If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you may have seen me mention How to Build a Sex Room, a recent reality TV from Netflix that isn’t terrible. It features designer Melanie Rose, who transforms a room or area of her client’s homes/property into “sex rooms.” It’s fun, silly, sex-positive, and inclusive (there are queer, kinky, and poly clients) show that I binged in one sitting. It’s sexy plus the allure of renovation TV. While Melanie introduces sex toys and BDSM gear to her clients, the audience also gets a chance to learn about devices they may not be familiar with, and there are discussions of intimacy and consent along the way.

As someone who does know a fair bit about sex and BDSM goodies, I recognized some of the specific pieces on the show immediately. If I had taken a shot every time I recognized something, I’d still be drunk several days later. Ha! While I couldn’t recognize every possible piece, all of them fell into categories that I was familiar with, so I feel comfortable making recommendations to anyone interested in the goodies they saw on screen, even if the camera/Mel didn’t focus on or specifically mention the item. 

I won’t name every item, so if there’s something you’d interested in that I don’t talk about, please leave a comment or hit me up on Twitter. I’ll be happy to set you off in the right direction and may even update this post based on your curiosity!

Where to Shop for Your Sex Room

The short answer? Everywhere!

Melanie mentions custom-making sex furniture for her clients. We also see her stopping by the local sex toy and hardware store for goodies, and I’ve purchased kinky accessories from hardware departments in the past. Many kinksters have gotten similarly creative, and I love how Netflix showed this aspect of Mel’s shopping. The viewer can also see that Mel hit up many furniture and home goods stores/makers, and while I won’t focus on those products in this post, the decor elements were just as important for creating sensual spaces for the couples and clients featured on the show.

Of course, you can buy many products from a single retailer if you prefer the convenience and aren’t trying to duplicate the rooms designed by Mel or create a fully customized room for yourself. If that sounds more up your alley, I’d like to recommend Stockroom as your one-stop shop. You’ll find versions of the sex toys and BDSM gear on their site, including some of the harder-to-find kink pieces and furniture. Keep in mind that some of the specialty goodies will cost thousands of dollars. 

I also cannot recommend some of the makers on Etsy for goods such as floggers, crops, paddles, and blindfolds made from leather or suede. You’ll also find rope dyed all sorts of gorgeous colors there. No affiliate links because those commissions cut into the artists’ profits. But if you want to customize your gear or buy matching sets, I definitely recommend supporting artists like these and will include some links to specific products in this post.

Items Commonly Featured in ‘How to Build a Sex Room’

Melanie incorporates several items into multiple rooms on the show, and for good reason. Instead of making you scroll through this entire post to find those goodies. I will mention them right away. How kind of me!

Sex Chaise

One item that came up multiple times was the sex chaise/lounge. Not everyone has room in their home or budget for such a piece, but the show did a great job depicting its various uses. While I never caught which brand made the chaise for the show, the Liberator Esse immediately came to mind. The piece comes in 11 different colors and thanks to the curvy shape, you can comfortably enjoy penetrative sex in any orifice.

Melanie focused on woman-on-top positions in the show, but you could easily lie back against the lower end of the chair so your partner can penetrate you while standing (or kneeling) or kneel to perform oral sex. Liberator includes the Scoop and Headrest pillows with the Essa, giving you even more options. If you find the height isn’t quite right, you can boost it with the Flip Stage.

Cleanup is also a breeze because you can remove the cover to wash it. I’d also like to feature the Black Label Esse, which includes bondage connection points for cuffs. It’s the same design, just with an upgraded cover, so you could buy an Esse and the conversion kit if you want the bondage connections and the more discreet cover. Liberator also sells cuffs that are compatible with the side-release buckle (similar to work belts or some pet collars), but you may be able to purchase cuffs from other companies if they use connectors of the same size.

St. Andrew’s Cross

As Melanie explains to her clients, Saint Andrew was crucified on an X-shape cross, and this shape works incredibly well for bondage. You can truss someone up, either facing you or away. This makes it the perfect frame for impact play (flogging, paddling, caning, etc.). I also recommend trying it with a blindfold or gag.

You could build your own St. Andrew’s Cross if you’re handy. You need the base (unless you secure it directly to studs in your wall or your bedframe as some people do), beams to create the X shape, and screw eyes to make connections for the wrists and ankles. Sand and treat it to prevent splinters (kink is about wanted pain, after all!), and you’re set. Dungeon Delights sells a hardware kit, so you only need to source the wood. You could add paint and padding to make it more chic and comfy, but that’s not necessary.

Keep in mind that most designs are angled slightly backward, which allows the bound person to rest on them more comfortably. Generally, the person keeps themselves upright, not the furniture.

For the rest of us, Stockroom sells this one. I like the connectors at different heights. It allows you to tie up your partner as their waist or thighs (thigh cuffs, anyone?), and you could easily connect rope bondage to the frame. As someone who’s short, I also appreciate the mid-height connectors on the top half of the cross.

For something a bit more affordable and for fans of wood over metal, Etsy has plenty of gorgeous and creative options, some of which you can customize. A few highlights:

• A star
• A collapsible cross
• This unique design
• 24-point bondage frame

Pure Plug

The stainless steel butt plug Mel showed several clients is one of the Pure Plugs by nJoy. Folks universally love these gleaming toys for your bootie. You can purchase them in small, medium, and large, depending on your preferences. You can also buy the updated Pure Plug 2.0.

As several people mentioned, a stainless steel plug is quite heavy. Glass and silicone will be lighter and cheaper.

Bondage Rope

There were very few rooms where Melanie didn’t leave a skein of rope, often in multiple colors. Companies such as Agreeable Agony and Twisted Monk make rope specifically for BDSM, offering limited-time colors and sets like AA’s Pride collection. Many sex toy companies have gotten in on the rope game, although they don’t offer the wide array of colors.

However, if you want to save some money, practice tying on cheaper rope, or simply don’t care what your rope looks like, your local hardware store has you covered. In fact, hardware rope will often advertise its load rating, so you have an idea of its strength.

I won’t go into the details of rope too much, but most rope is either 6MM (1/4″) or 8MM (5/16″). Generally, wider rope is more comfortable because it’s spread out across a larger area. BDSM rope is often sold in 30-foot coils and frequently cut into 10-foot and 15-foot lengths for smaller ties. If you plan to do any harnesses on plus-size folks, I recommended increasing the length of your rope, but you can also tie together multiple lengths of rope.

Rope comes in natural (cotton, hemp, linen, jute, sisal. silk, bamboo) and synthetic (nylon. MFP. polypropylene, polyester) materials. While natural fibers are often weaker and have more give, making them less ideal for suspension, they usually have better grip. Cotton and linen are easily washed. Synthetic rope requires little care and its strength and durability are preferable for suspension. However, you have to be careful about it slipping or rope burn.

Impact Play

Mel eagerly shows most of her clients a flogger and riding crop. While the flogger appears fairly standard with a wrapped handle like this one. I’ll mention some of the specific floggers in the appropriate sections. But if you’re not looking for anything in particular, you’ll easily find plenty of leather (real and faux/vegan), silicone, suede, and rubber floggers, not to mention some more unique materials.

The crop might be the discontinued diamond handle crop by Sportsheets. Although I couldn’t find anything similar, I love the look of this cosmic crop if you want form and function. You might also consider this two-in-one heart crop and flogger.

Bondage Pillows

I love the harness pillows Melanie used for her kinkier clients. The aesthetic is just -chefs kiss-. I wasn’t sure if they were purely decorative or if she simply used the pillows to store actually harnesses. You could DIY the pillows if you want them for decor only, and Soft Bound Co on Etsy sells some harnessed pillows in different styles.

If you wanted to use actual bondage gear with a pillow that you could remove to use, I’d suggest starting with a leather hog tie and using chains, straps, or even another hog tie for the back of the pillow. Stockroom carries multiple color options. Not down with animal products? No problem! This vondage hog tie is made from vegan leather!

Decor pillows are often 16×16 inches, and you can easily find an insert and covers to switch up their appearance and fit the vibe of your room.

Items Featured in How to Build a Sex Room

Below you’ll find some of the items Melanie added to each person, couple, or group’s sex room. I’ve organized it by couple to make it easy to find specific products. Each section will contain some products explicitly highlighted by Melanie and some goodies that I caught but may not have been mentioned or featured for more than a second.

Taylor and Ayjay

The first couple on the show was interested in exploring kink, especially impact play. Mel showed she wasn’t shy about BDSM right out the door, and the crew had a fun time getting all the gear and supplies into a basement with no door access. 

Shaped a bit like a miniature picnic table, this spanking bench is similar to the one Mel picks in the show with a few additional bondage points and hooks to hang your tools.

I noticed a black and pink flogger with checkered handle in the finished room that I couldn’t help but drool over.

Another piece in the finished room was a gorgeous leather and chain harness.

Although she calls it a paddle, impact toys with multiple layers are technically slappers. Here’s one with three layers. The first makes contact, while there are two quick “aftershocks” as each of the other layers lands. A tawse has a similar effect.

When Mel takes Taylor and Ayjay to some folks who can teach them more about impact play, my attention was immediately drawn to the rainbow floggers on the table. Taylor later receives a flogging with them. The closest I can find is this rainbow flogger by Firebird Leather. However, Strict Leather has its own take on the rainbow flogger, as does Sportsheets.

The magnetic nipple clamps look a lot like these. Essentially, you pull the knobs out at the sides, place the ring around the nipple, and let the magnets attract through the nipple. With clamps like these, there’s not a lot of room for adjustment, so if they’re too tight or loose, you’re kind of stuck, but you can choose to place the crown, which offers stability that simply using two magnets lacks, with the prongs against the skin if you want.

Finally, I noticed a heart paddle against the wall. Paddles with unique shapes and cutouts can leave fun imprints on your skin.

Raj and Ryan

These under-the-bed restraints by Sportsheets are the exact ones I’ve had on my bed for over a decade. They’re fairly easy to put on, even if without help, and you can swap out other cuffs with the Velcro ones that are included. The company makes an even more affordable set in another line that I haven’t tried but received good reviews from others.

When Mel encourages the couple to talk dirty and brings them into their finished bedroom, they wear contoured blindfolds. Unlike the super cheap blindfolds, these are designed to blackout all light and be comfortable without creating pressure over the nose.

The item that Ryan mistakes for a genie’s lamp is likely the Womanizer Premium 2, which uses pulses of air to create a suction sensation around the clitoris.

As Mel shows the couple the bed, the camera pans over some pink bondage gear, including this kitty cat fetish mask.

I also assume that at least some of the candles strewn about the room are massage candles, which are made from super soft oil-based wax that melts at a low temperature and feel (and smell) heavenly as you rub it into your partner’s skin.

Hannah and Wesley

Two of the products featured in this episode were rope and the tantric chair, which I discussed above.

Besides that, Mel chose products in hues of red and pink, and I loved the pink leather cuffs she chose for Hannah and Wesley. While most cuffs are adjustable, some wrist cuffs may not fit those with larger wrists. Fortunately, you may be able to swap them out with ankle cuffs, which are designed for a thicker limb, to make it work.

I also recognized a heart crop, set of glass butt plugs, and what looked like a dragon tail whip.

Also, one of the main features of their space is the Barely There wallpaper by York Wallcoverings. It’s adhesive, so you just stick it on yourself.

Orlando and Matt

During the photo shoot, Orlando wears a leather chest harness, and Matthew dons a collar with O-rings. 

A Fun Factory Manta, a vibe for penises, sits on the table in the renovated room, while a beautiful braided flogger is strewn across the sofa.

Mel also hooks the guys up with a suspension bar, to which one person’s hands will be cuffed above their head. A similar tool was shown in the previous episode when Hannah and Wesley visited the domme who was whipping someone bound to a suspension bar.

Melanie ensures the couple will have plenty to try in their toy cabinet, which includes, among other things:

• studded paddle
• a type of nipple clamps known as tweezers
• multi pinwheel
• ball gag 
• fur tail plug
• bondage tape

Shenika and Matthew

Mel discovers a copy of Unleashing Her G-spot Orgasm in the couple’s room.

The “pulsating” rabbit from the sex shop is the Stronic Bi Fusion, which has a piston-like motion. She also shows them Wand’s rechargeable wand and a cock ring attachment. But I believe she actually gifts the couple the petite version.

The Family

Lester and Soriya are quite familiar with kink, and they reveal a cage to Mel and the audience.

One of the things that Lester pulls out of the dresser is a metal collar, and while you can find all manner of them online, I do like this combination locking collar.

The polyfam is lucky enough to have a Sybian bestowed upon them. Sybian is the name brand of a type of fucking machine, and it’s a powerful, large, and expensive toy. It’s also not the only brand on the market. For example, the Cowgirl is a pretty contemporary design.

While the Sybian draws a lot of interest, the bondage chair in the same corner is also a beautiful piece of furniture.

The camera briefly focuses on clover/butterfly nipple clamps. I compared several styles of nipple clamps a few years ago, which you may find helpful when choosing for yourself.

The clamps also share the screen with njoy’s Pure Wand and Fun Wand, the former which is known to be an excellent G-spotter. Mel also adds an anal hook to the gleaming hardware.

Another of the kinky goodies that Melanie gives her clients is a neon wand. She does a good job or explaining the various attachments and general sensations to her contractor, Mike. Viewers will find the basic wand, kits, and add-on attachments in various styles.

But she could have explained electrosex a bit more. The neon wand is very mild compared to other forms of electrosex and not so intense that you really need to work up to it if you’re interested in it at all (check out my review for the Fetish Fantasy neon wand). Keep in mind that neon wands are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to kink. You can also experiment with electrokink insertables or even use your own body to give your partner a shock.

I’d also like to mention how much I love that Mel left her clients with leather conditioner to care for their bondage goodies.

Meaghan and Dave

In comparison to the poly family, Meaghan and Dave seem a bit tamer, so Mel focuses on giving them a space to connect romantically. However, she does introduce the pair to the idea of roleplay after learning that Meaghan enjoys wearing different wigs. Meaghan really seemed to transform upon putting on a striking wig and some fetish wear.

Bettie and Brody

If you spotted the translucent confetti dildo, you can get your own. It’s perfect to wear with a leather harness like the one hanging on their wall.

One of the goodies Mel hands on the wall is a pink, star crop, which may actually come from a tack store.

Mel leaves an ultra-wide posture collar on a mannequin. These collars keep the neck straight and head up.

The rhinestone flogger that Mel includes matches the couple’s glitzy style, but if chains seem a bit intense, you can get a sparkly flogger made from vegan leather.

Although I can’t be sure, there appears to be a “strapless” strapon like the Share on the dressing room table.

Ouima and Jesse

Ouima and Jesse’s space includes a patterned pink collar with leash and what I assume are matching cuffs. They’re quite similar to this rose gold collar and leash (check out the cuffs, too).

The collar is actually on a form wearing a lace corset. It may very well be a legitimate corset with boning that is either custom-made for Ouima or at least measured in inches. However, corsets are more affordable and readily available if you opt for something mass-manufactured. This similar, lace corset is available in multiple colors and up to 7x. 

The lucky couple also receives several sets of pasties for Ouima to put on a show for her partner. The show focuses on tassled pasties, but there truly are plenty of options, including these fuzzy ones, and fun bows.

Tricia and Gary

After exhausting her bag of tricks, Mel shows the couple a strap-on harness that seems particularly strappy. It could be something like the Vanity harness, or this harness by Dominix.

When visiting Mistress Nicci, Gary’s bondage gear includes a blindfold with a strap across the front like the essential blindfold from Babeland. You can get a completely adjustable aviator blindfold, which is similar but allows you to move the eyepieces.

Tricia chooses a lace and PVC corset during this session. For something similar, you might try the Cottelli Wet Look and Lace Peek-a-Boo Merry Widow Bustier Set, but it’s only available in plus size. I also get the feeling that Tricia would enjoy the Exposed Lust Wet Look Open Cup Bustier Set, available in straight and plus sizes.

During the photo shoot, we see Tricia in separate caged pieces, which is similar to a body harness. I couldn’t track down the exact pieces. But if you’re okay with separates, Bijoux Indiscrets makes some nice harnesses (one size fits most), any of which you could pair with the Audaciously sexy garter (no plus sizes). Finally, this halter cage and cage garter cost a pretty penny, but the shining latex is seriously sexy, the zipper is a nice touch, and the color options are the cherry on top.

Mel definitely had a big budget to work with. A spanking horse or “pony chair” as she calls it, could cost $2500–quite a bit more than many spanking benches. It looks like Mel included a bit gag for the couple in the finished room.

Of course, custom pieces cost even more. For example, I found what would be the very scroll bed that Mel ordered for Tricia and Gary for just over $5,000. But it’s clearly well made and can stand up to activities other than sleep, something that the couple’s original bed failed to do. You’ll find plenty of beds that seem like they could work for bondage, but will suffer the same fate under the slightest pressure. Plus, I love the removable St. Andrew’s Cross (which we see against the wall), and it looks like Mel had them tone down the scrolls for the stockade at the end of the bed. But this bed could totally go unnoticed by non-kinksters.

Bondage beds don’t have to be made from metal. Many are wood, some of which have a more rustic appearance than what Mel chose for this couple.

Mel also outfits the room for a leather sex sling. But for those who don’t have the budget or hardware, you can achieve something similar with an over-the-door sling or a sling that isn’t made from leather.

The couple’s finished room includes a country chic antler chandelier, and you’ve got no shortage of options on Etsy. 

Heather and Sara

With Heather and Sara, so many of the pieces were custom to fit into their van, that you won’t find them anywhere. You don’t have to go the DIY route if you don’t want to, however. A sex swing is a great way to save space, and you could use either of the slings listed above. However, this sex swing is a bit more affordable, while a deluxe version might better match your aesthetic.

Mel gifts the duo with a crystal dildo.

When it comes to portable suspension, you’ll need some sort of frame. Tripod and quad frames are common, as are swingset style frames. The most affordable option might be a hammock stand, but the smaller design isn’t intended to fully support the weight of more than one person. Of course, this may not be a problem if one of you intends to stand or kneel. 

BDSM Architecture sells a suspension frame for a bit more, but you know it’s built for bondage activities. The most hardcore–and expensive–option I’d recommend for home use is this frame by Tetruss.

Pulse sex toy mount, which allows you to insert up to two toys. Then, you straddle the shape and rock, grind, or bounce your way to nirvana.

And if you want, you can experience sensation play with a pair of vampire gloves.

Lisa

Finally, Melanie helped Lisa see that sex toys could be useful for solo and partnered play. She left her client with a fully-stocked sex room that could be used for any occasion.

Did the sexy folded impact play toy catch your eye? If so, check out Daddy’s belt.

Fun Factory’s Stronic line consists of thrusting vibrators that are fun to use on your own or have someone use on you. 

This Black Rose Spanking Paddle is similar to one that Lisa will get to play with, thanks to Mel.

In the sex shop, the strange vibrator with the band around it is the Fun Factory Amorino.

You can get your hands on the Starsi sex toy. Lisa also admires a tie-dye dildo made from silicone. But there are so many patterns and designs to choose from when it comes to dildos, so I’ll name just a few:

• Sparkly
• Glow-in-the-dark
• Ombre
• Cloudy sky
• Color changing
• Galaxy
• Multicolored

Many have flared bases that also function as suction cups!

As the camera panned around the room, I recognized a number of items.

Elvie is a smart Kegel exerciser that can help those with incontinence due to age or childbirth.

A breathable gag is a good option for people who want to experiment with mouth bondage.

Miss Bi G5 Silicone Vibrator offers dual clitoral and vaginal stimulation.

If you’re not a fan of oral sex or simply want to spice it up, you could invest in some Intimate Organics Strawberry flavored lube.

Finally, a good lube is a must for more comfortable and healthy sex. It’s useful for people of all ages but may be necessary as aging and menopause change the vagina’s natural lubrication. For that, Mel left Lisa with a bottle of Aloe Cadabra. A water-based lube like this is compatible with all sex toys and condoms, too.

Phew! That was a lot to go through. And I haven’t even mentioned those items that I can’t believe Mel didn’t mention!

The post Build Your Own Sex Room appeared first on of Sex and Love.

Reading

I am currently reading The Loving Dominant by John Warren. I’ve had it long enough that I don’t even recall when I bought it. Although, my Amazon history surely knows. I know there’s a more recent edition than mine (second, revised in 2000), and I would recommend that to anyone who might want to check out this book, which tackles both the physical and psychological responsibilities of being dominant. Mine seems a bit dated in ways that I assume the 2008 version wouldn’t.

I don’t normally read as many books about sex as I did last month, but I already have another one to review sitting in front of me, and I am excited about it. Here’s hoping it winds up on next month’s list.

Watching

This month, I finally decided to use my new rope, which means tutorials. Although I didn’t buy Twisted Monk rope (soon!), I headed to their tutorials on Youtube. I especially enjoy how the tutorials show a few modifications for different body types and abilities.

Naomi Wolf and Jim Pfaus talk sex in this Youtube video from a conference at Concordia University. They touch on desire, how the brain responds to sexual cues, the interplay between chemicals and culture, and more. The video was posted in 2013, but it still has useful information if you have time to watch it.

Listening

While last month’s list included a bunch of sex-specific podcasts, I switched things up a bit this month by listening to podcasts that happened to do some amazing episodes about sex, even though the podcast theme isn’t necessarily human sexuality.

First, we have the Gonad series from RadioLab, which includes some episodes that delve into the science of gender and just how complicated it really is. The episodes go far deeper than chromosomes, and I learned a few things that I could not help but share.

Secondly, I started and proceeded to listen to every episode of Science Vs, a podcast hosted by an adorable Australian woman that takes an unbiased look at a variety of topics. I really enjoy the show and am so sad it’s in between seasons. There are episodes about circumcision, the G-spot, birth control, sex addiction, and more. But they’re all worth listening to.

Another podcast by the same company is Reply All, which focuses on Internet-related topics. The podcast episode about the consequences of the FBI’s seizure of Backpage.com is incredibly revealing.

Do you read, watch or listen to anything related to sex this month that you want to share? Sound off in the comments!

The post August 2018 Sex Media Recommendations appeared first on of Sex and Love.

BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism
$12.99 (Kindle) from Amazon

One of my goals this year was to read more, and I’m poised to finish about three dozen books by the end of 2016, which is a number with which I am quite happy. Few of these books are “assigned” reading a la reviews, and most of them actually aren’t about sex. I wanted to branch out into hard science and nonerotic fiction, so few of the titles on my bookshelf or Kindle were related to sex.

As you can guess, BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism doesn’t break that mold, but it does stand apart from other books that I’ve read this year.

Now, I am no stranger to BDSM books. You can check out my reviews for As Kinky as You Wanna Be, Decoding Your Kink: Guide to Explore Share and Enjoy Your Wildest Sexual Desires, and S&M 101, among others. There are even a few in there that I forgot. BDSM: A Guide is not one that I will soon forget.

Part of this is because it’s a tome of a book. With over 600 pages, it might be the longest book I’ve read this year — or during the past several. There is a wealth of information provided by the author Ayzad.. if you’ve the time to peer between the pages. I do think this book could be intimidating to some because of its size and other reasons, which I will touch on later.

First, let me introduce you to Azad, an Italian and self-proclaimed pretentious European who wrote the first version of this book over a decade ago. Ayzad’s experience and connections have resulted in something that could be described as the ultimate BDSM textbook. If it’s not in this book, it’s either urban legend, frowned upon by conscientious kinksters or has been invented since this summer.

The original Italian book has been translated and updated for the world at large, and I was fortunate to review a copy on my Kindle. As you can imagine, a 500+ page book is one that could easily become overwhelming. I recommend the Kindle version not just for ease of searchability but also because it’s about half the price of the soft cover on Amazon and, I would imagine, a sure bit lighter!

I don’t normally comment on Kindle formatting, and there’s nothing terribly wrong with BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism, but a lack of numbered chapters — both within the table of contents and the pages themselves — makes it a bit hard to determine where you are in the book. A bit of tweaking with the different headings would also aid this, but it’s certainly not the biggest thing that would prevent someone from picking up this book.

BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism is, well, daunting. If you read the original, want a complete BDSM library or only want to read a single book on the subject ever, then this one is for you. On the other hand, I might recommend something a bit more specific to readers who are already well-versed in BDSM but wanted to learn more about a particular niche or something more accessible for those who are new to the subject or perhaps unsure whether BDSM is for them.

Ayzad doesn’t coddle his readers, and I must admit that I agree with when he describes himself as pretentious. Initially, this was offputting, but there is no doubt that the usefulness of this book overshadows that eventually.

As a resource, BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism stands head and shoulders above other BDSM publications and certainly above most things you’ll see online (where many people are seeking answers to specific BDSM questions). I’ve written guides myself, but this book delves far deeper than typical BDSM activities and terms, introducing the reader to ideas that they never knew they wanted to try (or perhaps never realized they wanted to avoid!).

Indeed, Ayzad lists potentially dangerous activities such as choking out of due diligence, even while advising against them. He goes beyond a quick warning not to flog a person’s kidneys and provides ample advice for dealing with a scene gone wrong. In short, Ayzad emphasizes safety and consent in such a manner that shames traditional sex education for a lack thereof.

Ayzad includes a level of detail that’s not merely impressive. It’s almost magnificent. You can see this in charts, which explain to the reader just how much weight certain body parts can hold, how to care for BDSM implements of different materials, the effect of electricity on the body, and how much saline solution you can inject into various body parts. You can easily learn basic knots and how to create rope harnesses (not to mention the difference between Eastern and Western rope bondage) from the words and photos in these pages despite the fact that it’s just one element of BDSM.

BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism isn’t dry, however. Stunning photos are peppered throughout the pages; although, positioning might be a little less than ideal if you use custom font sizes on your Kindle as I do.

The photos themselves are not the only thing that will arouse a reader’s mind. If you’re into any particular kink, this book will likely have your heart beating faster when you discover the section that’s closest to your deviant heart. For me, that was reading about needles, which I found particularly inspiring. Ayzad writes in a way that I imagine could inspire creativity in most readers who have a serious interest in BDSM. I found it difficult not to imagine myself shopping in a medical supply store looking for items that could be perverted for this very purpose.

There is such a wealth of information that Ayzad frequently refers the reader to his website to learn more (you’d be hard-pressed to find a more comprehensive list of BDSM websites than in the resources section), and I often found myself performing quick searches when I would discover something new (such as what a tawse is). I must admit humility upon learning how much there was yet to know about BDSM. In fact, he tries to introduce the reader to the Internet and the role it plays in learning about BDSM and finding like-minded individuals and partners. This is a worthy cause but seems a little futile to me given how frequently the Internet changes. The best place to

This is a worthy cause but seems a little futile to me given how frequently the Internet changes. The best place to read about using the Internet is simply online. These final pages seemed rush and lacking in the detailed information found previously in the book probably because of these the ever-changing nature of the Internet.

I’ll wrap this review up because, while nowhere near the length of BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism, it’s certainly lengthy. There is little this book doesn’t touch on that falls under the umbrella of bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism and masochism. If you’re all at all familiar, some of the content may be redundant, which is why I recommend the Kindle version for ease of use.

For those people who are unsure about BDSM or need a friendlier tone, I might recommend As Kinky As You Wanna Be to pique your interest and quell any worries you have about consensual BDSM.. before eventually adding BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism to your collection if it felt lacking.

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Best Bondage Erotica 2015 and She's on Top
~$15 from Amazon

I had this great introduction for this post worked out. But when I sit down to write it, it completely escaped me. Go figure, eh?

I wanted to explain why this review has taken me so long, which seems to be how most of my posts on this blog start these days. I suppose it all comes down to the fact that I was simply uninspired, not because of me but because this collection is simply uninspiring for me. Perhaps I need more of a D/s angle instead of simply bondage, though there was some of that within these pages. Maybe I prefer specific roles. She’s On Top is the next book in my review queue, and thus far it’s doing a much better job of getting the juices flowing.

And perhaps this was just a slow year for erotic fiction. Maybe I’m too harsh.  Perhaps there was too much variety, and Best Bondage Erotica just missed my niche. I’m not sure. I can’t put my finger on it, but I’m reluctant to call this the “best” the world has to offer. Plenty of other people disagree, as is their right, however. Best Bondage Erotica 2015 has a 4.65 rating on Good Reads.

It’s a fair question to wonder whether I am just burned out on erotic short stories. I’ve reviewed many of these anthologies and have read even more! But as soon as I finished Best Bondage Erotica, I opened up She’s on Top, another anthology edited by Ms. Bussel. Almost immediately, I was pulled in. From the very first, I was curious, aroused and craving more.

It’s been a much quicker read because of how rapt I am, and I find myself reaching for the book even when I do not want to be aroused. I simply want to read the stories. Aside from deliciousness, I love how the overarching theme of female dominance isn’t necessarily done in the most cliche or redundant way. That’s hard to do, and many BDSM manuals and guides would have you believe there are only so many femdom archetypes from which you can pick. She’s on Top absolutely defies that “truth,” and I am glad for it!

But what about Best Bondage Erotica, which will soon be replaced by a new volume? The stories run the gamut from playing with strangers to voyeurism/exhibition to spy games — all with a bondage element, of course. Sometimes the bondage takes center stage es elaborate setups are discussed. At other times, however, it’s more incidental than instrumental. I think that’s one of my critiques. Sure, there is bondage, but I’d rather it be all about bondage with less curiosity about how this story is going to get there. If you like erotica that warms you up first, you might prefer this collection of stories more than I did, however.

Very few of the stories just stuck with me, and as I page through the book to write this review, I don’t remember reading most of them. I do recall and enjoy “Housewarming the Craftsman,” a story in which a man and woman break in their new home in a less-than-traditional-way, and “Tying the Knot,” a tale about a (homosexual!) couple who use bondage to get over those cold feet. “You Shall Not Come” is a solid piece written from the point of view of a visitor of a weekend sex camp. At camp, she participates in a game where she and a stranger try to make the other come first. “Stuck On You” evokes classic wet T-shirt imagery through the use of a soapy, wet sponge; adding bondage brings something new to the old concept.

With so much variety, the reader is bound not to love everything. But bondage is a less cohesive theme than I’d like, which means there are fewer themes that do it for me. Your mileage may vary.

Now, why did I love She’s On Top so much? Certainly, it had to do with when I was reading it. I was in the middle of steamy sext sessions with a guy who would eventually break my heart but who was also comparably kinky. Perfect background! And the stories were perfect to read while my sex drive was in such a heightened state. Thus, reading was frequently broken up but only because there was so much masturbation happening!

It starts off strong with “Suit and Tie,” a story about workplace oral. Stories about housework, crossdressing/cosplay, professional dominatrices and even Victorian England, which turns out to be sexier than I ever would have thought. That particular story, “Victoria’s Hands,” is one that I would recommend. But it’s not the only one. Teresa Roberts writes a haunting-yet-sexy story in which the main character is using BDSM as closure to a relationship.

If there’s a story that I don’t particularly like, there’s only one, “Feeder.” The name points at exactly what you’d expect, and that sort of fetish just isn’t my thing.  But it’s quickly followed by “Penelope the Punisher,” a story that takes place in a fabled domination house, and the cooperation between the women is fantastic. Cooperation is also a sexy theme in “The Queening Chair,” a story that ends the book on a note as high as it begins.

There are a few stories in She’s On Top that pull on my heartstrings while simultaneously making me aroused. They resonate with me in multiple ways. Some of the characters/relationships are well versed in domination. Others fall into it by accident, through experimentation. The types of bondage and kink vary, as do the characters in their race, sexualities, and personalities.

Not only is She’s On Top worth a read; it’s one of the rare collections that I want to read again and perhaps again and again!

You can get both of these books on Amazon, but if you’re looking for more erotica, I highly recommend checking out the erotica section at Good Vibrations, which was kind enough to provide me with these books for review.

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DOMINIX Deluxe Leather Wrist to Thigh Restraint
$46.99 from Lovehoney

There are certain things that have the right smell, taste or touch that instantly make  you feel sexy. I would argue that the DOMINIX Deluxe Leather Wrist to Thigh Restraint aris e one of those things. From the instant I smelled the leather to the first touch, both of the unfinished suede and the finished leather side, I was hooked. This is the type of item that you lust over, the type of thing you write into your fantasies — or even the one thing that gets you back into the habit of fantasizing.

With as many toys, ties and treats as I’ve tried, it’s hard for anything to do that to me (for me? anymore, but the DOMINIX Deluxe Leather Wrist to Thigh Restraint does.

So what exactly has me so gaga?

They feel high-quality. It’s the leather. It’s the firm stitching. It’s how I can pull on them with arms, spreading my thighs further, without any worry of them giving way. It’s the buckles, shining and secure around my wrists and my thighs. It’s the type of thing that makes you say “$47 is not only affordable but even a steal for these goodies!”. And I would say that. I’m saying it to you now.

It’s the leather. I love leather. I’ve tried vegan leather. I’ve had rope, fur, metal and foam cuffed around me. But there’s nothing quite like leather, with its intoxicating smell. The textured treatment of the exterior of these cuffs is interesting to touch and feel. The soft insides rest against my flesh, holding me enthralled, and the bordered hems give it a completed feel.

It’s the simplicity of binding thighs to wrists. The more you struggle from your upper body, the further open your legs spread. More often than not, I want to pull them closed as I cum, but these cuffs won’t let me. It’s my body being a an instrument of my own torture, if even torture it can be called.

But enough with the waxing poetic. You know that I love the DOMINIX Deluxe Leather Wrist to Thigh Restraint. Will you?

They aren’t quite perfect, either. Because the buckle secures on another layer, you have to be careful if you want them to make a complete circle around a wrist and nestle the layers in securely. Think of how you make the two layers of your belt lie flat. If your wrists are especially small, the buckle will always join the two sides of the cuffs at an angle. This doesn’t affect performance. It’s just not aesthetically appealing to me.

Furthermore, these cuffs are best for straight sized people. I have 8-inch wrists — larger than your average bracelet but smaller than many men’s wrists. You can only secure wrists up to 10.5 inches in diameter with these cuffs. It seems a little small to me, but leather comes at a premium price, so I understand why the company would err on the side of smaller.

The thigh cuffs are both wider (2″ compared to 1.5″ for the wrist cuffs) and longer for obvious reasons. The cuffs range from 19 inches to 28 inches, depending upon which hole you use. You could potentially move them further down your thighs, toward your knee, if they’re too small for the fleshier part. However, I do like how they look further up the thigh! I have both muscle and fat in my thighs that makes them fairly wide, and I can wear the cuffs at the fleshiest point with them buckled at the third hole in, but there’s not a lot of give, there. If you’re plus sized, you might consider another option for thigh bondage.

You’ll probably want to secure the thigh cuffs toward the inside or underside of your thighs, so the wrist cuffs will face up or out. I find it’s easiest to secure them first around thighs, then to add your wrists into the mix. I can easily do one thigh and wrist by myself, but it’ll require a second person to secure the other side. once they are secure, they won’t come loose; although, there’s no way to put a padlock on them. They’re not that hardcore.

Because of the design, you’re going to have extra material dangling if you wanted to use these just as thigh or wrist cuffs — they don’t separate. Nor is there a loop or hook so you could attach them to other bondage gear. But they’ll work well for someone who is kneeling, lying on a bed, sitting on a chair so on and so forth.

Like under the bed restraints, the DOMINIX Deluxe Leather Wrist to Thigh Restraints use the bound person’s strength and body against them, which makes them more enticing than I originally expected. And at under $50, they’re really something you ought to try!

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You’ll find all of these items — and more — on UberKinky, the generous sponsor of this giveaway! Although I don’t currently have an S&M partner, I wouldn’t want my readers to suffer. So one of you lucky folks will soon own Sportsheets Door Jam Cuffs!

The door jam cuffs are designed to be place over any closed door. The straps are thin enough, and you wind up using the pressure between the door and jam to hold them in place. The two cuffs then wrap around your wrists, and you can has sex or endure whatever flavor of torture is up your alley in a standing position.

Alternatively, you could place them under the door so someone who is sitting or lying on the ground  is cuffed.

When you’re finished, simply open the door and remove the cuffs. There’s no permanent installation required, and storage is easy. The included cuffs use Velcro to secure, like the under the bed restraints. But you could swap them out with sturdier and more secure cuffs if you’d prefer.

If this sounds like something you’d like to try, you’re in luck. Sign in to the Gleam form below to get your free entry, then complete other entries and give my sponsor some love. Stop by every day to do things like tweet to increase your chance s of winning.

Good luck!

Sportsheets Door Jam Cuffs Giveaway

Ends September 2nd.

Winner must live in one of these countries.

I received no compensation for this post. Affiliate links will earn me a small commission when you make a purchase.

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Unfortunately, not everyone is blessed with leather or metalworking skills to customize their leather goods. Purchasing these personal accessories generally means taking whatever happens to be in vogue or available, new or used, even if those items don’t necessarily reflect their personal style.

Fortunately, there are other options when it comes to custom leather gear. Many people want personalized gear that they have personally designed.  Traditionally, craftspeople often accepted custom orders like this, but costs can be prohibitive and quality varies widely among merchants. Refunds or replacements are often hard to obtain from craft fair merchants, leaving customers wondering where quality merchandise can be found, if ever.

Merchants specializing in custom orders and guaranteeing professional quality do exist, however. Designing your own restraints using a company like thecollarshop.com gives you the freedom to choose exactly what you want. For example, you can choose from several different widths, colors, materials, linings, decorations and so on for your leather gear. Professional artisans produce exactly what you request and ship it directly to you discreetly.

The company produces a variety of leather goods, including collars, cuffs, leashes and belts. They also offer advice on the various types of items you may need and the appropriate settings for them if you’re new to bondage. The company has beautiful stock accessories for customers not looking for custom work at the moment. Stock pieces make great gifts for your special friend(s).

This post brought to you by a partner with Of Sex and Love who wants to provide you customized yet affordable bondage gear!

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