Sex Blogging in 2013

December 30th, 2013

…aka the post in which I use a lot of italics.

It’s not that I am ungrateful. It’s just that it’s taken me almost two months to see the 2013 top sex bloggers list. I didn’t expect to make it on this year and, to be honest, I’ve dropped quite a bit from my top place (18 last year, maybe?) but I’m glad any of you nominated me at all.

Thank you.

2013 has been such a very strange year for me. I have definitely posted less frequently. I spend more time on Tumblr, browsing for stuff related to sex that isn’t porn (this is not an easy task). I tried to highlight the stuff I was finding on Tumblr, but fell out of interest. Now, you’ll find my Tumblr contains a lot of stuff about current sex toy sales and lots of reblogs of feminist posts and sex toy collection photos.

While reviews and advice have become less frequent, I’ve added more personal posts. I am hesitant to do this because it just feels like everyone else is as a different point in there life. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I feel like someone who’s had a sex blog for 5 years shouldn’t be casually dating people and having sex only once every few months.

In reality, 2013 has been a huge year for me personally. I had sex since the first time since my divorce, and I realized that I could be one of those casual sex havin’ folks. However, I didn’t want to continue that relationship in any way, so I ended it and we no longer speak. But I was struck with just how easy it was to fuck someone else. Man, that shit seems terrifying in my head. Who knew?

In the attempt to have more sex, I got back into contact with a friend with whom I hadn’t been speaking because I figured, more or less, that he’d be an easy lay. We wound up having really good sex and developing feelings. If I’m being honest, I fell in love with him. I am in love with him. But he hasn’t commitment issues and we had bad timing or something, and now we casually have sex sometimes while I try not to hope that it could be something. The sex is still amazing.

And it’s led me to think that I could be quite more submissive than I thought I was. It’s also led me to realize that I maybe want sex more than I want a relationship, and I could be okay with this arrangement for a while. Because fucking him makes me feel more like me than I have in quite some time.

Despite this, I still don’t really have a category for personal stuff. I should really make one. I’ve struggled with the identity of this blog, and I haven’t received nearly as much feedback as I’d like for this to be as satisfying as it once was. However, that could be the state of the Internet and the fact that I’m not marketing myself as a 2-bit educator or a snarky bitch. I’m just me.

But I did receive some feedback from someone that I really appreciate. She liked reading the personal posts that have become more common. She thought  that was where my strength lies. So while I am going to continue write reviews, I want to expand personal posts without thinking about what it means to you. Because if it means something to me, the readers will see.

And I want to simply focus on connecting more with you guys. That’s something I talked about in my anniversary post. I just finished a round of blog commenting today. So, hello!, if that’s how you got here. I’ve tried to sign on Twitter more, to reply to emails, to be friendlier, to comment and to discover new blogs. I don’t know if it’s working or even if I know how to tell, but I feel better.

I also had my first bacterial infection, I tried my first stone dildo. I’ve had a few toys that I absolutely love. A lot were forgettable. I went to my last sex toy party. Ever.

So back to blogging. I made this list:

And it’s been interesting to see the list evolve over the years. There are few sex toy reviewers on it. Perhaps that’s because our numbers dwindle every year, or maybe it’s because people are sick of reviews. The first sex toy reviewer, The Sin Doll, is in the 30s. Interesting.

There’s a lot more sex educators on the list. The same goes for things like comics and erotica writers. It’s all very interesting. I love to see how legitimate sex education and work has become, and I think this list is evidence of that.

I’m glad to be on it no matter how I may contribute.

Thank you for nominating me. Thanks to Rori for including me.

Here’s to another year!

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There’s Nothing True About True Love

December 24th, 2013

A while back I had signed into Facebook and an image popped up in my feed. I wish I had saved it, but I didn’t. It annoyed me but I figured that I would forget about it. I didn’t.

The image said something along the lines of

Ladies, just because he makes you feel that way doesn’t mean that he’s the one.

I take issue with this for so many fucking reasons.

I do not believe in true love, but the idea of true love is based on the belief that out of 7 billion other people on this planet, one of them is right for you. Perfectly so. No one else is. This true love complements you in every way. No one else can. If there is only one, true love, then it stands to assume that only one person should be able to do and say the things that make you feel love in that special way. If other people can do that, how can anyone believe in the concept of “the one.” There obviously is more than one when that’s the case.

You cannot have it both ways. These ideas do not go hand in hand. In fact, they are mutually exclusive. If there is only one true love and you’re supposed to know it, to feel it in the pit of your stomach and the marrow of your bones, then anything that confuses you or masquerades as true love only discredits the idea.

Finally, I am offended as a woman and a feminist. It’s not just that the text assumes this oxymoron is true, it assumes that women, somehow, are not able to realize that this is a fact. It’s targeted as women giving some sort of impression that it’s not okay for us to make what other people are poor choices in relationships. Of course, the same behavior in men is perfectly acceptable. It’s the same old double standard. A man sleeps with tons of women that he meets on adult dating website UpForIt, even if those women are poor choices for whatever reason, it’s okay. Boys will be boys. But women? No, we’re not allowed to make mistakes, even if those  actions are only what others consider to be mistakes.

What’s wrong with spending time with someone who makes you feel good temporarily just because you’re a woman? Can we not be adults who make our own decisions? Why is this anyone else’s business?

Not only does this assume that true love is real, it assume that this is can be our one and only goal. No thank you, silly meme creators of Tumblr and Facebook. You do not know my wants. You cannot possibly imagine the vastness that is the human experience or the complexity of emotions and desires.

I know it’s a silly thing to be so frustrated with, but the very premise just rubbed me the wrong way.

 

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The way that I masturbate

December 16th, 2013

I was recently reading Epiphora’s review of the Magic Wand, in which she examines the way that Vibratex is re-packaging the old favorite and how she has come to prefer the Hitachi.. at the right time. According to her, “the secret to the Hitachi is knowing when and how to use the Hitachi.” Epiphora’s review includes a list of when to use the Hitachi over other sex toys. The first four items on the list describe my masturbation style. Every. single. time.

  • you’re wearing underwear and don’t want to remove it
  • you’re wearing pants and don’t want to remove those
  • you don’t want to have to clean something
  • you don’t want to fuck around and would please like an orgasm in <2 minutes, thank you

Honestly, it wouldn’t occur to me that people masturbate in another way. I know they do. I’ve read the reviews. I just don’t get it. For me, masturbation is almost utilitarian. I do it to get off, not necessarily to feel good. It’s not that those two things are mutually exclusive but, for me, they’re not mutually inclusive.

I masturbate to get off. The sooner the better. If the orgasm doesn’t come easily, I’m almost frustrated by it. When it does come, I typically keep going to see how many I can get. I stop when I get bored.

Certainly, it might be more fun to reach for a Vixen dildo. But If I’m going to use a toy at all, it’s frequently a clitoral stimulator like Siri or Layaspot. I really have to put a lot of thought into a masturbation session if I’m going to use an insertable. This is why it takes so long for me to get around to reviews.

Now that it’s freezing — haha, no it’s not. It’s -8 — and the very idea of taking off my clothes and climbing into my frigid bed to masturbate? I don’t think so. We’re experiencing an especially cold winter, though. I don’t normally stop masturbating for six months out of the year.

But even when I have the option, I’ll probably opp to rub myself through my panties and pants. I don’t want to have to break out the lube or wash anything after. It’s about pressure not precision. I could certainly use something to apply that pressure — the Revel Body actually works better to get me off when it’s not even on because of this — but I usually don’t.

Perhaps if I kept more toys in the living room, within reach of the couch, I’ll use them more frequently. I can certainly stuff them in my hollow pillows. I could keep the Miracle Massager plugged in and ready to use at any time.

It does seem a little bit like a shame to own all these awesome sex toys and not do anything with them. And perhaps that’s why I’ve been in such a reviewing rut (and why I tend to find myself spending less time on sites like SexToys247 looking at new toys) . I truly don’t need more than one toy that does anything. I’m happy with one internal vibe, one clitoral vibe, one awesome dildo, one super-strong wand, et cetera.

Variety, it seems, is not the spice of my sex life.

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Hitachi: Making the holidays magical

December 11th, 2013

Thanks for the guest post Sam!

I’ve been using vibrators for years. Small ones, large ones, silicone, glass, hard, soft, vibrating, pulsating, thrusting – anything you can think of, really. However I was quite late to the whole hitachi revolution. Are they really that much better than a standard vibrator? Yes – they’re bigger, but as most women know, bigger does not always necessarily mean better.

Originally conceived as a ‘sports massager’, a savvy few women soon started to realise that the powerful pulsations of the hitachi wand would make for a perfect vibrator.

Review

There are plenty of wand reviews online, however for me the orgasm given from a hitchi is a largely different sensation than other vibrator orgasms I am used to – the size of the vibrating surface means that the pulsations tend to be slower and deeper, resulting in a ‘wave-like’ orgasm, something quite different to the short, sharp, intense climax that can often by given using other, smaller toys with a more concentrated vibrations.

I found climax easy to achieve using this toy and the wide service can give both a clitoral and opening orgasm – though remember, this is not a toy to be inserted!

Another additional benefit of a hitachi wand is that comparatively to many other toys, they are very quiet (again being larger, the buzz is much softer). However – this brings me on to me one and only is of the wand – they are very large and can be quite bulky – it’s not a toy that works especially well, from my experience, for couple’s fun. Varying positions can be difficult to achieve due to the size and of course – it can look incredibly intimidating to whip out for your partner!

Overall – a wand is an excellent addition to any girls sex toy ammunition, perfect enjoyed alone ;).

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You First

November 21st, 2013

I never say “I love you” first. I always say it in reply to someone else. This is probably for a couple reasons.

I fight falling in love. I fall too quickly, so the logical part of my argues with myself. “This can’t be love.” Eventually, it tuns to “Well, it’s not going away. Maybe this is love.” Eventually I resign myself to the fact that I am in love. “Fuck. It’s love. Now what?”

There’s also a safety in being the second person to say those three “little” words. I’ll let you bare yourself first, thank-you-very-much. Because waiting for someone else gives me time to figure myself out. It also means I don’t have to be vulnerable first. While I want someone with whom I can be vulnerable, I’m ultimately more afraid of rejection. If I let you go first, it’s okay to say “I love you.”

This all ties into the fact that I come off as reserved when it comes to things that I love. Music, movies, TV, games.. it’s all the same. You wouldn’t know that I am OMG obsessed with something unless you know me really well. I keep my cool. I keep my cool because it helps me retain control or, perhaps, the illusion of control. Because I can’t control anything else, only the way that I react. So I’m not going to throw myself at someone. At least, I’m going to try my very best not to. And when I find that control slipping, I feel angry at myself. So if I’m going to lose control and have a frivolous, emotional outburst such as “I love you”.. it really has to be a safe place.

This is partly due to the fact that I have expressed love — of people and things and ideas — and I’ve been made of for it. I’ve received flack from people whom I loved, from the very people who I expected that I wouldn’t have to be reserved around. Nothing hurts quite like the hurt from the person to whom you said “I do.” And maybe it’s not necessarily healthy or helpful to keep my cool, to hide parts of me. When I say it like that, it’s obvious that it’s all some sort of defense mechanism.

Even now, I think I owe the bartender an announcement of “I love you,” but I can’t quite put my finger on “Why?” and I certainly haven’t figured out the “How?” It all seems so sudden, so abrasive when I have to say it first.

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Happy Birth Control Day!

November 13th, 2013

I can dig this advertising/label gimmick on Sir Richard’s Condoms.

a

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Sex Is Like Blogging

November 8th, 2013

I’ve been running away with the analogies today, so what better time to write the post that I’ve been mulling over in my mind?

Sex is like blogging or, rather, blogging is like sex.

I mean, I guess I’ve been blogging for longer than I’ve been having sex. Now, isn’t that kinda weird to say?

Back onto the topic at hand.

I’ve discussed with many people before how sex becomes more of a “necessity” the more you have it. This is true for me. When I have sex frequently, I want more sex more frequently. When it’s been a while, desire dies down a bit. I almost have to psych myself up to get back into the mood. Often, I do this and think “What have I been waiting for?”

Blogging is much the same. When I don’t blog for a while, I get bogged down with the idea that I “owe” my readers a blog post. I should get on it, so on and so forth. However, the longer I wait, the less likely I am to open up WordPress in my browser. Timely posts become too late to be important, or drafts sit in my dashboard for weeks or even months as a time.

It takes quite some convincing by the time I add a new post, and it’s usually because I feel as though an arbitrary amount of time has passed. However, when I blog and get into a groove, I can write three or four posts right away. The inspiration flows, and I don’t want to stop.

But when I’m going through those slow periods, I don’t remember this. I don’t have the passion or yearning.

Of course, blogging isn’t quite the same as sex. Sex falls into the category of necessity for me. Sex, when done right, fulfills needs that I didn’t even know that I had. Sex can even solve my biggest problem: my anxiety. Blogging doesn’t quite fulfill me that way. It’s a hobby that has perks, so it’s less likely that I’m going to stress out over my lack of activity in it.

So let’s extend this analogy a bit:

  • When you’re really into sex or blogging, the result will be better for everyone involved.
  • Sex is like blogging in that watchers make it more fun, and that it’s better to have fun, laughing content rather than serious.
  • You get more out of it when you get something into it.
  • Sometimes it’s easier to be vulnerable when blogging or having sex than it is during everyday conversation.
  • There’s always more to both worlds than you realize initially.
  • Anonymous sex and blogging can both be hot.
  • Hell, you can make money from both.. and companies use both sex and blogging to sell products.

So, for you, how is sex like blogging?

2 Comments


The Post In Which I Have BV

October 29th, 2013

Last week, I called Family Planning because I am just so sick of bleeding all the time. You see, I’ve been having issues since April, and maybe I’m some sort of terrible person for not dealing with it, but I felt pretty confident that the NP would simply say it was a side effect of my Mirena.. even if I went six years without such problems before.

Color me surprised when she sounded just as confused as I was. I explained how I’d get my period every 30 days pretty much like clockwork. Then, my period would seemingly end. I’d be happy to stop using tampons and such. After a few days or a week, I’d start spotting for another week or so. This has happened consistently for months. I figured it might be my body adjusting — slowly — to the new IUD or Plan B, so I gave it time to even out. Last month, it stopped. I thought I was home free!! It was a lie. The “second period” spotting came back again, and I was just fucking done with it, so I made a call.

I supplied all the extra information, too. My period was heavier, especially when I first got my IUD, than it had been in some time. I had also taken Plan B toward the beginning of the year, which resulted in two periods, so it seemed like this could be some residual side effect. I’d taken many pregnancy tests since April, when I’d started sleeping with the bartender, and all were negative.

Like I said, the NP had no idea. She thought that it could be due to an infection: yeast, BV or chlamydia. Perhaps my monthly cycle is making it flare up more, I thought. At least all of those issues can be knocked out with a round of antibiotics. So she scheduled me for an appointment the next day.

I went in for an exam and things looked okay, maybe BV. The NP looked under the microscope and confirmed it. She sent me home with a week’s worth of antibiotics, warning that my tongue might become furred — whatever that means — and instructions not to have sex or drink. I literally said “You’re killing me, smalls.”

I’ll take my last pill here shortly. Fortunately, I’ve had none of the side effects. Unfortunately, I’ve had no sex and no opportunity for it. I can only assume this round will clear up the infection that the NP found, but I had no other symptoms to begin with. Whether this will help the spotting that lasts for a whole freakin’ week every month is anyone’s guess.

I guess, though, it’s something to add to my done-it list. Now I’ve had an infection. Woo. Also, I got a pamphlet that tried to be ethnically diverse.

5 Comments


Crisis

October 9th, 2013

I am having a blog identity crisis.

Halp.

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Things I Hope to Explore Sexually

September 29th, 2013

AKA part of my sexual bucket list (but not everything).

Threesomes

I always figured that my ex-husband and I would get to some point where we were comfortable to invite other people into our bedrooms, sexually at first and the, perhaps, emotionally. That was obviously a pipe dream with him, but now that I’m not longer married to him, it could become a reality. Not only is the feminine form incredibly alluring, I’m a self person who wants to experience vaginal and clitoral stimulation simultaneously in a way that only two people are going to be able to satisfy.

Exibitionism

Show and Tell

Now, I’m not so bold that you’ll see me on a cam site like PerfectCam (bless the thousands of souls who do that have confidence!) but I do like performing for people — visually and vocally. It’s why I enjoy phone sex, and it’s why I spend so much time pleasuring myself for others to watch. In the same vein, I enjoy watching and hearing. The fact that I don’t necessarily mind having sex while others are nearby or I could get caught is somewhat related.

(Me in) Bondage

Part of me could never really let go with my ex. I wasn’t able to submit in any reason because I didn’t trust him to. The thing is, I need to do that. I have to be able to let go sometimes. Sex already helps a lot because it’s one of the few activities where I stop counting, worrying and comparing. I just enjoy. Even activities like video games and reading don’t offer the same kind of relaxation. But when I’m in a situation where I am not in control and I’m safe? I am free to just be. So happy that  I could cry, and sometimes I will.

And Serious Impact Play

I’ve got a whole closet of things that I’ve never gotten to use. It’s such a bummer. I guess I just want to get my money’s worth, no matter who’s on the receiving end. A little pain and blood isn’t much when it comes to a lot of pleasure, is it?

Sex.. Everywhere

My sexual repertoire has mostly taken place in a bed, in my own bed. Now, I love my bed. It’s a great place for my under the bed restraints, after all. I want sex in public places, mere feet away from other people, in cars, on cars, outside, on a boat. All the places where I might be with someone who can’t keep their hands off of me.

I suppose it could be wishful thinking, but I really do see myself being able to do most of these things with the bartender. That’s one of the reasons why he’s so appealing. Even if he’s not involved, I’m certainly grateful for the second chance that I seem to have received.

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