Earlier today I had a helpful conversation with a good friend. We both talked about our current boy/girl woes and he helped me feel like I’m not crazy. It’s not that I feel like I am crazy but I sometimes suffer from self-doubt. Not the helpful type (“Hey, maybe this isn’t the best idea”) but the unhelpful type (“OMG what if this isn’t the best idea?!?!?”). I’ve been wondering if I’m setting myself up to be hurt, if I need to draw the line with the Hot Nerd, cut out all the cuddles and silliness and seriously cut back our amount of communication. Some of my friends think I should have a long time ago and even those who don’t are sick of me talking about him because nothing has changed, I know.
But my friend suggested that maybe I’m doing things right. He agreed that it seems like there’s something there with the Hot Nerd and, after I explained everything that had happened with him, he suggested that maybe my friend had more issues with opening up and connecting than I had realized. I assumed that the Hot Nerd would be able to do so because he readily admitted he was a sensitive guy — it was one of the first things he said to me — but maybe I was expecting too much and too much too soon. We both agreed that I could be a safe place for the Hot Nerd and that I could potentially help him to learn to connect, even if he wound up connecting with someone else. Either way, I’d learn something about myself.
I hadn’t really given thought to the fact that the Hot Nerd might be insecure of have trouble connecting and I’ve probably glanced over his lack of experience more than I should have. Perhaps our issues are due far more to his insecurities and his own issues than I realized. He’s nothing like my ex-husband in the way that he handles things (he’s definitely more accepting of himself) but I do see to be attracted to the sensitive, silly type. My friend thinks that, given what I’ve told him, it seems like there’s something there.
His advice to me is to wait and see how things progress. If I’m a safe place, things could work out. I may get hurt but it might not even be because of the Hot Nerd. I should keep my other options open but, as I’ve explained, nothing more appealing than the Hot Nerd has presented itself. For now, I’m content to be in the confusing and somewhat frustrating situation with the Hot Nerd. After talking with my friend, I feel like it’s something I can do. I can be patient and I can guard myself just enough that I won’t necessarily be torn asunder should things turn out less than ideal. He complimented the fact that I’d even go that far for the Hot Nerd.
It was a validating and eye-opening conversation all around. I’m glad we had it.
