February 2019 Media Recommendations

February 28th, 2019

The brevity of February always throws me off. All my bills are due at the end of the month, and February is the one month that I’ll be late on a bill (or forget to pay one in its entirety, oops). So it’s not surprising that the month is almost over, and I’ve yet to post this (recent concerns over my cat’s health don’t help).

But it’s February 2019, damn it, so this still counts.

To be honest, the short month is only one reason why I didn’t consume a lot of media about sex. However, I had a few ideas in mind that I could have included from last month.. if only I could remember them! I need to use a spreadsheet, y’all. Still, there are a few things I’d like to recommend.

Listen

I usually focus on sexuality topics when I write these posts, but there’s always room for a little love, right? I came across a suggestion for This American Life’s podcast about breakups last month. It’s a long one, so you might need several sittings to finish it. In this episode, the hosts talk to a few different people about the heartbreaks they’ve experienced and, in some cases, are currently experiencing. It’s incredibly comforting in its way. Heartbreak can feel so solitary, yet we’ve all been through it, and this podcast reminds us of that. Plus, Phil Collins makes an appearance.

Sunny Megatron talked to Midori for an episode of American Sex about communication and negotiation, and it was enlightening — even if you’re not into kink.

Watch

This TEDx talk by Dr. Lisa Diamond prompts the audience to analyze whether it’s a good thing to view sexual orientation as something with which we’re born or if it’s potentially harming the very people who it was intended to protect. In some ways, she counters whether this is just a biological essentialist argument for orientation. I shared the article on my Facebook page, where it was a little divisive. While I’m not ready to fully agree with Dr. Diamond, I appreciate that she got me thinking.

Read 

I’ve just started Revolting Prostitutes: The Fight for Sex Workers’ Rights, which I will eventually review. I’m glad to include more writing about sex workers on my bookshelf; although, I’m not far enough to give my full opinion.

Another book that I recently read for review is Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships. I wasn’t intended on reading the book until I heard an interview of Stella Harris, the author, on American Sex that had me intrigued. Review coming soon!

Sex, Lies, and Pharmaceuticals: How Drug Companies Plan to Profit from Female Sexual Dysfunction by Ray Moynihan and Barbara Mintzes isn’t on my review list, but it is a book that falls squarely within my interests, and I will likely write a review here when I’ve finished it. It’s an interesting look at how big pharma wants to medicate female sexual dysfunction, which may not at all be dysfunction and simply a misunderstanding of the variations of sexuality. I definitely find myself skeptical about some of their views, but the book highlights some inner works of the medical and pharmaceutical industries that I wasn’t previously aware of.

Let me know if you’ve read, watched, or listened to any of these media. What did you think? Do you have any recommendations for me? Sound off in the comments!

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JeJoue Mimi Soft

February 12th, 2019

Seven years ago, I reviewed the original Mimi in a short, lackluster (both in my writing skill and my opinion of the toy) review. The truth was, I always suspected my original Mimi was defective because people loved it. I mean, almost every review was a rave one, and people discussed the strength of the vibrations favorably. I thought little of mine, and while I didn’t really discuss it in my review, I was also underwhelmed with the buttons, which were tiny and difficult to press. You might remember this being an issue with the G-Ki, another JeJoue toy. I also noted that the motor was loud and whiny, another turnoff.

I wound up trading both toys away. I have no idea who has them, but I recall sending away the Mimi with the warning that it may very well be defective. Sorry if you’re the person who wound up with it and if it was.

So, you’re probably wondering why I would try the sophomore version of this vibrator. And the answer, as always, is curiosity. In the past six months, I’ve tried revamped efforts of vibrators by We-Vibe and Fun Factory, so why not this one?

And perhaps I am just a bit of a masochist in this (and other) ways.

But the curiosity has me in its grips, just like this arctic blast. I’ve been wondering if my original Mimi was defective for so long that I just had to give this one a try.

I avoided calling Mimi Soft the “new” version because it’s not, really. JeJoue released it years ago. There have been plenty of reviews. I am late to the game. But I hope that my review will shed a little insight.

Mimi and Mimi Soft look pretty similar. They’re like pebbles that fit in your hand and quite remind me of JeJoue’s Pebble attachment, which I bought and promptly avoided reviewing due to my disappointment. I described the various ways this shape might be helpful in my original Mimi review, but for my purposes, I want to use it against the side of my clit with the toy perpendicular to my body.

For whatever reason, I thought the original was rather triangular. Perhaps it was. Perhaps I was just wrong. The Mimi Soft is definitely rounded, and the soft silicone exterior only adds to this impression. The tip is quite rounded and can easily be depressed with a finger or in use, of course.

I enjoy plush toys like this for clitoral use because I like so much pressure. I really grind the toy against my body and hold it tightly. A bit of plushness means I can apply pressure without worrying about cutting myself but also relieves a bit of stress from my fingers. While the Mimi Soft isn’t nearly as plush as the We-Vibe Wish (and it’s most plush near the tip and not where you’d hold it), this still makes it much more comfortable to hold than the original, which was hard-coated in plastic.

The plushness also lends itself to increasingly firmer use. As I get closer to orgasm, I can push until there’s no more give.

Mimi Soft has buttons similar to the original, which means they’re located on the end, work as the charging connections, are small and sit nearly flush with the toy.  They’re surrounded by a layer of smooth plastic that snugly fits around the buttons. This makes them difficult to press. If you have larger fingers or longer nails, it’s a bit frustrating. I prefer a button that’s more offset from the toy and a bit plush itself. During use, my fingers struggle to find them, and the tiny symbols, and I certainly can barely differentiate between them. Fortunately, the – button is engraved while the + button is embossed, which makes it a bit easier. Still, if your fingers are covered in lube or you’re a bit distracted, the buttons will be frustrating.

These buttons turn the toy on and increase vibrations or power off and decrease, respectively. There’s a third button that cycles through the settings. The design is a no-brainer as long as you know which button you’re pressing. Both Mimi and Mimi Soft have 5 vibration levels, and you can navigate between the 7 pulsation settings with the center button.

I can still remember the feelings that encompassed me with the first Mimi. Paired with the confusion over everyone else’s enjoyment, it was a bitter cocktail. Fortunately, the Mimi soft is more enjoyable. The vibrations, especially the lower 3 settings, seem quite rumbly for the size of this toy. There’s an enjoyable pitter-patter that you can hear when it’s on. The vibrations are nice but not mindblowing.

Any experienced toy user will be unsurprised that the vibrations become buzzier as intensity increases, but the Mimi Soft keeps this to a minimum. Yes, the highest level tickles my hand a bit, but it’s much less buzzy than the highest level Siri 2, for example. And while Siri 2 seems a bit stronger, it also tickles my hand much more uncomfortably while in use. I find the strength of Mimi Soft on the fourth level good enough to get me off and can skip the buzziest, higher level. However, the depth of the vibrations on the lower settings produces some respectable pulsations if you’re into that sort of thing.

Don’t get me wrong, however. The real strength of the Mimi soft lies in its shape and softness. The narrow edge allows for more pinpoint pressure. I don’t so much use the tip as I do the side of the Mimi Soft. although, the tip would provide even more pinpoint stimulation that’s easily under your control.

Another improvement from the original Mimi is the lack of whining motor. The Mimi Soft is a bit loud for its size but not so much that I’d worry about someone hearing it in another room through a closed door, especially if pressed against your body under the covers or with other background noise. Since I’m comparing it with the Siri 2, I have to note that Mimi Soft is the louder of the two by a bit.

All things considered, I’d reach for Mimi Soft over similar toys when I wanted deeper vibrations. I may enjoy it more than my Siris because of the plush angle the side presents. However, it’s thin enough to bother my fingers for marathon sessions, so I’d rather use something larger/rounder if I plan to get off more than a couple of times.

There are many people to whom I would recommend the Mimi Soft as long as their requirements don’t involve penetration or massive amounts of power and assuming the motors of the Mimi and Mimi Soft are the same, I can rest assured that my first was a dud, and I was initially misled.

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Science of Sex: Sexual Harassment in the Field of Sexuality Research

February 9th, 2019

Sexual Harassment in the Field of Sexuality Research

After a hiatus last month, I am back with another installment of Science of Sex. As soon as I read a recent entry in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, I knew I had to write about it.

Titled “Sexual Harassment in the Field of Sexuality Research,” this submission is a guest editorial from Drs. Debby Herbenick and Sari M. van Anders along with Lori A. Brotto, Meredith L. Chivers, Sofia Jawed-Wessel, and Jayleen Galarza.

You might recognize some of these names from a previous Science of Sex post in which I discussed the work done by women in the field of sexuality. I’ve also reviewed Brotto’s book, and it inspired another Science of Sex post.

For those who are unfamiliar, these women are doing groundbreaking work around sexuality. Some have ties to the Kinsey Institute. Along with research, many of them are educators, and some are also authors. If you’re interested in sex and academia, you’ll probably run into their names.

I appreciate their work and share it often. So I was intrigued when a paper was released at the beginning of this month and it was co-authored by multiple people who have earned my respect and admiration.

It wasn’t great news, however. These women have worked hard and provided valuable insight into sexuality. But sexual harassment occurs so frequently and egregiously that they felt they had to talk about it.

They get right to the point:

Our field has a problem with sexual harassment, and we need to talk about it. Though sexual harassment is currently at the forefront of discussions taking place within major social movements, professional societies, and disciplines […], the discipline of sexuality research has—to this point—been largely absent from these discussions.

The editorial continues to break down the issues and to offer possible reasons for such sexual harassment including that the very nature of their work might invite unwanted behavior. I touched on this a bit myself when I wrote about being a sex educator in my own way. This editorial emphasizes how rampant the issue really is.

But our professional sexuality spaces are about our work, not our personal sexualities.

As someone who has dealt with this issue myself, I am not surprised that sexual harassment extends far and wide among those whose careers focus on sexuality. As a woman, I know that sexual harassment and the sexism that allows for it permeates every field and every walk of life.

I was surprised, however, that a group of women and perhaps this group of women stepped forward to say something. Some people might argue that it’s about time or, rather, that “Time’s Up.” With the MeToo movement setting a foundation, there may be no better time for these professionals to air their grievances.

Yet, it still feels brave. I worry that these women will face professional repercussions, personal attacks online, or have their lives otherwise invaded by people who are unwilling to hear these truths. I worry that these voices will be minimized like so many voices that came before them.

I thanked the women on Twitter. Their bravery speaks volumes, and their effort is appreciated by me at least. That effort includes multiple, actionable steps to end sexual harassment in their field. Yet again, these women were forced to do the work that should not be on their shoulder.

I write this month’s post to encourage any of my followers who have not read this guest editorial to do so, to encourage thought and discussion about sexual harassment, and to remind my readers that there is still work to do if we want to create a world where there is no need for this type of editorial, and that work falls on all of us.

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