Without further ado..

Listen

Actress Jameela Jamil hosts two episodes of a podcast called The New Age of Consent wherein she discusses the nuances of consent. It’s pretty quick and features some awesome guests.

I’ve spent much of the last week binging Watts Your Safeword. I recently caught an episode of Sexplanations featuring co-host Amp, and while I just do not enjoy Dr. Lindsey as a host, I knew I had to get some more of Amp. Watts Your Safeword is relatively new, so there aren’t that many posts. Amp is joined on air with his daddy Mr. Kristofer, and the two discuss their work in porn as well as kink, among other topics. It’s been a while since I listened to a podcast simply because I enjoy the banter, but I do with this one. Amp is nerdy and punny, and I often find myself laughing at his antics. Several of the episodes have been kinky versions of games, including Kinky Shark Tank. They also tackle more serious and thoughtful topics, but there’s always a joke or pun to be found. I see that a new episode has been posted since I finished the archive, so I need to catch up!

Sunny takes on the issue of COVID-19 in this episode of American Sex featuring Kate Loree. I especially appreciate the comments about the things we all can do to improve our state of minds when the world is in its current state.

Read

I’m going to recommend a few non-sexy books this month. The last couple that I read about sex fell a bit flat for me.

First up is If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?: My Adventures in the Art and Science of Relating and Communicating by Alan Alda. The title is ridiculously long, but the book is not, and I particularly enjoyed hearing Alda narrate his own book. He has such a great voice for it! His ideas really made me think about communication and especially empathy, and I gained so much respect for how he interacts with others.

Samantha Allen’s Real Queer America: LGBT Stories from Red States is a multi-stop road trip to some of the cities that offered the most formative experiences in the former Mormon’s life. Again, I listened to this one and Allen read her own words. Her voice was so vulnerable at times as she spoke about the changing landscape for queer and trans people like herself, even in some traditionally-conservative locations. It simultaneously gave me pause and hope.

Finally, For Small Creatures Such as We: Rituals for Finding Meaning in Our Unlikely World is the new book from Sasha Sagan, daughter of carl. I haven’t finished it, but it’s so incredibly smart and makes me feel connected to a world that’s larger than I am. Like Sasha, I am not religious, but she has thought more conscientiously about the meaning of ritual in our lives. I think many of us could benefit from doing the same, and I cannot complain about feeling closer to Carl through his daughter’s words.

Watch

I also don’t have any videos related to sex to watch

I forgot about this adorable animated documentary about the clitoris. It’s in French, but there are subtitles!

A couple other things struck me this month:

Are y’all familiar with PlutoTV? It’s apparently not new, but I’ve only heard of it in the last couple weeks. Oddly, it was mentioned in several places. I’ve been using it to watch Leverage, which I recommend but like slightly less than I did when it first aired.

This video that illustrates the capabilities of deep fakes just blows my mind.

Mark Rober, who you might know for his exploding package video, demonstrates how germs spread in a more recent video. It’s a good reminder in the time of COVID-19.

DJ Tom Nash discusses adaptability and self-importance among other important ideas in a TED talk that’s less than 10 minutes along and is funny.

So, folks, I clearly need to read and watch more sexy content. Got any recommendations for me? Sound off in the comments!

The post March 2020 Media Recommendations appeared first on of Sex and Love.

Good Sexual Citizenship: How to Create a (Sexually) Safer World
$17.95 from Amazon

Although I do not generally list the chapters in every book review that I write, I think it’s important to so to explain how Good Sexual Citizenship strives to create a “sexually safer world.”

1. The Bases for Our Biases
2. Standing Up for Sex
3. Consent – (I Promise) It’s Not That Complicated
4. Little Kids, Big Questions
5. The Teen Sex Situation
6. Getting to Good Sexual Citizenship

Whu do I list these? Because I consistently struggled to understand the overall structure that the author, Ellen Friedrichs, was aiming for. I am not sure if it’s the examples the author uses to introduce each chapter that makes them feel so disjointed rather than work in congress, but it’s so distracting. I don’t want to be stuck on the author’s organizational choices over her words, especially when I agree with what she has to say.

This begins with the first chapter, which delves into sexism. Honestly? I understand why discussing sex (and gender) and sexism is a sensical place to start when it comes to discussing the issue of a safer sexual world, but others may not. Some people may be on the word but haven’t fully formed their thoughts on the subject. It seems a bit presumptuous to me that the reader should have to already know this. At the very least, it could be overwhelming to the reader. There is room to make the argument and it may be necessary to do so that we cannot start a book without first examining gender. Perhaps the author things the entire first chapter accomplishes this, but it would not hurt for the point to be more explicitly, either in the introduction or at the start of the chapter itself.

As Friedrich moves into a history of sex culture and education (and the lack thereof), she paints the bigger picture of how we got to where we are. including casual sex and hookup culture, and what’s wrong with that if you want to build a sex-positive society. I suspect this is where many people would expect the book to begin. From there, it makes more sense to move onto the topic of consent, which includes discussion of how it plays out in college hookups and established relationships as well as how we define sexual assault, in the next chapter. Framing consent as a simple but essential solution to sexual assault is so important. The questions Ellen asks readers to consider about consent at the end of the chapter are especially poignant.

But the segue to teaching children about sex is almost nonexistent. It would be so easy to explain that if we teach children about sexuality and consent from a young age, providing them with age-appropriate information so that we can impress upon them the importance of consent. The chapter that follows, on teenaged sexuality, is the clearest transition in the book.

Her final chapter does reiterate why we are where we are as a society and ties together how all the misinformation or simply lack of education has contributed to that in a way that makes the preceding chapters make more sense. I just wish there was more of a common thread throughout the pages.

With that said, each chapter in this book relies on research, which is referenced throughout the book and listed in the notes, to make points that I do often agree with. And as readers move through those chapters, there are asides that help to challenge the unhealthy, harmful, and sex-negative messages we may have absorbed from living in a society that has created such a dangerous culture around sex. Each chapter also ends with a worksheet containing questions to gauge the reader’s knowledge, opinion, and comfort with the topics discussed in the chapter that encourage the reader to consider the topics on a personal level and rethink the ways they navigate sexuality.

As Ellen Friedrich makes her points and educates the reader to dispels myths, she makes sure to include LGBTQ+ members and to point out how sexism and these ideas about sex hurt men as well. However, she’s careful to point out how these limited narratives depict sex and gender at the same and a binary and how sexism against women has allowed the current sexual culture to proliferate.

The author also takes the time to point out the actions people can actually take not just to change their own minds but to impact sexuality in society from their interactions with other people on a daily basis to how they vote. Good Sexual Citizenship doesn’t just describe a problem without offering solutions. It didn’t leave me feeling hopeless as it very well could have. At points, the advice might have been a little superficial, but the reader is given enough information that they can seek out other resources, which they will have to do on their own because aside from references used, Friedrich doesn’t list any resources that her readers may want to read in addition to her book.

One thing that I found was interesting was that Friedrichs initially uses a couple of footnotes to define terminology with which the reader may not be familiar. I mean literally two in the introduction, and then she never does this again in the book. It’s confusing. But there were also places where I thought that those definitions would be incredibly useful to a reader who has maybe never heard a term before or isn’t quite sure what it means. “Slut-shaming” is a good example; yet, the author quickly seemed to forget about using definitions or decided that the only two terms that would benefit from them were in the beginning of the book.

Although there are many points with which I agree in Good Sexual Citizenship, and I’d like to see them made more often and vocally, I still felt that the book lacked an overall narrative to help the reader progress from one chapter or point to the next. Although I could draw some conclusions because the content was familiar to me, this might not be the case for others. The reader shouldn’t have to make assumptions or have a ton of prior knowledge to understand the overall argument made by a book. That’s the point of the book.

I wonder if the imperfection of Good Sexual Citizenship would leave others frustrated or cause them to set it aside, perhaps before they even pick it up, rather than just leaving them confused like I was. However, I still recommend this book, perhaps just as a starting point. And it’s not only that there are some weak points in Good Sexual Citizenships, it’s just that no one book or source can provide all the information we need to truly become good sexual citizens. As long as the reader understands this and that the onus is on each of us to create a sexually healthy world after reading the last page, I think this book will ultimately be helpful.

The post Good Sexual Citizenship appeared first on of Sex and Love.

Watch

You might be familiar with Dr. Mintz’s book Become Cliterate, which I reviewed. Dr. Mintz recently gave a TEDx talked about the orgasm gap based on the same research she used on her book.

Listen

The last two months have been full of amazing podcasts, some of which were new to me.

Sold in America is an eight-part series about sex work by journalist and activist Noor Tagouri. It’s incredibly provocative and powerful.

On a related note is the recent Sex Out Loud episode featuring Audacia Ray. Tristan talks to Audacia about the movement to decriminalize sex work.

An email came across my screen about Something Positive for Positive People by Courtney Brame. Not only is he a POC, but he’s tackling the stigma and stress surrounding herpes and other diagnoses. Courtney is humble and vulnerable, perhaps never more so than in the episode “You Are Necessary.”

Stuff Your Mom Never Told You’s two-part series about bisexuality hit me hard. The ladies tackle misconceptions, bisexual erasure, and the confusion that can be involved.

I’m so glad I waited to pot this until after I took my walk. The most recent American Sex episode features sex researcher Nicole Prause, and I was amazed by what I didn’t know.  We’re just getting started folks!

Read

Good Sexual Citizenship: How to Create a (Sexually) Safer World will release next month, and I received a preview copy from Cleis Press. It’s definitely left-leaning but tackles issues of consent and sex education that are sorely lacking.

I’m also waiting for a copy of A Queer History of the United States to come back around. I recently finished the original A People’s History.. by Howard Zinn who admits, ina post-script, how he overlooked queer history. This book fills in the blanks and is a bit more enjoyable to read – plus, a lot shorter!

The post July & August Media Recommendations appeared first on of Sex and Love.

Listen

Feminist podcast The Waves discussed the current state of sex education in the U.S and whether schools is where people should get all their sex ed.

I think I’ve listened to Speaking of Sex before, but I recently came across it again and quickly consumed three or four episodes. They’re in the middle of a series about stress and sex that include an episode with Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are, who has a new book about burning out.

In the most recent episode of Science Vs, Wendy discusses whether the fertility cliff for women is real, if men might experience one as well, and what in the world is happening with sperm.

I wouldn’t have started listening to Outward if it wasn’t broadcast on The Waves channel, but I find that I enjoy it. In a recent episode about the gay scene, the hosts discuss how the scene looks different in various locales. While that was interesting, I especially enjoyed the segment with Shirley Chan about bi culture — what is it, does it exist, and how does it look? Examining bi culture and identities also hits home for me. It’s been difficult for me to identify with the larger queer community when parts of hetero culture still apply to me. Plus, they discuss democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg and whether his being gay should matter to votes when it doesn’t seem to matter to him. 

Watch

It seems as though queer issues and sexuality are gaining more traction in mainstream media, so some of my recommendations this month fall under that purview.

Netflix has a new series called Bonding about a couple of friends who work in a BDSM dungeon. I’m only a few episodes in, and it’s a bit silly but enjoyable.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed Good Girls (NBC) since it debuted. Christina Hendricks and Retta nail it. In a recent episode, one of the characters has come out as trans.

While The Bold Type is sometimes white feminism at its worst, the newest season shows Jane taking charge of her reproductive future by freezing her eggs. She’s currently dating someone, and the show has handled it well. It’s compassionate, real, and touching.

Two therapists discuss consent in BDSM in this short video. Somehow they manage to address what people can learn about how the kink community handles consent, knowing yourself before you can ask what you want, and more in just a few minutes!

Read

I haven’t started a new book about sex since I finished Tongue Tied (check out my review). Still, I enjoyed a few pieces online and parts of other books that touched on sex.

I’ve been reading Human Errors by Nathaniel Lents. The author walks readers through all the quirks of the human body as a result of evolution and sometimes random flukes. Although it’s not all about sex, a chapter that discusses the intricacies of reproduction and fertility are fascinating and timely for this post.

Editor, writer and more Rachel Kramer Bussel wrote a piece called “I Suddenly Stopped Being Kinky and I’m Not Sure Why” for Self last month. It was honest and interesting. This piece complements her interview on Sex Out Loud quite well. In the podcast, Rachel and Tristan discuss when kink is something we do versus who we are.

Let me know what you think of this media. Do you have some recommendations of your own? I feel like there’s a lot of new shows and movies that are queer-oriented that I hear about but then forget. Feel free to let me know if you’ve got a favorite.

The post April 2019 Media Recommendations appeared first on of Sex and Love.

After attending a con that advertised “Costumes are not consent,” I was particularly struck by “16 ways to talk about consent.” Here’s slightly-more-than-half of those ways:

1. “I like when you…”
2. “How does this feel?”
3. “Do you want to…?”
4. “Show me what you like.”
5. “Do you want to go further?”
6. “Do you want to stop?”
7. “Can I…?”
8. “Does this feel good?”
9. “Are you comfortable?”

I was a little confused by this article, in which the author discusses whether masturbation is healthy. The answer is, of course: duh!

I love the image that goes with this discussion on XOJane. Stop by and tell them what your favorite sex toy is.

You can win a Lelo Lyla 2 from Pleasure By Hush.

There’s also a review for the Stronic Zwei over on Bi Likes SciFi.

Finally, if you shell out $165, you’ll get this gorgeous dildo:

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