Love, Yourself

November 19th, 2014

They say you have to love yourself before others can love you. Or maybe they say you need to love yourself first, before you can love another. And no doubt that a love shared between people who love and respect themselves with be a truer and more respectful love, but they don’t tell you how people will love you anyway. And you’ll love others, too. It will be messier because you’re so far from self-actualization, but this won’t make it any less powerful.

And you won’t be able to let people truly love you as long as you don’t believe you’re deserving of it. Sometimes, they’ll walk away. But some people, people like myself, with love you all the harder because of it, because of the potential we see in you, the light of hope in your eyes.

People will get hurt. It’s inevitable. Even people who know they’re hoping against hope in a reality that just can’t cater to them. Even when no one wants to get hurt. Even when, at the end of the day, there could be love between people. People get hurts.

I guess that’s life. I suppose it’s easier to sing along with that lesson as an Alanis song than to learn it yourself, especially when it takes so many times for that lesson to really sink it. i’m not entirely sure why that is. Perhaps it’s just hard to be a realistic when you have the heart of an optimist. Maybe I am doomed to always see the best in people even if, in reality, they’re more likely to hut me than to be their best.

How many more times do I ignore warning signs, I wonder, before I turn off this path?

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It’s That Time Again

September 14th, 2014

The last time I went through a big toy overhaul was before I moved into my current apartment. Last month, I signed the lease for the next year, meaning I’ve already been here two.

That’s two years to review a lot of toys, and not all of them suited my tastes or anatomy. I’ve got at least a drawer full of toys that I have no need for.

This is good news for you. If there’s something that’s sterilizable — silicone, plastic, metal or glass — or can be safely transported — books and lube — that I didn’t love, it can be yours. Some stuff on this list may still be available. The general list is as follows:

I’ll pack it up for the cost of shipping via PayPal.  Generally, this will be between $5 and $10 per item.  If you’re interested, please take a look at my sex toy reviews. Anything that isn’t tagged as a 5-star item is likely up for grabs.

I am generally not interested in swaps; although, I may make exceptions for Vixen items. You can check out my wishlist here.

To inquire about a toy that might be available, please use the form below.

I’ll try to get back to you in as timely a manner as possible!

 

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And the law.. wins..?

August 16th, 2014

Last year, my city began cracking down on prostitution, child porn and other “related” offenses. In the mainstream media, these sort of things get lumped together. As a person who is capable of critical thinking, I have to wonder if this should be the case.

This focus on sex crimes meant a change of some laws, including newly-proposed fines for people caught providing sex for money or soliciting sex workers.  Public humiliation in the form of releasing names and photos has also been named as one of the police department’s strategies to fix sex “crimes.”

Intellectually, I understand why the police want to shame people into obeying laws, but I just cannot put my full support behind illegalization of sex work. And I don’t think a person’s name or reputation needs be thrown under the bus for soliciting a sex worker when there are far more serious crimes — crimes that actually hurt people — to be investigating and trying.

In a recent newspaper article, the author discussed a man recently arrested. He had been a school teacher. Before his name had even been made public, he resigned. His career was over, of course. But I can’t help but feel like this is an extreme that a person shouldn’t have to take. After all, he will be fined without having to serve any jail time. Either it’s serious enough for jail time or it’s not — and their names don’t need to be made public.

Perhaps I come at this from a personal point of view. When this effort began last year, the police conducted an online sting. They posed as sex workers and even children/teenagers online to lure people out. Several people did proposition minors and went to meet with them. I have nothing wrong with this sort of sting. One of the men who simply arranged to meet an of-age sex worker. Upon arriving, he was instead met by the police who ushered him to the police station where he stayed overnight because it was a late Friday.

This man was a good friend’s ex/on-again off-again/it’s complicated friends with benefits. Today, he’s been dead for almost a year. He took his life because no only did the police release his name, but a bang-up job by the local media splashed his name among those who solicited a minor for sex. This was not the case, but reports weren’t amended until after his passing.

Despite the fact that the media and police are immediately releasing names without fact checking, this is obviously still enough of  a problem that the police are performing major stings almost a year later. Humiliation isn’t a deterrent for people, even if they are otherwise upstanding citizens. According to the police, the type of people who are soliciting sex workers are from all walks of life. These are people who are willing to pay for sex. Nothing more or less.

As a woman, I can think of many worse ways to pay bills. I would rather live in a place where my rights as a human being are protected if I am a sex worker, rather than my name slandered and rights ignored simply because of my line of work. But I don’t live in a place like that because the world is still so far from that. =/

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Join Us Sunday for a Dildo Discussion!

June 30th, 2014

I am proud to announced that this Sunday at 7 PM CST I will be joining Sangsara and Lori for an episode of Sex Toy Nitty Gritty, a live podcast that those two have starts. Our subject will be dildos, and we’ll spend the first half of the episode telling you everything you need to know about them. During the second half of the show, you’ll be able to call in to ask questions, and one called will win the Pussy Willow dildo from Fucking Sculptures, the episode’s sponsor!

You can find more about Sex Toy Nitty Gritty on their blog. The podcast site is hosted on Blog Talk Radio, where you can also listen to their first two episodes. This is where you want to head to listen to the show on Sunday.

I’m excited. Nervous that you’ll guys hear my real voice for only the second time ever! Worried that we won’t be able to cover dildos in just 30 minutes! But mostly excited!

I’ll report back with the call-in number for you guys. You’re sure to hear plenty about it on Twitter. Maybe we should start a hashtag? #sextoynittygritty? Use it now to talk about the show! Whatever you want!

 

Sadly, SangSara and Lori have had to put this project on hold, so there was no discussion tonight. However, I will be excited to work with them in the future when it will be more awesome than you can shake a dildo at!

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That Time I Broke My Tooth During Sex

June 20th, 2014

I don’t have many crazy sexual stories. I like to have sex in bed for no reason other than it’s comfortable. I like being comfortable.

I also like occasionally getting slapped, and the bartender doesn’t mind obliging.  The last time we had sex, we enjoyed an open-palmed hit to my face. Later that day, I enjoyed some dinner with my little sister, but my mouth felt strange. I have one tooth that sometimes scratches my inner cheek because it’s sharp, and it feel like this was happening.

Upon investigation, part of it crumbled right off. My dentist confirmed that this tooth — my wisdom tooth — had broken. I am waiting for an extraction appointment. In the meantime, it doesn’t hurt. Thankfully. Though, I did spit out more pieces of tooth the other day.

The tooth was already in poor shape due to it being a wisdom tooth that there was never room for to begin with. It would eventually have broken; although, I’m sure the bartender helped it along.

And now I’m getting taken care of, which is just fine. However, I am certainly going to tell this story as that one time when I broke my tooth during sex should anyone ask.

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I’m So Glad I’m Not You

June 12th, 2014

This post isn’t going to be a positive one, and that’s okay.

Today, a Facebook friend is going through a very public breakup with her husband and father of her children.  He suddenly informed her that he was unhappy and leaving. She publicly posted the ended of their relationship.

Then, she discovered he has been in appropriately messaging another woman, and her good friend publicly tagged the husband, the woman who was participating in these messages and that woman’s fiance. So when said woman who may or may not be having an affair with her husband tried to contact my friend, my friend posted on Facebook about it as though it was shocking.

From the get-go, I looked at this and thought Facebook wasn’t the place to air her dirty laundry. Since then, she has received many comments lauding her for being strong and none that I’ve seen warning her away from such a public display. Especially because this isn’t the first time he has done this.s

Yes, it’s her right to have feelings and to answer with honesty the questions posed to her. However, she doesn’t have to do it in a public place.

It goes beyond there, however. The whole thing reminds me of the relationship drama I experienced fifteen years ago — when I was 13. It’s not something that an adult does. It’s petty and childish. It’s not about being healthy, moving on or learning lessons, and while people certainly need time to experience their grief and sadness when a relationship ends, they need not to wallow in it. And they need support from their friends not to do that.

It’s almost 5 in the morning and my thoughts are no longer as clear as I want them to be, but I know that I tried to go through my own divorce with my head held high and my Facebook posts positive.  At the end of the day, I didn’t want to have to go back and delete things that made me look immature or petty, and I sure as hell didn’t want to give my ex the benefit of seeing how torn up I was.

 

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I Haven’t Used a Condom in 8 Years

May 16th, 2014

Condoms in a rowThis was a post that I thought of not too long ago. It struck me that most single people use condoms as both birth control and to protect against sexually transmitted infections, but my case is a little different.

It’s been over eight years since I last used a condom. In fact, the only person I’ve ever used a condom with was my ex-husband. However, shortly after moving to Japan to live with him on a military base, I got my first IUD. I kept that in longer than the FDA-recommended 5 years in the US. Mirena is rated for 7 years overseas, and I wasn’t sexually active for several years after my divorce.

My first sexual experience occurred in early 2013, and by that time, I was using my second IUD. I hadn’t had it in very long — maybe 6 weeks — and I can honestly say that I should have used a condom with this new partner, but I didn’t. I did, however, wind up taking Plan B and making an extra appointment at Family Planning. Everything was fine.

Since then, I’ve had only one partner, the bartender, and we’ve never used condoms. I don’t mind condoms as a whole, but I never wanted to use them with him. I wanted — and continue to want — to feel him. He asked about condoms the first time we had sex, but I set a precedent that we follow more than a year later.

In all, I haven’t used condoms in almost a decade. I’ve handled them only to stuff a Halloween pumpkin pinata full of alcohol, condoms and booze. There are a hanful floating around my bedroom thanks to sex toy retailers that send condoms and lube samples with their packages. If I need a condom, I know where to go.

However, they’re just not part of my sex life in a natural way. I don’t carry condoms in my purse. Nor do I have them in my pocket or make sure to grab them when I think that I might have sex. Indeed, I no longer think about condoms with lubes or bumps or ridges. I don’t care about condoms that heat up or cool down or are made of mesh. To be honest, I wouldn’t necessarily mind that. I didn’t dislike condoms as much as I do silicone lube, which seems to create a far greater barrier between me and my partners.

The bartender loves — and I cannot emphasize this enough — loves cumming in me.  I haven’t been able to get him to cum in my mouth because he loves orgasm during penetration so much. It’s almost amusing that he doesn’t want to deviate from that. It’s endearing; although, condoms certainly do make for a less messy sexual experience. But that alone isn’t enough to justify the cost of condoms when I have another, better method of birth control.

For many people, condoms are the answer, but I am not one of those people, at least, not at this point in my life.

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