October 9th, 2013

I am having a blog identity crisis.



Things I Hope to Explore Sexually

September 29th, 2013

AKA part of my sexual bucket list (but not everything).


I always figured that my ex-husband and I would get to some point where we were comfortable to invite other people into our bedrooms, sexually at first and the, perhaps, emotionally. That was obviously a pipe dream with him, but now that I’m not longer married to him, it could become a reality. Not only is the feminine form incredibly alluring, I’m a self person who wants to experience vaginal and clitoral stimulation simultaneously in a way that only two people are going to be able to satisfy.


Show and Tell

Now, I’m not so bold that you’ll see me on a cam site like PerfectCam (bless the thousands of souls who do that have confidence!) but I do like performing for people — visually and vocally. It’s why I enjoy phone sex, and it’s why I spend so much time pleasuring myself for others to watch. In the same vein, I enjoy watching and hearing. The fact that I don’t necessarily mind having sex while others are nearby or I could get caught is somewhat related.

(Me in) Bondage

Part of me could never really let go with my ex. I wasn’t able to submit in any reason because I didn’t trust him to. The thing is, I need to do that. I have to be able to let go sometimes. Sex already helps a lot because it’s one of the few activities where I stop counting, worrying and comparing. I just enjoy. Even activities like video games and reading don’t offer the same kind of relaxation. But when I’m in a situation where I am not in control and I’m safe? I am free to just be. So happy that  I could cry, and sometimes I will.

And Serious Impact Play

I’ve got a whole closet of things that I’ve never gotten to use. It’s such a bummer. I guess I just want to get my money’s worth, no matter who’s on the receiving end. A little pain and blood isn’t much when it comes to a lot of pleasure, is it?

Sex.. Everywhere

My sexual repertoire has mostly taken place in a bed, in my own bed. Now, I love my bed. It’s a great place for my under the bed restraints, after all. I want sex in public places, mere feet away from other people, in cars, on cars, outside, on a boat. All the places where I might be with someone who can’t keep their hands off of me.

I suppose it could be wishful thinking, but I really do see myself being able to do most of these things with the bartender. That’s one of the reasons why he’s so appealing. Even if he’s not involved, I’m certainly grateful for the second chance that I seem to have received.


Bondage Bear

September 29th, 2013

Okay, Sulley isn’t a bear per se, but I like the alliteration. I took this picture as a fun way to show the bartender that I’d set up my under the bed restraints, one of the first things I ever received to review. I liked them but had no reason to set them up when I wasn’t having sex.

This is the result.

bondage bear

Of course, it piqued his interest. And I decided to develop the series. Not only is it hilarious and oh-so-me, but it’s a good way to show him what I have!


Learning Along the Way

August 28th, 2013

One of the things that I have learned about since starting this blog is sex positivity. I make active strides not to slut shame and to help people enjoy their sex lives. I make a point to become more understanding, more accepting and less judgmental. So, the idea of things such as casual sex and the various sex therapies that exist.  Sex surrogacy, for example, was one thing that was alien to me. I don’t have any personal experience with it, but it was difficult for me to understand the process at first. I imagine this is so with other people.

Orgasmic meditation, like the kind they teach about and practice at OneTaste, is another of those practices. I’m definitely less familiar with this concept, but it’s amazing how much you realize you don’t know once you open up your mind. Blogging about sex toys and relationships and exploring my own sexuality has made that possible for me, and I hope that my vocalizations on the subject can bring the same “enlightenment” to other people.

And, you know, it’s interesting when I discover a new concept and I’m open to it or I realize that I’ve been open to something the whole time. I’m certainly learning as much about myself.


See You Next Week!

July 4th, 2013

Tomorrow starts a 3-hour trek to CONvergence. I’ll be on Twitter if you need me. Please don’t need me.


Dressed to a “T”

June 30th, 2013

A transgender woman has to go through a great deal of struggle and strife before she attains the ideal image for her body. All she wants is to feel comfortable in her body, which is rather difficult when you’ve been given a clunky male figure and hormones. With hormone therapy, surgery, and vocal training, one can truly become secure in their femininity. While these factors may seem like the worst part, they don’t take account of another pastime many of us take for granted. Shopping for clothes is something that comes easily to women who are a size “2” and who’ve probably never had an issue with their weight. However, for the vast majority of women, finding something that is comfortably flattering can often seem like a battle in futility. Every woman comes in a unique size and shape, and unfortunately, designers tend to make their best clothing for smaller frames that fit within the ideal image perpetuated by the media. To help the process for transgender women, some designers have actually begun to design pieces especially for a naturally male frame. Of course, the idea is to minimize masculine features while playing up feminine ones, which is a skill that cross-dressers have down to a science. Someone who cross dresses but is not transgender will find crossdresser clothes shopping at to be very exhilarating. Of course, it’s also an ideal shop for transgender women as well, but it’s important to note the difference between someone who feels they are a woman inherently, and a man who just likes putting on a costume.


The Strap-On – Not Just For Women!

June 27th, 2013

If people think of strap-on dildos and vibrators, girl-on-girl sex is usually the first thing to come to mind. But it is not only gay women who take pleasure in wearable toys: some heterosexual couples also like to try out swapping roles, with a woman performing anal sex on her male lover. Commonly referred to as ‘pegging’, this is a sex act that can be particularly pleasurable for a man, since the prostate is a powerful erogenous zone.

Straight couples who want to experiment with anal play are advised to use personal lubricant that is designed specifically for this purpose. Ordinary lubricants might not last as long, and some might even cause skin irritation when used for anything other than vaginal intercourse. With a little bit of hygienic preparation and adequate lubrication, the experience is more likely to be a pleasurable and kinky experience. A two-way strap-on enables both parties to get off in the act.

There is also another kind of strap-on that is strictly for men. The simple truth is that some men are very modestly endowed, and this can make sex a less than earth-shattering experience! Luckily, there are hollow strap-on dildos which increase length and girth, and some designs are made to feel just like skin. Guys who struggle to remain hard for extended periods of time can alternate between using a strap-on and their own packages.

Strap-on dildos for men are also big in the leather scene, and a toy attached to a studded belt is a good accessory to add to a collection of restraints and other BDSM gear. When you buy a strap-on for anal play, remember to also purchase hygiene products for personal preparation as well as cleaning products for your toys. Squeaky-clean toys are a must, especially if you use them on multiple orifices.

The strap-on is a great invention for women who love women and heterosexual couples alike. With a little bit of silky lubricant and some good mood music playing in the background, your first experience using a strap-on is likely to be one to remember.



June 11th, 2013

I know that you want to run away, hide from the world. I just want you to run to me, to hide in me. Go ahead, bury yourself, that most intimate part of yourself, deep inside me. I’ll hide and protect you, shower you with love. I can shield you from your pain and show you all the pleasures the world has to offer.

Perhaps my words are too veiled. Let me speak plainly to benefit us both. I will be here, open to you always. My heart will always have space and I will welcome you into my sweet embrace. Between my legs you’ll find that warmest place, the place where you belong. I only want you to stop long enough to call it home.

I want to pierce your heart enough to fill it with my love, but you, you can penetrate my body enough to leave me bruised but not broken, begging for more but not poor. If you’d like, you can choke, restrain, pull and bend me. If it helps the hurt, there’s nothing you can’t do against me.

And as every part of you mingles with me, I’ll find in you my own safety net, a place where I can let go, shaking, crying, moving in that way I can’t control. I’ll surrender myself to you if only you can pull me to you. And if you’d like, I’ll come for you, your safe place from the world.


The Death of EdenFantasys

June 5th, 2013



If you’ve been around the Internet the last couple days, then you’ve probably come across this audio video, featuring the voice of Fred, the owner of EdenFantasys, and some staff members as he fires them all in bulk – and all without really saying so. In the event that the video gets deleted, Epiphora has a transcript up on her site. Multiple sources have verified the validity of the video; although Fred continues to deny that it’s real (also in E’s blog).

In fact, that post only outlines years of member abuses, shady behavior and a whole slew of things that have made people walk away from the company and community with a sour taste in their mouth. Not one, not two, but multiple of my friends have been banned from EdenFantasys over the years, and most of the time there was no legitimate reason other than “makes the site look bad.” In fact, review policy was changed a while back to state that we could only write positive reviews, more or less, to keep things looking all sunshine and kittens.

And, so the gist of the audio is that things had been going downhill for some time, but the company wasn’t even able to break even last month. So… Fred had to fire everyone via audio chat in a completely roundabout way. While he made it obvious that he had known what was coming, some people were completely blindsided, and he didn’t even take the time to fire some people. He simply changed email passwords to some people, essentially ending their jobs in the shittiest way possible. But, hey, it’s not the first time.

Things have been going downhill for some time according to Fred in that recording. In fact, Fred would have you still believe that everything is just hunky dory, and the only staff member who’s still around is spewing those lies to the community. But it’s more obvious than ever that things are bad. Stock has been dwindling for months. Good luck trying to find anything to spend those gift cards on because vendors don’t want to deal with the company. They’re calling the shots, but Fred’s minions would have you believe that inventory is shrinking to get rid of redundant products. As the truth comes out, it seems like this never was the case.

I’m eventually getting to my point, which is something along the lines of “I can’t believe he treated employees like this and is lying point blank to the community” and “I totally saw this coming.” By now, you’ve probably heard complaints from several people about various aspects of EF dealings, including unfair bannings, blocking off-site links, sending out used toys and employee abuse. So, I’m not entirely surprised that things have gone down in flames, but I don’t think anyone could have seen this coming the way that it did. Even staff members were left out in the cold, and now that we have proof that Fred is blatantly lying, it only brings into question everything he has ever said and, by association, anything the staff members have ever said because we don’t know how much involvement he had in it.

[edited to add]

I would count several people who have worked for the company among my friends, and I don’t mean to implicate them as dishonest, but I don’t know that what Fred told them was in truth.


Fortunately, I have no personal loss, but many people do, and many people are still drinking the god-damned Kool-Aid for some unknown reason. I’m being realistic. I cashed out my points and bought one of the few freakin’ things that still left in stock because I don’t even know if the website will be around tomorrow. Some people are in a so-called panic mode, and they’re not wrong to be.

Even before this, my role really dropped. I was unhappy with the company after they fucked with my friends and I became far less active. However, I still signed in and accepted reviews for one simple reason: I was gaming the system. It went something like this.

  1. I’d write reviews and participate on site for points
  2. I’d turn those into gift cards and buy other stuff
  3. I’d get points for those purchases (the system no longer allows this)
  4. I’d use my affiliate code to earn actual money

No, I didn’t feel bad about this. I always felt that the company had it coming from an ethical standpoint and their system continued to let me do it for years. You see, I agreed with all my friends who had left but I kept my mouth shut long enough to make this work for me because who doesn’t want some extra cash or free sex toys?

I think, perhaps, that the methodology to spend money to make money is one that Fred does not understand. Throughout those years, I became increasingly frustrated by this community movement. Sure, some awesome people joined even after the people I have grown used to left, but the blogger outreach and points programs led to a lot of shitty reviews and spam that made the site that much less useful. If you weren’t all overly supportive for the company or even for a freakin’ toy, you weren’t community-minded. Somewhere down the line, EF really became about quantity over quality, as if having people posting and talking about you was enough to drown out the negative and the cold, hard truth. Sadly, for a while, it was.

This should be a lesson to everyone. Treat your community, customers and employees like shit? It won’t work. Spread yourself too thin? And you’ll soon tear. Respond negatively to criticism or suggestions and the people who have a different vantage point will stop talking to you and start speaking up against you. Make enemies in the blogosphere, and people will tell others about what a little shit you’ve been.

Shortly before the announcement that all the staff had been fired, I received a PM as one a group of valuable members, asking me to stick around through some upcoming changes, I had no idea they’d be so extreme and, honestly, how can Fred expect the company to rebound in any way? As it stands, there’s nothing to stick around for. The community, the store are all in dire straights. The staff is gone. EdenFantasys is as good as dead, and if you think otherwise, you probably deserve to go down with the ship.



May 1st, 2013

May is masturbation month. I’ve normally given it an amused nod in the past, but I think I’m going to try to keep up by masturbating every day until my birthday. Wish me luck!