Spring and Summer 2022 Media Recommendations

July 31st, 2022

You know how I started doing monthly media recommendations and when it became quarterly, and now it’s been more than six damn months since I posted any recs? Well, now you do! Anyway, here’s a post chock-full of links to awesome videos, podcasts, and books about sex!

Watch

I’ve already sung praises for Netflix’s How to Build a Sex Room on Twitter. And I’m not the only one. It’s the sex-positive home renovation show I didn’t know I needed (and I’ll soon be posting a lengthy post inspired by it)!

Another great watch is Episode 1 of the series The Mysteries of X and Y by Scientific American: A Question of Sex. I’m not sure if there will actually be a second episode, but this is a good look at the biological complexities of sex.

Listen

I not only  komcaught up with some of the podcasts I know about but decided to look for some fresh meat. One of those shows is Practice Outside the Line, a podcast where Heather, founder of the Sexual Health Alliance, talks to people who are in the business-educators, researchers, therapists and more. I especially loved this episode featuring Nicoletta Heidegger, who we know and love from Sluts & Scholars!

99PI played clips from Remembering Stonewall in an episode last month that you can check out if you’re interested in LGBTQ+ rights and history. You might consider pairing it with this episode of Outward, featuring Hugh Ryan who discusses his book and the connections between prison and queer culture, including Stonewall.

I started watching Will & Grace for the very first time after hearing Malcolm Gladwell discuss how groundbreaking and carefully crafted it was, which contributed to its popularity. The show itself is dated, of course, but it’s a part of history and seeing how much society has changed since 1998 shows how much progress we’ve made.

I’m going to be honest when I say that I have zero idea how I came across the Sexology by Dr. Moali podcast. But I’m glad because the episode featuring Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz is such a practical, helpful, and even hopeful podcast about having better sex,

I’ve been waiting anxiously for Beyond Fear: The Sex Crimes Podcast to return. It’s heavy but important work, and I am so grateful to Alissa and Alexa for creating this podcast. The episodes about invisible survivors of sex crimes and the ideal victim are so very important. I suspect that the themes of racism and poor treatment of survivors will continue this season.

Much earlier this year, Unladylike tackled intimacy coordinators and Hollywood’s resistance to employing them. More recently, Cristen made an episode about the overturning of Roe versus Wade, in which she delves into who the infamous Dobbs in “Dobbs v Jackson” is.

For something completely different, you might want to tune into the episode of Behind the Bastards about the father of gynecology and his unconscionable medical experimentation on Black women.

Read

I’ve been utilizing the university library to my advantage, and that includes several books about sex, even though I haven’t read all of them. I am fairly positive that I picked up Magnificent Sex after listening to the Dr. Kleinpatz podcast above. Peggy and her team surveyed people about what makes sex good and used it to provide some helpful information.

I finally got around to reading Lux Alptraum’s Faking It: The Lies Women Tell about Sex–And the Truths They Reveal. It was such a deeper dive into whether and when women are believed and its impact on when and how they lie. I wasn’t expecting that, but it definitely gave me food for thought.

Finally, I recently finished Polysecure by Jessica Fern and recommended it to my therapist. Now, I’m recommending it to my readers! The book is all about attachment and trauma as it applies to poly relationships, but I found it infinitely useful as someone who is single and hasn’t been in a poly situation. For whatever reason, I struggled to apply attachment theory to myself before reading this book. Sometimes things just click, I guess! Anyway, the book is a good intro to attachment theory even if you’re not familiar, and then Jessica launches into some practical advice. She also wrote a workbook you can pair with it. 

Those are my media recommendations for the first half (and some change) for 2022. There’s a lot of good stuff in here, whether you simply want to learn more, improve your relationship, or become a better practitioner!

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Categories: media recommendations

We Need More Opportunities to Talk About Sex

July 22nd, 2022

Yesterday, I had an invigorating discussion with someone from the Sexual Health Alliance regarding a possible internship. It seemed to go pretty well, so I’m feeling great about that, but even if we don’t work together, it was still such a valuable conversation for me.

I don’t get a lot of opportunities to discuss sexuality with people who are involved in research or education, and the communications I do have are so frequently online. It was great to see and hear people on the other side of that discussion. It facilitates cooperation and connection. If I’m being honest, I’ve struggled with imposter syndrome and viewing other bloggers, authors, and sex educators as competition, instead of people who are working toward a common goal.

Some of that may be a bit inevitable as a woman in a capitalist society, but it’s plagued me for nearly the entire life of this blog and prevented me from speaking up as much as I want to, whether that be on my blog or social media or in person, but especially to those who I find intimidating. And that’s a shame. It’s likely also partially spurred by the fact that there are so few spaces to discuss sex healthily and productively, so it can feel like we’re all vying for a piece of it, like it’s a zero-sum game and someone else’s success means our failure–whatever that means.

Yesterday’s discussion, however, helped me reframe the way I think about things and see a fellow educator as my ally and potential partner in teaching about sexuality to improve sexual satisfaction and reduce the negative sexual and life outcomes that result from a sex-positive society. When the person I was discussing said we “need 17,000 more sex educators,” it really clicked. One thing I’ve struggled with is wondering how my efforts to write or talk about something would be any better than others’ efforts, even if others have yet to focus on the subject that I am thinking about.

But it’s important to remember that people come from different places. Their knowledge levels and mindsets, combined with the subjects we tackle and the way we talk about those things, all impact whether something really impacts the audience. There could be a million books, articles, conferences, or podcasts about the same topic, but there’s no guarantee that the people who need that information will find, understand, or take it to heart.

This is something I’ve recently been appreciative of after having read two books, The Highly Sensitive Person and Polysecure, both of which have shed a different light on relationship communication and allowed me to reflect on my last relationship differently than I would have otherwise. With Polysecure, the book’s first section about attachment style struck home in a way that nothing has in the past, and I am no stranger to attachment theory. Hell, I’ve even written about it in the past! But it wasn’t until I read this book at this point in my life that I could better understand and use that theory personally.

So talking with someone else has motivated me to do more of my own talking–well, writing–and I’m excited for some of the posts I have in the works and the book I’ve been working on! 

There’s no doubt that returning to school and setting my career in motion in an “official” capacity, some positive comments from instructors, a volunteer-turned-work opportunity through school, and working with a new therapist have also boosted my confidence and increased my network in an instrumental way. This recent conversation was just the cherry on top of what I hope is a sundae that won’t melt anytime soon. Is that stretching the metaphor too far?

Regardless, I’m starting to think I can actually sustain change, continue to grow, and accomplish my goals in a way that I just haven’t before. 

Yay.

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Categories: personal

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