Blogger, Student, Sex Educator?

January 30th, 2021

A little under a year ago, I made a decision: I was going back to school.

I had graduated 15 years prior and only taken a handful of college classes. I had always intended to go back to school eventually but just never got around to it.

As our governor shut down the state due to COVID-19, I found myself with more time on my hands than I’d had in some time and running the numbers. Could I afford to go back to schotance.

I was, however, worried about finances and how I would do in college after being out of school for so long. Was I actually as intelligent as I hoped? As others said? Was it wise to start mol if I wanted to? Was there a program I could do online that might be worthwhile?

I decided that I could and there was. Thanks to COVID, the application deadline was pushed back. I told a few people that I had applied to UW-Milwaukee’s online psychology program, and some wondered if I was going to apply to more schools. But I hadn’t. This was a program that I could work into my life, and I wasn’t worried about accepy first semester of college with five classes?

I’m old enough to have been taught that college is something important if not mandatory, but while some of my aunts had attended, my mother hadn’t. None of the people close to me were college graduates. At the very least, no one had earned a degree and was actively using it. Without that data, I felt pretty apprehensive about going back to school.

But as the fall semester drew nearer, I wasn’t sure I could actually swing it financially. I qualified for some assistance, but our state schools are more expensive than some other states. I talked about options, but they were only able to give me one: go for an AA at a 2-year school to save money. Except that would leave me in the same position in two years. But thanks to the stimulus and tax breaks for education, I realized I really could swing this.

It wasn’t until I paid the last of my tuition that I posted publically that I was returning to school. Still, I didn’t say it in so many words, and there were people with whom I never discussed the topic until I had finished my first semester.

I’ve since finished that semester, earning a 4.0, my place on the dean’s list, and an invitation to honors courses, so I guess some of my fears were unfounded. After a long break, during which I didn’t accomplish nearly as much as I thought I might, I am on to my second semester and my first honor’s course.

Now, this all may seem entirely unrelated to my sex blog, but it’s not. For years, I have felt like I wasn’t quite qualified to write about sex the way that I wanted and in the way that I do. This self-doubt may not be entirely accurate (after all, plenty of other bloggers have moved into the realm of sex education), but I felt the lack of qualifications nonetheless. On top of that, I wanted to move my sex education efforts away from this blog.

For a few years, I’d been aware of the graduate certificates offered by the universities of Michigan, Minnesota, and Wisconsin in sex education and therapy. There are options if only I had a 4-year degree to use as a foundation.

Thus, I found myself looking into 4-year degrees that I could work into my life (ie: do online) and that made sense for a sex educator. Psychology fit the bill, and it was something I’d considered for over a decade, anyway.

Most people are focusing on the next four years, and if I’m being honest, I am, too. With work, five classes, a budding romance, and the rest of my responsibilities, it’s easy to get caught up in the quotidian and lose sight of the bigger picture.

But with those people who have asked what I plan to do in the long run and how this degree will help me, I have shared my plan to look into at least a graduate certificate, if not a degree. I cannot say how interested I will be in continuing school after this or where my life will take me, but a further degree is always an option.

With that said, I realize that part of my issue is not one of qualifications but one of confidence, location, and perhaps marketing. If I want to make sex education my full-time gig, then I need to change how I represent myself, starting with my identity. For years, I’ve realized that I would want to so under my actual name and that I would ditch the pseudonym Adriana. To this end, I would also revamp this blog; although there is some content I’d like to keep, I would shift away from reviews to other articles and helpful content.

I know I am not alone in my struggles to market myself. Who among us doesn’t face some sort of imposter syndrome? But it’s something I’ll need to get over or at least work around one way or the other.

And school might help me with that. It’s reminded me that I am intelligent and capable. Perhaps it will provide me with connections or steer me in a particular direction. I’ve long known that I wouldn’t mind research as well as sex education as a potential career path.

But school isn’t my only avenue for networking. In the 21st century, a Web presence is a must, which means I need to maintain this blog better than I have been over the last few months, be more active in the Twittersphere, and figure out what I want this website to be and make that happen.

While discussing this with a close friend, he suggested that I should specifically write about my return to school and my desire to educate about sex in a more official capacity. He suggested that inviting you all along on my journey might help me be more personable or relatable. I wanted to balk because my anonymity on this blog has served me well at different times, but I cannot argue that his advice is unsound. I think opening myself up to you all can strengthen my voice as a blogger and our relationship.

So I guess this post does that while also serving as an explanation of my absence, an announcement of my intent, and an attempt at accountability.

If you’ve been reading me for years, I’d love for you to keep coming back. And if you’re just discovering Of Sex and Love or Adriana Ravenlust, stick around. Things are going to get even more interesting.. eventually.

1 Comment


Resolve, Not Resolutions

January 4th, 2018

I’m not one to make new year’s resolutions, not really. I think they’re silly and we shouldn’t wait to do things that can just as well be started on a given Thursday. And I do dream up and start projects with no apparent thought to time or season — my Science of Sex feature is one of those things.  So I don’t plan to make resolutions, but the new years lures me into thinking about what I can do differently, and I wind up setting some informal goals, goals that I would never call resolutions, of course.

I’ve had pretty good momentum thus far. Granted, it’s only the 4th of January (I typed “July” because apparently that date just wants to be read), so there is plenty of time to fuck that up, but I feel pretty good about the emailing, article pitching, review inquiring, Twitter using, orgasm tracking and otherwise gettin-together of shit that I’ve so far accomplished. I’m creating opportunities and fostering connections, and I don’t want that effort to go for waste.

As it is, I may not be able to maintain this momentum. This may not be necessary if I set myself up to succeed. So I’ve been thinking of ways to keep myself accountable, to help me succeed at these not-resolutions. That’s what this post is about.

One of my big issues is time management. I plan to do things in a timely manner, but the deadline whizzes by, and it might take me weeks to notice. I think the solution is twofold: to see more rigid deadlines and to utilize technology to complete tasks. I’m not a planner type of person, but I rely on my phone for a couple of reminders, and I think I will expand that for some of my monthly endeavors.

With that said, I try not to put a timeline on certain creative things. I write when I am inspired. I pitch when I have an idea, and I don’t think trying to push that is beneficial. I want to encourage more inspiration, which means I need to be more proactive about keeping up with my fellow bloggers and the sex educators that I respect, among others. I’ve clicked countless links over the past few days, read blog posts and generally found myself shocked at how much I’d missed over the last couple years.

I’ve made efforts to follow more people on Twitter, where I intend to be more active. For the past few years, I’ve spent a lot of time aimlessly scrolling my personal Facebook. It’s a huge time-suck, one with which I am sure plenty of my readers are familiar. I plan to redirect some of that attention. With that in mind, I am also following more of those sources on my personal Facebook, so when I inevitably find myself scrolling mindlessly, I will come across content from those pages. I am considering eventually consolidating my writing about sex with my actual online presence, so this is also a first step toward that.

While I don’t want to tie myself down to deadlines, I think I need to periodically analyze my progress and make adjustments. It seems that a quarterly check-in would be feasible and helpful. This will also enable me to keep up with erotica calls to action as I want to publish more of that.

And this leaves me with a shift I think has been coming for a long time, and some may argue has already occurred. Reviews are not where my heart lies. Perhaps they never were. I prefer writing articles and erotica, and I want to continue focusing on those. Eventually, I may want to move away from this domain name altogether, but I don’t plan to do that in the near future.

In the meantime, it’s necessary for me to only review the things that I feel strongly about, either positively or negatively. I’ve written so many lukewarm reviews in the past year or two, and I know they’re neither as helpful to readers as they should be or a worthy us of my time as I want.

I’ve got a backlog of items to post reviews about. Some are half-written drafts. Others are completely written and waiting on photos (a photog I am not, and I frequently struggle capturing photos that I feel are good enough to post). Some items I’ve tried and honestly never sat down to write about. I am not only renigging on my responsibilities, but I am making the task for difficult for myself. Signing up for fewer reviews in the first place seems like the most viable option, and I will shortly take a look at where I am with my existing queue and what I can do about that.

I think all this is doable. I’ll set up some reminders on my phone later today, after making a few more emails, and surround myself with the pile of items that I need to write about in the upcoming days and go through my post drafts to see what I feel like finishing and publishing.

Although I think I have no right to ask of my readers and friends to help, I think I shall. If I appear quiet on Twitter for extended periods of time, if I have missed the second Saturday of the month, if my blog seems stagnant, I would welcome a friendly reminder about these things if you feel like chiming in. I want to speak more, but I also want to hear more from you guys!

1 Comment


What gives?

May 13th, 2016

I am just not having a good time with advertisers lately. There’s always the chance that someone will lowball you or string you along without providing you with whatever price or product was agreed upon. lots of people just flake out, and I’m not always the best at keeping up with email. (The lack of posts isn’t because I have half a dozen toys/books ready to write a review about or anything…) But I recently went through my inbox to catch up on messages about reviews and potential advertising and thought I was doing a pretty good job as an adult.

This is where I realized, however, that the representative from Tacky Sex Toys had never actually come through with their side of the agreement in regards to my sex toy store profile/review. Since the communications had been positive, I figured it was an honest mistake. I, too, had not been on the ball. Except my return email bounced back and the site doesn’t even exist anymore? Yesterday, it was a directly, today’s it’s a 500 error.

I mean, the dine-and-dash doesn’t even make sense in this context because the post I put up simply links to nothing, so it’s not like they’re reaping the benefits.

But it gets more frustrating. Another representative from a different site wondered if I could naturally slip a link into an existing post. Listen, we all know how “natural” any sponsored content is most of the time. It was my bad for even accepting it after seeing the link text, which was as unnatural as it gets. But after slipping the link into the requested post, the rep decides this post isn’t suitable.

C’mon, now! I can’t do what you want and then have you back out. In the meantime, the link’s on my site while this person tries to figure out my crap. I don’t particularly like it. I haven’t been paid. I’m starting to realize while I let all those emails pile up to begin with. I’m wondering if this is just punishment for me agreeing to work with such shady people in the first place.

So it’s a bit my fault, sure, but i feel like the nature of the Internet means I deal with more flaky people and more fly-by-night companies than ever before, and I’m just kind of sick of it.

[edit]

As soon as I posted it, someone else followed up that they couldn’t pay for a sponsored post. Um, what? You already agreed that was fine?! Ugh.

Comment


A new review is coming, gaiz

November 25th, 2015

I just have to take a photo or two.

Actually, there’s two reviews. I need to write the review for the one item I have photos for – ha!

And there will probably be some Black Friday sales. Keep an eye on Facebook/Twitter, where I’ve been sharing those deals.

Just gotta dust off some cobwebs in here.

Comment


October 21st, 2015

I don’t know how to make this blog relevant to my life right now. And I haven’t for a while.

I feel so torn about this. For the first time in a a while — a couple years, really — I am more than “fine.” I am really okay. Good, even. And I’m glad.

But right now, that just doesn’t involve sex or love or even masturbation. My life is lacking in all the things that I need for blog fodder.

It’s not as though I will ever lose interest in sex. It’s a very important part of who I am, but it’s not the only thing. I think that’s something I need to come to terms with to finally get over the Bartender.

And human sexuality will forever intrigue me in all its glorious, weird vastness. Everything I read only makes me want to learn more.

I think it’s just time that I soak in what others have to say rather than say anything of my own. This terrifies me — that I may become irrelevant.

Comment


He’s Back

July 1st, 2015

Y’know, the guy on Tindr.

Actually, he returned a day later. I was confused when he popped up again, but swiped right.

He sent a message right away — that I didn’t see — about how he deleted his account because he was nervous. He apologized, but I played it cool.

We’ve talked a lot since then. He has a lot of downtime at work, and his schedule is third shift, during which I am usually awake.

We get on pretty well, but it’s been quiet for a while. And it will be while I’m back in Minnesota for an extended weekend.

This means it’ll also be quiet here, but I hope to return with reviews and some other awesome posts. I’ve got ideas!

Comment


Excuses

April 20th, 2015

I know it’s been over a week, guys. I know I usually blog more often. I really want to. I’m just so.freaking.exhausted.

2015 — and it’s like a quarter done already! — has been so busy. I’m not sure with what, but I feel like I never really get a chance to just sit down and breath. I’m not getting enough sleep and I’m still dealing with my broken heart on top of it.

I don’t mean to sound negative. For the most part, it’s been a ton of fun. I’ve been in high demand, and that makes me feel great. But as much as I intended to post a review before I went to sleep, I think I’m going to lie down on my couch and watch Friends and probably fall asleep.

 

Comment