Do you ever sit down to write a blog post only to realize that you have so much to say that you don’t know where to start? This is exactly me right now. To begin with, I’ve had an incredibly busy week that involved seeing friends and family every single day. I’d hang out with one group only to leave and go someplace else. There’s no doubt that it’s been fun, but I’ve hardly had time to keep up with any of my blogs, including of Sex and Love.
Some other things have been sucking up my time, namely, Facebook games like Candy Crush Saga and Tumblr. In an interesting twist, a guy who I would consider having sex with hung out with me and a friend, and we began discussing Tumblr. My account has mostly existed to look at nerdy stuff and porn, so exchanging links has been enlightening. We have similar interests and both seem to be similarly single, which has led to some late-night texts and messages while he’s drunk, lonely and horny.
If this had happened just a month ago, I’d take him up on the offer. Who knows where it could lead? However, I haven’t because..
I recently started talking to a friend with whom I’ve had a falling out. Via some honest conversations, I discovered that he’d liked me for quite a long time, and after having sex with the emo guy, I find myself wanting more sex. I initially got ahold of this old friend in hopes that we might develop a physical/sexual relationship only; however, things seemed to be getting more emotional than that. We’ve had fun hanging out and flirting, and he’s obviously still into me.
What I didn’t expect to happen was to develop feelings for him as well. This all culminated in a wonderful night of cuddling on my couch, making out and some much-needed licking on his part. A couple orgasms later and we were sleeping in one another’s arms in my bed.
It might sound silly, but the last time I had sex was disappointing. I actually forget about it, so spending intimate time with this friends feels like the first time since my ex-husband. That’s true enough for the emotional part, I think, but not necessarily the physical. The difference is, of course, that I was to continue having a romantic and sexual relationship with this guy.. and it’s a relief. After coming out of my relationship with my ex, I found it difficult to imagine that I’d find someone to whom I was attracted, wanted to be physical and felt affection for who might also reciprocate. I fretted about the first time I would kiss or fuck another. I worried about my body image and self esteem, doubting if I could ever be comfortable enough with another person again. I doubted my experience, thinking that people would somehow label me the inexperienced girl. For the most part, I am sure that these are issues many people experience during a breakup, but those last two years have been so long that it seemed like it would never happen for me.
And now? It’s happening. Fooling around, and the guy still wants to talk to me, to do more with me. He likes pleasing me, he enjoys my body. It almost seems silly to think that I worried about those things, but the feelings are still too recent to forget them entirely. It’s very teenagery, these feelings, but I can’t help it. I spent most of my adult life married and doing things with one person — one person who was way far less able to make me feel comfortable and loved than my friend-with-more-than-benefits. It feels good to feel normal like everyone else. I’m in the game.
Maybe, now, I can finally get this blog back on track.
