Party On

April 13th, 2011

The other day I went to a sex toy party, as I mentioned on Twitter. It was my sex toy party and it probably will not be my last, despite the fact that I don’t buy anything from these parties. The party was hosted by a friend, at her house, and she and another friend were familiar with the representative. The rep was a lady in her upper middle ages, in her late 40s or 50s, I’d gander. She was boisterous and energetic and funny and I suspect that those qualities help the folks who might be uncomfortable at this sort of a gathering to forget about what’s going on in their minds. It could be helpful. The down side to this, is that sex and sex toys were not necessarily being discussed in a calm and intellectual way. We shouldn’t necessarily have to make a production out of sex, in order to talk about it.

The representative was from Pure Romance, one of the big names in sex toy parties and, if I recall correctly, the same company that hosted the party I went to the first time. Since then, the company has made a big shift toward their bath and beauty products. Lubes, lotions and oils abound while Pure Romance now carries lip glosses, facial washes and body sprays. On the toy end, our representative made a big deal out of discussing what she referred to as “the boys” and, while she explained that toys were not there to replace the men in our lives, this nickname seems counter productive to me. She passed around a handful of toys and everyone got to “ooh” and “aah.” I was sorely disappointed at the quality, not only because the toys were mostly jelly but also because they just lacked the power I like.

Not surprisingly, all of the toys were pretty much rebranded (and marked up) items from California Exotics. I recognized a couple pieces specifically. I’d expect the same can be said about the bath products but I’m not familiar enough with that type of product to make a definitely statement. I can tell you, though, that the new packaging reminded me quite a bit of the Boot Parlor line.

Our rep stuck to some tried and true exercises. She recommended touching vibes against the tip of your nose because of the erectile tissue there. She stressed about not inserting bullets and how easily something can become lost during anal play. She encouraged storing toys in Ziploc bags but I do not think she mentioned just how ridiculous chemical reactions can be between jelly toys. She touted the Pure Romance brand toy cleaner–which my friend bought–and while I’m sure it works well enough, I cringed when she said you can’t use soap to clean toys and indicated that their toy cleaner would somehow stop jelly toys from eroding after time. It will happen, no matter how well you take care of them. Period.

I was disappointed not to see any silicone toys and the catalog still includes vaginal shrinking and anal numbing creams. Many of the retailers for which I review have long done away with these items. Still, the night was not without its highs. It is fun to hang out with other women, to have a drink and to eat penis cake. We hit up the bars afterward and I had a great time. I was thoroughly entertained, if not thoroughly informed. And, because I am the savvy type, I will be hitting up Ebay to save myself some money and purchase some body spray. I can’t say that I loved my experience at a Pure Romance party but I can say that it’s a step up from your corner adult book store.


I think, therefore I am.. bisexual

September 25th, 2009

There’s a topic going on at the EdenFantasys forum about whether or not a person needs experience to “qualify” as being bisexual. Logically, I asked how people can think experience is a must when I’ve yet to hear someone say the same about being heterosexual and rarely about being homosexual. After all, if someone says they are attracted to people of the opposite gender but have no experience, people do not immediately scoff at them.

Logic aside, this is a topic which affects me personally as I have known for years that I am attracted to both sexes, perhaps leaning toward females. Yet I’ve never had sex with, made love to or fucked another woman. Does this disqualify me from being bisexual? And, if so, why is my opinion about my own sexuality less important than that of the rest of the world? Quite frankly, it isn’t nor should it be.

Some might say I can only be “bi-curious” without any experience but experience wouldn’t change the type of people to whom I am attracted; it would only confirm what I’ve known all along. I don’t need to experience to figure it out. I’ve already figured it out.

Although, it doesn’t much matter currently, I’m not planning to experiment or confirm. It’s just hard not to have an opinion.


My Last Word

February 17th, 2009

..On the subject of AAGs crusade against sex toy reviews

Originally I didn’t give AAG’s post much thought. I thought it was snarky but passed it over until I read many posts which discussed how insulted some toy reviewers were. Then, I gave it another look over.

AAG doesn’t want to read so many reviews. She feels they are perhaps, inferior, to other type of sex blog content and she suggested not only that sex blogs should get back to that content but that this is the point of sex blogs. Some agree, others don’t. I like to read and write reviews myself. Reviews may be increasing in popularity, I can’t say. AAG has certainly been around longer than I had so maybe she is better equipped to notice this trend.

What I have noticed, however, is that the terms ‘sex blog’ and ‘sex bloggers’ have varied definitions. They umbrella personal stories, articles, sex tech, reviews, erotica, sexual health and more. Some bloggers simply get lumped into the group because they write about their lives and they simply happen to be sexual beings. What this means is there is no definition to sex blogging; it pulls from every corner and every angle and envelopes every aspect of life along the way so it’s virtually impossible to define a sex blog. Thus, I would think it’s impossible to say what a sex blog should be.

And that’s why we’re up in arms. AAG asserted what she thought a sex blog should be but she didn’t stop there. She decided her definition was right and implied that somehow the majority of the internet is in agreement but I don’t know if this can be true. After all, how many of us disagreed enough to speak up? A damned good portion. And what we have to say is “Hey, we’re sex bloggers, too!”

Truth be told, AAG has said she wasn’t talking about sex toy reviewers per se which confuses me because doesn’t that, in the end, only further imply that reviewers are a less important part of the sex blogging community? But I digress. It has been suggested that AAG was only discussing blogs which were more personal have become increasingly full of reviews. And, if this is supposed to be the case, then I think we can all agree AAG did a piss poor job or wording her blog.

The problem many of us see is that we do not have blogs to talk about our personal lives or write articles or erotica (I have dabbled in all three, though) but we blog for our reviews and we happened to be lumped in with the greater sex blog population and now our “sex blogger cards” are being revoked, apparently. Blogging is a personal expression; we all have the right to choose what we post. Of course, no one is going to stop because AAG stated her opinion, but we’re going to be miffed that she acted as though her opinion was fact.

The fact of the matter is, I will write what I want. I will read what I want. In the recent past, this has not been AAG’s blog as I have found her blogging to grow continuously away from what I want to read. Rather than bitch about it, I move toward the blogs I want to read which is what I think she should have done instead. I would never think I have the right to say that how she writes make her any less legitimate as a sex blogger because I recognize that the types of blogs she likes and the types of blogs I like are just several types of the sex blogs in the greater sex blogging community and an even smaller fraction in the overall blogosphere.

Don’t like it? Stop hanging around that corner. You don’t have to finish a book you hate or a movie which makes you uncomfortable. You’re not required to stay with an abusive partner. No one is forcing you to read sex toy reviews. There are plenty of other sex blogs to sate whatever appetite you have so go read them. If you are “dismayed” to see more reviews than “sexy writing” on a blog, perhaps you’re simply at the wrong type of blog or assuming erroneously about what the blogger is trying to do with his or her website.

In summary, there is no right way to blog – sexual or otherwise but posting an entry which alienates a vocal group of people probably isn’t the best way to go about it either. (And, yea, I might fall into that category now, too)



August 3rd, 2008

I am not homophobic and never have been although I certainly have been exposed to it at an early age. Of course, during my lifetime it seems as though many great strides have been made in an effort to scientifically determine the cause of homosexuality – that is, the great question of “Is it a choice or genetics?” I am a member of the crowd which supports the latter suggestion and science seems to agree with me so I’m fine with that.

But many others are not fine with that suggestion or even with the suggestion that homosexuals (rightly) exist. I find this curious because it doesn’t seem like any gays are bashing straight people for their sexuality and you generally don’t see gay men and women fearing for the safety of their virginity and orifices when a straight person is around so why should it be any different if the roles were reversed?

I do think there are several trends among those who tend to be homophobic and I think that these trends are probably indicative to the nature of the issue and may shed some light on the thought process and behaviour.

  1. Most homophobes appear to be straight men
  2. Men associated with the military tend to be most homophobic
  3. Homophobic people seem to believe that gay people will force themselves upon another person more than a straight person would

Now all of this is based on my personal experiences with those who are outwardly homophobic and my experiences may not be the norm in these situations; although I do believe they support the statistics.

So what do these trends indicate? They seem to indicated that straight men have a higher fear of gay men than their female counterparts do and also that while some females are homophobic, they are less likely to be vocal about it.

Why should gender matter when it comes to the extremity of dislike of homosexuals? As not a male or homophobe, it’s difficult to say but I have read that homophobia in men seems to be related to the fact that they worry they could become homosexuals themselves, a completely ludicrous thought that wouldn’t hold up against any argument if looked upon rationally.

And I think a lack of rational judgement is what homophobia all comes down to. If a man is gay does that make him any more likely to coerce or force a straight man sexually? Is that gay man more likely to do those things than, say, a straight woman to that straight man? I think it’s highly unlikely.

In fact, I don’t see why there needs to be any significance put on sexual orientation. All people, both straight or gay (and everything in between) are likely targets for those who might have a sexual or romantic interest in them. Most people will be faced with admirers who might be pushy (hopefully no more than that) with their sexual advances which are unwanted by the recipient. Does the offender’s sexuality really make a difference? Is a gay man hitting on a straight man really any more likely or offensive than a straight man hitting on a straight woman, if the intentions are unwanted? Does the fact that one involves a homosexual have to be any more of a “big deal” or is it something that simply might happen, will not leave either party any the worse and should be treated in an adult manner?

Not according to homophobes because, often in their view, gays are more likely to be coercive or forceful in their advances. Logical or not – and I’m going to say “not,” here – this attitude is far more prevalent than it should be.

The fact is, looked upon logically, this is really a non-issue. Any person can be on either end of a sexual advance and while, sadly, sometimes the advances involve violence and molestation rather than harmless banter, I bet many sexual advances are really just miscommunication and a lack of taste than anything else.

While I understand that a straight person who works in very close quarters with a gay person, like in the military, might be uncomfortable, I don’t think it’s feasible that a gay man is going to abuse the situation just because he is a gay man. Honestly, how many members of the country’s armed forces are gay but “in the closet” and obviously not putting their straight comrades into uncomfortable situations because of their sexual orientation? More than you and I know of, certainly.

Sadly, homophobia is still widely accepted in our society, especially in certain groups. No wonder you can stumble upon a soldier or sailor playing off his homophobia as a joke to which his buddies will laugh. But when you take a good hard look at reasons for homophobia, are they solid or are they due to a lack of rationale when it comes to understanding homophobia? I certainly think the latter.

Aren’t they bigger issues we, as a society, need to tackle? Time wasted being homophobic can certainly be better spent on other pursuits.

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