I know I might sound paranoid, but I can’t recommend most toys and goodies available on Amazon in good faith, no matter how easy it is to order.

There are several good reasons to avoid buying sex toys from Amazon:

• It might be counterfeit (images + info may be stolen from real products)
• They might send you a used toy
• Important material and safety information might not be available or may be purposely misleading (who knows if it’s really body-safe silicone?)
• Products might not be safe for beginners

All of these things become even more important because I’m positive that many people head to Amazon without reading blogs about sex toys like SayOh or mine, which can help them find the best product for them and use it safely. This means shoppers lack the necessary information to make a smart purchase, let alone use a toy safely. I cannot tell you how many product listings and reviews I’ve seen that don’t offer the proper warnings! For example, anyone selling or discussing anal toys should make it clear how important a flared base or handle that is significantly larger than the neck of the toy is.

But product listings sometimes outright lie. They may say silicone, which is a fantastic material for sex toys and lube, but what you get might be porous. Even if you know what you’re looking for, ensuring you get it on Amazon is easier said than done.

All of this is complicated by the fact that Amazon is a seller and a marketplace. Sellers (also known as vendors) can list products on Amazon and either ship them directly or have Amazon handle the shipping. Sometimes, a brand sells its own products on Amazon. Other times, vendors are simply stores that sell products by other brands.

But it’s even more complicated than that. Many brands use the same manufacturers to make products and simply slap their names on the packaging even though the products are identical. These products may be decent, and they may be crap. If it’s an unknown brand, I worry about the latter. You could be happy with the product, you might feel like your money was wasted, you may need to fix an item before you use it, or you may regret your purchase and the harm it caused deeply with no recourse.

It’s also harder to tell who is selling something and where it’s coming from than it once was. When performing a search, you can select sellers (although I doubt most people do). Even if you do use that, many dropship vendors have seemingly random names like those to the right. When they violate Amazon’s terms, they just sign up with new random names with no real consequences.

The seller and shipper may impact the protections you have as a shopper. Consider the following examples of a toy sold and shipped by a vendor, a toy sold by a third-party vendor and shipped by Amazon, and a product sold and shipped by Amazon. You might feel better with third parties because they offer returns if something doesn’t work, but that also means they might send you previously used toys!

A product is more likely to come from an Amazon vendor if it has one of those string-of-text names that try to cram in as many keywords as possible (see below). Typoes are optional.

In the example above, “Mononii” is the brand, and clicking the link will take you to the “Monomii store” and show products from multiple vendors. Because vendors are terrible about tagging their products correctly (perhaps on purpose?), these brand store pages can be frustrating and may show only a fraction of products or show a bunch of products that aren’t made by the brand. Doing so for Fetish Fantasy only brings up one product by the brand even though vendors sell various Fetish Fantasy products. What gives?

That’s not the only issue with shopping on Amazon, either.

Why Amazon Reviews Suck Now

I also have a particular beef with Amazon reviews, which have become almost useless across the board. The reviews might be misleading because of highjacking or they were purchased. Amazon no longer posts every review, so it may withhold negative reviews to increase sales. It’s why so many products have 4+ star ratings. Average ratings used to cover the whole range, making them more useful.

I’ve used hundreds of toys and very few are 5-star toys, yet Amazon ratings suggest all these brandless products are perfect?! I don’t think so!

A good piece of advice is to ignore 5-star reviews and compare 4-star reviews to 1-star reviews. This gives you a better idea of how a product really performs. Of course, vague 4-star reviews and 1-star reviews complaining about shipping aren’t really helpful. I often find that the average consumer isn’t a great reviewer. But you can often find someone who writes a good enough review with preferences similar to yours to be helpful.

Where does that leave us?

Sex Toys You Shouldn’t Buy on Amazon

Most of these concerns apply to any product, but it’s especially concerning with something you might put in your body!

This includes essentially anything you insert or has the potential to break skin:

• Dildos
• Vibrators
• Anal toys
• Kegel exercisers
• Lube
• Ball gags
• Needles
• Blades
• Urethral sounds

I would also add supplements to this list.

No one wants a used dildo showing up at their doorstep. Given how Amazon often skips putting things in boxes, discretion may also be a concern.

You don’t want your vibrator to stop working. Nor would you be happy with an infection, allergic reaction, or injury from trying to enjoy yourself in the bedroom. A trip to the emergency room would be even worse. All of this might be possible if you buy a product that’s intentionally mislabeled or simply lacks the right information.

And if you’ve ever read a review about something starting a fire or electrocuting the user, you understand why you need to be a savvy shopper,

When It’s Okay to Buy Sex Toys on Amazon

Does this mean you should never buy sex toys from Amazon? Not necessarily. Some products pose fewer risks than others. If there are helpful reviews of the product and vendor and if you can’t find a similar product elsewhere, you may have to bite the bullet, even if it doesn’t vibrate.

Look for established brand names (random names show up for brands that only exist on Amazon, too). Stick to products that have multiple actual photos, including those with packaging. Otherwise, something might show up at your door in a plastic bag with no additional information.

Do research about product safety outside of Amazon. You might even find that Amazon isn’t the cheapest option! I frequently update my sales page, so you can save money on sex toys.

That’s the difference between sex toy stores like Shevibe, Lovehoney, or Babeland, Stockroom, that vet their products and Amazon, where it can be difficult to know who made something. Sex toy retailers often carefully tag products for brand, features, and material, you can filter your searches based on that information.

On top of that, Amazon doesn’t need your money or care about you. Our favorite stores and makers appreciate our patronage and show care in the products they carry, how they market them, and their customer service. When has the same ever been true for Amazon?!

The post Don’t Buy Sex Toys From Amazon appeared first on of Sex and Love.

As a lifelong leftie, I’ve struggled to use scissors and pens that cause pain (and don’t even get me started on how being short makes it all that much worse!). And while I can now buy (often for a higher price) counterparts that promise not to hurt my hand, but there’s still one area without any consideration for handedness: sex toys.

For the most part, no sex toys are handed, unless of course, you count those finger vibrators. Their controls are typically centered along the handle or base (unless they’re even more ridiculously inaccessible), which I do not find particularly intuitive, especially when it comes to changing settings in use because I cannot see them and sometimes can’t even reach them. No one loves having to stop using a toy just to turn up the vibrations! Yet, companies have failed to produce vibrators and other powered sex toys that truly reflect the fact that, most of the time during use, our hands are not neatly grasping the base of the toy. Instead, they point down, come from an angle, or are upside down–or all three.

What makes this even more frustrating is that the answer is right there: thumbs! Most of us have two that aren’t entirely occupied by holding a toy and are in a better position to access the controls than our other fingers. However, those centered buttons at a toy’s base aren’t quite what we need to make vibrators more user-friendly or, perhaps, ergonomic. Companies really need to go back to square one when it comes to positioning their controls.

Don’t get me wrong, some companies have tried other things. JeJoue Mimi and Mimi Soft have buttons on the butt of the toy, and the now defunct We-Vibe Wish did something similar (see also: the Scoop). But being able to do that with clit stimulators doesn’t help with insertable toys, which may be long enough that we can’t reach controls on the very base of the toy, let alone do so with enough dexterity to use them how we want.

MysteryVibe was thinking outside of the box with their Crescendo, and I don’t mean just because of the bendable shaft. They placed two buttons on each side of the shaft to make it easier to power on and off and move through settings. If you’re righthanded, your thumb will press the button I would press while holding it with my index and vice versa, but it’s a step in the right direction.

Similarly, if you can get over (or if you enjoy) the bulky, body-fluid-grabbing faux gems on Jopen’s Pavé Grace, the button placement is probably the best I’ve ever seen on a clit stimulator. It’s so intuitive and natural that as soon as I used it, I wondered what the hell we’d been doing to this point, especially because all of my mobile devices have similarly placed volume buttons–not to mention my TV remote. I’m not sure how much that challenged design and production, but I sure as hell appreciate the step we’ve taken toward an ergonomic vibrator.

We just need to close our eyes and take a giant leap that involves saying a permanent “Goodbye” to those centered buttons on the top or base of a powered sex toy.

But that introduces a slight problem of handedness. The folks at Cal Exotics opted to put the buttons on Grace’s left side so that righthanded folks could easily access them with their thumb. I’ve got slightly less-than-ideal access with my index finger as a leftie. It’s usable but not flawless. Of course, it makes sense to opt for that button placement as righthanded folks make up the vast majority of the population, and it’s already such an improvement over most controls I really shouldn’t be complaining.

But that doesn’t mean that there isn’t something in my little heart that wants a lefthanded sex toy with perfectly placed buttons where my thumb can reach them for uninterrupted stimulation. It’s not realistic for companies to make two variations of every vibrator, nor do I suspect that putting buttons on opposite sides of a toy would be a practical and affordable solution. But I can dream, can’t I?

I don’t think it’s a complete pipedream that sex toy makers might focus on comfort to elevate their products and brands, but maybe I should pester Roku into making a vibrator in the meantime.

The post It’s 2024, Why Do Sex Toy Controls Still Suck? appeared first on of Sex and Love.

But my relationship with shopping has changed. I’m not immune to retail therapy or window shopping, even if I’m more reserved about my purchases. It’s just difficult not to feel disenchanted with capitalism and all it entails. The expectations that we must constantly be productive and achieve a certain amount of wealth (and then appropriately display that wealth) can easily make a person feel not good enough. Perhaps more importantly, failure to do so can mean you can’t put a roof over your head or food on the table, so you’re struggling with practical concerns, all the while your self-esteem takes a hit.

The sex toy industry isn’t an exception to this, and I think the decades companies spent making toys from dangerous materials and the return to such sketchy practices in the Amazon era are proof of that. But lately, I’ve been pondering what seems, to me, to be a particularly pernicious example of capitalism in our nightstands. Over time, I became aware of all the ways women became advertising targets by those in the sexual sphere.

Pharmaceutical companies struggled to find the “female Viagra” for years because of the potential for profit. And after all that, we have a couple of medications for female sexual dysfunction that are no better than placebos and certainly fail to make a real difference in the way mindfulness or, you know, caring about and talking to your partner makes in a person’s sex life. But who wouldn’t want to try a quick-fix medication when they’re experiencing sexual difficulties, especially with the current state of sex education pretty much guaranteeing they haven’t learned about the alternatives?

It’s not just about pharmaceuticals, either. Lumping sex tech into femtech suggests new opportunities for women to live more authentically or succeed professionally. And it’s true that women have traditionally been sparse in the tech industry, so this signifies a change in the people designing products and solutions for previously-overlooked wants or needs because the men who were in charge failed to consider,.
IKa demographic that did not include them. Yet it leaves a bad taste in my mouth when I realize how we’re being sold these things as necessities and not just luxuries that might improve life. If you do not buy lube, medications, or sex toys, you have somehow failed as a sexual woman or perhaps a feminist. The idea should be ludicrous, but somehow it’s not.

Even if I understand this intellectually, it’s not like the marketing hasn’t impacted me. Boy howdy, have those marketers succeeded! I remember balking at the premise of the book Sex, Lies, and Pharmaceuticals when I first discovered it, mostly because it seemed as though the authors were suggesting that women didn’t deserve the focus of pharmaceutical companies. Did the authors hate women or feminism?! Why didn’t they want us to enjoy our sexuality? It took me literal years to really absorb the fact that it was the way this search has been handled, which represents a terrible convergence of capitalism and misogyny, that was really under fire. It’s fine when these options are available; the problem is when we’re made to feel bad about ourselves or like every issue requires a store-bought solution.

What frustrates me the most is that, as a blogger, reviewer, and writer, I have benefited–no, profited–under this system. Really, you have to play ball if you want to pay the bills. There’s no practical way for most people to shed the shackles of this capitalistic hellscape. But the system is set up so that individuals feel guilty while unscrupulous companies with CEOs worth millions of dollars remain unscathed. It’s reminiscent of how the responsibility to recycle has been foisted upon the average person, even though we stand zero chance of turning the tide and stemming climate change when companies are wreaking havoc on the environment.

Really, it’s kind of a (evil) genius move on the part of these companies. Shifting the blame to us consumers encourages us to blame others who we don’t think are doing enough and keeps up divided and ineffective. Very little changes. Someone, somewhere, realized the power of co-opting movements and tying how we feel about ourselves to our habits as consumers. It’s not entirely different from rainbow-washing, which we are currently immersed in this Pride month, or pinkwashing every October.

How do we reconcile our ideals with the world we live in? Maybe, at the end of the day, all I can do is find little ways to enjoy being alive, whether that means engaging in retail therapy or using a luxury sex toy. Maybe I need to give myself a break because. I can only do so much and I can’t achieve anything other than making myself miserable because I cannot abstain from capitalism. Instead of beating myself up, I would do better to direct my attention and energy to the causes I believe in, like helping people have more satisfying sex, no matter what that means for them (and even if it means suggesting some products to assist). Occasionally, I may even be able to step up and help those people who suffer even more under this system.

The post The Conflict of Capitalism and Co-option of Feminism appeared first on of Sex and Love.

If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you may have seen me mention How to Build a Sex Room, a recent reality TV from Netflix that isn’t terrible. It features designer Melanie Rose, who transforms a room or area of her client’s homes/property into “sex rooms.” It’s fun, silly, sex-positive, and inclusive (there are queer, kinky, and poly clients) show that I binged in one sitting. It’s sexy plus the allure of renovation TV. While Melanie introduces sex toys and BDSM gear to her clients, the audience also gets a chance to learn about devices they may not be familiar with, and there are discussions of intimacy and consent along the way.

As someone who does know a fair bit about sex and BDSM goodies, I recognized some of the specific pieces on the show immediately. If I had taken a shot every time I recognized something, I’d still be drunk several days later. Ha! While I couldn’t recognize every possible piece, all of them fell into categories that I was familiar with, so I feel comfortable making recommendations to anyone interested in the goodies they saw on screen, even if the camera/Mel didn’t focus on or specifically mention the item. 

I won’t name every item, so if there’s something you’d interested in that I don’t talk about, please leave a comment or hit me up on Twitter. I’ll be happy to set you off in the right direction and may even update this post based on your curiosity!

Where to Shop for Your Sex Room

The short answer? Everywhere!

Melanie mentions custom-making sex furniture for her clients. We also see her stopping by the local sex toy and hardware store for goodies, and I’ve purchased kinky accessories from hardware departments in the past. Many kinksters have gotten similarly creative, and I love how Netflix showed this aspect of Mel’s shopping. The viewer can also see that Mel hit up many furniture and home goods stores/makers, and while I won’t focus on those products in this post, the decor elements were just as important for creating sensual spaces for the couples and clients featured on the show.

Of course, you can buy many products from a single retailer if you prefer the convenience and aren’t trying to duplicate the rooms designed by Mel or create a fully customized room for yourself. If that sounds more up your alley, I’d like to recommend Stockroom as your one-stop shop. You’ll find versions of the sex toys and BDSM gear on their site, including some of the harder-to-find kink pieces and furniture. Keep in mind that some of the specialty goodies will cost thousands of dollars. 

I also cannot recommend some of the makers on Etsy for goods such as floggers, crops, paddles, and blindfolds made from leather or suede. You’ll also find rope dyed all sorts of gorgeous colors there. No affiliate links because those commissions cut into the artists’ profits. But if you want to customize your gear or buy matching sets, I definitely recommend supporting artists like these and will include some links to specific products in this post.

Items Commonly Featured in ‘How to Build a Sex Room’

Melanie incorporates several items into multiple rooms on the show, and for good reason. Instead of making you scroll through this entire post to find those goodies. I will mention them right away. How kind of me!

Sex Chaise

Hannah and Wesley with the tantric chaise

One item that came up multiple times was the sex chaise/lounge. Not everyone has room in their home or budget for such a piece, but the show did a great job depicting its various uses. While I never caught which brand made the chaise for the show, the Liberator Esse immediately came to mind. The piece comes in 11 different colors and thanks to the curvy shape, you can comfortably enjoy penetrative sex in any orifice.

Melanie focused on woman-on-top positions in the show, but you could easily lie back against the lower end of the chair so your partner can penetrate you while standing (or kneeling) or kneel to perform oral sex. Liberator includes the Scoop and Headrest pillows with the Essa, giving you even more options. If you find the height isn’t quite right, you can boost it with the Flip Stage.

Cleanup is also a breeze because you can remove the cover to wash it. I’d also like to feature the Black Label Esse, which includes bondage connection points for cuffs. It’s the same design, just with an upgraded cover, so you could buy an Esse and the conversion kit if you want the bondage connections and the more discreet cover. Liberator also sells cuffs that are compatible with the side-release buckle (similar to work belts or some pet collars), but you may be able to purchase cuffs from other companies if they use connectors of the same size.

St. Andrew’s Cross

Mel gifted multiple clients with a St. Andrew’s Cross for endless bondage possibilities

As Melanie explains to her clients, Saint Andrew was crucified on an X-shape cross, and this shape works incredibly well for bondage. You can truss someone up, either facing you or away. This makes it the perfect frame for impact play (flogging, paddling, caning, etc.). I also recommend trying it with a blindfold or gag.

You could build your own St. Andrew’s Cross if you’re handy. You need the base (unless you secure it directly to studs in your wall or your bedframe as some people do), beams to create the X shape, and screw eyes to make connections for the wrists and ankles. Sand and treat it to prevent splinters (kink is about wanted pain, after all!), and you’re set. Dungeon Delights sells a hardware kit, so you only need to source the wood. You could add paint and padding to make it more chic and comfy, but that’s not necessary.

Keep in mind that most designs are angled slightly backward, which allows the bound person to rest on them more comfortably. Generally, the person keeps themselves upright, not the furniture.

For the rest of us, Stockroom sells this one. I like the connectors at different heights. It allows you to tie up your partner as their waist or thighs (thigh cuffs, anyone?), and you could easily connect rope bondage to the frame. As someone who’s short, I also appreciate the mid-height connectors on the top half of the cross.

For something a bit more affordable and for fans of wood over metal, Etsy has plenty of gorgeous and creative options, some of which you can customize. A few highlights:

• A star
• A collapsible cross
• This unique design
• 24-point bondage frame

Pure Plug

The stainless steel butt plug Mel showed several clients is one of the Pure Plugs by nJoy. Folks universally love these gleaming toys for your bootie. You can purchase them in small, medium, and large, depending on your preferences. You can also buy the updated Pure Plug 2.0.

As several people mentioned, a stainless steel plug is quite heavy. Glass and silicone will be lighter and cheaper.

Bondage Rope

Mel left her clients plenty of rope

There were very few rooms where Melanie didn’t leave a skein of rope, often in multiple colors. Companies such as Agreeable Agony and Twisted Monk make rope specifically for BDSM, offering limited-time colors and sets like AA’s Pride collection. Many sex toy companies have gotten in on the rope game, although they don’t offer the wide array of colors.

However, if you want to save some money, practice tying on cheaper rope, or simply don’t care what your rope looks like, your local hardware store has you covered. In fact, hardware rope will often advertise its load rating, so you have an idea of its strength.

I won’t go into the details of rope too much, but most rope is either 6MM (1/4″) or 8MM (5/16″). Generally, wider rope is more comfortable because it’s spread out across a larger area. BDSM rope is often sold in 30-foot coils and frequently cut into 10-foot and 15-foot lengths for smaller ties. If you plan to do any harnesses on plus-size folks, I recommended increasing the length of your rope, but you can also tie together multiple lengths of rope.

Rope comes in natural (cotton, hemp, linen, jute, sisal. silk, bamboo) and synthetic (nylon. MFP. polypropylene, polyester) materials. While natural fibers are often weaker and have more give, making them less ideal for suspension, they usually have better grip. Cotton and linen are easily washed. Synthetic rope requires little care and its strength and durability are preferable for suspension. However, you have to be careful about it slipping or rope burn.

Impact Play

Mel eagerly shows most of her clients a flogger and riding crop. While the flogger appears fairly standard with a wrapped handle like this one. I’ll mention some of the specific floggers in the appropriate sections. But if you’re not looking for anything in particular, you’ll easily find plenty of leather (real and faux/vegan), silicone, suede, and rubber floggers, not to mention some more unique materials.

The crop might be the discontinued diamond handle crop by Sportsheets. Although I couldn’t find anything similar, I love the look of this cosmic crop if you want form and function. You might also consider this two-in-one heart crop and flogger.

Bondage Pillows

I love the harness pillows Melanie used for her kinkier clients. The aesthetic is just -chefs kiss-. I wasn’t sure if they were purely decorative or if she simply used the pillows to store actually harnesses. You could DIY the pillows if you want them for decor only, and Soft Bound Co on Etsy sells some harnessed pillows in different styles.

If you wanted to use actual bondage gear with a pillow that you could remove to use, I’d suggest starting with a leather hog tie and using chains, straps, or even another hog tie for the back of the pillow. Stockroom carries multiple color options. Not down with animal products? No problem! This vondage hog tie is made from vegan leather!

Decor pillows are often 16×16 inches, and you can easily find an insert and covers to switch up their appearance and fit the vibe of your room.

Items Featured in How to Build a Sex Room

Below you’ll find some of the items Melanie added to each person, couple, or group’s sex room. I’ve organized it by couple to make it easy to find specific products. Each section will contain some products explicitly highlighted by Melanie and some goodies that I caught but may not have been mentioned or featured for more than a second.

Taylor and Ayjay

Taylor and Ayjay enjoyed a spanking bench and St. Andrew’s Cross

The first couple on the show was interested in exploring kink, especially impact play. Mel showed she wasn’t shy about BDSM right out the door, and the crew had a fun time getting all the gear and supplies into a basement with no door access. 

Shaped a bit like a miniature picnic table, this spanking bench is similar to the one Mel picks in the show with a few additional bondage points and hooks to hang your tools.

I noticed a black and pink flogger with checkered handle in the finished room that I couldn’t help but drool over.

Another piece in the finished room was a gorgeous leather and chain harness.

Although she calls it a paddle, impact toys with multiple layers are technically slappers. Here’s one with three layers. The first makes contact, while there are two quick “aftershocks” as each of the other layers lands. A tawse has a similar effect.

When Mel takes Taylor and Ayjay to some folks who can teach them more about impact play, my attention was immediately drawn to the rainbow floggers on the table. Taylor later receives a flogging with them. The closest I can find is this rainbow flogger by Firebird Leather. However, Strict Leather has its own take on the rainbow flogger, as does Sportsheets.

The magnetic nipple clamps look a lot like these. Essentially, you pull the knobs out at the sides, place the ring around the nipple, and let the magnets attract through the nipple. With clamps like these, there’s not a lot of room for adjustment, so if they’re too tight or loose, you’re kind of stuck, but you can choose to place the crown, which offers stability that simply using two magnets lacks, with the prongs against the skin if you want.

Finally, I noticed a heart paddle against the wall. Paddles with unique shapes and cutouts can leave fun imprints on your skin.

Raj and Ryan

These under-the-bed restraints by Sportsheets are the exact ones I’ve had on my bed for over a decade. They’re fairly easy to put on, even if without help, and you can swap out other cuffs with the Velcro ones that are included. The company makes an even more affordable set in another line that I haven’t tried but received good reviews from others.

When Mel encourages the couple to talk dirty and brings them into their finished bedroom, they wear contoured blindfolds. Unlike the super cheap blindfolds, these are designed to blackout all light and be comfortable without creating pressure over the nose.

The item that Ryan mistakes for a genie’s lamp is likely the Womanizer Premium 2, which uses pulses of air to create a suction sensation around the clitoris.

As Mel shows the couple the bed, the camera pans over some pink bondage gear, including this kitty cat fetish mask.

I also assume that at least some of the candles strewn about the room are massage candles, which are made from super soft oil-based wax that melts at a low temperature and feel (and smell) heavenly as you rub it into your partner’s skin.

Hannah and Wesley

Hannah and Westley’s finished sex room

Two of the products featured in this episode were rope and the tantric chair, which I discussed above.

Besides that, Mel chose products in hues of red and pink, and I loved the pink leather cuffs she chose for Hannah and Wesley. While most cuffs are adjustable, some wrist cuffs may not fit those with larger wrists. Fortunately, you may be able to swap them out with ankle cuffs, which are designed for a thicker limb, to make it work.

I also recognized a heart crop, set of glass butt plugs, and what looked like a dragon tail whip.

Also, one of the main features of their space is the Barely There wallpaper by York Wallcoverings. It’s adhesive, so you just stick it on yourself.

Orlando and Matt

Orlando and Matt donned leather gear for a photoshoot

During the photo shoot, Orlando wears a leather chest harness, and Matthew dons a collar with O-rings. 

A Fun Factory Manta, a vibe for penises, sits on the table in the renovated room, while a beautiful braided flogger is strewn across the sofa.

Mel also hooks the guys up with a suspension bar, to which one person’s hands will be cuffed above their head. A similar tool was shown in the previous episode when Hannah and Wesley visited the domme who was whipping someone bound to a suspension bar.

Melanie ensures the couple will have plenty to try in their toy cabinet, which includes, among other things:

• studded paddle
• a type of nipple clamps known as tweezers
• multi pinwheel
• ball gag 
• fur tail plug
• bondage tape

Shenika and Matthew

Mel discovers a copy of Unleashing Her G-spot Orgasm in the couple’s room.

The “pulsating” rabbit from the sex shop is the Stronic Bi Fusion, which has a piston-like motion. She also shows them Wand’s rechargeable wand and a cock ring attachment. But I believe she actually gifts the couple the petite version.

The Family

From golden showers to cuddle puddles, Mel provided for this polycule

Lester and Soriya are quite familiar with kink, and they reveal a cage to Mel and the audience.

One of the things that Lester pulls out of the dresser is a metal collar, and while you can find all manner of them online, I do like this combination locking collar.

The polyfam is lucky enough to have a Sybian bestowed upon them. Sybian is the name brand of a type of fucking machine, and it’s a powerful, large, and expensive toy. It’s also not the only brand on the market. For example, the Cowgirl is a pretty contemporary design.

While the Sybian draws a lot of interest, the bondage chair in the same corner is also a beautiful piece of furniture.

The camera briefly focuses on clover/butterfly nipple clamps. I compared several styles of nipple clamps a few years ago, which you may find helpful when choosing for yourself.

The clamps also share the screen with njoy’s Pure Wand and Fun Wand, the former which is known to be an excellent G-spotter. Mel also adds an anal hook to the gleaming hardware.

Another of the kinky goodies that Melanie gives her clients is a neon wand. She does a good job or explaining the various attachments and general sensations to her contractor, Mike. Viewers will find the basic wand, kits, and add-on attachments in various styles.

But she could have explained electrosex a bit more. The neon wand is very mild compared to other forms of electrosex and not so intense that you really need to work up to it if you’re interested in it at all (check out my review for the Fetish Fantasy neon wand). Keep in mind that neon wands are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to kink. You can also experiment with electrokink insertables or even use your own body to give your partner a shock.

I’d also like to mention how much I love that Mel left her clients with leather conditioner to care for their bondage goodies.

Meaghan and Dave

In comparison to the poly family, Meaghan and Dave seem a bit tamer, so Mel focuses on giving them a space to connect romantically. However, she does introduce the pair to the idea of roleplay after learning that Meaghan enjoys wearing different wigs. Meaghan really seemed to transform upon putting on a striking wig and some fetish wear.

Bettie and Brody

Brody and Bettie’s room included plenty of bondage goodies

If you spotted the translucent confetti dildo, you can get your own. It’s perfect to wear with a leather harness like the one hanging on their wall.

One of the goodies Mel hands on the wall is a pink, star crop, which may actually come from a tack store.

Mel leaves an ultra-wide posture collar on a mannequin. These collars keep the neck straight and head up.

The rhinestone flogger that Mel includes matches the couple’s glitzy style, but if chains seem a bit intense, you can get a sparkly flogger made from vegan leather.

Although I can’t be sure, there appears to be a “strapless” strapon like the Share on the dressing room table.

Ouima and Jesse

Ouima and Jesse’s space includes a patterned pink collar with leash and what I assume are matching cuffs. They’re quite similar to this rose gold collar and leash (check out the cuffs, too).

The collar is actually on a form wearing a lace corset. It may very well be a legitimate corset with boning that is either custom-made for Ouima or at least measured in inches. However, corsets are more affordable and readily available if you opt for something mass-manufactured. This similar, lace corset is available in multiple colors and up to 7x. 

The lucky couple also receives several sets of pasties for Ouima to put on a show for her partner. The show focuses on tassled pasties, but there truly are plenty of options, including these fuzzy ones, and fun bows.

Tricia and Gary

This couple got an impressive bondage bed

After exhausting her bag of tricks, Mel shows the couple a strap-on harness that seems particularly strappy. It could be something like the Vanity harness, or this harness by Dominix.

When visiting Mistress Nicci, Gary’s bondage gear includes a blindfold with a strap across the front like the essential blindfold from Babeland. You can get a completely adjustable aviator blindfold, which is similar but allows you to move the eyepieces.

Tricia chooses a lace and PVC corset during this session. For something similar, you might try the Cottelli Wet Look and Lace Peek-a-Boo Merry Widow Bustier Set, but it’s only available in plus size. I also get the feeling that Tricia would enjoy the Exposed Lust Wet Look Open Cup Bustier Set, available in straight and plus sizes.

During the photo shoot, we see Tricia in separate caged pieces, which is similar to a body harness. I couldn’t track down the exact pieces. But if you’re okay with separates, Bijoux Indiscrets makes some nice harnesses (one size fits most), any of which you could pair with the Audaciously sexy garter (no plus sizes). Finally, this halter cage and cage garter cost a pretty penny, but the shining latex is seriously sexy, the zipper is a nice touch, and the color options are the cherry on top.

Mel definitely had a big budget to work with. A spanking horse or “pony chair” as she calls it, could cost $2500–quite a bit more than many spanking benches. It looks like Mel included a bit gag for the couple in the finished room.

Of course, custom pieces cost even more. For example, I found what would be the very scroll bed that Mel ordered for Tricia and Gary for just over $5,000. But it’s clearly well made and can stand up to activities other than sleep, something that the couple’s original bed failed to do. You’ll find plenty of beds that seem like they could work for bondage, but will suffer the same fate under the slightest pressure. Plus, I love the removable St. Andrew’s Cross (which we see against the wall), and it looks like Mel had them tone down the scrolls for the stockade at the end of the bed. But this bed could totally go unnoticed by non-kinksters.

Bondage beds don’t have to be made from metal. Many are wood, some of which have a more rustic appearance than what Mel chose for this couple.

Mel also outfits the room for a leather sex sling. But for those who don’t have the budget or hardware, you can achieve something similar with an over-the-door sling or a sling that isn’t made from leather.

The couple’s finished room includes a country chic antler chandelier, and you’ve got no shortage of options on Etsy. 

Heather and Sara

Heather and Sarah’s small space that required creativity

With Heather and Sara, so many of the pieces were custom to fit into their van, that you won’t find them anywhere. You don’t have to go the DIY route if you don’t want to, however. A sex swing is a great way to save space, and you could use either of the slings listed above. However, this sex swing is a bit more affordable, while a deluxe version might better match your aesthetic.

Mel gifts the duo with a crystal dildo.

When it comes to portable suspension, you’ll need some sort of frame. Tripod and quad frames are common, as are swingset style frames. The most affordable option might be a hammock stand, but the smaller design isn’t intended to fully support the weight of more than one person. Of course, this may not be a problem if one of you intends to stand or kneel. 

BDSM Architecture sells a suspension frame for a bit more, but you know it’s built for bondage activities. The most hardcore–and expensive–option I’d recommend for home use is this frame by Tetruss.

Pulse sex toy mount, which allows you to insert up to two toys. Then, you straddle the shape and rock, grind, or bounce your way to nirvana.

And if you want, you can experience sensation play with a pair of vampire gloves.

Lisa

Finally, Melanie helped Lisa see that sex toys could be useful for solo and partnered play. She left her client with a fully-stocked sex room that could be used for any occasion.

Did the sexy folded impact play toy catch your eye? If so, check out Daddy’s belt.

Fun Factory’s Stronic line consists of thrusting vibrators that are fun to use on your own or have someone use on you. 

This Black Rose Spanking Paddle is similar to one that Lisa will get to play with, thanks to Mel.

In the sex shop, the strange vibrator with the band around it is the Fun Factory Amorino.

You can get your hands on the Starsi sex toy. Lisa also admires a tie-dye dildo made from silicone. But there are so many patterns and designs to choose from when it comes to dildos, so I’ll name just a few:

• Sparkly
• Glow-in-the-dark
• Ombre
• Cloudy sky
• Color changing
• Galaxy
• Multicolored

Many have flared bases that also function as suction cups!

As the camera panned around the room, I recognized a number of items.

Elvie is a smart Kegel exerciser that can help those with incontinence due to age or childbirth.

A breathable gag is a good option for people who want to experiment with mouth bondage.

Miss Bi G5 Silicone Vibrator offers dual clitoral and vaginal stimulation.

If you’re not a fan of oral sex or simply want to spice it up, you could invest in some Intimate Organics Strawberry flavored lube.

Finally, a good lube is a must for more comfortable and healthy sex. It’s useful for people of all ages but may be necessary as aging and menopause change the vagina’s natural lubrication. For that, Mel left Lisa with a bottle of Aloe Cadabra. A water-based lube like this is compatible with all sex toys and condoms, too.

Phew! That was a lot to go through. And I haven’t even mentioned those items that I can’t believe Mel didn’t mention!

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Sex meets tech in this entertaining and informative book by Kate Devlin

The first book I’ll recommend is Revolting Prostitutes, which examines the different legal frameworks and how those affect sex workers. It also explains how sex workers’ rights are ultimately women’s rights. If you want to learn more about how legalizing or decriminalizing sex work plays out, this is the book for you!

While I wasn’t intending to review Screwed, it wound up being a fast read that I enjoyed as well as a compelling argument that looked into the ways that society fails women when it comes to sex.

I thought I knew a lot about the menstrual cycle, but Heavy Flow explained some things that weren’t quite clear and helped paint a picture of menstruation as part of the larger picture and a person’s life and not just compartmentalized, relegated to exist only for 4-7 days out of the month.

If you want to know the state of sex robots and contemplate what this means for you, then I cannot recommend Turned On enough. It’s witty and wise and truly enjoyable to read.

I only reviewed a few sex toys this year, and only one is worth recommending. The revamped Laya II is stronger than the first Laya II and allowed me to enjoy Fun Factory’s Laya line once more.

On the other hand, Vibease and its terrible audio erotica failed to please. And months later, I am still struggling to get Coochy Plus shaving cream out of the broken pump bottle it came in.

Interestingly, while I had a somewhat favorable opinion of Mimi Soft when I reviewed it at the beginning of the year, I actually forgot I even tried it. Oops!

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It’s 2019. We’ve reached the age of Back to the Future and Blade Runner. But if you take a look outside, it looks nothing like those dystopian movies have promised. And while we don’t know what the sex toys of the fictional future are supposed to look like, I can’t help but wonder if it would measure up. I know that I personally am a bit disappointed at how sex toys have failed to reach their potential by now.

Why?

I’m glad you asked.

Bluetooth Isn’t Body Compatible

As long as we rely on wireless technology that radiates through the air to connect devices, using them on and in our bodies is going to present a challenge. I’ve had Bluetooth toys that barely connected before I even inserted them let alone remaining connected while inside me, and I’m not holding my phone anywhere near 10 meters away from my vagina (the Bluetooth limit for most mobile devices). It’s enough to make me balk at the idea ever again, and yet, I find myself trying smart toys in hopes they won’t frustrate me.

And remote-controlled vibrators? They’re still ridiculously inconsistent. Every time some poor Redditor asks which remote-controlled vibe is the best because they’re too naive to realize that none of them deserves the title, I feel so bad for them. I shake my head and move along. Everyone has to make their own mistakes, learn their own lessons.

I Don’t Want to Use an App When I’m Fucking Myself — Or Anyone Else

I’ve said it before and I expect to have to reiterate: I don’t want to use an app with my vibrator. I don’t want my germ-covered phone in my lube-covered hand when I’m trying to get off. I don’t want to to have to unlock my phone when it becomes inactive because I was focusing on my clit.

But even if I wasn’t a germophobe, there are plenty of times when masturbating requires two hands. So how will I use the damn toy then?

God forbid the day when the only way you can use a vibrator is to with an app. The buttons will be removed, and I will have no use for the toy other than as a projectile.

Now, if anyone else wants to use an app-controlled toy on me, I might be inclined to let them… as long as the toy is functionally pleasurable. Of course…

Innovation Doesn’t Replace the Need for Quality Vibrations

Does a vibrator have a nice shape? Does it twist or bend into place? That’s great, but don’t forget about the main function: vibration. If a toy has barely-there vibrations or vibrations high-pitched enough that dogs would object (as would I!), there’s no reason for those innovative features. Because I’ll never use it.

Another high-priced paperweight? Sigh. If I must.

Imitation Might Be Flattery, But It’s Also Frustrating

Any time a sex toy manufacturer comes up with anything even remotely innovative, a slew of other companies follow suit, often with lower-priced or inferior products. I wouldn’t expect it any other way, and competition can certainly work for consumers. But when markets become flooded with all of these duplicates, I cannot help but wait for the ties to go back down to a point when I can see anything — anything — else when I log on to my favorite retailers or step into a sex toy store.

You know what I’m talking about. Dozens of companies copied Lelo’s early designs, including various toys for men, but even Lelo has resorted to duplicating the clitoral pulsation/suction toys that were all the rage last year.

Of course, I may sound ungrateful or hopelessly picky. I realize that there are people working incredibly hard behind the scenes, that innovation isn’t easy (otherwise, it would be much more commonplace), and that technology is tricky. Yet, I struggle to think of instances of technology or innovation that has won me over. 

The most recent technological improvement in sex toys that I really enjoyed was Lelo’s oral sex simulator, and I may be in the minority there.

I know that smart toys will change the landscape of Kegel exercisers by providing valuable feedback, but I also know there’s still a lot of ground to cover. I’ve enjoyed pressure-responsive vibrators. Internal batteries have been revolutionary. Yet for every toy that provides pleasure, there are myriad underwhelming vibrators, glitching motors, defective models, and confusing designs to contend with.

When I try something that’s new and unusual, I always wind up saying something like

It’s different, but that’s certainly not a selling point in this case.

The novelty is interesting, but the followthrough is lacking. I wonder what I’ll do with a toy that fails to provide on the very premise that sold us all on it.

The bigger the promise, the harder the reality hits.

And that brings us back around to the reality of sex toy tech in 2019. It’s getting there, sure. I just wish it was moving faster than a snail’s pace.

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