know, regular deodorant. At $15, you could get a couple of tubes of Monistat’s anti-chafing gel, SHE Aftershave Oil or go for Jo’s Feminine Spray instead.

I really wanted to like this product. I will certainly keep using it as long as I have it, but I can’t really recommend it. Perhaps it tries to do too much. Perhaps the gel to powder formula isn’t the right one.

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Why You Should Design Your Own Bondage Accessories

November 4th, 2014

Wearing collars, cuffs or ankle restraints is often an expression of your style and personality if you’re into the bondage scene. Not everyone wants to wear spikes or plain black leather, however; some wearers like different colors or ornaments that reflect their personality or even make a comment about their BDSM relationship.

Unfortunately, not everyone is blessed with leather or metalworking skills to customize their leather goods. Purchasing these personal accessories generally means taking whatever happens to be in vogue or available, new or used, even if those items don’t necessarily reflect their personal style.

Fortunately, there are other options when it comes to custom leather gear. Many people want personalized gear that they have personally designed.  Traditionally, craftspeople often accepted custom orders like this, but costs can be prohibitive and quality varies widely among merchants. Refunds or replacements are often hard to obtain from craft fair merchants, leaving customers wondering where quality merchandise can be found, if ever.

Merchants specializing in custom orders and guaranteeing professional quality do exist, however. Designing your own restraints using a company like thecollarshop.com gives you the freedom to choose exactly what you want. For example, you can choose from several different widths, colors, materials, linings, decorations and so on for your leather gear. Professional artisans produce exactly what you request and ship it directly to you discreetly.

The company produces a variety of leather goods, including collars, cuffs, leashes and belts. They also offer advice on the various types of items you may need and the appropriate settings for them if you’re new to bondage. The company has beautiful stock accessories for customers not looking for custom work at the moment. Stock pieces make great gifts for your special friend(s).

This post brought to you by a partner with Of Sex and Love who wants to provide you customized yet affordable bondage gear!

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Flirty Little Secret Pink Caviar Scrub With Pheromones

November 2nd, 2014

I never thought I would try another Booty Parlor product if I’m being honest. The last time I did, I was rather unimpressed by the quality of multiple products, so I’ve stayed away. It’s been a while, and I’ve opted to review another product from the company thanks to SheVibe. The pink caviar scrub is a body product, sensual as best. It’s definitely not sexual, but I certainly feel sexier when my skin is soft and smooth!

So let’s start with the positives. This thick scrub has some serious scrubbing power thanks to the sugar granules. I’m not sure if the caviar beads help. I can’t really tell the difference between them and the sugar, honestly. The texture is well mixed.

Secondly, I like the smell. It’s generally sweet. The scent is supposed to be raspberry lemonade. I get a hint of lemon if I’m looking for it, but the sugary smell really stands out.

However, there’s something about the overall texture that prevents me from loving this scrub wholeheartedly. More specifically, it’s slick and hard to rinse off. When used on my feet in the shower, it’s slippery. In fact, the residue stays on the floor through several showers, so I couldn’t imagine how slippery this would be after several showers if I used it every time.

Secondly, it’s nearly impossible to wash off my hands and body. To some people, this might feel moisturizing, but it’s definitely intense and not going to be everyone’s cup of tea.  This feeling/residue might stick, but the beads do wash off, so it’s still effective.

And to be honest, I never notice after I’m out of the shower, but it bothers me enough that I’d really like to see the ingredients list changed. When moisturizing becomes potentially dangerous, there’s room for improvement.

I’m not entirely sure which of the ingredients is making it so slippery, but they include Jojoba oil, Shea butter,  grapeseed, soy, and pheromones. It’s likely the shea butter or oil that’s causing this to be sooo slippery. I’m not sure how I could reduce this for the tub that I have left. Like I said, it works well and smells good.

So any suggestions how to make this a little less likely to cause a broken bone in the shower would be great.

Otherwise, you might give this scrub by Booty Parlor a try.. but $26 is a steep price for a product that doesn’t do everything it’s supposed to with flying colors.

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Scandal Corset with Cuffs

October 27th, 2014

I’ve kept my eye out for the pieces in the Scandal line because I love love love the black and red design — even if it matches nothing in my bondage drawer! The control cuffs worked well, and the “corset” is pretty sexy. Unfortunately, the corset is also once-size-fits-most. What do we know about this kids? That one size never fits all and rarely fits most and usually pisses reviews like me the fuck off.

But let’s back up. This corset is really a small waist cincher. There’s no boning, either plastic or metal; although, the fabric is definitely reinforced. There’s a series of hook and eye enclosures on the back that secure it. To either side of the fasteners, which you won’t see in any of the photos, is a thick strip of elastic, which makes this adjustable — and also less attractive from the front. CEN has added another ribbon – 31 inches of it on either side — for you to tie over the elastic and hooks to make it prettier. In the front, it’s laced with ribbon like corset, so you can extend it a bit if you loosen it or lace with with longer ribbon instead. As this stretches, skin will peak out from the front.

The default setting was one that I could just squeeze into. As a general size XL in most tops and lingerie, I could just make this fit, but it wasn’t comfortable, and I worried that I would damage it if I wore it for long or during strenuous play. I would say this is probably most intended for someone in the size medium to large range. Lying flat, it measures 17 inches in half. It will stretch slightly more than 34 inches thanks to the elastic, however.

By default, the corset comes with an extender with 5 hooks, like you might buy for a bra but obviously 4 inches wide, the same width as the hooks and elastic part of the bra. This is a fantastic idea on the part of California Exotics. If you remove it, you can tighten the corset by several inches, and you can gain 2.5 inches if you add it. Technically, you could buy another 5-hook bra extender in black to add more inches, but that’s not something that I care to do. You could do that and have amply ribbon to tie over it, however.

I did find the height to work well. You can wear it over a top — black or red makes the most sense — of course, or with a bra. There’s also the option to wear the corset by itself if you want to bare all.

Of course, this matches everything in the Scandal line, but you don’t need separate wrist cuffs because a pair is included. There is a D-ring on either side of the corset to which the cuffs attach, which keeps arms relatively prone as your sides. The cuffs are detachable, so you can instead attach them to one another or even

Aside from the red and black fabric, the cuffs are secured with long Velcro straps. There’s potential that someone who is strong enough could break out of them, but whether that would happen before a seam in the corset itself would give out is up for debate.

scandal coset with cuffs

scandal coset with cuffs

The cuffs are intended for wrists and just over 2 inches thick but would work for some ankles. They measure about 10.5 inches around with no overlapping. They’re lined with a super fuzzy material that I absolutely love, but the squishiness makes it more difficult to overlap the cuffs to make them smaller in diameter. There are about 5 inches of Velcro that you can adjust to make it wider, but it’s not going to hold as well.

The hardware on this is surprisingly impressive for this line, especially when you consider that there are decorative cuffs connected by a strand of faux pearls. Remember when I reviewed one of those? Nope. There’s nylon wrapped around an O-ring to securely attached it. Each cuff has its own double ended bolt snap — like this — painted black to match. It’s attractive and effective to both connect the cuffs to the corset or to one another.

While the Scandal corset with cuffs certainly isn’t one size fits most, it’s an attractive piece that’s going to work well for some people who care a little more about form than function, which is kind of the purpose of the entire Scandal line. But with a price around $50, you’re better off getting something a little more functional.

CEN Sexpert

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Best Sex Writing 2013

October 19th, 2014

I’ve been a fan of the Best Sex Writing series for years, The most recent edition is Best Sex Writing 2013 because it doesn’t come out every year. This one  was edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel with a foreword by Carol Queen, two names you’re probably familiar with if you follow sex education or erotica — or even if you’re just a fan of other Cleis Press publications.

This edition offers 20 different stories about the “state of sexual culture.” Each of the pieces is supposed to represent the sex writing about sex, but the authors, themes, subjects and approaches are all different. Some of the authors are those with whom you may already be familiar, including Carol Queen herself, but some of the authors aren’t really from the sex realm, which I find adds variety.

Of the twenty stores, two or three really stood out for me.

“Very Legal: Sex and Love in Retirement” introduces us to the dynamics of relationships and sex in a retirement community. The writer, Alex Morris, does a good job treating these people like people, which is sometimes difficult with a generation that the world would otherwise like to leave behind closed doors — let alone discuss their relationships.

“Rest Stop Confidential” was an interesting look at the culture of anonymous gay sex in bathrooms and one of the personal accounts that I found more interesting.

Lori Selke’s “Dear John” is literally a breakup letter to the leather community that has transformed and is no longer welcoming to her. I can imagine Lori might be stepping on some people’s toes, but I think it’s a very interesting glance into the workings of the alt community as a whole.

However, my absolute favorite must be “Lost Boys.” This lengthy piece toward the end of the book talks about issues with homelessness, sex work and abuse on the streets of large cities such as NYC. The writer, Kristen Hinman, takes a look into a groundbreaking study by Curtis in Dank, Not only did this research shatter the illusion of who was a child sex worker — teenaged girls — but it also painted a picture about how many underage sex workers were actually walking the streets. The importance of this, I learned through reading, has a lot to do with the organizations that are leaching money out of the government and taxpayers for programs to help this population, a population that is realistically little like the story we’re told that pulls at our heartstrings. You should really read the piece in this book or the published study because there’s a lot of interesting information to be had there, and it’s stunning that this survey hasn’t had a greater impact.

Overall, the submissions to last year’s Best Sex Writing anthology tended to be more personal or anecdotal in nature. This doesn’t make them less interesting to read, but for me, they’re less memorable. Pieces that are more scientific or studious in nature tend to resonate better with me, The notable exception is Carol Queens’ “Ghosts: All my Men Are Dead.” In this sad tale, the sex educator talks about how the men she met as a queer person who moved to California have passed away, almost all from HIV/AIDS. It’s a somber story but also an interesting look into sex education and rights movements, which initially had little room for a woman.

You might prefer the personal stories in Best Sex Writing 2013 more than I did as a whole. Either way, I am certainly not going to stop checking out these books. There’s certainly going to be variation depending upon what authors and researchers do over the past year or so, and I will always be interested in picking up the next Best Sex Writing book.

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