Since I’m trying–and succeeding?–at blogging more actively, I’m also trying to develop and strengthen connections in my network, especially when social media has become such a shit show. My efforts include submitting to Elust (when I remember ).

Elust is the only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice, or kinky discussions, it’ll be at Elust.

So far, I think I’ve only submitted reviews, and I’ll continue to do that as I catch up on past reviews and, hopefully, find a routine for posting regularly. However, you know I’ve got my fair share of opinions and articles, which I hope to (remember to) submit!

Aside from growing my readership, Elust is a great place to see what others are writing and find your next follow, so please do these folks a favor and give them a click and read!

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Pleasure Me Now, Virtual Vibrations: Bringing LDR Bliss With Blowjob Machines

Tantric Sexual Healing, Awakening Intimacy: A Tantric Journey to Sacred Sensuality

Erotic Fiction

Fern River Cub, Luc listens in

Lexi Rose, The Message: A Short Erotic Story – Part 1

Modesty Ablaze, “A Naughty Surprise” Part 4 of my Hotwife Diaries Audio Reading

Product Reviews

Sydney Screams, The Bivius Alien Dildo by Uberrime

Morgan Destera, TOY TEST – Funzze Black Fantasy Dildo

Liz X, Kiiroo Pearl 3 Vibrator Review: Remote Play & Video Sync Make It Unstoppable

Sex Toy DB, The Top 5 Squirting Dildos in 2024 to Simulate Ejaculation

Of Sex and Love, Heidi

Erotic Non Fiction

Awakening Your Inner Essence, A Tantric Perspective on Reclaiming Our Inner Worth

Kristina J, Humiliation To Liberation: A Dance Of Desire – 10 Years Of Submission

barefoot sub, Dancing In The Dark

Femina Viva, Managing the “feels” when visiting a companion

Sex Work

Carman Fox, Master Escort Communication

Thornhill Digital, The Future of Labour Rights Within Online Sex Work

Elizabeth, Torture Goddess

Sex Worker Search, Sex Worker Blogs via RSS Feed

Oz Bigdownunder, Oz in Dubai. Australian Halal Sausage is Back on the Menu

Books and Movies

The History of BDSM, The People’s Porn: A History of Handmade Pornography in America, by Lisa Z. Sigel

Writing about writing

Ramone Quides, When One Door Closes, Meditation Begins

The post Welcome to Elust 179 appeared first on of Sex and Love.

It’s been a while since I’ve done something like this, hey! Maybe you’ve forgotten all about roundups like Elust, which is known as the only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. It’s a great way to find your next erotic read or writer to follow.

Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice, or kinky discussions, it’ll be in one convenient location here at Elust.

Plus, you can throw your hat into the ring to spread word about your work. Want to be included in the next Elust? Send in a post anytime for inclusion in the next edition.

Please subscribe to email updates to receive two emails per month from Elust. A reminder once a month on the 1st to send in submissions and a copy of the latest edition of Elust on the 15th of every month.

Sex Work

Gen West – When 3 Isn’t a Crowd

Oz in London – Sipping the Princess of Pop’s Prosecco, A Duo with Isabella Love

Lexi Rose – She Wants to Slurp – Food to Make Your Cum Taste Better

Maitresse Nuit – The Art of Balancing Desires

London Best Massage – LAM London Alternative Market

Kristina J. – Living in the Shadows: The Unseen World of a Sex Worker

UK Fetish – The Alchemy of Role Play and BDSM

Sex Worker Search – Privacy Policies of Sex Worker Directories

Lady in Latex – BDSM Dungeon Hourly Rentals in London

Erotic Fiction

Jerusalem Mortimer – In the Realm of the Sensei – Prologue 2

Product Reviews

Morgan Destera – TOY TEST – Funzze Jeweled Vibrating Butt Plug

Liz X Likes – Funzze Glass Dildos Seductive Rotary Surprise

Of Sex and Love- Why Do I Keep Breaking Vibrators? (a review of the Febos Wand)

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Sapora Knight – Boundaries: Elevate Your Intimate Connections to New Heights

Barefoot Sub – Today Is Not A Typical Day

Tantric Sexual Healing – Sexuality as a Path to Meditation: A Tantric Perspective

O Miss Pearl – Scenes From a Femdom Marriage

Witch of the Wands – Date Ideas to Reignite the Spark in Your Relationship

Books and Movies

Schey Place Books – Erotic-Romance Book of the Year

Future of Sex – Long Live the New Flesh: The Cronenbergs’ Take on Tomorrow’s Sexuality

History of BDSM – Tokyo Decadence (1992): The Celluloid Dungeon

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Beyond Nonbinary – The AI Dominatrix Training Academy and Why We Will All Be Slaves

The post Welcome to Elust 177 appeared first on of Sex and Love.

When I first wrote this post (back in 2010!), there was a bit of conversation on Twitter about searches that led to bloggers’ sites. I only had a handful, and most of them were pretty straightforward:

• lockable sextoy case
• make me cum porn
• passion wave
• silicone lube for sex at Walmart
• vibrating rock chick g-spot and clitoral vibrator

Sex toy case is pretty popular overall; it was the most popular search term last month. Probably because I reviewed this locking sex toy case and also this toy box by Devine.

I’m not sure if people are interested in the make me cum clit sensitizer or if they’re demanding that Google sends them to porn that guarantees an orgasm. But I can sum up the product pretty quickly: don’t buy it. A lot of folks seem to think I know how to make the clitoris more sensitive (some products work, but I wish I could do that, too!)

On the other hand, some searchers were clearly interested in the Passion Wave and Rock Chick. There’s also more than one search for tentacle sex toys and tentacle sex stories – probably because of a review I did for Five Minute Erotica. The Icicles #52 and Octopussy dildo also fill this, er, niche. 

As of August 2024, however, things have changed a bit. For example, red white and blue dildo is one of my top searches. I’m not sure if people are feeling particularly patriotic, perhaps in anticipation (hope y’all enjoy my alliteration!) of Labor Day. Or maybe they want something to remind them of the simpler times of eating popsicles as a child. Either way, they wound up at this post about my favorite red, white, and blue sex toys. Alas, none of them are all three. In fact, the only red, white and blue dildo I can think of has been discontinued, so if you have suggestions, leave a comment!

I can help with those who are searching for VixSkin dildos, however. I’ve tried Spur and Tex, both of which were very nice (I hate that I read that in Borat voice). I think Slim will be lovely in some specific situations, but it wasn’t my ideal dildo.

Let’s continue, shall we? Someone is still searching for the long-discontinued Sqweel for some ungodly reason. Thankfully, the company no longer makes it so people don’t have to submit themselves to the same disappointment and discomfort I experienced. If you’re looking for a moving clitoral stimulator, I am a fan of Lelo’s Ora series.

As we wrap up, the people searching for tit clamps got plenty of information from my nipple clamp comparison post.

Others have looked for Lovehoney lingerie, and I’ve got some older reviews, but I was mostly less-than-enthused by them.

The final term I’m going to mention is mystery vibe, which may refer to the company that makes the Crescendo.

I think it’s interesting that none of these search terms is clearly looking for a review or information. I assume most of them intend to go specifically to a product page to make a purchase, yet my site comes up instead. That’s especially true for someone looking for silicone lube at Walmart (I recommend Uber Lube, though; just make sure it’s compatible with your sex toys). It seems that, even with the addition of AI, there’s still plenty of room for Google to improve.

Of course, no matter how you got here, I’m glad you are!

The post Why Are You Here? Or How People Find Themselves on a Sex Blog! appeared first on of Sex and Love.

It’s 2024, and everywhere you look on social media, it seems like people are speaking in code. In some places, people avoid using adjectives; in others, potentially violent words are censored. Sometimes, the effort to attempt to avoid your account or group being punished by site administrators is so great that I am surprised anyone bothers at all.

And it is not necessarily paranoia. I know plenty of people who have been shadow-banned, suspended, or permanently removed from social media sites.

I now frequently have my Facebook account limited if I laugh react a funny cat picture.

So I understand why the people and pages I follow will use “S3x” or “S-x” instead of sex because there’s a real risk that the content we post will catch the attention of some person or bot, and our accounts will be throttled if not entirely removed. Our hard work will be instantly deleted, and our reach diminished as we are forcibly disconnected from followers. What’s worse, our attempts to educate people about sexuality will be thwarted, and streams of income may be ripped from us.

There are very real consequences to not playing by the rules of our social media overlords.

And I hate it.

It’s not just that trying to read these posts becomes nearly impossible (and I cannot imagine how much more difficult it is for anyone using a screen reader!), which has forced some people to give up on spaces that enforce these rules.

Social media should not censor sex, not when they let rampant violence, harassment, and misogyny go unchecked, and especially not when lack of access to such information contributes to sexual assault, the spread of STIs, suicide, and other general misery.

Censoring sex actively harms people.

Yet, these sites do exactly that.

As much as we can try to diversify by starting a SubStack or Patreon or by joining BlueSky or Mastodon or one of the other overly hopeful replacements for the tech giants, they do not replace the reach offered by Instagram, Tiktok, Twitter, or, yes, even Facebook.

Sex bloggers, educators, and therapists are in good company with retailers, venues, certification providers, and others, none of whom feel safe using accurate words to describe their profession, products, or services. It is a spot between the sharpest rock and the hardest place.

And there’s no end in sight. In fact, the censorship only seems to have worsened since I first started this draft!

What is the end game in all of this?

Platforms that are so sanitized of sex that we lose decades of progress? Sex returning to the taboo shadows, so there is no hope of satisfying relationships, and pain becomes the norm once more? Difficulty finding legitimate sex education that leads people to risky sources? Funding cut from sexual research? Oh, wait.

I mean, I see it happening before my eyes. But I don’t want to believe it. And I can’t understand it because such a world harms everyone, even those who are pushing for it or who allow it to happen. Maybe they lack foresight, but I do not.

And my foresight tells me that we are on a slope that couldn’t be more slippery if we emptied a case of lube on it. Of course, this isn’t new, but it’s become impossible to ignore, much like all the creative expressions of the word “Sex” on social media practically scream at me.

Maybe, for a bit, these efforts will garner some attention because they’re so jarring. Or maybe people will learn to ignore them because what’s the point when you need to decrypt all the content on your feed? And what do we do when the tech overlords catch on and ban these workarounds? At what point will they have to draw the line? Will it be when censorship interferes with their profits? Or do we need a new sex-friendly platform with reasonable rules and allowances to take the world by storm? Is such a thing even possible?

I have so many questions and so few answers. I don’t know if anyone does.

But I do know that I don’t want to censor the word “Sex.” So, I won’t. Not here. Not on social media.

I recommend you sign up for email notifications (see the option in the sidebar) if you’re interested in reading about sex without censorship, should my failure to comply result in me being banned from social media.

The post No, I Don’t Want to Censor the Word “Sex” appeared first on of Sex and Love.

I’ve received a few scammy spam messages identical to the one above this week. It’s not the first time I’ve opened my inbox to such messages, and I’m sure it won’t be the last, either. In fact, I almost missed it because Thunderbird correctly marked it as spam.

What you cannot see is that the sender appears to be me. To the average person, this might lend credence to the threat. Previous versions have included real passwords that became exposed rather than claiming to use some “Remote Administration Tool” malware to record the user and it has not always appeared to come from my email account, but the sentiment remains the same.

Some people know it as a Sextortion Email Scam, although many victims would likely not know if this is a common type of scam or what it’s called. Ignoring the fact that people may fall for the messages because they do not understand how easily scammers can spoof any email address, including their own, and how their efforts become untraceable by using Bitcoin, I find these scam messages to be an interesting lens through which we can understand society.

The scammers make several assumptions about their victims:

• They have masturbated
• Kinkily
• While at their computers
• Which have working cameras
• That are connected to the Internet

Several of these assumptions are likely to be true. After all, many people masturbate, and most devices have integrated cameras.

Perhaps most interesting is the assumption that anyone would pay to prevent their loved ones from accessing evidence of their sexuality, so much so that their worry would prevent them from checking whether the message is a scam. I am sure this is occasionally true. I’ve received similar messages for years, and scammers only need to trick one unsuspecting recipient for their effort to pay off.

Yet I cannot help but think about how the threat wouldn’t be effective if we did not live in a culture that shames and censors sexuality. If we recognized our inherent sexual natures in all their variety, messages like this would have little power. Sure, it might be uncomfortable if someone in our address books saw us in a sexually precarious position, just like it can be awkward to walk in on our parents having sex, but it shouldn’t be the end-of-the-world scenario as this spam suggests.

Greater than 99% of all people exist because someone else had sex, and we all recognize that sex can be pleasurable. The time and effort people spend pretending otherwise isn’t just unnecessary, it’s entirely misguided. And the attempts to deny others their sexuality is harmful in more ways than one. From slut shaming to barring comprehensive and inclusive sex education, we live in a world where sex doesn’t get the respect it deserves.

So, it’s no surprise that spammers might use sexuality as an angle to scam people out of money. But it is incredibly frustrating that sexuality is still so powerfully attached to shame in 2023.

The post What Spam Says About Society’s Problems with Sexuality appeared first on of Sex and Love.

A couple of months ago, I wrote an article for work that was clearly inspired by the latest TikTok trend du jour: boric acid. After looking at the videos, it was incredibly apparent that

• A manufacturer of boric acid was sending free product to influencers.
• They were specifically targeting Black creators–and their readers.
• They were not checking the videos for accuracy.

Perhaps more importantly, it was obvious to me that viewers did not necessarily realize this. They saw real posts instead of ads marketing scams. I know exactly how this works. Dozens of sex toy makers have sent me toys, but I always gave honest reviews, even if it meant criticizing a product or company or discouraging sales that would have earned me commissions. I have also spent literal years studying sexuality to ensure what I say is accurate and helpful.

This isn’t the case with the influences I saw on TikTok. Viewers saw videos touting the benefits of boric acid to help you feel cleaner and smell better, disregarding the fact that boric acid is only sometimes recommended for persistent bacterial infections because it is as toxic to healthy cells as much as unhealthy ones. Used unwisely, boric acid can make you more prone to infections.

But there were no warnings or advice to seek medical advice to determine whether a problem even existed at all, let alone whether boric acid might be a solution. There was a lot of covert body shaming, which douche makers (read that how you will) have always relied on.

In short, the practice was misleading and disgusting, and no one seemed to be calling it out.

The risks don’t stop there, either.

Both the quantity and quality of BDSM content on TikTok have some kinksters worried. It’s easy to find, ignores the important aspects of communication and safety, and may even violate the viewer’s consent. You can learn how to tie rope around wrists or make restraints out of a belt but not about the importance of preventing rope from slipping or avoiding nerve damage. You can easily find fake dominants but not mentors to steer you away from red flags. And none of this content is barred from minors.

This isn’t to say that that aren’t plenty of informed and experienced folks on TikTok spreading the good word. There absolutely are! Some of these folks love being on KinkTok. But as the great Sunny Megatron points out, popularity reigns over education and quality. I’ve heard plenty of sex educators talk about their experiences. TikTok inconsistently bans sexual content, so users have to worry about that on top of trying to make the algorithm work for them.

It’s not just sex, either. It takes half an hour for teens to stumble upon self-harm content on TikTok. Nor is the potential for harm specific to TikTok or even social media. People have sustained injuries after being inspired by 50 Shades. Every site with a blog that relates even tangentially to sexuality includes information about potentially risky sexual and kinky activities, most of which is written by people with no experience (and much that is distilled down to near uselessness).

Yet TikTok, with its short videos that are viewed almost entirely on mobile devices for free without age requirements, makes this information much more accessible to anyone and everyone without leaving room for all the caveats that go with it. Plenty of safety information can be found online, and some of it even exists on TikTok. But our shortened attention spans and the algorithms make it harder to find and absorb–if we even recognize the need for more information, to begin with!

I learned pretty much everything I know about kink and BDSM from the Internet–and much of what I know about sex. I’m old school, however. I would rather read a blog post or book–and have read thousands of pages on the subject–than watch a 10-second video. My knowledge, more often than not, came from seasoned kinksters.

I probably wouldn’t say the same if I were 15 or even 10 years younger. The internet, as it stands, is the only internet many people have ever known. It didn’t have to be and maybe doesn’t have to be still. But it is. TikTok could change if it wanted to, and a notable death and lawsuit would probably cause that. But it shouldn’t have to come to that. People should just care.

In the meantime, care for yourself because no one else will. Look beyond TikTok for information that will protect your safety. Direct a hefty dose of skepticism to anyone who doesn’t mention safety, on TikTok or anywhere else. Proceed with caution. Your health, your livelihood, and your life might depend on it.

The post Is TikTok Bad for Your Sex Life? appeared first on of Sex and Love.

The loner in the crowd of sex toy reviewers

— Adriana (@adriana_r) July 20, 2014

Several dozen replies, some new follows, a couple LOLs and one cuddle pile/cuddlePUDDLE (get the Liberator throe!) later, I feel reconnected with many bloggers. In fact, I think I got some perspective. Despite having done this thing for 6 years (help my celebrate by entering to win awesome sex toy prizes!), I sometimes feel like I am so not part of the in-crowd. I haven’t managed to become close friends with some of the more “popular” or “successful” bloggers.

And maybe that’s okay.

There are some people who have turned this into their job. I don’t think I ever wanted to do that. At least, not through sex toy reviewing. My interest in sex and society and relationships tends toward the psychological rather than the analytic but I haven’t yet applied to Widener, tehehe.

Anyway, other people have gone down the “this is the job” fork in the road. I am a little jealous of them. It never even occurred to me. And that’s awesome. For them. It’s not enough for me Of Sex and Love always needs to remain a place where I am comfortable being personal. That was much of the point when I wrote it, and I didn’t feel like I could openly discuss sex toys and my sex life with my ex-husband, who was in the military, on my other personal blog (Blog count 1).

And even though that relationship is no longer, it certainly won’t be my last romantic or sexual encounter, as you’ve no doubt continued to read here on my blog. For the most part, reviews have dominated this space, but it’s coincidental, not on purpose. It’s how it happens. At some point, I may very well stop writing reviews and focus on my personal sex life if need be.

It will serve a wonderful purpose.

But it also serves the purpose of dividing between myself and some of sex toy reviewers, who are less “sex bloggers.” And that’s okay. For them. Starting a large blog (#3 if you’re counting!) that continues to be a time-intensive labor of love leaves less time for writing.. and socializing. It’s why I go days without looking at Twitter and my Facebook page is often pathetic. I apologize. There are just not enough minutes in the day. Priorities are assigned. This blog is not usually in the top 5 when I have family, friends, work, my other blogs and sex (let’s be honest: sex takes precedence over most of those things) to tend to.

Maybe I mention these things too often. Maybe it sounds like an excuse, but I do it because it’s a reminder. Not all of us sex bloggers/toy reviewers look alike. We don’t have the same priorities. We don’t approach things from the same place.

There are NO one-size-fits-all rules when it comes to blogging about sex and toys.

If you look at this crazy thing with that narrow-minded view, you’re not just missing the point, you’re missing out on the opportunity. And maybe you’re part of the problem. I can admit that I often build invisible walls around myself, but I’m writing this in an effort to knock them down. But if you think there’s only one way to do this, you’re alienating others and misrepresenting the community, which is as varied as my sex toy collection. (Okay, probably more so!)

I don’t want to be part of that. I don’t want to be at the top of a popularity ladder just to avoid the spit from others. Okay? Okay!

I do want to feel like I’m surrounded by friends no matter where I may be in terms of numbers, popularity of success. So thanks to TTC, Dizzygirl, Juliettia, Ima Godiva and Reenie for being the type of people to reply to a message like that I posted on Twitter. And I’d love to welcome new people to the fold. Introduce yourselves. Butt in on Twitter. Comment on blog posts. It’s how everyone started whether we remember it or not!

The post Finding My Place In All This (Re: Not So Alone) appeared first on of Sex and Love.